I’m Scared (WT607)

I’m Scared (WT607)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Feb, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 607 I'm Scared

Yesterday we completed the first of 4 workshops in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience.

Some of the participants expressed to me that they were feeling nervous prior to starting the experience.

For me, nervous is also another word for scared.

It’s okay to be scared and nervous or anxious when you do new things or open yourself up to new experiences and growth.

What matters is that you keep going. Often what happens is that we get to the point of almost breaking through and we give up just before the moment when …. because we feel uncomfortable.

It’s helpful to understand the concept of “perturbation”. Perturbation occurs when you feel the pressure to breakthrough. As the pressure is applied, often from a coach or facilitator, the participant starts to resist and gets hot. This heat can come in the form of emotion such as crying, laughing, sweating, trembling, even yawning.

Ross and I learned early on that when I’m learning something new and I haven’t quite gotten it nor become competent, I tend to get angry, hot, short tempered and swear a lot. It’s not a pretty sight.

Once I’ve mastered the skill though, all that emotion goes away.

In my role as the facilitator and coach for the leadership participants, it’s my job to apply the pressure and also fan them at the same time because what we know is that once the breakthrough has come, it is often invisible, unpredictable and irreversible.

It’s truly magical to experience.

The formation of diamonds is another example from nature. Diamonds are made of carbon that form crystals that bond together over billions of years when subjected to extreme temperature and pressure. Without all that heat and pressure, we would not have them to enjoy.

Next time you feel nervous or scared, take Susan Jeffers advice in her book, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”. It’s okay to be scared and nervous and it’s okay to let out the emotion. It’s simply part of the process of your growth and development as you learn new things on the way to becoming competent and self-aware.

And I’m curious, how do you react when you’re feeling perturbated?

P.S. I’m scared at the moment. We’re about to launch my new book, “The Loyal Lieutenant: How the Second-in-Command Brings the CEO’s Vision to Life” at The Complete Leader conference in Sydney next month, where I will also be speaking. I’m feeling the pressure, giving off heat and I’m committed to doing it anyway.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Not Every Kid Gets a Trophy (WT605)

Not Every Kid Gets a Trophy (WT605)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Jan, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 605 Not every kid gets a trophy

When I was growing up I had a friend who was very athletic. She always seemed to get out of school by going to the regional, zone and state athletic carnivals and she would come back with a fistful of medals and trophies.

I was very envious. The best I could do was come last in a three-legged race.

I wasn’t athletic, but I was smart.

I learned that not every kid gets a trophy and this helped me to understand my strengths and weaknesses.

This memory came to the fore recently when one of my clients was telling me about some of his team members whom he had to let go. “Shirl, they just couldn’t do the job. They just couldn’t seem to learn it. I really started questioning myself and whether it was the way I was training them and you know the really interesting thing, was that they didn’t see it. They really thought their skills and ability were much higher than I did.”

This also reminded me of the research conducted by Carol Dweck. According to Dweck, there are two basic mindsets: fixed and growth. If you have a fixed mindset, you believe your abilities are fixed traits and therefore can’t be changed. You may also believe that your talent and intelligence alone leads to success, and effort is not required.

In my client’s case, the team members seemed to have a fixed mindset albeit an inflated picture of their real abilities.

Dweck worked with children in school and found that some would not even try because they had decided they couldn’t learn or that they were stupid etc.   They blamed themselves and circumstances and believed nothing could or would change. This is a Fixed mindset.

With one 3 letter word, Dweck was able to help them change their mindset to that of a Growth mindset, where they were able to believe that effort and practice over time could make a meaningful difference. A fixed mindset contributes to limiting beliefs whereas a growth mindset empowers beliefs.

Would you like to know what the three letter word is?

It’s “Yet”.   When children said they couldn’t do something, Dweck encouraged them by adding the word “yet” to the end of their sentence.

Give it a go.  Next time you find yourself limiting what you think you can achieve, insert the word “yet” when you hear yourself say, I can’t …………yet.

And as for the kids with a fixed mindset that they can’t be beaten or no-one else is as good as them, a timely reminder that not every kid gets a trophy.

If you’re interested to see whether you’ve got a fixed or growth mindset click on the link to complete the quiz.

https://blog.mindsetworks.com/what-s-my-mindset

Regards Shirley

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Bye Bye Contessa (WT602)

Bye Bye Contessa (WT602)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Jan, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 602 Bye Bye Contessa

Yesterday was a day of mixed emotions for Ross and I.

It was the day we said goodbye to our beautiful Contessa, our home for almost 3 years as we travelled around Australia.

It was sad to see her for the last time as she sat in the dealer’s yard, knowing that this was the end of another chapter and adventure for us.

And we are also extremely grateful for such an easy sale.

Life is always working for you, even though at times it may not be to your preference.

Having returned to Newcastle to run a leadership experience in November/December, we had initially planned to return to South Australia. We figured we had another 2 years before construction on our apartment would be completed.

As it turned out, we were extremely lucky that Contessa had been booked in for a service and was still under warranty (by 3 months). The service centre found that there had been water damage from a fault in the plumbing design and if out of warranty could have cost some tens of thousands of dollars to fix.

The service centre was also completely booked out for about 6 months so we would have had to have found alternate accommodation.

Fortunately, we had made the decision to stay in Newcastle for the 2 years and had found somewhere to live. The dealership also offered to buy Contessa provided the repairs would be covered by warranty.

Wow! Who could have known that?

Indeed, on the morning of the day Ross was taking her to Sydney for her service, I felt an overwhelming sadness as I emptied our contents. “Say goodbye to Contessa Ross”, I said. “She’s not coming back.”

“What do you mean she’s not coming back?” asked Ross. “Of course she is, she’ll be back in a few weeks.”

“No she won’t” I continued. “She’s going to be sold, so say goodbye.”

Little did we know that morning that that was exactly what was going to happen.

She didn’t come home and she was sold and today I took one last look and one last photo of our amazing girl who sheltered us and shared our wonderful adventure for the past few years.

Life is always working for you, even if at times, it’s not to your preference.

What’s happening for you?

Have you noticed lately that you “know” things before they occur?

What preferences are not pleasing you at the moment, that could ultimately turn out to be for your best?

I’m so very thankful for the time we had with Contessa and the travels and adventures and I trust her new owners will love her as much as we did.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Time for a Rest (WT601)

Time for a Rest (WT601)

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by Shirley Dalton | 31 Dec, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 601 Time for a rest

The week between Christmas and New Year is traditionally a time that many businesses close.

When I worked in the tutoring franchise, it was company policy to shut down for a few weeks from the week before Christmas to the week after new year, (whether we liked it or not).

Kip’s philosophy was that “we work for the clients and since our clients are school teachers running tutoring centres, school holidays are the only times we can go on leave”.

Not having kids of our own, Ross and I would have preferred to have saved our holidays and enjoyed time off out of school holidays, however it was not to be whilst I worked there.

Still, the point of today’s Weekly Thought is that whether it’s this time of year or any other time throughout the year, you need to have some down time. You need to take time for a rest.

Your health depends on it. Your mental health; your physical health; your spiritual health and your emotional health. Not to mention the health of your family, friends and work colleagues.

Even Weight Watchers encourages people on their program to make sure they get at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. Lack of sleep can interfere with your weight.

Today I ran over time on a meeting. I simply got lost in the conversation and didn’t realise that we had gone 30 minutes past finishing time. What concerned me more was that I knew the person I met with wouldn’t log off when we finished. We’ll call her Julia.

“Julia, please promise me you will log off now and go and enjoy dinner with your family”, I suggested.

“I’ll just check in with Rose and see if she needs anything, then I’ll log off”, she replied.

“Send me a text message when you log off please”, I asked, in order to encourage her to log off sooner than I thought she would as well as to act as an accountability buddy.

One and half hours later, I had not received the SMS.

As any good accountability buddy would do, I sent Julia an SMS. “Time for a Rest.”

Julia’s reply – “Logging out now.”

It’s very important to rest. As Kip told me when I first started with him, “We don’t pay overtime. What I want you to do is to work efficiently during your work hours and then go home and enjoy your time with your husband; rest and come back tomorrow refreshed and ready for another productive day.”

Kip was right. We do need to rest.

I know you work hard when you need to. I also want you to rest when you can and take advantage of when things are a bit slower, like the holiday season so that you can rest, relax and refresh.

Taking time for a rest is the smart thing to do. It will ensure you don’t burn out and will also assist you to be able to creatively solve problems because you will be in what David Bayer calls the “Powerful State”.

On the eve of the new year, I wish you all the best for a very happy new year. May 2022 be the year you decide to work productively AND make time to rest.

P.S. Today is the last day to save $1,000 with the Early Bird Bonus for our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. There are limited places left. For more information check out https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/. Experience starts Thursday 10th February.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

So This is Christmas (WT600)

So This is Christmas (WT600)

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by Shirley Dalton | 24 Dec, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

From John Lennon’s song,

WT 600 So this is Christmas

“So this is Christmas and what have you done?

Another year over, a new one just begun.”

What a year we’ve all had.

For this 600th weekly thought, I simply want to wish you and yours a very happy and healthy and safe Christmas.

My heart goes out to those who are ill and those who are isolating over the Christmas period. I’ve got the healing fairies on high alert and ready to fly wherever needed.

There have been many challenges this year which have also brought many insights and appreciation for the simple things like being able to hang out with your family; being able to hug someone and shake hands; being able to travel and eat out; being able to work and being able to learn.

As we head into a couple of weeks of rest and relaxation, I encourage you to take a few moments to reflect on the year that’s been and as challenging as it has been, note the things that you are grateful for and the things that you would have previously taken for granted.

I’m grateful for you, showing up every week to read my thoughts.

I’m grateful for my work and my clients. I love both dearly.

I’m grateful for Ross, my lifetime adventure partner and biggest supporter.

I’m grateful for my friends and for my family.

I’m grateful for my health.

I’m grateful for the bountiful food we enjoy and the water we have on tap.

I’m grateful for my car and for having easily sold Contessa.

How about you, what are you grateful for?

What have you done this year?

So this is Christmas….. Another Year Over

Wishing you the best of everything.

Can’t help myself – remember Life is always working for you, even if at times, it’s not to your preference.

Happy Holidays!

P.S. Only a week to register if you want to save $1,000 on our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. There are limited places left. For more information check out https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/. Experience starts Thursday 10th February and Early Bird Discount ends 31st December.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Be Open to How it Shows Up (WT597)

Be Open to How it Shows Up (WT597)

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by Shirley Dalton | 3 Dec, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 597 Be open to how it shows up

You know I subscribe to the belief that we are vibrational beings and with that belief, I expect things to show up when I decide I want something.

I set my intention and then become curious about how it will manifest.

This week we decided to buy a lounge. Nothing special about that, except we needed it asap because we are moving into a house and we’d sold just about everything when we decided to travel.

Ross looked online but nothing seemed suitable.

We went to a few furniture places, again nothing was suitable and there was little available.

We drove 2.5 hours to Ikea and we found something that could work but the delivery date would be the end of January.

We needed something in the next few days.

We drove back to Newcastle just in time for Ross to pick up a dining table and chairs from a guy who was moving to another state.

My uncle agreed to store it for us for a few days.

We unloaded the table and chairs and then sat on a sofa chatting with my uncle.

“Would you like to take this too?” he offered.

“Wow!” I thought. “There’s the Universe working for us.”

“Yes please and thank you”.

The next day I was mentioning to a friend that we were moving and had been looking for a lounge and she offered for us to borrow her old one until our new one arrives.

Even though I expect things to show up, I’m still amazed and delighted how the Universe works.

All I can say is, “Be open to how it shows up because it always does”.

P.S. We’ve set the dates for our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience for 2022. If you’re thinking about embracing change and having some support, check out https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/. Experience starts Thursday 10th February and Early Bird Discount ends 31st December (saving $1,000).

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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