The Dash (WT682)

The Dash (WT682)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 21 Jul, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 682 The dash

This week I had a really interesting conversation with a participant in the next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience.

Participants complete a profile and we spend 2 hours together understanding the report and identifying what works and what gets in the way of achieving what they want.

Participants share their life stories and I feel very privileged to hear what people have done and experienced in their lives.

In our meeting this week, I commented about the poem “The Dash” by Linda Ellis, that is often read at funerals and which is about the metaphor of the hyphen that separates the birth date and death date on a tombstone.

It represents what we do between the two dates and I commented that this participant has a big dash, not that she is old, rather that she has done a lot in her lifetime.

It got me thinking about my dash. What are the things that I’ve done and experienced so far? What have I learned? And like the poem suggests, am I living life to the full? Am I living the life I want to live?

These are big questions. How would you answer them for yourself?

Are you spending time with those you love?

Do you enjoy the work you do?

Are you making a difference to others?

Is there something else you’d rather be doing?

Is there somewhere else you’d rather be living?

Let’s take the time to reflect.

Let’s think about the time we have left. (For me, I’ve decided that’s at least another 37 years.)

What do you want to be, do, have and feel?

If you’re not being, doing, having and feeling what you want, then maybe it’s time to make some changes.

What do you want to include in your dash?

P.S. If you’ve been sitting on the fence thinking you might like to register for the Leading Yourself and Leading Experience but haven’t quite committed, now might be a good time to reach out and make it happen. I can guarantee you it will change your life.

P.P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Are You Shirleying Me? (WT676)

Are You Shirleying Me? (WT676)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 9 Jun, 2023 | Blog, Communication Skills, Leadership, Systems and Processes

WT 676 Are you Shirleying me?

Thirteen years Lucky!

Today we celebrate 13 years of Weekly Thoughts.

I can hardly believe it myself. Cancel Cancel that negative thought.

I am so proud to say I have not missed one week in all that time and today is no exception, so here’s your thought.

I was coaching this week with a client, we’ll call him Jack, who was explaining how he did his best to reassure one of his employees that everything would be alright. The business is undergoing some changes. The client is a Coach personality and the catch phrase of the Coach is “we’ll figure it out”.

The employee is a Counsellor type personality and that phrase does not reassure them. The Counsellor wants certainty. The Counsellor wants a plan. The Counsellor wants to know it has been figured out before taking action NOT taking action and figuring it out.

I listened to Jack and when he had finished describing the situation, I reminded him that even though his intention was pure, telling a Counsellor type personality that they’d figure it out was actually a roadblock. It stops the conversation.

It didn’t come as any surprise to me that their conversation ended up with the Counsellor walking off, leaving the situation unresolved.

Fortunately, both Jack and the employee have completed my Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience, so I reminded Jack of the skill of active listening.

Jack’s eyes widened as he got the Aha. “Yes, of course. OMG! Right, active listening. I’m going back to work and I’m going to active listen”.

Bravo!

So we practised to refresh his skills.

A few hours later I received a text message. “Employee to Jack, ‘Are You Shirleying me here?’ Thanks. Appreciate you.”

That little text message made me so happy. It brought tears to my eyes. It’s the reason I do what I do. I want you to be able to listen to each other; to really hear and understand each other and to be able to demonstrate that to each other. I want you to be able to get what you want and to have deep meaningful relationships and conversations with each other.

My belief is that there is nothing that can’t be cleared up in conversation. It just takes you to be willing to have the conversation; to revisit the conversation and to listen; really listen to understand what’s going on for the other.

We’re all different personalities so it also helps to understand that too, both for your personality type and the other.

If you’d like to learn or improve your skills, the next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience starts in August. Early bird discount ends 30th June. Click here for more information https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

I’d love for you and your team to be able to recognise and appreciate when you’re being “Shirley’d”.

And to celebrate 13 years of a weekly dose of inspiration, education and support, I am giving away a spot in our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series. Retailing at $1997, it’s a 9 week online course led by me where I teach you my methodology for streamlining operations and you practise and we debrief your work so that you are getting it done during the course.

If this is of interest to you, all you need to do is reply to this email and answer the question, “What do you get out of reading the Weekly Thoughts each week?”

The winner will be announced next week.

Thank you sooooooo much for being part of my community. I am so grateful to you because without you, there would be no-one to write for.

P.P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.S. Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience starts Thursday 3rd August. Save $1,000. Early bird discount ends 30th June. Thursdays, 3rd, 17th, 24th and 31st August. Find out more here https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

When You’re All Over The Place (WT671)

When You’re All Over The Place (WT671)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 5 May, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset, Systems and Processes

WT 671 When you are all over the place

I have a feeling this week’s thought will resonate with many of you.

Let’s talk about how to focus when you’re all over the place; when you’re feeling overwhelmed and you have too much to do.

You know that horrible feeling you get when you just can’t focus. You can’t seem to prioritise or get into your tasks.

What do you do?

I have a few “go to” strategies that I turn to:

  1. I tap. (I use Emotional Freedom Technique, not tap dancing.)
  2. I breathe.
  3. I meditate.
  4. I go for a walk.
  5. I sit and have a cup of tea and stare out the window.
  6. I chant the phrases for Ho’oponopono.
  7. I write.

When we’re in this state, which David Bayer calls the “Primal” state, we can’t think. 

We can’t solve our problems.

We’re not creative because all our body and brain are doing is looking to survive.

Should I stay and fight? Should I run? Should I freeze?

When this happens, the first thing to do is to stop what you are doing and notice that you are in the primal state.

Awareness is the first step to moving out of it.

Take a breath. Calm yourself.

It sounds counter intuitive because you have so much to do and yet you’ll achieve far more and be more efficient and effective if you take a few minutes for yourself.

Another strategy that helps me is what I call my “Data Dump” method. I list everything that’s on my mind.

If I can, I use the whiteboard.

When I can see it, I can prioritise it.

I create a plan for when things have to be done.

I look to see who else can help. What can I delegate or request support for or negotiate an extended deadline?

Allowing yourself to stay in the primal state is a choice. It’s similar to worry.

There are many strategies and tools that will help you to focus and get back into the “Powerful” state.

What will you choose?

If you’d like to learn more, our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience starts next week or you may prefer individual coaching.

Remember, next time you can’t focus and you’re all over the place. Stop. Become Aware. Choose.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox.
Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts

No Thinking Is Required (WT668)

No Thinking Is Required (WT668)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 14 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Leadership

WT 668 No thinking is required

Last week I shared an activity that we do in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience. This week I’d like to talk about the aha’s and outcomes that participants gain from another activity.

Whilst not sharing the details of the activity, I am hopeful that this week’s thought will get you thinking about how you make decisions.

The activity is called “No Thinking Is Required, Only Action”. Participants are given a set of matchsticks and some instructions to complete the activity.

They can ask for help if they need it.

Insight number 1 – most won’t ask for help.

Insight number 2 – if they do ask for help, they get feedback. If they choose a correct match they hear someone clapping. If they choose an incorrect match, they hear nothing.

No thinking is required, only action.

Often participants sit and look at the puzzle trying to work it out. This just wastes their time.

Similarly, many people, mostly the Advisor and Counsellor type personalities have to think about things before making a decision.

The activity demonstrates that making a decision (i.e. choosing a match) allows for feedback. Feedback helps make the correct choice more quickly.

What’s your decision making strategy?

Are you a thinker or a doer?

Remember Aristotle’s advice, “The thing we think we need to know how to do before doing, we learn by doing.”

Just to reinforce the message, I remember working for Kip McGrath and in a relatively short time, he told me how much he enjoyed working with me because “I could make a decision”.

I didn’t quite understand. “What do you mean”, I asked.

“Shirley, it’s not bad decisions that send companies under”, he replied. “It’s not being able to make a decision that sends them under. You can make a decision. I like that and if it’s not the “right” decision, we just make another one”, he answered.

No thinking is required, only action. Take action towards the thing you want and look for the feedback. If it’s not going in the direction you want. Make another decision. Take action.

Life is full of feedback. Your mission this week is to be open to it.

No thinking is required, only action.

 

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May 2023 in Newcastle, NSW, Australia. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 7 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset, Uncategorized

WT 667 Be assertive, ask for what you want

The past few weeks I’ve been working with my editor, Kellie O’Brien, to write my second and third books on Knowing Yourself, Knowing Others and Developing Communication Skills to help you become a better leader.

I was explaining some of the activities in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience to Kellie as we considered what to include and not include.

“It’s like buying a record and wanting to go see the artist in concert”, I explained.

I read Jack Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles – How to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You Want To Be” and couldn’t wait to sign up to attend his “Breakthrough to Success” event the following year because I wanted to experience the activities for myself, rather than read about them.

So this week I thought I would share one activity because it’s so relevant to ALL of us.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want.

I first experienced this myself when I was training to become a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor.

“Divide yourselves into pairs”, instructed the facilitator.

“Decide that the other person has something you want. It could be a watch, pendant, hat, blouse, phone, sunglasses. It doesn’t matter. Simply decide on something you want from them.”

“I’ll give you 5 minutes to see if you can get it from them, WITHOUT PHYSICALLY TAKING IT.”

Five minutes elapsed.

“Who managed to get what they wanted?” asked the facilitator.

A few hands went up, most didn’t.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Who simply asked for what they wanted?” she continued.

Ouch. I didn’t manage to get what I wanted but even more distressing for me at the time was the realisation about the way I went about attempting to get it. 

I praised. I manipulated. I bullied. I threatened. I offered to trade. In fact, I did everything except simply ask for what I want.

This is a very simple, yet powerful exercise.

The majority of us feel uncomfortable asking for what we want and we resort to manipulative and other tactics.

These days I am much more assertive and I’ve learned to ask for what I want.

Another concept I learned from Lisa Sasevich is, “Leaders go first”.

Let me go first.

I’d like to have more people in my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. The early bird discount finishes on Monday, saving participants $1,000.

I’d like to be able to help more people. We have a few places left in this intimate group setting. Here’s my ask:

I’m very grateful if you could please let your network know about the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience by sharing the link in the P.S. If someone you share it with enrols for the May experience, starting 10th May, I will extend the Early Bird Discount for them until the 17th April.

Thank you so much for considering my ask.

Now your turn, be assertive – choose something you want and go ask for it.

You’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting it and if you don’t ask, you’ve got 100% chance of not getting it.

You don’t need to manipulate, bully, threaten or sweet talk. Simply be assertive and ask for what you want.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s Not On The Run Sheet (WT662)

It’s Not On The Run Sheet (WT662)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 3 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 662 It's not on the run sheet

Last week I was challenged to walk my talk.

It was the last 90 minutes for the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience.

We celebrate with a graduation party.

I ordered some beverages and a cheese platter and asked them to be served in the room because last time they were left outside the room and someone out of our group helped themselves to a couple of beers.

I poked my head out of the room at the agreed time to see the events person walking away.

“Excuse me”, I called.

He came back.

“I asked for this to be served in the room on a trolley please.”

“I can’t give you my trolley”, he said.

“Well would you mind bringing them into the room please?” I explained why.

He moved the food and drinks into the room.

I noticed the order was short.

“I ordered twelve beers. Could I have another 6 please?” I asked.

“It’s not on the run sheet”, he said.

“I ordered 12 beers, could I have another 6 please?” I repeated myself.

“It’s not on the run sheet”, he said again. “I’m not authorised to change that.”

“Excuse me”, I was shocked.

“I’m not authorised to change it. I can’t do anything about it”, he said.

“What is the name of your manager please?”

“Hannah.”

“May I speak with Hannah please?”

He walked off.

I was angry and embarrassed. I had specifically requested the trolley, the catering to be served inside the room and the number of drinks. I wanted everything to be perfect for our graduation AND the class was watching.

What was Shirley going to do?

How was Shirley going to handle this?

He came back alone. He placed 6 more beers on the table. He said nothing.

I thanked him.

He walked out.

In that moment I decided that that was the final straw and I shall not be using that venue for a while.

It was such a short interlude and yet there were so many lessons in this.

Shirley walking her talk in front of the participants.

The organisation training their team members on how to be hospitable.

He could have just as easily said, “I’m sorry. Let me go check and see for you”, rather than telling me  “It’s not on the run sheet”.

Now to you.

What would you have done?

How would you have handled it?

And, if it was your staff, how much training would you have provided for them?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Claim the date. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts Thursday 30th March 9:30am Sydney time for 9 weeks. Hands on training, creating and streamlining systems and processes for your team and organisation.

Pin It on Pinterest