Dance With Their Energy (WT634)

Dance With Their Energy (WT634)

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by Shirley Dalton | 19 Aug, 2022 | Blog, Leadership

WT 634 Dance with their energy

In today’s Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience I ended up doing an impromptu Aikido demonstration with one of the participants.

Aikido is a martial art and one of its principles is to dance with the energy of your opponent.

How is this relevant to leadership?

As I explained in the session, when we are confronted by an angry team member or customer, often our first reaction is to push back and resist. This doesn’t help to resolve the situation. Rather it either keeps us stuck resisting each other or inflames the situation.

With the principle of Aikido, you actually welcome the energy of your opponent and you dance with it. This means you take their force and you control it.

The same thing is possible when confronted by an angry or passionate person. Figuratively speaking, you want to welcome the energy and dance with it.

You do this by using your Active Listening skills.

Rather than defending or justifying yourself, or worse, arguing and resisting, if you listen to what the other is saying, and I mean Active Listen them, as in demonstrate you heard and understood, you actually reduce the energy they are thrusting at you.

When you have embraced their energy and what they are saying, you are in a much better position to be able to assert yourself and be heard.

For example, say a customer is screaming at you because their favourite cereal is not available. Rather than defending yourself or the company, manufacturer or courier company, active listen to what they are saying and if they demand that you take a certain course of action, simply respond with “Yes, we can do that AND ………”. The “AND” enables you to offer an alternative solution without causing them to increase their intensity and conviction.

You don’t need to argue. You can simply active listen, agree that what they are suggesting is something that “could be done” and then when you have helped them to calm down and be more responsive to your suggestions, you can assert yourself and work towards collaborating to find a mutually agreeable solution.

I encourage you to test it out.

Dance with their energy rather than fight with or resist it.

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Time Log Insights (WT633)

Time Log Insights (WT633)

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by Shirley Dalton | 12 Aug, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 633 Time Log Insights

Last week I mentioned I was completing a 14 day Time Log and this week I would share my insights.

Here’s what I discovered:

As I was printing and preparing for this week’s Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience I could hear my colleagues saying “Shirl, that’s a job someone else could do” and I agree, it is a job someone else could do. In the process of thinking about delegating or paying OfficeWorks to do the printing, I became aware of 3 obstacles/challenges/limiting beliefs:

1. I would need to be more organised to hand over the tasks

2. I don’t give clear instructions because I generally have to instruct twice

3. In the past it hasn’t been done to my satisfaction so I have a belief that no-one will get it right.

It was interesting to me to see how much of my procrastination for delegation was actually bound to my limiting beliefs.

As I’ve mentioned before, it’s not strategy that we need to bridge the gap between where we are now and where we want to be, it’s becoming aware of our limiting beliefs and changing them.

It was also interesting to me that I received feedback from my Executive Assistant and one of her colleagues, that I actually give good instructions.   They are very happy with the way I communicate and yet I had decided that I don’t communicate very well.   Moral of the story here for me, seek feedback rather than making an assumption or a decision, especially if it has the effect of limiting your results.

Also, in terms of number 1 above and being more organised, I’ve had to take a serious look at the benefit I get for wearing the badge that I’m a Last Minute Lucy.  Seriously, this kind of behaviour serves no-one, so I’ve decided not to say it anymore and to no longer allow myself the excuse or justification.

How about you?

What limiting beliefs are you carrying that stop you from being more efficient with your time and more productive?

What justifications and excuses are you using to let yourself off the hook?

It’s not that comfortable looking in the mirror and it certainly wasn’t comfortable analysing my time log, however I and my team will be much better for it.

How about you?   What time log insights do you have or imagine you could find?

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Push Push Push Rest Rest Rest (WT632)

Push Push Push Rest Rest Rest (WT632)

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by Shirley Dalton | 5 Aug, 2022 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 632 Push push push Rest rest rest

Wowza, have the past two weeks been confronting for me.

I have been completing a time log for 10 out of 14 days.

The idea is to see where you are spending/investing/wasting your time in order to get more productive.

It’s not meant to be judgemental although I’ve gotten myself in such a tizzy judging my time entries.

I’ve also noticed the difference between the personality types as I’ve listened to some of my colleagues talking about productivity versus self-care.

My “Driver” colleagues go “push push push”. More productivity. More Tasks. Get more done. Pay someone to do a lesser costing job so you can do tasks that add more value.

My “Counsellor” colleagues say “rest rest rest”. Look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. Nurture yourself. You’ll burn out if you don’t.

In my opinion, both have merit.  We do need to “drive” ourselves and push to get things done and we also need to look after ourselves.

It’s been interesting for me to see my reaction when I log time with Ross to sit and talk (which happens to be my Love Language – Quality Time & Conversation) and enjoy dinner with him or sitting together on the lounge of an evening and the feelings of guilt, frustration and fear that surface, in anticipation that someone will analyse my time log and judge me to be wasting time.

Wowza!

I have identified some areas I could improve my productivity however the biggest aha for me has been the realisation that I am still fearful of other’s judgement (so I judge myself first).

How do you think you’d go if you committed to documenting your time from the time you wake to the time you go to sleep at 15 minute intervals for 2 solid weeks?

If you’re keen to do it, you can either record the times and the activities on paper or digital thingy or you can determine the categories and record the category entry in a spreadsheet that has 7 days of columns and 15 minute intervals for rows. 

My time log finishes on the weekend. I’ll let you know what further insights I have next week.  Let me know how you go if you decide to do it.

Where do you sit on the Push Push Push Rest Rest Rest continuum?

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Trust Them To Do The Job (WT631)

Trust Them To Do The Job (WT631)

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by Shirley Dalton | 29 Jul, 2022 | Blog, Leadership

WT 631 Trust them to do the job

In over 40 years of working, I’ve never met anyone who said they like to be micromanaged.

What is micromanaging?

For me, micromanaging is not trusting your people to do the work.

It’s being critical instead of grateful.

Micromanagers blame others when things go wrong and they don’t take responsibility. “Why did you do that, when I told you to do this?”

Micromanagers are also passive aggressive. “If I’m not around, what are you going to do – nothing?”

Micromanagers confuse their people. “Why didn’t you let me check before you sent that out?” “Why don’t you think for yourself?”

Micromanagers cause their people to go into the primal state, causing them to feel anxious and fearful.

When you’re in the primal state, your only thoughts and bodily actions are those of survival.  If we want people to be creative and solve problems, we need to encourage them. We need them in the powerful state.

You have to trust your team to do the job.

That includes making sure you give good instructions and training. Empower your team to step up. Encourage them to succeed. Praise them when they do.

Normally a conscientious employee, I learned to become helpless and to submit inferior work when one of my bosses asked me to draft letters and marketing material on his behalf.  After drafting a couple, which I had poured my heart and soul into getting right, he took out the red pen and made comments all over them.  I learned that I was never going to make him happy. I learned that he would always “improve” what I had done, so I started to care less. I would quickly write something on paper, without giving it too much thought because I knew he would edit it anyway. It didn’t make me feel very good because I am an achiever. With that boss, I never felt like I could achieve.

If you’re a leader, manager, supervisor or colleague. Empower your team. Trust them to do the job. The more you trust them, the more they’ll give you. The more they give you, the more they’ll feel like they are achieving and in the powerful state. They’ll come up with even more solutions and ideas and they’ll love you and be loyal.

Nobody likes a micromanager. Trust your people to do the job.

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Don’t Get Bullied Into It (WT630)

Don’t Get Bullied Into It (WT630)

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by Shirley Dalton | 22 Jul, 2022 | Blog, Customer Service

WT 630 Don't Get Bullied Into It

Bullies don’t just exist in the schoolyard.

Bullies exist in the workplace.

Bullies exist in sales.

Don’t get bullied into it.

Ross called a number of tradespeople this week to get quotes for some work we need to do to the house before we move in.

One “lady” he spoke to was like a piranha.

She had told Ross it would be at least 12 weeks before we could expect to have the kitchen renovated.

“That’s no good to me”, said Ross. “I need it done before we can move in.”

“Well, let’s just book you in for one of our representatives to come and see your place and give you a quote”, she insisted.

Ross relented.

The representative attended the house.

He’d been to the same “bully the customer” school as the lady who booked it in.

“We could do this and we could do that”, said the representative.

“I don’t want that”, said Ross.

“Yes, you do”, said the representative. “Lots of our customers prefer it this way.”

“I don’t want that”, repeated Ross.

The conversation went on like this for 90 minutes.

At the end, Ross asked, “When can we expect to have the kitchen done?”

“We’re booked out until October (12 weeks away)”, replied the representative.

“That’s no good to me”, said Ross. “I told the lady on the phone that, as well, when she booked this in.”

“Well, let’s just make an appointment for you and your wife to come and have a look and go through the quote next week”, ignored the representative.

“Is your wife free on Tuesday afternoon?”

“I don’t know what my wife has on for Tuesday afternoon”, replied Ross.

“Well, how about Wednesday or Thursday”, the representative persisted.

Finally, Ross gave in and booked in a time for BOTH OF US to attend.

When Ross shared this information with me, I was NOT IMPRESSED.

“I’m not waiting until October”, I said to Ross. “And from what you’ve told me, he was a bully. He kept telling you what others had and what you want. I’m not interested in meeting with them.”

“Yes, you’re right. They’ve bullied their way through”, said Ross.

“Ring them up and cancel the appointment”, I directed. “Don’t get bullied into it.”

You don’t have to accept being bullied.

You don’t have to accept being told what you want and don’t want by someone who isn’t listening to you or who has ulterior motives for wanting you to go one way or the other.

It’s okay to stand up for yourself. You don’t have to be aggressive. You can simply say “No”.

You don’t have to get bullied into anything you don’t want to do.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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