Two Types of Trust (WT519)

Two Types of Trust (WT519)


WT519 Two Types of Trust

This week, I was talking with a colleague and he asked me a rather unusual and interesting question.

“Shirley, do your clients have to trust you before they engage you?”

I didn’t have an answer for that straight away, so I “percolated” on it for a day or two and then shared the following with my colleague:

There are two types of trust that are needed: 

  1. Clients have to be able to trust that you can help them achieve the outcomes they want. This means they have to trust that you have the experience and training, etc. plus previous examples of how you have helped other clients, and 
  1. They have to be able to trust you with their secrets and their situation. They need to feel safe and not judged as they share their vulnerability and what’s really going on for them. I think this is the most important aspect of trust.

It’s not easy for many people, especially in business, to put their hand up and ask for help. This takes courage and so they want to feel safe and secure with the person they are opening up to.

I’m sure there are many more types of trust. What do you think?

What does trust mean to you?

It’s an interesting question, don’t you think?

P.S. Be sure to check out next week’s thought – number 520. We’re celebrating 10 years of thoughts!

Look at Me Look at Me (WT518)

Look at Me Look at Me (WT518)


WT518 Look at Me Look at Me

Most days Ross and I enjoy a walk together, usually in the morning or middle of the day. Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and although the temperature was only 13 degrees Celsius, we felt warm with the heat of the sun. 

We came upon a bridge over the Lachlan River in New Norfolk, Tasmania. The bridge was just wide enough for two people to walk side by side. As we neared the bridge we saw a young man walking towards us. He was a large man. In fact, he took up most of the width of the bridge, leaving no room to pass. 

We waited politely for him to cross. Both Ross and I looked up and smiled at him. He stared at the sky to avoid eye contact as he walked past us.  

I find this sort of behavior both intriguing and annoying. I say annoying because I was brought up to “Be Sociable”; to always acknowledge people and smile and say “Hello”. For someone to walk past me without acknowledging me goes against my value set. I also find it intriguing for the same reason. Obviously, people have a different set of values and of course, they are entitled to do whatever they want. There is no law that says you must look at me and smile when you walk past me. 

So why am I sharing this story with you? It’s an opportunity to talk about Values and Values Collisions. A Values Collision occurs when we perceive someone’s behavior as unacceptable to us, yet there is no tangible concrete effect on us as a result of the behavior. Here’s another example: Let’s say you smoke cigarettes and I don’t. It’s your right to choose to smoke. I can’t force you to stop simply because I don’t like it and unless we are near each other, there is no tangible concrete effect on me. 

The next logical question then, is “How do you resolve a Values Collision”? 

Using the above smoking example, I’ll show you a couple of options: 

  1. I can change my value to be the same as yours. I might start smoking. 
  1. I can ask you to not smoke around me, whilst still respecting your decision to smoke. We call that “influencing the other’s behavior”. 
  1. I can attempt to influence your value by “modelling” the values I’d like you to adopt (ie not smoking) or “consulting” to you. I can provide you with information to see if that might influence you to change your value. 
  1. Finally, if we are not able to satisfactorily resolve our values differences, then we might need to alter the relationship. 

Values Collisions occur all the time. They are part of life. They occur in the family, in the workplace, almost anywhere you have people. We are not wrong because we have a different set of values.  

Following on from today’s message, what Values are important to you and how will you choose to resolve any Values Collisions?

Keeping Yourself Accountable (WT517)

Keeping Yourself Accountable (WT517)


WT517 Keeping Yourself Accountable

This week, we started our first virtual LIVE online Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. I was so thrilled and delighted that the group passed their very first homework assignment.

“Big Deal”, you might be thinking.

Yes it is a big deal. It’s a very big deal. In over 10 years of facilitating this experience, there have only been about 3 or 4 groups that have actually passed some of the homework and only one group that passed ALL of the homework activities.

By doing the homework, participants learn what it means to be both a member of a team and to lead a team. One of the key lessons is Accountability.

What I’ve found is that there are very few people who can hold themselves accountable to finish tasks or projects, or at times even start projects. 

It seems we need to check in with someone else BUT not just anyone.

Ross and I find it very difficult to keep each other accountable. We may decide we want to do something or stop doing something and then when we falter, we let each other off the hook. We are not holding each other accountable. 

This is the reason why people join gym groups or have personal trainers. It’s what they need to make sure they show up and do the work. 

It’s what your team members require from you, the Leader. They want to know you have their back and will keep them accountable to complete their tasks or work according to the procedures.

Even your kids want to know you are watching and will hold them accountable.

Having to share your progress with another person is the best way I know to help you get something done.

Who is your accountability buddy?

Who can you ask if you don’t currently have someone?

What is it you want to achieve or complete?

How can your accountability buddy help you?

What’s Your Pillow Talk? (WT516)

What’s Your Pillow Talk? (WT516)


WT516 What’s Your Pillow Talk?

The past few weeks, I’ve been focussing on my business and digging deeper into who it is I serve and how I can help, and of course, that means digging into the language I use to help my ideal customers identify themselves. 

I was first introduced to the concept of Pillow Talk by Lisa Sasevich.

Pillow talk is different to marketing speak from marketers and copywriters. 

Pillow Talk is the language your customers speak.

It’s what they say to each other when they are laying in bed talking to each other.

For example, “Honey, I don’t know how we’re going to pay the mortgage this month. I don’t know where the money’s coming from for the school fees. I’m really worried.” 

Compare this to marketing speak, “Would you like to save x% on your mortgage?” “Are you paying too much for your mortgage?” 

Pillow talk speaks to your customer using their language.

It shows them that you know them; that you get them; that you know the conversations they are having with others and in their head. 

It also speaks to their limiting beliefs. 

When you study copy, you can easily pick the ones that resonate with the customers.

Ryan Levesque, creator of The Ask Method, is a huge AFOL – Adult Fan of Lego. Ryan’s genius is in asking your customers what they think, feel and want. Why? Because that’s where we learn our customer’s language. As an AFOL, Ryan gives the example of people who are Lego fans know that it’s spelt and pronounced LEGO, not LEGOS. According to Ryan, anyone who uses the term LEGOS is not really a dedicated LEGO customer because they would never use that term. It’s fascinating to see the difference. In fact, I recently read an article entitled, “Give Away Your Legos”. The article was about business growth, delegation and leadership. I instantly knew the author was not an AFOL. 

Back to you, do you know what your customers are saying when they’re laying awake in bed at night, stressed out and worried about things?

If not, that’s your homework. Go find out.

It’s on my To Do list for the next few weeks, so thank you in advance if I contact you and ask you.

Feedback – Giving and Receiving (WT515)

Feedback – Giving and Receiving (WT515)


WT515 Feedback – Giving and Receiving

Firstly, a warm welcome to our new Weekly Thoughts readers. I’m so thrilled to write to you each week. I trust you’ll find the messages helpful, inspiring and educative. We’ve been going almost 10 years and I’m so grateful for all our readers. Thanks for showing up. 

This week, we’re talking about being open to both giving and receiving feedback.

I was coaching with a client this week, and we’d almost finished the call when he mentioned one last topic. I was looking at the time and knew that if mentioned the thoughts I had, we would definitely go over time and I also had a presentation to prepare for straight after the call.

I was also concerned about how he might take the feedback. I had some thoughts and opinions and some questions around the topic and I wondered to myself, “Well, do I say anything? We have to finish the call? Do I not say anything? Will I upset him with my feedback? If I say anything, will it be perceived as being negative?  

I chose not to say anything on the call.

I thought about it for a couple of hours and decided, if I don’t say anything, I’m doing this person a disservice. So I called them. I checked to see if he was open to the feedback. He was. I shared my thoughts and questions and was relieved to hear how much he appreciated the feedback.

He appreciated the fact that I had continued to think about him and his situation. He appreciated that I cared enough to call back and share my thoughts. He appreciated being able to see things from a different point of view.

It turned out to be a Win Win.

This week’s reminder is to be open to both giving and receiving feedback.

Is there someone who needs to hear your feedback? If so, go ahead. Check to see if they are open to it, and if so, share away.

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