Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset, Uncategorized

WT 667 Be assertive, ask for what you want

The past few weeks I’ve been working with my editor, Kellie O’Brien, to write my second and third books on Knowing Yourself, Knowing Others and Developing Communication Skills to help you become a better leader.

I was explaining some of the activities in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience to Kellie as we considered what to include and not include.

“It’s like buying a record and wanting to go see the artist in concert”, I explained.

I read Jack Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles – How to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You Want To Be” and couldn’t wait to sign up to attend his “Breakthrough to Success” event the following year because I wanted to experience the activities for myself, rather than read about them.

So this week I thought I would share one activity because it’s so relevant to ALL of us.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want.

I first experienced this myself when I was training to become a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor.

“Divide yourselves into pairs”, instructed the facilitator.

“Decide that the other person has something you want. It could be a watch, pendant, hat, blouse, phone, sunglasses. It doesn’t matter. Simply decide on something you want from them.”

“I’ll give you 5 minutes to see if you can get it from them, WITHOUT PHYSICALLY TAKING IT.”

Five minutes elapsed.

“Who managed to get what they wanted?” asked the facilitator.

A few hands went up, most didn’t.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Who simply asked for what they wanted?” she continued.

Ouch. I didn’t manage to get what I wanted but even more distressing for me at the time was the realisation about the way I went about attempting to get it. 

I praised. I manipulated. I bullied. I threatened. I offered to trade. In fact, I did everything except simply ask for what I want.

This is a very simple, yet powerful exercise.

The majority of us feel uncomfortable asking for what we want and we resort to manipulative and other tactics.

These days I am much more assertive and I’ve learned to ask for what I want.

Another concept I learned from Lisa Sasevich is, “Leaders go first”.

Let me go first.

I’d like to have more people in my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. The early bird discount finishes on Monday, saving participants $1,000.

I’d like to be able to help more people. We have a few places left in this intimate group setting. Here’s my ask:

I’m very grateful if you could please let your network know about the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience by sharing the link in the P.S. If someone you share it with enrols for the May experience, starting 10th May, I will extend the Early Bird Discount for them until the 17th April.

Thank you so much for considering my ask.

Now your turn, be assertive – choose something you want and go ask for it.

You’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting it and if you don’t ask, you’ve got 100% chance of not getting it.

You don’t need to manipulate, bully, threaten or sweet talk. Simply be assertive and ask for what you want.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s Not On The Run Sheet (WT662)

It’s Not On The Run Sheet (WT662)

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by Shirley Dalton | 3 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 662 It's not on the run sheet

Last week I was challenged to walk my talk.

It was the last 90 minutes for the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience.

We celebrate with a graduation party.

I ordered some beverages and a cheese platter and asked them to be served in the room because last time they were left outside the room and someone out of our group helped themselves to a couple of beers.

I poked my head out of the room at the agreed time to see the events person walking away.

“Excuse me”, I called.

He came back.

“I asked for this to be served in the room on a trolley please.”

“I can’t give you my trolley”, he said.

“Well would you mind bringing them into the room please?” I explained why.

He moved the food and drinks into the room.

I noticed the order was short.

“I ordered twelve beers. Could I have another 6 please?” I asked.

“It’s not on the run sheet”, he said.

“I ordered 12 beers, could I have another 6 please?” I repeated myself.

“It’s not on the run sheet”, he said again. “I’m not authorised to change that.”

“Excuse me”, I was shocked.

“I’m not authorised to change it. I can’t do anything about it”, he said.

“What is the name of your manager please?”

“Hannah.”

“May I speak with Hannah please?”

He walked off.

I was angry and embarrassed. I had specifically requested the trolley, the catering to be served inside the room and the number of drinks. I wanted everything to be perfect for our graduation AND the class was watching.

What was Shirley going to do?

How was Shirley going to handle this?

He came back alone. He placed 6 more beers on the table. He said nothing.

I thanked him.

He walked out.

In that moment I decided that that was the final straw and I shall not be using that venue for a while.

It was such a short interlude and yet there were so many lessons in this.

Shirley walking her talk in front of the participants.

The organisation training their team members on how to be hospitable.

He could have just as easily said, “I’m sorry. Let me go check and see for you”, rather than telling me  “It’s not on the run sheet”.

Now to you.

What would you have done?

How would you have handled it?

And, if it was your staff, how much training would you have provided for them?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Claim the date. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts Thursday 30th March 9:30am Sydney time for 9 weeks. Hands on training, creating and streamlining systems and processes for your team and organisation.

Cheer Leader or Drill Sergeant (WT661)

Cheer Leader or Drill Sergeant (WT661)

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by Shirley Dalton | 24 Feb, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 661 Cheerleader or Drill Sergeant

What’s the best way to motivate you?

Do you prefer the cheer leader or drill sergeant?

What’s the difference and why is it important?

Let me give you an example.

One time I was at the gym. It was a small ladies gym, in the back of the owner’s house. The owner had employed a young girl to assist with training. There was only enough room for about 4 ladies to train so it was quite cosy and everyone could hear and see what was going on.

I was on the rowing machine. It was 6:00am.

I was moving very slowly and deliberately as I wanted to concentrate on getting my technique right.

The young girl approached me and as she did she yelled “Oh, come on. A bit more effort.”

I was shocked and also embarrassed because the other ladies stopped and looked.

“Come on”, she said again. “Put a bit more effort into it. Stop being lazy.”

Now I was furious.

I was deliberately going slow to practise technique. Yelling at me like a drill sergeant is not the way to motivate me.

What would have worked better for me would have been for her to come over quietly and say something like, “Great technique Shirley, how about we just speed it up a bit more now so you get a bit of a cardio workout with it”.

I was so annoyed and upset by the way this young girl yelled orders at us, I decided not to go back. In hindsight we both missed out. The owner missed out on the revenue and I missed out on the exercise.

This young girl had no idea about how to motivate and inspire people. It wasn’t her fault. She most likely hadn’t been trained.

If you own the business, it’s your responsibility to train your people how to lead and manage. It’s your responsibility to make sure they know how to motivate and inspire your people.

There’s a huge difference between acting like a cheer leader or a drill sergeant.

Both have their place. What is important is that you know when, with whom and how to use the techniques.

You have to know your people.

You have to know what they need.

This week I encourage you to observe your people or simply ask.

“How do you like to be motivated and inspired?”

“What’s the best way for me to support you?”

It’s not a secret. People will tell you. They’ll be impressed you care enough to ask.

Based on what you know already, which of your team members require a cheer leader and which require a drill sergeant?

Now might also be a good time for some self-reflection, what’s your predominant motivation style? Does this work for everyone?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Claim the date. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts Thursday 30th March 9:30am Sydney time for 9 weeks. Hands on training, creating and streamlining systems and processes for your team and organisation.

Technical Skills OR Leadership Skills (WT659)

Technical Skills OR Leadership Skills (WT659)

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by Shirley Dalton | 10 Feb, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 659 Technical Skills or Leadership Skills

Here’s an interesting little fact that I learned recently from Paul Findlay, CEO for the REACH Ecosystem in Australia; the average leader is in a leadership position for about 10 years before receiving any leadership training.

Wowza!  How often do we hear people discuss how important leadership is and experience the dire consequences of poor leadership and yet our leaders are not receiving the training they need to succeed in their roles?

This topic came up a couple of times this week as I coached executive leaders from different industries. One leader owns a very successful coffee shop, another a real estate agency and another is in the sporting business.

It was a real eye opener for us to realise how much training they provide for the technical skills to do the technical work and yet very little for the emerging and recently promoted leaders and managers.

In the coffee shop, we wouldn’t think of not training our barista to make a perfect cup of coffee.

In real estate, property managers must know the legislation and how to deal with landlords and tenants. There are checklists for ingoing and outgoing reports; criteria for assessing tenant applications.

In the sporting business, employees need to know how to measure and quote for the right amount of materials and how to design and construct sporting fields.

Technical skills OR leadership skills.

When our people move up the ladder, usually because they are very competent technicians, we expect them to be able to:

  1. Recruit
  2. Train
  3. Lead
  4. Manage, and
  5. Hold the team accountable.

And yet, we rarely give them any support or training in how to do this.

Graduates of our Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience leave with their own Train The Trainers manual. I encourage them to share what they learned with their people.

If you have had the privilege of some leadership training, I believe you have the responsibility to share what you know both through your training and your experience.

New managers need to understand and accept that their “tools and equipment” are now the people they lead and manage.

Unlike physical tools, such as hammers or coffee machines, people are emotional. They have their own set of values and beliefs. They come laden with what we call spaghetti (emotional baggage) as well as their own individual personalities. They have different learning preferences and they like to be appreciated in their own way.

When you think about it, it’s a huge responsibility to place on new leaders and managers with the expectation that they are to “get the most out of their people”.

Technical skills or leadership skills.

Remember the Peter Principle? We promote people to their level of incompetency.

Let’s not let that happen in your business.

Let’s not wait 10 years before training your leaders.

Give them the training and support they need, just as you would for a technical person doing a technical job.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Best You Become a Millionaire (WT651)

Best You Become a Millionaire (WT651)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Dec, 2022 | Blog, Business, Leadership, Mindset

WT 651 Best become a Millionaire

Jim Rohn was one of the pioneers in personal development.

He touched on mindset long before neuroscientists were able to support what he was teaching.

You know how at times, someone says something, which is almost like a throw away line and it resonates with you? It resonates so deeply that you remember it for years to come. It changes you. It changes the way you think.

Well, this saying from Jim Rohn resonated with me all those years ago.

He was telling the story about how many people win the lottery etc. and within a few years they are back to where they were financially. Many end up broke.

Jim’s line was, “If someone hands you a million dollars, best you become a millionaire”.

He wasn’t referring to the fact that you now had a million dollars and could call yourself a millionaire. He was reinforcing that you need to become a millionaire. You need to start thinking, feeling and acting like a millionaire.

Why am I telling you this?

This week I was doing some strategic work with clients. They were looking at their marketing budget. I remember Kip McGrath teaching the franchisees that your marketing budget should be in line with the revenue you want to generate, not the revenue you currently have.

For example, if your marketing budget is 10% of sales and your current revenue is $100,000, then your marketing budget is $10,000.    Ten thousand dollars won’t get you a million dollars in revenue. If you want a million dollars in revenue, you should be investing $100,000 in marketing.

“But how can you do that Shirley, when your revenue is $100,000? You can’t spend it all on marketing.”

“No, but you can get an investor to give you the $100,000 so you can generate revenue of a $1Million.”

Best you become a millionaire.

How would a millionaire think, feel and act?

It reverses the old thinking of when I HAVE something, I’ll be able to DO and FEEL something else.

No! You have to BE in order to HAVE and DO

Best you become a millionaire.

Whatever it is you want, now is the time to start thinking, acting and feeling like the person you wish to become.

Ask yourself, “How would a person who has (fill in the blank for what you want) think, feel and act?”

Model that.

Remember, if someone hands you a million dollars, best you become a millionaire.

P.S. EARLY BIRD DISCOUNT for our February 2023 Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience ends on 31st December, 2022.  Save yourself up to $1500. If you’re thinking about enrolling, do it before the 31st December. Click the link for more information https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

So You Want A Pay Rise (WT646)

So You Want A Pay Rise (WT646)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Nov, 2022 | Blog, Leadership

WT 646 So you want a pay rise

When I was working for the franchise company I received many requests from employees for a pay rise.

Many of these requests came from the younger team members who were in their early 20’s.

They hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary to deserve a pay rise. In fact, quite the opposite. They barely met their key performance indicators (KPI’s).

I was challenged. I didn’t know how to respond, that is, until I read a book by Clement Stone, I think it was “Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude”.

Anyhoo, the message I remember is this, “You get a pay rise as a reward for more work not for the promise of more work”.

You see, most people get it backwards. They ask for a pay rise, promising to do more. It doesn’t work that way.

You do more, which gets you noticed and trusted and then you get the pay rise as a thank you and a recognition for going above and beyond.

I was astounded when I read this. Nobody had ever told me this.

I was in my late 30’s at the time. It made complete sense to me and it also helped me understand the difference between having been employed by various government departments, where promotion was by seniority, not merit and private enterprise, where promotion was based on initiative and value to the company.

The message this week is clear, (well at least I hope so). If you want to earn more, do more. Step up. Take on more responsibility, without having to be asked to do so. Find ways to be of even more value to the company.

Those that get paid the big bucks are those that contribute the most value.

What value are you bringing?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.S.S. One way you can help yourself step up is to enrol in our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience starting in February 2023. 

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