When You’re All Over The Place (WT671)

When You’re All Over The Place (WT671)

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WT 671 When you are all over the place

I have a feeling this week’s thought will resonate with many of you.

Let’s talk about how to focus when you’re all over the place; when you’re feeling overwhelmed and you have too much to do.

You know that horrible feeling you get when you just can’t focus. You can’t seem to prioritise or get into your tasks.

What do you do?

I have a few “go to” strategies that I turn to:

  1. I tap. (I use Emotional Freedom Technique, not tap dancing.)
  2. I breathe.
  3. I meditate.
  4. I go for a walk.
  5. I sit and have a cup of tea and stare out the window.
  6. I chant the phrases for Ho’oponopono.
  7. I write.

When we’re in this state, which David Bayer calls the “Primal” state, we can’t think. 

We can’t solve our problems.

We’re not creative because all our body and brain are doing is looking to survive.

Should I stay and fight? Should I run? Should I freeze?

When this happens, the first thing to do is to stop what you are doing and notice that you are in the primal state.

Awareness is the first step to moving out of it.

Take a breath. Calm yourself.

It sounds counter intuitive because you have so much to do and yet you’ll achieve far more and be more efficient and effective if you take a few minutes for yourself.

Another strategy that helps me is what I call my “Data Dump” method. I list everything that’s on my mind.

If I can, I use the whiteboard.

When I can see it, I can prioritise it.

I create a plan for when things have to be done.

I look to see who else can help. What can I delegate or request support for or negotiate an extended deadline?

Allowing yourself to stay in the primal state is a choice. It’s similar to worry.

There are many strategies and tools that will help you to focus and get back into the “Powerful” state.

What will you choose?

If you’d like to learn more, our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience starts next week or you may prefer individual coaching.

Remember, next time you can’t focus and you’re all over the place. Stop. Become Aware. Choose.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox.
Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts

No Thinking Is Required (WT668)

No Thinking Is Required (WT668)

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WT 668 No thinking is required

Last week I shared an activity that we do in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience. This week I’d like to talk about the aha’s and outcomes that participants gain from another activity.

Whilst not sharing the details of the activity, I am hopeful that this week’s thought will get you thinking about how you make decisions.

The activity is called “No Thinking Is Required, Only Action”. Participants are given a set of matchsticks and some instructions to complete the activity.

They can ask for help if they need it.

Insight number 1 – most won’t ask for help.

Insight number 2 – if they do ask for help, they get feedback. If they choose a correct match they hear someone clapping. If they choose an incorrect match, they hear nothing.

No thinking is required, only action.

Often participants sit and look at the puzzle trying to work it out. This just wastes their time.

Similarly, many people, mostly the Advisor and Counsellor type personalities have to think about things before making a decision.

The activity demonstrates that making a decision (i.e. choosing a match) allows for feedback. Feedback helps make the correct choice more quickly.

What’s your decision making strategy?

Are you a thinker or a doer?

Remember Aristotle’s advice, “The thing we think we need to know how to do before doing, we learn by doing.”

Just to reinforce the message, I remember working for Kip McGrath and in a relatively short time, he told me how much he enjoyed working with me because “I could make a decision”.

I didn’t quite understand. “What do you mean”, I asked.

“Shirley, it’s not bad decisions that send companies under”, he replied. “It’s not being able to make a decision that sends them under. You can make a decision. I like that and if it’s not the “right” decision, we just make another one”, he answered.

No thinking is required, only action. Take action towards the thing you want and look for the feedback. If it’s not going in the direction you want. Make another decision. Take action.

Life is full of feedback. Your mission this week is to be open to it.

No thinking is required, only action.

 

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May 2023 in Newcastle, NSW, Australia. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

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WT 667 Be assertive, ask for what you want

The past few weeks I’ve been working with my editor, Kellie O’Brien, to write my second and third books on Knowing Yourself, Knowing Others and Developing Communication Skills to help you become a better leader.

I was explaining some of the activities in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience to Kellie as we considered what to include and not include.

“It’s like buying a record and wanting to go see the artist in concert”, I explained.

I read Jack Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles – How to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You Want To Be” and couldn’t wait to sign up to attend his “Breakthrough to Success” event the following year because I wanted to experience the activities for myself, rather than read about them.

So this week I thought I would share one activity because it’s so relevant to ALL of us.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want.

I first experienced this myself when I was training to become a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor.

“Divide yourselves into pairs”, instructed the facilitator.

“Decide that the other person has something you want. It could be a watch, pendant, hat, blouse, phone, sunglasses. It doesn’t matter. Simply decide on something you want from them.”

“I’ll give you 5 minutes to see if you can get it from them, WITHOUT PHYSICALLY TAKING IT.”

Five minutes elapsed.

“Who managed to get what they wanted?” asked the facilitator.

A few hands went up, most didn’t.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Who simply asked for what they wanted?” she continued.

Ouch. I didn’t manage to get what I wanted but even more distressing for me at the time was the realisation about the way I went about attempting to get it. 

I praised. I manipulated. I bullied. I threatened. I offered to trade. In fact, I did everything except simply ask for what I want.

This is a very simple, yet powerful exercise.

The majority of us feel uncomfortable asking for what we want and we resort to manipulative and other tactics.

These days I am much more assertive and I’ve learned to ask for what I want.

Another concept I learned from Lisa Sasevich is, “Leaders go first”.

Let me go first.

I’d like to have more people in my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. The early bird discount finishes on Monday, saving participants $1,000.

I’d like to be able to help more people. We have a few places left in this intimate group setting. Here’s my ask:

I’m very grateful if you could please let your network know about the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience by sharing the link in the P.S. If someone you share it with enrols for the May experience, starting 10th May, I will extend the Early Bird Discount for them until the 17th April.

Thank you so much for considering my ask.

Now your turn, be assertive – choose something you want and go ask for it.

You’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting it and if you don’t ask, you’ve got 100% chance of not getting it.

You don’t need to manipulate, bully, threaten or sweet talk. Simply be assertive and ask for what you want.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s Not On The Run Sheet (WT662)

It’s Not On The Run Sheet (WT662)

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WT 662 It's not on the run sheet

Last week I was challenged to walk my talk.

It was the last 90 minutes for the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience.

We celebrate with a graduation party.

I ordered some beverages and a cheese platter and asked them to be served in the room because last time they were left outside the room and someone out of our group helped themselves to a couple of beers.

I poked my head out of the room at the agreed time to see the events person walking away.

“Excuse me”, I called.

He came back.

“I asked for this to be served in the room on a trolley please.”

“I can’t give you my trolley”, he said.

“Well would you mind bringing them into the room please?” I explained why.

He moved the food and drinks into the room.

I noticed the order was short.

“I ordered twelve beers. Could I have another 6 please?” I asked.

“It’s not on the run sheet”, he said.

“I ordered 12 beers, could I have another 6 please?” I repeated myself.

“It’s not on the run sheet”, he said again. “I’m not authorised to change that.”

“Excuse me”, I was shocked.

“I’m not authorised to change it. I can’t do anything about it”, he said.

“What is the name of your manager please?”

“Hannah.”

“May I speak with Hannah please?”

He walked off.

I was angry and embarrassed. I had specifically requested the trolley, the catering to be served inside the room and the number of drinks. I wanted everything to be perfect for our graduation AND the class was watching.

What was Shirley going to do?

How was Shirley going to handle this?

He came back alone. He placed 6 more beers on the table. He said nothing.

I thanked him.

He walked out.

In that moment I decided that that was the final straw and I shall not be using that venue for a while.

It was such a short interlude and yet there were so many lessons in this.

Shirley walking her talk in front of the participants.

The organisation training their team members on how to be hospitable.

He could have just as easily said, “I’m sorry. Let me go check and see for you”, rather than telling me  “It’s not on the run sheet”.

Now to you.

What would you have done?

How would you have handled it?

And, if it was your staff, how much training would you have provided for them?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Claim the date. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts Thursday 30th March 9:30am Sydney time for 9 weeks. Hands on training, creating and streamlining systems and processes for your team and organisation.

Cheer Leader or Drill Sergeant (WT661)

Cheer Leader or Drill Sergeant (WT661)

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WT 661 Cheerleader or Drill Sergeant

What’s the best way to motivate you?

Do you prefer the cheer leader or drill sergeant?

What’s the difference and why is it important?

Let me give you an example.

One time I was at the gym. It was a small ladies gym, in the back of the owner’s house. The owner had employed a young girl to assist with training. There was only enough room for about 4 ladies to train so it was quite cosy and everyone could hear and see what was going on.

I was on the rowing machine. It was 6:00am.

I was moving very slowly and deliberately as I wanted to concentrate on getting my technique right.

The young girl approached me and as she did she yelled “Oh, come on. A bit more effort.”

I was shocked and also embarrassed because the other ladies stopped and looked.

“Come on”, she said again. “Put a bit more effort into it. Stop being lazy.”

Now I was furious.

I was deliberately going slow to practise technique. Yelling at me like a drill sergeant is not the way to motivate me.

What would have worked better for me would have been for her to come over quietly and say something like, “Great technique Shirley, how about we just speed it up a bit more now so you get a bit of a cardio workout with it”.

I was so annoyed and upset by the way this young girl yelled orders at us, I decided not to go back. In hindsight we both missed out. The owner missed out on the revenue and I missed out on the exercise.

This young girl had no idea about how to motivate and inspire people. It wasn’t her fault. She most likely hadn’t been trained.

If you own the business, it’s your responsibility to train your people how to lead and manage. It’s your responsibility to make sure they know how to motivate and inspire your people.

There’s a huge difference between acting like a cheer leader or a drill sergeant.

Both have their place. What is important is that you know when, with whom and how to use the techniques.

You have to know your people.

You have to know what they need.

This week I encourage you to observe your people or simply ask.

“How do you like to be motivated and inspired?”

“What’s the best way for me to support you?”

It’s not a secret. People will tell you. They’ll be impressed you care enough to ask.

Based on what you know already, which of your team members require a cheer leader and which require a drill sergeant?

Now might also be a good time for some self-reflection, what’s your predominant motivation style? Does this work for everyone?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Claim the date. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts Thursday 30th March 9:30am Sydney time for 9 weeks. Hands on training, creating and streamlining systems and processes for your team and organisation.

Technical Skills OR Leadership Skills (WT659)

Technical Skills OR Leadership Skills (WT659)

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WT 659 Technical Skills or Leadership Skills

Here’s an interesting little fact that I learned recently from Paul Findlay, CEO for the REACH Ecosystem in Australia; the average leader is in a leadership position for about 10 years before receiving any leadership training.

Wowza!  How often do we hear people discuss how important leadership is and experience the dire consequences of poor leadership and yet our leaders are not receiving the training they need to succeed in their roles?

This topic came up a couple of times this week as I coached executive leaders from different industries. One leader owns a very successful coffee shop, another a real estate agency and another is in the sporting business.

It was a real eye opener for us to realise how much training they provide for the technical skills to do the technical work and yet very little for the emerging and recently promoted leaders and managers.

In the coffee shop, we wouldn’t think of not training our barista to make a perfect cup of coffee.

In real estate, property managers must know the legislation and how to deal with landlords and tenants. There are checklists for ingoing and outgoing reports; criteria for assessing tenant applications.

In the sporting business, employees need to know how to measure and quote for the right amount of materials and how to design and construct sporting fields.

Technical skills OR leadership skills.

When our people move up the ladder, usually because they are very competent technicians, we expect them to be able to:

  1. Recruit
  2. Train
  3. Lead
  4. Manage, and
  5. Hold the team accountable.

And yet, we rarely give them any support or training in how to do this.

Graduates of our Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience leave with their own Train The Trainers manual. I encourage them to share what they learned with their people.

If you have had the privilege of some leadership training, I believe you have the responsibility to share what you know both through your training and your experience.

New managers need to understand and accept that their “tools and equipment” are now the people they lead and manage.

Unlike physical tools, such as hammers or coffee machines, people are emotional. They have their own set of values and beliefs. They come laden with what we call spaghetti (emotional baggage) as well as their own individual personalities. They have different learning preferences and they like to be appreciated in their own way.

When you think about it, it’s a huge responsibility to place on new leaders and managers with the expectation that they are to “get the most out of their people”.

Technical skills or leadership skills.

Remember the Peter Principle? We promote people to their level of incompetency.

Let’s not let that happen in your business.

Let’s not wait 10 years before training your leaders.

Give them the training and support they need, just as you would for a technical person doing a technical job.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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