We Didn’t Know What We Were Doing (WT612)

We Didn’t Know What We Were Doing (WT612)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Mar, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 612 We didn't know what we were doing

One of the concepts we include in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience is “synergy” where 1+1=5. In other words, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

What this means is that when you have a high performing team you can create magic. You can achieve far more with your team than what you could by adding up individual efforts.

Here’s why this is relevant.

I am so grateful to Kellie O’Brien and Chrystie Hile who jumped on board to create a team with me to get my book published and launched.

I couldn’t have done it without them.

None of us really knew what we were doing. We learned as we went along.

In fact, all of us were quite nervous and anxious before the launch.

Chrystie was anxious that when the book was printed it would look good and the formatting was correct. Chrystie is our graphic designer and taught herself how to typeset and format the book for the printer we had chosen.

Kellie was anxious that the book would actually be printed on time. We hadn’t used the printer before and there had been some mixed reviews about timeframes for delivery, and of course, we were on a very short deadline.

I was anxious about how the book would be received. Had I included enough information? Was it interesting? Was it helpful? What would people say?

Now on the other side, we have systems and processes in place, ready for the next one (on People and Leadership). It will be so much easier and quicker (once I write the first draft).

Kellie will edit. Chrystie will design, format and typeset and Kellie and I will hold hands again, (virtually) as we press the “Go” button to order the first copy.

Looking back now, even though we didn’t know what we were doing, that didn’t stop us.

Some personality profiles need to know “how” before they get started. Others need to have a plan, whilst my personality type is happy to figure it out as we go and the fourth personality type will delegate and tell us all the outcome we’re aiming for.

When you want to achieve something, it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what you’re doing because you learn as you go.  In fact, Aristotle’s words ring true for me, something along the lines of “the things we think we need to know how to do before doing, we learn by doing” or as another mentor of mine, Lisa Sasevich says, “build the plane as you fly it”.

I’m very proud of the book and I am so grateful to the team effort, including Lee Woodward from Realtair for helping to distribute the book and giving us deadline. I’m also grateful to Kip McGrath for the foreword and to Mark Kentwell for his words of praise along with words from a couple of my other fabulous clients.

We didn’t know what we were doing and yet we achieved something far greater than we could have individually.

What is something you want to achieve that you think you have to know how to do before you get started or you think you have to do on your own?

I encourage you, just get started and enlist the help of a team. Please do let me know what it is. Use that as a little bit of accountability for yourself.

When you get to the end, you’ll not only have achieved your goal, you will have learned somethings along the way and also shared the journey with some great team mates.

P.S. If you’re interested to learn my 4 step process for streamlining your business, or you’ve found yourself in the second-in-command position at work, you might find the information in the book helpful. Order your copy here, https://shirleydalton.com/books

P.P.S Dates for our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience have been set for May in Newcastle, NSW.   Tuesday 3rd May, Thursdays 12th, 19th and 26th May.  For more information go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Change Me (WT610)

Change Me (WT610)

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by Shirley Dalton | 4 Mar, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 610 Change me

As we wrap up Day 4 of the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience, one of the main concepts we learn is that of “Change Me – Change You”.

What that means is that rather than asking, demanding or expecting the other person to change, we understand that because we are in a relationship with someone, if we want the other to change, we must change first.

To demonstrate this, I move from one end of the room to the other. Because the participants and I are in a relationship, they shift in their seast to be able to see and hear me. It’s then that I explain that because I have changed, and we’re in a relationship together, so too have they.

If I had remained at the front of the room and instructed them to turn and shift in their seats and look towards the back of the room, they may or may not heed my instructions. And yet, when I change positions, so do they.

If you want to change your relationship or the way another interacts with you, you must first change yourself. Change Me – Change You.

On a similar note, I came across a quote which expands this concept to what’s going on around us.

“You can’t change what’s going on around you, UNTIL you start changing what’s going on within you.” (Source unknown.)

We create our world, whether we are conscious of it or not. When we understand this and take responsibility for what is happening in our world, we can choose to change it.

If you’re experiencing people or situations that are not to your liking or that are challenging, take a deep breath and be open to looking to find your contribution to the situation.

How are you showing up?

What are you thinking?

What is your belief around the situation?

What benefit are you getting from the situation?

All behaviour is motivated by a benefit that we receive, even being a victim has payoffs.

If you want to change what’s going on around you, start changing what’s going on within you.

Change me – change you.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I’m Scared (WT607)

I’m Scared (WT607)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Feb, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 607 I'm Scared

Yesterday we completed the first of 4 workshops in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience.

Some of the participants expressed to me that they were feeling nervous prior to starting the experience.

For me, nervous is also another word for scared.

It’s okay to be scared and nervous or anxious when you do new things or open yourself up to new experiences and growth.

What matters is that you keep going. Often what happens is that we get to the point of almost breaking through and we give up just before the moment when …. because we feel uncomfortable.

It’s helpful to understand the concept of “perturbation”. Perturbation occurs when you feel the pressure to breakthrough. As the pressure is applied, often from a coach or facilitator, the participant starts to resist and gets hot. This heat can come in the form of emotion such as crying, laughing, sweating, trembling, even yawning.

Ross and I learned early on that when I’m learning something new and I haven’t quite gotten it nor become competent, I tend to get angry, hot, short tempered and swear a lot. It’s not a pretty sight.

Once I’ve mastered the skill though, all that emotion goes away.

In my role as the facilitator and coach for the leadership participants, it’s my job to apply the pressure and also fan them at the same time because what we know is that once the breakthrough has come, it is often invisible, unpredictable and irreversible.

It’s truly magical to experience.

The formation of diamonds is another example from nature. Diamonds are made of carbon that form crystals that bond together over billions of years when subjected to extreme temperature and pressure. Without all that heat and pressure, we would not have them to enjoy.

Next time you feel nervous or scared, take Susan Jeffers advice in her book, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”. It’s okay to be scared and nervous and it’s okay to let out the emotion. It’s simply part of the process of your growth and development as you learn new things on the way to becoming competent and self-aware.

And I’m curious, how do you react when you’re feeling perturbated?

P.S. I’m scared at the moment. We’re about to launch my new book, “The Loyal Lieutenant: How the Second-in-Command Brings the CEO’s Vision to Life” at The Complete Leader conference in Sydney next month, where I will also be speaking. I’m feeling the pressure, giving off heat and I’m committed to doing it anyway.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Not Every Kid Gets a Trophy (WT605)

Not Every Kid Gets a Trophy (WT605)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Jan, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 605 Not every kid gets a trophy

When I was growing up I had a friend who was very athletic. She always seemed to get out of school by going to the regional, zone and state athletic carnivals and she would come back with a fistful of medals and trophies.

I was very envious. The best I could do was come last in a three-legged race.

I wasn’t athletic, but I was smart.

I learned that not every kid gets a trophy and this helped me to understand my strengths and weaknesses.

This memory came to the fore recently when one of my clients was telling me about some of his team members whom he had to let go. “Shirl, they just couldn’t do the job. They just couldn’t seem to learn it. I really started questioning myself and whether it was the way I was training them and you know the really interesting thing, was that they didn’t see it. They really thought their skills and ability were much higher than I did.”

This also reminded me of the research conducted by Carol Dweck. According to Dweck, there are two basic mindsets: fixed and growth. If you have a fixed mindset, you believe your abilities are fixed traits and therefore can’t be changed. You may also believe that your talent and intelligence alone leads to success, and effort is not required.

In my client’s case, the team members seemed to have a fixed mindset albeit an inflated picture of their real abilities.

Dweck worked with children in school and found that some would not even try because they had decided they couldn’t learn or that they were stupid etc.   They blamed themselves and circumstances and believed nothing could or would change. This is a Fixed mindset.

With one 3 letter word, Dweck was able to help them change their mindset to that of a Growth mindset, where they were able to believe that effort and practice over time could make a meaningful difference. A fixed mindset contributes to limiting beliefs whereas a growth mindset empowers beliefs.

Would you like to know what the three letter word is?

It’s “Yet”.   When children said they couldn’t do something, Dweck encouraged them by adding the word “yet” to the end of their sentence.

Give it a go.  Next time you find yourself limiting what you think you can achieve, insert the word “yet” when you hear yourself say, I can’t …………yet.

And as for the kids with a fixed mindset that they can’t be beaten or no-one else is as good as them, a timely reminder that not every kid gets a trophy.

If you’re interested to see whether you’ve got a fixed or growth mindset click on the link to complete the quiz.

https://blog.mindsetworks.com/what-s-my-mindset

Regards Shirley

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Bye Bye Contessa (WT602)

Bye Bye Contessa (WT602)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Jan, 2022 | Blog, Mindset

WT 602 Bye Bye Contessa

Yesterday was a day of mixed emotions for Ross and I.

It was the day we said goodbye to our beautiful Contessa, our home for almost 3 years as we travelled around Australia.

It was sad to see her for the last time as she sat in the dealer’s yard, knowing that this was the end of another chapter and adventure for us.

And we are also extremely grateful for such an easy sale.

Life is always working for you, even though at times it may not be to your preference.

Having returned to Newcastle to run a leadership experience in November/December, we had initially planned to return to South Australia. We figured we had another 2 years before construction on our apartment would be completed.

As it turned out, we were extremely lucky that Contessa had been booked in for a service and was still under warranty (by 3 months). The service centre found that there had been water damage from a fault in the plumbing design and if out of warranty could have cost some tens of thousands of dollars to fix.

The service centre was also completely booked out for about 6 months so we would have had to have found alternate accommodation.

Fortunately, we had made the decision to stay in Newcastle for the 2 years and had found somewhere to live. The dealership also offered to buy Contessa provided the repairs would be covered by warranty.

Wow! Who could have known that?

Indeed, on the morning of the day Ross was taking her to Sydney for her service, I felt an overwhelming sadness as I emptied our contents. “Say goodbye to Contessa Ross”, I said. “She’s not coming back.”

“What do you mean she’s not coming back?” asked Ross. “Of course she is, she’ll be back in a few weeks.”

“No she won’t” I continued. “She’s going to be sold, so say goodbye.”

Little did we know that morning that that was exactly what was going to happen.

She didn’t come home and she was sold and today I took one last look and one last photo of our amazing girl who sheltered us and shared our wonderful adventure for the past few years.

Life is always working for you, even if at times, it’s not to your preference.

What’s happening for you?

Have you noticed lately that you “know” things before they occur?

What preferences are not pleasing you at the moment, that could ultimately turn out to be for your best?

I’m so very thankful for the time we had with Contessa and the travels and adventures and I trust her new owners will love her as much as we did.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Time for a Rest (WT601)

Time for a Rest (WT601)

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by Shirley Dalton | 31 Dec, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 601 Time for a rest

The week between Christmas and New Year is traditionally a time that many businesses close.

When I worked in the tutoring franchise, it was company policy to shut down for a few weeks from the week before Christmas to the week after new year, (whether we liked it or not).

Kip’s philosophy was that “we work for the clients and since our clients are school teachers running tutoring centres, school holidays are the only times we can go on leave”.

Not having kids of our own, Ross and I would have preferred to have saved our holidays and enjoyed time off out of school holidays, however it was not to be whilst I worked there.

Still, the point of today’s Weekly Thought is that whether it’s this time of year or any other time throughout the year, you need to have some down time. You need to take time for a rest.

Your health depends on it. Your mental health; your physical health; your spiritual health and your emotional health. Not to mention the health of your family, friends and work colleagues.

Even Weight Watchers encourages people on their program to make sure they get at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. Lack of sleep can interfere with your weight.

Today I ran over time on a meeting. I simply got lost in the conversation and didn’t realise that we had gone 30 minutes past finishing time. What concerned me more was that I knew the person I met with wouldn’t log off when we finished. We’ll call her Julia.

“Julia, please promise me you will log off now and go and enjoy dinner with your family”, I suggested.

“I’ll just check in with Rose and see if she needs anything, then I’ll log off”, she replied.

“Send me a text message when you log off please”, I asked, in order to encourage her to log off sooner than I thought she would as well as to act as an accountability buddy.

One and half hours later, I had not received the SMS.

As any good accountability buddy would do, I sent Julia an SMS. “Time for a Rest.”

Julia’s reply – “Logging out now.”

It’s very important to rest. As Kip told me when I first started with him, “We don’t pay overtime. What I want you to do is to work efficiently during your work hours and then go home and enjoy your time with your husband; rest and come back tomorrow refreshed and ready for another productive day.”

Kip was right. We do need to rest.

I know you work hard when you need to. I also want you to rest when you can and take advantage of when things are a bit slower, like the holiday season so that you can rest, relax and refresh.

Taking time for a rest is the smart thing to do. It will ensure you don’t burn out and will also assist you to be able to creatively solve problems because you will be in what David Bayer calls the “Powerful State”.

On the eve of the new year, I wish you all the best for a very happy new year. May 2022 be the year you decide to work productively AND make time to rest.

P.S. Today is the last day to save $1,000 with the Early Bird Bonus for our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. There are limited places left. For more information check out https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/. Experience starts Thursday 10th February.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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