For What Purpose? (WT623)

For What Purpose? (WT623)

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by Shirley Dalton | 3 Jun, 2022 | Blog, Leadership

WT 623 For what purpose

As always, I love to hear your feedback and especially to know that you are sharing the thoughts with your friends, family and colleagues.

Last week I received a number of responses regarding saying “No”. Thanks everyone for your replies.

There is one response in particular that I want to share with you.

It comes from a long time reader and supporter, John Lizzio. Thank you John.

John shared that his colleague Catherine Cooper Norwood (RIP) used to say the three most important words in any language are “For what Purpose”.

A question to be asked constantly and then followed by a resounding “Yes” or a respectful and polite “No, thank you”.

I love this.

It’s a great question to ask, especially when you feel like you may have been ambushed into saying “Yes” when you really want to say “No”.

Another little gem I picked up along the way comes from the late Geoff Kirkwood. Geoff used to say, “Questions are the Answer”.

It took me a while to wrap my head around this until he demonstrated it beautifully one time.

We were having a meeting at a venue on the Central Coast and one of the hospitality staff came in and asked us to relocate to another room.

Geoff didn’t want to move rooms. He responded with, “Are you asking us to pack up and move into another room, when we’ve booked this one and already set up?”

Classic!

With that, the staff member reconsidered the request and we got to stay in the room.

In our leadership experience we explore the reasons why we say “Yes” when we really want to say “No”. Feeling ambushed is one of them.

I also highly recommend you read or listen to the book, “Never Split the Difference” by Christopher Voss and Tahl Raz. They share many strategies and scripts, of which repeating a statement that sounds like a question is one. For example, using the room relocation request above, we could also respond with “So you want us to pack up and move to another room?”  It’s what I call a Statement/Question.  Aussies are so good at these.  So good, that we often confuse people from other countries when we make a statement but end in a high pitch which turns it into a question.

Your challenge this week is to practise the above tips and techniques. You do want your time back, don’t you?

P.S.  Early Bird Discount, (saving up to $1500) for our August Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience ends on 30th June, 2022. More info here:https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.S.  Buy the Book – The Loyal Lieutenant – How The Second-in-Command Brings The CEO’s Vision To Life. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Say “No” – Get Your Time Back (WT622)

Say “No” – Get Your Time Back (WT622)

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by Shirley Dalton | 27 May, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 622 Say no, get your time back

This concept comes up time and time again. Pardon the pun.

It’s so important to be able to say “No” to things that don’t serve you or move you towards your goals and outcomes.

Here’s an example. I have to say, I’m feeling very proud of myself right at this minute because I said “No” and I now have extra time to write to you as well as a topic to discuss with you.

Since launching my book, The Loyal Lieutenant, Kellie O’Brien, my marketing lady, has been looking for opportunities for me to be a guest on podcasts etc.

She’s put an enormous amount of effort into finding the right hosts and audiences.

This morning I had a zoom meeting with a potential host.

The host mentioned to me that she was intrigued about my story, not of being the Second-in-Command, rather what tools and tips and strategies her audience might be able to use to ensure success.

I shared a little of my own story of being employed in the franchise organisation without anyone to help me figure out the job.

When I finished, she said it was a good story, however she wanted to be able to provide real value – more meat for her audience. Essentially, she was after the How and tips to help her audience think about what they need and what internal and external resources are available to them.

It was at this point that I realised that I was not a good fit for her show or audience.

The answer for me and my message is more about mindset. It’s about dealing with the situation and having the confidence to move forward and figure it out. It’s about understanding the value you bring as someone who can solve problems.  I might be wrong, however that’s the message for me.

I’d love to know your thoughts.

Anyway, I called it. I thanked her for the opportunity. I acknowledged that as a former radio and TV show host myself, that I understood she has her audience and how she wants to help them and the fact that I struggled to answer the question the way she wanted, I didn’t think I was a good match.

With that, we politely ended the conversation.

I got an extra 40 minutes back. I felt so relieved to be able to say “No”.

This is my message to you today.  Look at your To Do List.  Are the things on your To Do List, things you want to do? Are they things that are the best use of your time, energy, skills and expertise?  If not, say “No”. It’s okay to decline. It’s okay to delegate.

Say “No” and get your time back for the things that add the most value to you, your family, your business, your clients, your colleagues and your life.

P.S.  Buy the Book – The Loyal Lieutenant – How The Second-in-Command Brings The CEO’s Vision To Life. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Because John Said (WT621)

Because John Said (WT621)

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by Shirley Dalton | 20 May, 2022 | Blog, Leadership

WT 621 Because John said

Twenty years ago, I shouted myself a gold signet ring with the initials R&S etched onto the face of the ring.

Overall, I was happy enough with the ring, however one thing bothered me and that was the shape.

In my mind, I had visualised the ring to be more elongated. To me, it was a bit “fat”.

Each time I would look at the ring, I would feel a bit of an “uggh”.

This week I was talking with John who owns a very successful jewellery store and I showed him my signet ring.

He asked to look at it more closely, so I took it off and gave it to him.

“When I look at the ring Shirl, it looks like a perfect signet ring to me”, he said.

“It’s got such a great energy to it and it’s exactly what a signet ring is supposed to be”, he continued.

With that advice, I immediately let go of my 20 years of disappointment.

Because John said it was right, that made it right. I could relax.

Afterwards I thought about my reaction.

How come one or two simple sentences can erase 20 years worth of angst?

It was because I trusted what John said.

He’s an expert and I know he knows what he’s talking about.

If he said it was okay, then it was okay.

Who’s your John?

Who are you a John for?

Make a list of all the people in your circle whom you trust for the right advice.

Analyse your list to see the particular areas of expertise for each one.

And if you don’t have a circle of trusted advisors, then that’s your homework for this week.

Make a list of potential advisors you’d like to have and then set about making it happen.

We all need a John. Why? Because they make us feel better and help guide us along the way.

Thank you John.                                        

P.S. The Loyal Lieutenant – How The Second-in-Command Brings The CEO’s Vision To Life. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Overwhelm is a State of Mind (WT620)

Overwhelm is a State of Mind (WT620)

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by Shirley Dalton | 13 May, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 620 Overwhelm is a state of mind

This week I’ve been hearing myself and many others describe their feelings of overwhelm.

“I can’t get it all done.”

“There’s not enough time.”

“There’s too much to do.”

And my favourite, “I’ve got a To Do List as long as a toilet roll”.

It’s time to reveal the truth about overwhelm. Overwhelm is a state of mind.

It describes how we are allowing ourselves to feel.

Thanks to David Bayer, I discovered the unintelligent thinking around overwhelm.

When we’re feeling overwhelmed, we are in what Bayer calls, the “Primal State” where we experience stress, anxiety, indecision and procrastination.

Think about it. When was the last time you felt overwhelmed and in that state, how productive or creative were you?

So how do we get out of overwhelm?

Firstly, by recognising that it is a state of mind and that we can easily change our state.

The number of tasks on your list and the available time isn’t going to change until you change your state of mind.

My best mantra when I find myself in this state is to quote Bayer, “What’s really true is that which didn’t get done yesterday, didn’t need to get done and how do I know that, because it didn’t get done.”

If you take notice, you’ll find the things you need to get done, do get done. In my experience, I somehow find the time or reprioritise if it absolutely has to be done. I expect you are the same.

So let’s drop this word from our vocabulary.

Let’s take charge of our state of mind.

Let’s reconnect with that state of being where we are creative problem solvers and open to allowing the universe to correspond with us.

Take action on the things that must be done.

Choose to live in ease and flow. Relax. You’ll be far more productive. You don’t have to get it all done today. You can still succeed.

Overwhelm is a state of mind.

Trust that if you stay committed to action, while living in what Bayer calls the “Powerful State” (of rest, relaxation and ease), everything you desire will come to you in due time.

Let go of overwhelm. It’s just a state of mind.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s Just Data (WT619)

It’s Just Data (WT619)

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by Shirley Dalton | 6 May, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 619 It's just data

When things happen, do you get emotional?

I do!

Although these days I can usually calm myself down fairly quickly and coach myself out of a full blown tizzy or an unthoughtful reaction.

I thought it might be a useful discussion this week.

When I worked for Kip McGrath Education Centres I really appreciated working with Storm McGrath because he had the ability to be detached.

If something happened (and keep in mind, this was 20 odd years ago), and I got emotional, I knew my logic went out the window.  You may know the saying, “When emotion is high, intelligence is low”.

Well fortunately for me, Storm was always logical and calm. I would go to him for counsel and he would listen, process the information and then share a logical considered response with me which I was able to action. In what we call the Primal state, I would never have been able to come up with the solution.

This week, one of my colleagues, Mark Kentwell, used a phrase which explained how Storm had been able to process my reaction all those years ago.

According to Mark, “It’s just data”.

When we receive feedback, it’s just data. It’s only information.

There is no need to get plugged into the information. That’s all it is.

As David Bayer says, “There is no suffering in the experience. It’s just an experience. The suffering comes from the meaning we give it.”

So, if you’ve found yourself suffering recently; becoming emotional when you needn’t be or losing it when you really need to keep it together, keep in mind Mark’s mantra, “It’s just data”.

Give it a go.

See if it makes a difference and helps you to get out of the Primal and into the Powerful state more quickly.

And if you’ve received some feedback that has caused you to react, remember, it’s just data. It’s only information. You can decide how you deal with it.

P.S. Are you in Newcastle, NSW?  Are you interested to learn How Your Personality Affects How Well You Lead? If so, please join me on Wed 8th June 11:30am for lunch. I’ll be presenting an interactive session at The Lake Macquarie Business Women’s Network. I’d love you to join me.
https://businessgrowthcentre.org.au/networking-and-events/

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

The Happiest People (WT618)

The Happiest People (WT618)

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by Shirley Dalton | 29 Apr, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 618 The Happiest People

You’ve probably heard of Anh Do. He’s a TV presenter, comedian and author.

He wrote a book called “The Happiest Refugee” based on his experience as a Vietnamese refugee.

From what I have seen of him, he is a great role model for someone who is grateful.

His book title was the inspiration for this week’s thought – The Happiest People.

In my experience, the happiest people are those that are grateful.

They are the ones who gush praise and thanks when someone does something for them.

They are the ones who see the job completed and are so happy that it has been done. They are not the ones who see the bits that were missed or the mistakes that were made.

This is relevant both at home and at work.

When I was a young girl and living at home with mum and dad, I would often offer to hang the clothes on the line for mum.

Instead of being grateful and appreciative of the help, mum would stand on the back verandah and correct my technique – same with the ironing.

The end result – she was never happy with what I did and I wasn’t encouraged to want to help.

The happiest people are those that are thankful for the work or the effort and they express their gratitude, which encourages us to want to do more.

So, which category are you? 

Are you grateful for the help and the work that your team or colleagues do? Do you thank them and praise them or do you often find fault with what they do and let them know how they could have done it better or different?

Next time you might be tempted to become a forensic investigator, put away the magnifying glass and look at the big picture.

The happiest people are those that are grateful.

P.S. The Loyal Lieutenant – How The Second-in-Command Brings The CEO’s Vision To Life. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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