It’s Not Happening To You (WT628)

It’s Not Happening To You (WT628)

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WT 628 It's not happening to you

It’s 4:12am in the morning.

I got up especially early to attend an online training.

There was no email with the login details.

I checked last night and I double checked this morning.

That’s odd. They always send an email reminder.

I logged in to the training portal to get the link.

The training date is tomorrow.

Damn! I got up early just for this and it’s not on until tomorrow; that means I have to get up early again tomorrow.

Did they change the date?

I was sure I had it right.

I almost let myself go into the Primal state of psychological suffering.

I almost started to blame.

I almost started to get angry.

And I remembered, “Life is always working for us”, (even though at times it may not be to our preference).

Life happens for us, not to us.

So I changed my mindset.

How is this working for me?

It gave me the time to watch the training that I missed last week (because I slept in and forgot about it) and get caught up before tomorrow’s scheduled training.

It also gave me the topic for this week’s thought and it gave me the opportunity to remind you that Life is always working for us. Life happens for us, not to us.

We can change our mindset in a nanosecond. We can stop the suffering.

It’s a decision you make as to how you deal with the things that happen in your life.

Choose to see that it’s not happening to you. Life is happening for you.

P.S.  Click on the link to purchase your copy of The Loyal Lieutenant book and get access to many templates and checklists. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

You Can Convince Yourself (WT627)

You Can Convince Yourself (WT627)

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WT 627 You can convince yourself

This week we exchanged contracts on a house.

We’d been looking for a while and were initially looking for something to renovate as well as develop in a few years.

We hadn’t found anything that met our initial criteria, so we decided to change the criteria.

Within a few weeks, we found a number of properties which met the new criteria.

One property was a fully renovated property although the rooms were small.

Another property had an extra bedroom and bathroom and a better outlook, however it needed a complete renovation.

We were serious about purchasing the first property which was going to auction. Whilst the rooms were small we convinced ourselves it suited us. After all it was fully renovated and there was nothing to do but move in.

When we found the second property, we started to convince ourselves that the first property wasn’t suitable. “The rooms are small. The renovations cover up a lot things and we don’t know what’s under the renovations. The building inspection said there was rising damp in the rooms downstairs and on and on we went.”

Similarly with the second property, we convinced ourselves in favour of the renovations. “We can do what we want with the property. We have a clean slate to work with. The outlook is amazing, we can see the water. It’s on the high side of the street which is what we want.”

Or we could convince ourselves not to buy it. “The driveway is really steep. There’s a lot of work to do and it’s going to cost a lot of money. Trades are hard to get and building prices have gone up so much.”

Here’s my point – You can convince yourself of anything.  We look for the evidence to support what we are thinking.

Michael Singer describes this beautifully in his book, “The Untethered Soul”. He demonstrates how we argue with ourselves (not others) and we convince ourselves for and against decisions we need to make, judgements about people, you name it. We convince ourselves.

Here’s your activity for this week. Take notice of how often you argue with yourself. Take notice of the debates you have when making a decision or passing judgement on a colleague, customer or family member.

In reality nothing external is changing. It’s all in our heads. We waste precious time and energy arguing with ourselves and convincing ourselves only to change our minds again and again.

Let me know what you find. See if you can convince me too.

P.S.  Click on the link to purchase your copy of The Loyal Lieutenant book and a special bonus to access many templates and checklists. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Tell Me What You Don’t Want (WT626)

Tell Me What You Don’t Want (WT626)

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WT 626 Tell me what you don't want

If I asked you what you want, could you tell me?

Could you tell me in great detail or would you be vague?

Would you say something like, “I don’t really know”?

Or would you start to tell me what you don’t want?

This is very common. Most people cannot say exactly what they want however most can say what they don’t want. It makes it hard for people to give you want you want or help you get what you want, if:

  1. You don’t really know, or
  2. You can’t articulate it clearly.

So here’s a little exercise you can do, for yourself and/or with others:

  1. Take out a piece of paper or ipad or something to write on.
  2. Have a pen or texta or electronic writing thingame…
  3. Turn your page to landscape.
  4. Draw 3 columns.
  5. In the first column heading write the words “Don’t Want”.
  6. In the second/middle column, write the words “Why not?”
  7. Go to the first column.
  8. List all the things you don’t want, e.g. I don’t want to start work at 6:30am.
  9. Go to the second column.
  10. List the reasons “why not”, e.g. I want to do yoga, meditation, tapping, journaling etc. before I go to work.
  11. Now for the third column heading, write the words “Do Want”.
  12. Look at your list in column 2 and use that to help you get clear about what you do want, e.g. I want to start work at 10:30am so I can get up each morning and do my yoga, meditation, tapping and journaling.

Using the above example, without this exercise, you may have had difficulty saying you want to start work at 10:30am because:

  1. You might feel judged by others for saying so
  2. You might know you want to start at that time and yet not have been clear on exactly why
  3. You just may not have known that the later starting time was important to you, until you discovered the reasons for what you don’t want.

Give it a go.

Tell me what you don’t want and see if that helps you discover what you do want.

Remember, that’s my mission in life – to inspire, educate and support you to be, do, have and feel what you want.

P.S.  Early Bird Discount, (saving up to $1500) for our August Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience ends on 30th June. More info here:https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Shirl Wants One (WT525)

Shirl Wants One (WT525)

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WT 625 Shirl wants one

Firstly, congratulations to our lucky winners from last week, where we celebrated 12 years of thoughts and welcome to our new subscribers.

Last week I attended the Lake Macquarie Women in Business Network and gave a presentation on How Your Personality Affects How Well You Lead.

It was a lot of fun with a great group of ladies.

We went through the REACH profiles and had a giggle at some of the differences.

This week’s thought continues the theme, however I didn’t find the example I’m about to share, as funny.

Here’s what happened:

Ross has a mate whose mum has dementia and yet she is still able to sew. She makes beautiful little zippered bags for your cosmetics or coins etc. and some lovely bags to hold your pegs, which clip onto your clothesline.

Ross’ mate was visiting his mum on the long weekend.

I asked Ross if he could call his mate and ask if his mum had any more peg bags.

I overheard Ross leaving a message for his mate.

“Has your mum got any more peg bags? Shirl wants one.”

Cringe!

“Wow! That is such a Driver comment”, I said to Ross.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Straight to the point. No niceties, no rapport, no manners”, I replied.

“What’s wrong with that?” he said. “You do want one.”

“Yes. I do want one, however that’s not the way I would have asked.”

“So what would you have said”, he challenged.

“I would have shown appreciation for him and his mum. For example, hey Shane, Shirl really loves those peg bags that your mum makes. She was wondering if she has some, could you please bring one back for her.”

“There’s no need for all that”, says Ross. “You want one. I asked.”

Oh dear!  That’s an example of the difference between a Driver personality and a Coach personality.

At the end of the day, I suppose neither is right or wrong. We are just different. The important thing is to use the right “language” for the right personality.

How would you have asked? What would you have said?

P.S.  Early Bird Discount, (saving up to $1500) for our August Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience ends on 30th June. More info here:https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Just Want A Cuddle (WT624)

I Just Want A Cuddle (WT624)

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WT 624 I just want a cuddle

This past week or so has been tough.

I woke up with a sore throat. Ross teased me and said it was because I snored all night.

Very funny!

The next day I had to cancel a lunch. I rang my friend and as soon as I spoke she started to laugh.

“Cancelling lunch today Shirl?”

I thought I had what people were calling the “Superflu”, so I went to get a PCR test to confirm.

I was totally shocked when the results came back to say I tested positive for Covid-19.

Oh boy! Seven days in isolation. Now that was going to be tricky.

We don’t have a spare bed and I wasn’t going to sleep on the lounge. I social distanced myself from Ross and wore a mask, even to bed.

The hardest thing for me was not having my daily morning kitchen cuddle. I also missed holding hands whilst watching TV and generally having a touch here and there.

“I just want a cuddle”, I cried.

It was horrible. No touch for 7 days.

Author and family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth”.

After 7 long days without any touch, not even a handshake from a colleague (obviously in isolation), all I wanted was a cuddle.

How about you?  Even if “Touch” isn’t your love language. I’m guessing that you too don’t mind a hug when needed.

Oh and by the way, this week we celebrate 12 years of Weekly Thoughts and still haven’t missed one week.  If I wasn’t so sick I’d be doing cartwheels over this.

This year we’re giving away a copy of my book The Loyal Lieutenant as well as a REACH personality profile to 12 lucky subscribers. (You have to be subscribed to receive the thoughts via email to be eligible to go in the draw.)

P.S.  Early Bird Discount, (saving up to $1500) for our August Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience ends on 30th June. More info here:https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.S.  Buy the Book – The Loyal Lieutenant – How The Second-in-Command Brings The CEO’s Vision To Life. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

For What Purpose? (WT623)

For What Purpose? (WT623)

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WT 623 For what purpose

As always, I love to hear your feedback and especially to know that you are sharing the thoughts with your friends, family and colleagues.

Last week I received a number of responses regarding saying “No”. Thanks everyone for your replies.

There is one response in particular that I want to share with you.

It comes from a long time reader and supporter, John Lizzio. Thank you John.

John shared that his colleague Catherine Cooper Norwood (RIP) used to say the three most important words in any language are “For what Purpose”.

A question to be asked constantly and then followed by a resounding “Yes” or a respectful and polite “No, thank you”.

I love this.

It’s a great question to ask, especially when you feel like you may have been ambushed into saying “Yes” when you really want to say “No”.

Another little gem I picked up along the way comes from the late Geoff Kirkwood. Geoff used to say, “Questions are the Answer”.

It took me a while to wrap my head around this until he demonstrated it beautifully one time.

We were having a meeting at a venue on the Central Coast and one of the hospitality staff came in and asked us to relocate to another room.

Geoff didn’t want to move rooms. He responded with, “Are you asking us to pack up and move into another room, when we’ve booked this one and already set up?”

Classic!

With that, the staff member reconsidered the request and we got to stay in the room.

In our leadership experience we explore the reasons why we say “Yes” when we really want to say “No”. Feeling ambushed is one of them.

I also highly recommend you read or listen to the book, “Never Split the Difference” by Christopher Voss and Tahl Raz. They share many strategies and scripts, of which repeating a statement that sounds like a question is one. For example, using the room relocation request above, we could also respond with “So you want us to pack up and move to another room?”  It’s what I call a Statement/Question.  Aussies are so good at these.  So good, that we often confuse people from other countries when we make a statement but end in a high pitch which turns it into a question.

Your challenge this week is to practise the above tips and techniques. You do want your time back, don’t you?

P.S.  Early Bird Discount, (saving up to $1500) for our August Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience ends on 30th June, 2022. More info here:https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.S.  Buy the Book – The Loyal Lieutenant – How The Second-in-Command Brings The CEO’s Vision To Life. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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