I Can’t Do That Because … (WT746)

I Can’t Do That Because … (WT746)

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WT 746 I can't do that because

Have you ever found yourself responding to a suggestion with “I can’t do that because …?”

It’s such a powerful phrase that stops us from moving forward.

One of my fabulous coaching clients, (we’ll call him Doug) had this incredible insight as we were discussing some potential actions he could take to grow his business.

As I reflected back the suggestions he gave, his internal response was “I can’t do that because …”

He was aware enough to mention it, so we had a juicy topic to coach around.

“Hmm,” he pondered.

“You know, this is something I do a lot.”

“I hold myself back by looking for reasons NOT to do something and then I validate myself and let myself off the hook.”

Doug isn’t alone in this department.

Most of us do this to some extent.

I do it with the gym.

“I can’t go today because I have to catch up on client work. I can’t go today because I have a meeting in town at 9:00am.”

Excuse after excuse after excuse.

So what can we do about it once we become aware of it?

Look to see the benefit or reward we are seeking from avoiding taking the action.

There is always a benefit to our behaviour.

Once we become aware of the benefit we are seeking, we can then look for ways that we can get that benefit by doing the things we say we want to do.

It’s a process of rewiring your brain.

Here’s an example: “I can’t go to the gym today because I’m running the leadership experience all day.” This is a valid reason not to go.  Or is it?

If I really wanted to go to the gym, I could get up earlier or go after the leadership experience finishes.

I don’t really enjoy the gym. I find it boring doing the same things and I get frustrated when others are using the equipment I want.

Going to the gym is not aligned with my values but yoga is.

I love doing yoga at home. I am in my own little world. I am not concerned about others and I can change up the poses from day to day.

If the goal is to move the body, I’m better off doing something that is aligned with my values and that gives me the benefit or reward I am seeking.

How about you?

Are there things you’re procrastinating on?

If so, perhaps take a look at your values and see if what you’re procrastinating about is aligned.

I’ll wager it’s not.

When we’re in alignment with our values, we do the work. We take the action, even if we don’t particularly like it because it’s a means to an end.

This week, take stock of the excuses you are making up, and if you find yourself saying, “I can’t do that because …” then ask yourself, what is the benefit I am getting by not doing the thing? How can I find a way to give myself the benefit and take the action I need to take?

 

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Can You Coach Yourself (WT745)

Can You Coach Yourself (WT745)

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WT 745 Can you coach yourself

I would love for you to be able to answer that question with “Yes”.

Being able to coach yourself is a such an important and necessary skill.

This week I’ve had a few challenges and I’ve had to dig deep to coach myself.

I’ve used “Ho’oponopono”. (I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank You, I Love You) to clear the energy.

I’ve tapped along with The Tapping Solution App.

I’ve meditated.

I’ve visualised.

I’ve journalled.

I’ve asked myself empowering questions; what Noah St John calls “Afformations”. Instead of asking why a negative thing is happening, ask a powerful question, such as “Why am I so fit and healthy?” instead of “Why am I so fat and unfit?” Our brain is a goal achieving machine. It must find an answer to the questions we ask, so ask good questions.

I’ve been grateful. Very very grateful. Thanking the universe for the love, abundance and health that we receive.

I’ve coached myself when I dropped the ball and wanted to beat myself up.

I’ve coached myself when I started to feel anxious or afraid.

How about you?

Can you coach yourself?

What are some of the techniques you use to change your mindset and manifest the things you want?

This is a “MUST HAVE SKILL”.

Being able to coach yourself is something you can learn.

There are so many techniques available. Generally, you only have to learn them once and then remember to use them

You might engage a coach to help you initially, and as needed, however if you learn some techniques and apply them, you don’t have to wait. You won’t be dependent on others.

You can change how you feel. You can change what you’re thinking and you can change what you say and ultimately change your outcomes.

Learning to coach yourself could mean the difference between curling up in the fetal position on the floor feeling hopeless and afraid or being able to cope with whatever life lemon comes your way.

It is my sincere desire that you can, in fact, coach yourself.

Practise every day.

You’ll feel better for it.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Today I’m Feeling Sad (WT744)

Today I’m Feeling Sad (WT744)

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WT 744 Today I'm feeling sad

Today, I’m feeling sad.

I’m sad for Brad.

Brad is overwhelmed with his business.

He doesn’t have time.

He’s doing everything, even though he has people on his team.

He doesn’t know which way is up or down at the moment.

He’s tired, cranky and emotional.

His wife reached out to me to help him. (We worked together a few years ago.)

She introduced us via email.

I offered to call him if he would reply with his phone number

No reply.

A few weeks passed.

I called his wife.

“He needs you”, she cried.

She too was feeling the effects of living with her stressed out husband.

“I’ll remind him again”, she said.

Another few weeks passed.

I called again and left a message.

A few days later I got an email from his wife.

I talked to him and he said he’s just not in the right headspace.”

This is the part that makes me very sad.

It’s a Catch 22!

I’m too busy and stressed to find the time to get the help yet getting the help will relieve the stress and busyness and improve the headspace.

Knowing I can help just by listening and providing a safe place for people to share what’s going on and then develop a plan and provide support for things to change – emotionally, mentally, physically, strategically really upsets me when I see people in pain.

I can’t force people to help themselves.

Why is it that so often we won’t ask for or accept help?

If you’re in the same situation as Brad, please don’t prolong it.

Do yourself and your family a favour. Accept the help when it’s offered.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Change The Recipe (WT743)

Change The Recipe (WT743)

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WT 743 Change the recipe

This week’s thought is for all the learners.

If you’re learning something new at the moment and feeling frustrated or beating yourself up because you’re not nailing it as quickly as you would like or you’re losing your confidence and starting to feel hopeless and incompetent, maybe even worthless, then read on.

Rather than getting annoyed at yourself and focusing on all the things you can’t do yet or calling yourself all kinds of negative names, instead think of what you are learning as if you were learning to cook a new recipe.

A friend recommends a recipe. You taste the food at their place and it is delicious.

You decide to have a go at making the dish.

You buy the ingredients.

You follow the recipe.

Ugh! It doesn’t quite turn out the same.

Do you give up?

No. You analyse what you can do to improve it and you try again.

Here’s an example.

I was making an omelette. I haven’t cooked an omelette for a long time and the first omelette was burnt on the bottom and burnt on the top but not quite cooked in the middle.  (I put the pan under the grill to cook the top.)

Anyway, I didn’t throw a fit. I didn’t yell and scream and curse and throw myself on the floor (which I have done when I haven’t quite nailed technology the first time or learned a new script).

I started thinking about how I could improve the recipe, or more particularly, my method.

I experimented.

I used a bigger frypan the next time.

This spread the egg over a greater distance and the result was a perfectly cooked omelette.

Next time you don’t quite nail what you are learning and practising, please think of the omelette.

Look to see what is working and what you have learned and then without emotion, look to see what you could do to improve.

Become curious and enjoy the learning process.

When you do, not only will you learn faster, you’ll get a better result.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Would You Like A Hand To Hold Onto? (WT742)

Would You Like A Hand To Hold Onto? (WT742)

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WT 742 Would you like a hand to hold on to

Sometimes we just need someone to hold our hand.

Ross and I were walking down the stairs to the beach at Dixon Park.

The stairs were wet and slippery.

A young toddler was doing her best to navigate holding onto the railing, which was too high for her to comfortably reach, all whilst holding onto her bucket and spade and step down the stairs all by herself.

Her mum was on the sand with all the things mum’s need to take to the beach, along with baby number two in her arms.

The toddler had made it most of the way down, however the last part was especially wet and sandy and the distress was starting to show – on both the toddler and mum.

Without thinking, I offered my hand and said, “Would you like a hand to hold onto?”

Surprised at first, and with mum walking back to the bottom of the steps, she held my hand and the railing and proceeded to navigate the bottom 5 stairs.

We took our time.

First step. “Yay! Well done.”

Second step. “Awesome, keep going.”

Third step. “You’ve got this.”

Fourth step. “Almost there.”

Fifth step. “Hooray. You did it. Well done.”

And with that, I let go of her hand as she reunited with mum and Ross and I headed off down the beach.

Sometimes we just need a steadying hand and some encouragement to help us do what we know we must and what we can.

How about you?

Are you one to offer a hand of support?

Will you accept the hand when it’s offered?

Or, are you willing to hold yours out when you need one?

There’s no shame in offering or accepting a hand when you need it.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Minutes or Months (WT741)

Minutes or Months (WT741)

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WT 741 Minutes or Months

This week’s thought is really about asking for expert help.

Recently I’ve been working on a project and it has taken me months to figure out the solution.

In the end, I reached out to an expert, who solved the problem in a matter of minutes.

I regretted not having reached out much earlier.

How often do we do that?

Is it because we’re being stubborn?

Is it because of our pride?

Is it because we think we can actually solve the problem?

It could be all of the above or more.

Experts don’t have to be paid experts either.

Think about your colleagues at work.

Each of us has specialised knowledge that could be useful to other team members.

Smart people recognise when they need help and they seek it out.

Don’t let your pride or being frugal with your money, stop you from getting the support you need.

Asking for some help could save you months of time and anguish in a matter of minutes.

What will it be for you?

Minutes or months?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

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