Feel The Fear (WT748)

Feel The Fear (WT748)

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WT 748 Feel the Fear

Ever read the book, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers?

It’s a great book to get you into action.

Another book I’m listening to and reading is “Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender” by David R. Hawkins.

Hawkins encourages us to simply acknowledge our feelings and let them go.

He also encourages us to let go of some limiting beliefs that may prevent us from doing just that, such as: “We only deserve things through hard work, struggle, sacrifice and effort” or “We don’t get anything for nothing”.

Hawkins tells us that “Letting go involves being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it, and letting it run its course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it. It means simply to let the feeling be there and to focus on letting out the energy behind it.” (pp19-20)

As you let go, ignore all thoughts and focus only on the feeling.

According to Hawkins, “it is the accumulated pressure of feelings that causes thoughts. One feeling, can create literally thousands of thoughts over a period of time.”

For example, think of a time from your past that was painful or something you did that you regret. How many times have you gone over and over that situation, thinking about it?

If you could surrender the underlying painful feeling, the thoughts would disappear and you would forget the event.

I don’t know about you but I find this fascinating.  It’s opposite to what I’ve learned previously where thoughts create feelings.

Right now, I’m willing to experiment. I’m willing to acknowledge that I am feeling a great deal of fear. Fear about the future as I transition and the business evolves. This feeling generates all sorts of thoughts, some positive and expectant, some negative and paralysing.

And the important thing to remember, according to Hawkins, is that we want to let go of all feelings, not just the negative ones. Similar to the Buddha’s teachings, it’s about becoming detached.

It also reminds me of a saying I learned when I attended the 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat, “Arises, passes away” in relation to body sensations (you could call feelings) as you observe them and let them go.

How about you? Are you willing to feel the fear (or whatever feeling you are currently experiencing) and let it go?

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A Hug and An Ear (WT747)

A Hug and An Ear (WT747)

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WT 747 A hug and an ear

Every now and then we need a little reminder of the skills we’ve learnt that we’ve forgotten.

I was talking with a past Leading Yourself and Leading Others graduate this week.

We’ll call him Max.

Max was sharing some challenges that he and his family were experiencing.

Max is a “Driver” personality, so I know he’s focused on what he can “do”.

I asked him, “How do you think you can support your family?”

He replied, “I think I’m fairly supportive. I’m doing what I can to help relieve the burden (of tasks).”

He then shared a story with me about how he had done his best to encourage one of his family members with an upbeat pep talk.

Max has a huge heart and he loves his family very much.

“Are your family members huggers?” I asked.

“Yes, they are”, he said.

“Hmmm”, I replied. “You know, sometimes we just need a hug and an ear.”

I remembered the day I left the hospital after visiting my dad at lunch time (whom had had a car accident) and the head nurse called me into her office and basically told me he was going to die.

I was in total shock and when I eventually finished work for the day and went home, I drove the car into the garage. I barely made it up the stairs and when I got to the top of the stairs, I burst into tears.

Seeing the state I was in, Ross quickly came over. I collapsed into his arms and sobbed.

He didn’t need to say anything.

He didn’t ask any questions.

The hug and his ear was enough.

Learning to listen, really listen, what we call Active Listening is something participants learn in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience.

When you actively listen to someone, you are demonstrating that you heard and understood their message.  You don’t have to agree with it.  Your job is simply to give them feedback on what it is you think you understood.

When I say “simply”, this is a skill and it is not so simple to master. It takes concentration and patience and practise. Participants have to learn not to jump in with solutions. Often that’s about them feeling good about themselves that they have solved your problem.

If you’d like to improve your listening and communication skills, consider registering for the next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience which starts Friday 22nd November. (See link below.)

You’ll be amazed at how much better your relationships will be when you have the awareness that sometimes all you need to do is share a hug and an ear.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

I Can’t Do That Because … (WT746)

I Can’t Do That Because … (WT746)

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WT 746 I can't do that because

Have you ever found yourself responding to a suggestion with “I can’t do that because …?”

It’s such a powerful phrase that stops us from moving forward.

One of my fabulous coaching clients, (we’ll call him Doug) had this incredible insight as we were discussing some potential actions he could take to grow his business.

As I reflected back the suggestions he gave, his internal response was “I can’t do that because …”

He was aware enough to mention it, so we had a juicy topic to coach around.

“Hmm,” he pondered.

“You know, this is something I do a lot.”

“I hold myself back by looking for reasons NOT to do something and then I validate myself and let myself off the hook.”

Doug isn’t alone in this department.

Most of us do this to some extent.

I do it with the gym.

“I can’t go today because I have to catch up on client work. I can’t go today because I have a meeting in town at 9:00am.”

Excuse after excuse after excuse.

So what can we do about it once we become aware of it?

Look to see the benefit or reward we are seeking from avoiding taking the action.

There is always a benefit to our behaviour.

Once we become aware of the benefit we are seeking, we can then look for ways that we can get that benefit by doing the things we say we want to do.

It’s a process of rewiring your brain.

Here’s an example: “I can’t go to the gym today because I’m running the leadership experience all day.” This is a valid reason not to go.  Or is it?

If I really wanted to go to the gym, I could get up earlier or go after the leadership experience finishes.

I don’t really enjoy the gym. I find it boring doing the same things and I get frustrated when others are using the equipment I want.

Going to the gym is not aligned with my values but yoga is.

I love doing yoga at home. I am in my own little world. I am not concerned about others and I can change up the poses from day to day.

If the goal is to move the body, I’m better off doing something that is aligned with my values and that gives me the benefit or reward I am seeking.

How about you?

Are there things you’re procrastinating on?

If so, perhaps take a look at your values and see if what you’re procrastinating about is aligned.

I’ll wager it’s not.

When we’re in alignment with our values, we do the work. We take the action, even if we don’t particularly like it because it’s a means to an end.

This week, take stock of the excuses you are making up, and if you find yourself saying, “I can’t do that because …” then ask yourself, what is the benefit I am getting by not doing the thing? How can I find a way to give myself the benefit and take the action I need to take?

 

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Can You Coach Yourself (WT745)

Can You Coach Yourself (WT745)

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WT 745 Can you coach yourself

I would love for you to be able to answer that question with “Yes”.

Being able to coach yourself is a such an important and necessary skill.

This week I’ve had a few challenges and I’ve had to dig deep to coach myself.

I’ve used “Ho’oponopono”. (I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank You, I Love You) to clear the energy.

I’ve tapped along with The Tapping Solution App.

I’ve meditated.

I’ve visualised.

I’ve journalled.

I’ve asked myself empowering questions; what Noah St John calls “Afformations”. Instead of asking why a negative thing is happening, ask a powerful question, such as “Why am I so fit and healthy?” instead of “Why am I so fat and unfit?” Our brain is a goal achieving machine. It must find an answer to the questions we ask, so ask good questions.

I’ve been grateful. Very very grateful. Thanking the universe for the love, abundance and health that we receive.

I’ve coached myself when I dropped the ball and wanted to beat myself up.

I’ve coached myself when I started to feel anxious or afraid.

How about you?

Can you coach yourself?

What are some of the techniques you use to change your mindset and manifest the things you want?

This is a “MUST HAVE SKILL”.

Being able to coach yourself is something you can learn.

There are so many techniques available. Generally, you only have to learn them once and then remember to use them

You might engage a coach to help you initially, and as needed, however if you learn some techniques and apply them, you don’t have to wait. You won’t be dependent on others.

You can change how you feel. You can change what you’re thinking and you can change what you say and ultimately change your outcomes.

Learning to coach yourself could mean the difference between curling up in the fetal position on the floor feeling hopeless and afraid or being able to cope with whatever life lemon comes your way.

It is my sincere desire that you can, in fact, coach yourself.

Practise every day.

You’ll feel better for it.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Today I’m Feeling Sad (WT744)

Today I’m Feeling Sad (WT744)

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WT 744 Today I'm feeling sad

Today, I’m feeling sad.

I’m sad for Brad.

Brad is overwhelmed with his business.

He doesn’t have time.

He’s doing everything, even though he has people on his team.

He doesn’t know which way is up or down at the moment.

He’s tired, cranky and emotional.

His wife reached out to me to help him. (We worked together a few years ago.)

She introduced us via email.

I offered to call him if he would reply with his phone number

No reply.

A few weeks passed.

I called his wife.

“He needs you”, she cried.

She too was feeling the effects of living with her stressed out husband.

“I’ll remind him again”, she said.

Another few weeks passed.

I called again and left a message.

A few days later I got an email from his wife.

I talked to him and he said he’s just not in the right headspace.”

This is the part that makes me very sad.

It’s a Catch 22!

I’m too busy and stressed to find the time to get the help yet getting the help will relieve the stress and busyness and improve the headspace.

Knowing I can help just by listening and providing a safe place for people to share what’s going on and then develop a plan and provide support for things to change – emotionally, mentally, physically, strategically really upsets me when I see people in pain.

I can’t force people to help themselves.

Why is it that so often we won’t ask for or accept help?

If you’re in the same situation as Brad, please don’t prolong it.

Do yourself and your family a favour. Accept the help when it’s offered.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

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