There’s A Better Way To Say It (WT775)

There’s A Better Way To Say It (WT775)

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WT 775 There is a better way to say it

You know that one of my passions is communication.

I’ve spent decades studying communication and am an accredited instructor for Thomas Gordon’s Leader Effectiveness Training and overall Effectiveness Training, both of which place a heavy emphasis on developing communication skills.

So this week I cringed when a colleague shared with me, her dismay at receiving some feedback.

These days I’m also cautious about using the word “feedback” because for most of us, it means something negative is coming or a criticism of some sort.

Anyhoo, we’ll call her Jasmine.

In a public forum, one of Jasmine’s colleagues pointed out that a diagram Jasmine had created was not perfectly symmetrical.

“The diagram doesn’t line up”, said the colleague.

“Ouch”, felt Jasmine.

“Even if it was slightly off, couldn’t she have said it in a more tactful or polite way, especially in front of others?” asked Jasmine.

“Yes, I believe she could”, I replied.

“How would you have given the feedback?” she asked.

I would have come from offering a point for improvement rather than blatantly saying it was wrong.

For example, something like, “I’m wondering if the lines could be moved a little closer together so they are all the same distance from each other?”

The second version comes from an attitude of curiosity and desire to help improve.

The first version lands as being direct, harsh and superior.

When you’re providing feedback to your work colleagues or even at home with your family, please consider how your comments will land with the other.

Your intention might be to help improve, however your words may have the exact opposite effect.

Your colleagues may feel embarrassed and hurt and could feel like you are pointing out their errors on purpose, which will do little for your relationship.

Now I know there are some of you “Driver” type personalities who are direct and don’t like using “fluffy” words, however, before you leap to debate the issue, ask yourself this question, “Do I care about the relationship?”  If the answer is “Yes”, (for whatever reason), then please, use your skills.

Take the time to find a better way to say it.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Just Jump In (WT774)

Just Jump In (WT774)

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WT 774 Just jump in

You know animals can teach us a lot about life.

It was Good Friday and Ross and I were relaxing in the loungeroom when we noticed three kookaburras sitting on the railing on the front verandah.

They weren’t there long before they were joined by magpies, a currawong and a butcher bird.

Now, ordinarily Ross and I would not feed birds because we recalled a sign in a Queensland national park when we were travelling that said, “A fed bird is a dead bird”.

So generally, we won’t feed birds.

For some reason, on this day, Ross had some left over meat and so he threw it on the verandah.

The kookaburras jumped in, grabbed what they could, flew off and proceeded to shake their beaks to kill their prize.

The butcher bird also took flight, grabbed a piece and flew off.

Not so the magpies and currawong.

They hesitated.

They were on high alert.

They kept looking this way and that.

To Ross and I there was clearly no danger.

They could have quickly swooped down, grabbed their share and flown off.

Still they waited.

Still they hesitated, until finally one of the magpies made a daring dash.

With prize in mouth, the magpie took off.

I didn’t see it again until a week later when I heard a commotion outside.

As I looked out the window, the magpie was scolding its young and pushing it away as it ran across the yard with its stash from a few days before.

The magpie then hid its stash under the bushes on the other side of the yard.

So what are they teaching us?

Apart from “Don’t feed the birds”, they are teaching us not to wait, rather to just jump in.

If fear is holding you back, you are likely to miss out.

If there is something you want, I encourage you to just jump in and go for it.

The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll get your prize.

In fact, I have a poster in my room that was a gift from a podcast guest, that says, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear”.

Just jump in.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

P.P.S.  If you are feeling fearful and you would like to release that fear, we have a transformational tool that can help. Contact us if you’d like to know more.

You Don’t Have To Believe What People Tell You (WT773)

You Don’t Have To Believe What People Tell You (WT773)

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WT 773 You don't have to believe what people tell you

Many years ago, a former boss of mine told me that I would never be successful because I didn’t have any vision.

For some reason I believed him about the vision.

It’s only been recently that I have experienced my own “Aha’s” around this limiting belief.

As I’ve been coaching people recently I’ve observed how often I can see their business model and a vision for them and their business and have done so with my clients for the past 18 years. Doh!

I’ve helped them gain so much clarity and then helped them to remove the resistance that is holding them back.

Clients have been hitting goals that have alluded them for years.

Now the reason I’m telling you this, is not to brag but to emphasise to you, that (and I’m going to put it in capital letters so you really get it), that

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BELIEVE WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU.

This is especially true when what they are telling you is their opinion about you and what is most likely not true, but could cause you to create your own Limiting Belief.

Remember, Beliefs are Decisions. They are decisions that we make at some point in time which then affect how we see and show up in the world.

The good thing about seeing Beliefs as Decisions, is that because you know how to make a decision, you can make another decision.

I’ve decided to forget what my former boss said to me because it’s not true.  I do have vision and I can help you see yours.

I’m curious, what are some limiting beliefs that you’ve got that came from others’ opinions of you?

How about taking some time over this Easter break to reflect on what you were told and ask yourself whether you want to make a decision to ignore it or forget it.

My mum had a saying about opinions, “They’re like bums, everyone’s got one”. 

Don’t let someone else’s opinion influence you in a way that keeps you small.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

If You Get Nervous (WT772)

If You Get Nervous (WT772)

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WT 772 If you get nervous

Before we get into this week’s thought, I just want to acknowledge the readers who answered the challenge last week and messaged me with the tasks they wanted to be held accountable for.

Well done! All were completed in the week, so just to remind us of the benefit of having a coach, I call it the “BAQS System” because a coach, has your “back”. A coach can help to:

  1. Identify your Blind Spots
  2. Be your Accountability partner
  3. Ask quality Questions, and
  4. Provide suggestion on Strategies that you may not have thought of.

Now to this week:

This week I presented the first of 6 online presentations.

Whilst I’ve practised and practised and practised, I still felt very nervous.

One strategy that I use to reduce the nervousness is to repeat over and over, “If You Get Nervous, Focus On Service”. I believe this originally came from Doreen Virtue.

So let’s unpack that.

Often our nervousness comes because we are focussing on ourselves. We are concerned to:

  1. Look good
  2. To have others think well of us
  3. To not make mistakes

This is the wrong focus to have.

Ask yourself, why are you doing the thing that makes you nervous?

In most cases, it’s because you want to help others.

This could be through an uplifting song or play. It could be teaching and presenting some information. It could be speaking in public. It could be playing a sport.

No matter what the motivation is, keep in mind, “If you get nervous, focus on service”.
Focus on the people that you can help and why you are helping them.

Focus on the audience for your concert or play.

Focus on your team and/or the spectators when playing a sport.

This little mantra and change of focus and mindset works.

Forget about yourself and focus on the reason why you are doing it and for whom.

Let me know what makes you feel nervous and how you can apply this great little reminder.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

P.P.S. Go to https://ShirleyDalton.com/Events to register for my upcoming Live online ZOOM presentations, “5 Pillars To Become An Effective Leader” and “Reset Your Mindset: 4 Steps to Change Your Thoughts and Change Your Life”.  There’s nothing to buy.  Just pure content that I want you to have so you can create what it is you want.

Let’s Talk About Accountability (WT771)

Let’s Talk About Accountability (WT771)

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WT 771 Let's Talk About Accountability 600x300

It always amazes me how themes seem to appear at different times.

The past month or so, the theme of Accountability has popped up enough times to be more than a coincidence.

As I prepared to present The 5 Pillars to Become an Effective Leader, I was reminded again and again to hold myself accountable.

One of the pillars is “Support for Success”.

If you look at all the successful leaders, sportspeople, politicians, business people, one thing they have in common is they haven’t gotten there alone.

Many have team members to help them, and the majority of them have coaches and mentors.

Why is that? It’s because a coach or mentor can do 4 things for you:

  1. Help you observe the blindspots and point out mistakes you’re not aware of
  2. Help you with strategy
  3. Provide you with quality questions to get you to think about things you’re not thinking about when you’re stuck, and
  4. Help keep you accountable.

One of my mentors recently brought up the subject of accountability as well.

I signed up for a 6 week challenge to help me get into action. To help me do the things I know I should be doing but could easily let myself off the hook.

As part of the challenge, each week we report on action taken. It’s there for all to see.

As my mentor put it, “Accountability equals Proof”.

That’s it. So simple.

Show me the proof.

If you said you were going to make 100 prospecting calls this week, show me your call record.

If you said you were going to walk 10km, show me some evidence.

It’s the act of showing our evidence that gets us to complete the task.

So this week, I invite you to reply with something you want to be held accountable for doing and then next week email the evidence.

Just knowing that someone is waiting to see the evidence can be motivation enough.

So, if you can’t keep yourself accountable, then seek some support for success.

Get yourself an Accountability Buddy, BUT it has to be someone whom you will allow to keep you accountable.

For example, I can say to Ross, “Don’t let me eat any chocolate this week.”

As he sees me heading for the chocolate, he will mention it. “You asked me to not let you eat chocolate.”
I smile, ignore him and continue opening the wrapper.

He will venture a second reminder, only to receive a glare in return.

He knows better than to offer a third time.

Why? Because we both know I haven’t really agreed for him to hold me accountable.

Interestingly though, if I engage a coach or mentor, then I’m absolutely giving them permission to hold me accountable and as such I hold myself accountable to do what I say I will.

How about you?

Are you able to hold yourself accountable or could you use an Accountability Buddy or Coach to help you achieve what you say you want?

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

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