Perception Vs Intention (WT730)

Perception Vs Intention (WT730)

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by Shirley Dalton | 21 Jun, 2024 | Blog, Communication Skills, Mindset

WT 730 Perception vs Intention

Here’s a little story to help us see the difference between perception and intention.

Ross and I go to the gym of a morning.

Ross is generally ready before I am so he backs the car out of the garage and sits there with it idling.

I put my shoes on and close the garage door and get in the car.

For a while now, this behaviour has annoyed me.

Ignoring all my communication skills for effective confrontation, this week I got in the car and said, “It gives me the s…s when you sit there with the car idling. I feel pressured to hurry up and get going and I don’t like it.”

To which Ross replied, “Well, you can …. off. I start the car so it’s nice and warm for you when you get in.”

Ouch.

Here’s a classic example of perception vs intention.

My perception (or Automatic Listening according to Loretta Malandro) had me thinking Ross was getting impatient with me and I was taking too long.

This was not even close to the truth of his intention.

How often does that happen?

We make up a story based on what’s going on for us, that has absolutely nothing to do with what the other person intends.

Next time you find yourself making up a story, don’t rush in with a blurt that is critical and provoking. Take your time to explore the reasons why the other person might be doing what they are doing.

As in this case, they may actually have positive intentions for you.

I guess I can look forward to jumping into a cold car from now on.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s Hard To Visualise (WT729)

It’s Hard To Visualise (WT729)

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by Shirley Dalton | 14 Jun, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 729 It's hard to visualise

We know how powerful visualisation can be.

Remember the Harvard study of the piano players where researchers tested 3 groups:

  1. Piano players physically playing the piano over 5 days
  2. Piano players not playing but visualising playing the piano over 5 days
  3. Control group who had nothing to do with piano playing.

The brain scans for the piano players were very similar, despite the second group not playing.

This supports the idea that our brains don’t know the difference between what we might call reality (in the physical) and imagination.

If we want to create a different outcome, we can use our imagination to bring it into the physical, except when we’re in what David Bayer calls, The Primal State.

Our primal state is the state of survival. It’s fight, flight or freeze.

It’s hard to visualise when we are in that state.

If we’re worried about our health or finances or relationships or work, it’s challenging to go from being worried, even despairing to feeling joy and bliss and hope.

And yet that’s exactly the state we need to be in to visualise and manifest.

So, what to do?

Every day, your job is to get yourself in The Powerful State.   The Powerful State, according to Bayer, is the state of rest and relaxation. It matches our parasympathetic nervous system for being calm and creative.

The way to do that is to do something you enjoy.

It’s a way of increasing your vibration and when you increase your vibration you have a better chance of attracting what you want.

What are some things you like to do?

What are some things you enjoy?

Do that!

For me, I love walking along the beach. I love looking out the window, sitting in my recliner with a hot cup of tea, letting the thoughts come and go. I love reading. I love learning. I love watching dogs play.

What do you love?

If you’re finding it hard to visualise, how about taking some time to get yourself out of the Primal and into the Powerful state.

Do something you love. Raise your vibration.

When you do, you’ll find it much easier to visualise and to feel the feelings of having the things you want.

I’m curious, what works for you and what do you want?

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

14 Years – You Have The Answers (WT728)

14 Years – You Have The Answers (WT728)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Jun, 2024 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 728 14 Years. You have the answers

Today we celebrate 14 years of writing a weekly thought and we haven’t missed one single week in all that time.

I am very proud of this achievement.

I am very proud of my commitment.

As I reflect back over the years, having started my business in October 2006, both the business and the Weekly Thoughts have evolved.

When I first started my business and attended networking events, people would ask me who I worked for.

I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “myself”.

That wasn’t a great answer.

They asked what I did.

I told them, “I help business owners streamline their systems and processes”.

They would reply, “Oh, you’re an IT person.”

“No.”

What I found was that when I finished a project and left the business to continue, the new systems often fell over.

Why was this?

It was because the owners and managers didn’t know how to lead and manage their people.

Evolution number 1 – I started coaching them one to one.

Evolution number 2 – I invested in more leadership training and offered small intimate intensive Leading Yourself and Leading Others experiences.

Evolution number 3 – as I learned more about mindset and neuroscience, we included Possibility into our framework of People and Process.

Evolution number 4 – changing the name Possibility to Potential.

Evolution number 5 – realizing that my clients are wanting High Performing Businesses with high performing people, high performing processes and high performance potential.

Over the years, most of my work has been word of mouth.

People would say to their colleagues, “You need to speak to Shirley”.

Speaking to some clients recently, asking them why they work with me and what benefits do they get, they all answered with a similar answer:

“I came to you because I was stuck. I didn’t know which way to turn. I didn’t know what to do. You listened to me. You didn’t interrupt. You allowed me to speak and then you reflected back what I had told you. Much like a mirror. When I heard myself through your voice I could easily evaluate what was going on. I found the answers and if I didn’t find the answers, you gave me the tools to find the answers.”

I just love that I can help you find your answers.  You have them inside of you.

Sometimes we just can’t see the label from inside the jar.

So this week, I want to thank you.

Thank you for being part of our community.

Thank you for allowing me to help you find your answers.

Thank you for being open to grow and develop.

Thank you for being you.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Happy anniversary!

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Don’t Want To Throw You Under The Bus (WT727)

I Don’t Want To Throw You Under The Bus (WT727)

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by Shirley Dalton | 31 May, 2024 | Blog, Communication Skills

WT 727 I don't want to throw you under the bus

Do you know what word usually follows this statement?

“I don’t want to throw you under the bus, BUT” and then comes a negative comment.

It’s as if you know what you’re about to say won’t be well received or appreciated.

It’s a form of inoculation, letting the person know that something bad is following and yet saying it seems to justify the criticism we’re about to give.

And it’s usually in a public setting, otherwise there is no need to say it.

In my book, there is no reason to say it full-stop.

Let’s take a look at two examples and you tell me which one you would prefer to receive.

Imagine we’re in a meeting at work. Your name is Michael. You’ve just shared your point of view which happens to disagree with one of your team mates. The manager says, (in front of everyone):

  1. “I don’t want to throw you under the bus Michael, but when you disagreed with Mary just now, Steven really reacted. Like he was really angry about that and I think you could have controlled your own emotions better.”
  2. “It seems like we have some strong views on this topic. I’d like to hear everyone’s opinion please. I’d like to be able to understand how it affects everyone so we can work together to resolve this issue. Can we agree to use our communication and problem solving skills to work through this please?”

Which one do you prefer?

I’ve recently witnessed this type of interaction on a number of occasions and I cringe when I hear it.

It’s not the leader or team member’s fault if they don’t know any better.

I just wish everyone could be exposed to communication training. For me, it’s an essential part of our leadership training.

There are ways to say things that land better for the receiver.

It’s not that we don’t want to give feedback or points for improvement or even disagree. It’s the way we do it and the words we use that often damage the relationship.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

You can learn to express yourself in a non-judgemental way. One way you can do this is to focus on the unacceptable behaviour rather than passing judgement or labelling another.

For example, say an employee has a pattern of arriving at work 10 – 15 minutes after start time. A label would go something like, “Boy, you’re inconsiderate. You don’t care about the rest of us. You’re always late.”

Not only is that a label, it’s a “You Statement” and we tend to get defensive when we hear them.

A better way to communicate is to describe the situation and the unacceptable behaviour, how it makes you feel and the effect on you. It’s known as a Confronting I Message, created by Thomas Gordon.

“Start time is 9:00am. It’s unacceptable to arrive after this time and I can’t focus on my work because I am concerned that something may have happened to you on the way to work. Is there a reason for the late arrival?”

If you care about the relationship, use your communication skills.  That assumes you have them of course.

Next time you feel like throwing someone under the bus, think about the message before you say it. What is the outcome you really want?

Choose your words carefully.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

You Have To Dress For The Job You Want (WT726)

You Have To Dress For The Job You Want (WT726)

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by Shirley Dalton | 24 May, 2024 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 726 Dress for the job you want

This week’s inspiration comes from one of my favourite clients and his Operations Coordinator.

As I sat wondering what this week’s thought would be, Ray called to give me a business progress update.

He started the conversation with, “I changed my life today”.

“What did you do? Sell the business?” I asked.

“No”, he replied. “I was vulnerable with my team and shared my vision for the business. I wanted them to see things from my perspective.”

“Amazing!”

Knowing Ray as I do, I asked him what the turning point was.

“I have to give credit to Kim” he said.

“When I shared my vision, she responded with ‘You have to dress for the job you want’”.

“As soon as she said that, I knew she was right. I had to start acting as if I was the CEO of the type of business I envision.”

“I took action straight away. I restructured. I delegated (not abdicated) and empowered the team. I’m feeling good after coming from a place of feeling wrung out.”

Hearing this made me feel so happy too.

I was happy for Ray. I was happy for Kim. I was happy for the team, the customers and the suppliers.

It’s a great reminder. Thank you Kim.

You have to dress for the job you want.

In a way it’s similar to “Act as If”.

We know that in order to have what we want, we have to be fully aligned to the result. When you dress and act as if you already have it, your unconscious mind will go to work to ensure the external matches the internal.

What is the job you want?

How do you have to dress and act?

I’d love to hear your progress report.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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