What’s The Right Thing To Do (WT614)

What’s The Right Thing To Do (WT614)

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by Shirley Dalton | 1 Apr, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 614 What's the right thing to do

I was sitting at my desk, which is opposite the window in my office.

I noticed a young boy and a dog walk past.

Thankfully the dog didn’t stop to you know what.

Next thing I heard the lid on the neighbour’s garbage being opened and shut really quickly.

That’s odd, I thought.  The neighbour was at work. It was about 4:00pm. I didn’t give it any more thought until Ross happened to mention the garbage lid.

Ross was outside when the young boy and dog walked past.

He watched the young boy lift the lid on the neighbour’s bin (which usually sits outside on the nature strip in front of his house).

The young boy had a small plastic bag in his hand which he threw in the neighbour’s bin.

Yep. It was the dog pooh.

“Uggh!  Wow!” I exclaimed to Ross.  “That’s not very nice.”

“He does it all the time”, said Ross.

“Oh, that’s a bit ordinary. I wouldn’t like it in my bin.”

“Well, he’s sort of doing the right thing” argued Ross. “At least he picks it up.”

Oh boy. This conversation wasn’t going anywhere I wanted it to go.

Still Ross had a point.

What’s the right thing to do?

Pick up the pooh, even if you dump it in someone else’s bin or not pick up the pooh?

Or pick up the pooh and take it home with you or throw it in a public garbage bin?

I know one thing for sure, I certainly won’t be leaving my bin out the front any longer than it needs to be.

Over to you, what’s the right thing to do?

Another of those values collisions?

What’s that you ask?

A values collision occurs when we have a difference of opinion and yet there is no tangible effect on me for you having a different opinion or value.

Values collisions require different skills to resolve.

And I’m curious. What would you do if you were the young boy with the dog?

P.S. I’m so chuffed. People are reading my book and the feedback has been awesome. “A pocket full of goodness” said one reader. That makes me so happy that a. it’s being read and b. readers are getting great value from it (Win Win).  Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S Dates for our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience have been set for May in Newcastle, NSW.   Tuesday 3rd May, Thursdays 12th, 19th and 26th May.  For more information go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

What I Missed (WT613)

What I Missed (WT613)

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by Shirley Dalton | 25 Mar, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 613 What I missed

Years ago, like nearly 30, I was employed in various government departments. At the time, one of the buzz words was “community”.  I confess, I really didn’t understand what it meant.

In fact, it wasn’t until years later that I understood it to mean people knowing each other and looking after and supporting each other (my definition).

Last weekend I happened to be walking along the street with a new friend when I bumped into an old friend. Immediately we hugged (ooops, forgot about Covid) and had a chat.

It was so nice to see someone familiar; someone with whom I had history.

We had both been members of The Newcastle Speakers Club for years, during which we got to know each other and support each other as well as our fellow members and families.

It was a close knit “community”.

As we drove home I reflected on how nice it was to be out with friends and to see old friends.

I realised that this was something that I had missed whilst we were travelling.

We would arrive at a new location and know nobody.

If we needed help, we felt awkward to ask because we hadn’t had the opportunity to help others first.

I was also less concerned about my appearance because I was confident I wouldn’t run into anyone I know. Now we’re back, thank you for the accountability.  Minus 7kgs so far.

What’s the point?

The point is we need each other.

None of us are islands. It’s nice to know that there are people around who know us, like us and care for us.

Thank you for being part of my “online community”. Let me know what your definition of community is.

P.S. If you’re interested to learn my 4 step process for streamlining your business, or you’ve found yourself in the second-in-command position at work, you might find the information in the book helpful. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S Dates for our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience have been set for May in Newcastle, NSW.   Tuesday 3rd May, Thursdays 12th, 19th and 26th May.  For more information go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

We Didn’t Know What We Were Doing (WT612)

We Didn’t Know What We Were Doing (WT612)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Mar, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 612 We didn't know what we were doing

One of the concepts we include in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience is “synergy” where 1+1=5. In other words, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

What this means is that when you have a high performing team you can create magic. You can achieve far more with your team than what you could by adding up individual efforts.

Here’s why this is relevant.

I am so grateful to Kellie O’Brien and Chrystie Hile who jumped on board to create a team with me to get my book published and launched.

I couldn’t have done it without them.

None of us really knew what we were doing. We learned as we went along.

In fact, all of us were quite nervous and anxious before the launch.

Chrystie was anxious that when the book was printed it would look good and the formatting was correct. Chrystie is our graphic designer and taught herself how to typeset and format the book for the printer we had chosen.

Kellie was anxious that the book would actually be printed on time. We hadn’t used the printer before and there had been some mixed reviews about timeframes for delivery, and of course, we were on a very short deadline.

I was anxious about how the book would be received. Had I included enough information? Was it interesting? Was it helpful? What would people say?

Now on the other side, we have systems and processes in place, ready for the next one (on People and Leadership). It will be so much easier and quicker (once I write the first draft).

Kellie will edit. Chrystie will design, format and typeset and Kellie and I will hold hands again, (virtually) as we press the “Go” button to order the first copy.

Looking back now, even though we didn’t know what we were doing, that didn’t stop us.

Some personality profiles need to know “how” before they get started. Others need to have a plan, whilst my personality type is happy to figure it out as we go and the fourth personality type will delegate and tell us all the outcome we’re aiming for.

When you want to achieve something, it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what you’re doing because you learn as you go.  In fact, Aristotle’s words ring true for me, something along the lines of “the things we think we need to know how to do before doing, we learn by doing” or as another mentor of mine, Lisa Sasevich says, “build the plane as you fly it”.

I’m very proud of the book and I am so grateful to the team effort, including Lee Woodward from Realtair for helping to distribute the book and giving us deadline. I’m also grateful to Kip McGrath for the foreword and to Mark Kentwell for his words of praise along with words from a couple of my other fabulous clients.

We didn’t know what we were doing and yet we achieved something far greater than we could have individually.

What is something you want to achieve that you think you have to know how to do before you get started or you think you have to do on your own?

I encourage you, just get started and enlist the help of a team. Please do let me know what it is. Use that as a little bit of accountability for yourself.

When you get to the end, you’ll not only have achieved your goal, you will have learned somethings along the way and also shared the journey with some great team mates.

P.S. If you’re interested to learn my 4 step process for streamlining your business, or you’ve found yourself in the second-in-command position at work, you might find the information in the book helpful. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S Dates for our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience have been set for May in Newcastle, NSW.   Tuesday 3rd May, Thursdays 12th, 19th and 26th May.  For more information go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Change Me (WT610)

Change Me (WT610)

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by Shirley Dalton | 4 Mar, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 610 Change me

As we wrap up Day 4 of the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience, one of the main concepts we learn is that of “Change Me – Change You”.

What that means is that rather than asking, demanding or expecting the other person to change, we understand that because we are in a relationship with someone, if we want the other to change, we must change first.

To demonstrate this, I move from one end of the room to the other. Because the participants and I are in a relationship, they shift in their seast to be able to see and hear me. It’s then that I explain that because I have changed, and we’re in a relationship together, so too have they.

If I had remained at the front of the room and instructed them to turn and shift in their seats and look towards the back of the room, they may or may not heed my instructions. And yet, when I change positions, so do they.

If you want to change your relationship or the way another interacts with you, you must first change yourself. Change Me – Change You.

On a similar note, I came across a quote which expands this concept to what’s going on around us.

“You can’t change what’s going on around you, UNTIL you start changing what’s going on within you.” (Source unknown.)

We create our world, whether we are conscious of it or not. When we understand this and take responsibility for what is happening in our world, we can choose to change it.

If you’re experiencing people or situations that are not to your liking or that are challenging, take a deep breath and be open to looking to find your contribution to the situation.

How are you showing up?

What are you thinking?

What is your belief around the situation?

What benefit are you getting from the situation?

All behaviour is motivated by a benefit that we receive, even being a victim has payoffs.

If you want to change what’s going on around you, start changing what’s going on within you.

Change me – change you.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I’m Scared (WT607)

I’m Scared (WT607)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Feb, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 607 I'm Scared

Yesterday we completed the first of 4 workshops in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience.

Some of the participants expressed to me that they were feeling nervous prior to starting the experience.

For me, nervous is also another word for scared.

It’s okay to be scared and nervous or anxious when you do new things or open yourself up to new experiences and growth.

What matters is that you keep going. Often what happens is that we get to the point of almost breaking through and we give up just before the moment when …. because we feel uncomfortable.

It’s helpful to understand the concept of “perturbation”. Perturbation occurs when you feel the pressure to breakthrough. As the pressure is applied, often from a coach or facilitator, the participant starts to resist and gets hot. This heat can come in the form of emotion such as crying, laughing, sweating, trembling, even yawning.

Ross and I learned early on that when I’m learning something new and I haven’t quite gotten it nor become competent, I tend to get angry, hot, short tempered and swear a lot. It’s not a pretty sight.

Once I’ve mastered the skill though, all that emotion goes away.

In my role as the facilitator and coach for the leadership participants, it’s my job to apply the pressure and also fan them at the same time because what we know is that once the breakthrough has come, it is often invisible, unpredictable and irreversible.

It’s truly magical to experience.

The formation of diamonds is another example from nature. Diamonds are made of carbon that form crystals that bond together over billions of years when subjected to extreme temperature and pressure. Without all that heat and pressure, we would not have them to enjoy.

Next time you feel nervous or scared, take Susan Jeffers advice in her book, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”. It’s okay to be scared and nervous and it’s okay to let out the emotion. It’s simply part of the process of your growth and development as you learn new things on the way to becoming competent and self-aware.

And I’m curious, how do you react when you’re feeling perturbated?

P.S. I’m scared at the moment. We’re about to launch my new book, “The Loyal Lieutenant: How the Second-in-Command Brings the CEO’s Vision to Life” at The Complete Leader conference in Sydney next month, where I will also be speaking. I’m feeling the pressure, giving off heat and I’m committed to doing it anyway.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Not Every Kid Gets a Trophy (WT605)

Not Every Kid Gets a Trophy (WT605)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Jan, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 605 Not every kid gets a trophy

When I was growing up I had a friend who was very athletic. She always seemed to get out of school by going to the regional, zone and state athletic carnivals and she would come back with a fistful of medals and trophies.

I was very envious. The best I could do was come last in a three-legged race.

I wasn’t athletic, but I was smart.

I learned that not every kid gets a trophy and this helped me to understand my strengths and weaknesses.

This memory came to the fore recently when one of my clients was telling me about some of his team members whom he had to let go. “Shirl, they just couldn’t do the job. They just couldn’t seem to learn it. I really started questioning myself and whether it was the way I was training them and you know the really interesting thing, was that they didn’t see it. They really thought their skills and ability were much higher than I did.”

This also reminded me of the research conducted by Carol Dweck. According to Dweck, there are two basic mindsets: fixed and growth. If you have a fixed mindset, you believe your abilities are fixed traits and therefore can’t be changed. You may also believe that your talent and intelligence alone leads to success, and effort is not required.

In my client’s case, the team members seemed to have a fixed mindset albeit an inflated picture of their real abilities.

Dweck worked with children in school and found that some would not even try because they had decided they couldn’t learn or that they were stupid etc.   They blamed themselves and circumstances and believed nothing could or would change. This is a Fixed mindset.

With one 3 letter word, Dweck was able to help them change their mindset to that of a Growth mindset, where they were able to believe that effort and practice over time could make a meaningful difference. A fixed mindset contributes to limiting beliefs whereas a growth mindset empowers beliefs.

Would you like to know what the three letter word is?

It’s “Yet”.   When children said they couldn’t do something, Dweck encouraged them by adding the word “yet” to the end of their sentence.

Give it a go.  Next time you find yourself limiting what you think you can achieve, insert the word “yet” when you hear yourself say, I can’t …………yet.

And as for the kids with a fixed mindset that they can’t be beaten or no-one else is as good as them, a timely reminder that not every kid gets a trophy.

If you’re interested to see whether you’ve got a fixed or growth mindset click on the link to complete the quiz.

https://blog.mindsetworks.com/what-s-my-mindset

Regards Shirley

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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