It’s All in the Asking (WT449)

It’s All in the Asking (WT449)

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by Shirley Dalton | 1 Feb, 2019 | Blog, Mindset

WT 449 It's all in the asking

I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m not the best negotiator when it comes to getting a “good deal”. 

I tend to accept the price that I’ve been given when I want to purchase or sell something. 

I expect and believe that the person I am buying from or selling to, has the same values as me, which tends to make me quite naïve at times. 

At the end of February we will be taking possession of our Motorhome, affectionately named Contessa, to start our journey to live and work around Australia for the next few years. 

This meant we had to say goodbye to Connie, my beloved Lexus E350. 

It was a tearful day for me as I left Connie with her new owner. 

Here’s what I learned: 

I had an amount in my mind that I wanted to get for Connie. 

The offer I received was lower than this, not by much, but still lower.

My experience has also shown me that the first offer you get, whether that be for a car or house, etc. is often the best offer, so I was conflicted about what to do.

I shared the offer with Ross who immediately suggested I ask for more.

I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know the words to use. I didn’t know what to say.

Eventually I crafted an email and asked if we could agree on the revised figure, and if so, I would arrange to deliver Connie. 

To my surprise and delight they agreed.

Wow! It’s all in the asking. 

Lesson number 1 – be okay with asking. 

Lesson number 2 – be mindful of the language you use to ask. 

This little experience has motivated and inspired me and given me confidence. 

I still have a lot to learn and practice and I share this story with you to encourage you, if you need it, to be ok with asking. 

After all, if the answer is “No’, you are no worse off.

You Gotta Name the Baby (WT448)

You Gotta Name the Baby (WT448)

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by Shirley Dalton | 25 Jan, 2019 | Blog, Business

WT 448 You gotta name the baby

Years ago, I remember watching an episode of Jerry Seinfeld. One of his friends had just had a baby and in that strong New York accent she kept nagging at him, “You gotta see the baby”.

In a similar vein, a mentor of mine, Lisa Sasevich used to nag us, “You gotta name the baby”.

What Lisa was referring to was our products and services and this week I found myself encouraging one of my clients to “Name the Baby”. In his case it was a project rather than a product or service.

When you name something, it makes it easy for everyone to be on the same page.

It makes it easy for your team or customers to know what you are talking about.

It makes it easy for people to be able to refer to it and refer it on.

Here are a few examples of some of my products – Leading Yourself and Leading Others, Intuitive Mastermind, People and Process Fundamentals. Now I’m not saying all the names are fantastic, some could be better; the point is they have a name and we can refer to them.

Think about the Police force. They have names for their operations. In some cases these are also code names. 

Whatever it is you are doing, you need to give it a name.

When you name it, it becomes real.

And don’t underestimate the power of a name. If you’re into numerology, you know the power of the numbers and of course all the letters have a corresponding number. Take my name as an example S1, h8, i9, r9, l3, e5, y7. “Shirley” adds up to 42, reduced to 6 (4+2).  Six is all about service. It’s the counsellor. It’s concerned about family and nurturing people. The Affinity Numerology website explains it this way “A number’s meaning can be thought of as the number’s basic tone or vibration”.

Your mission this week is to do an audit of your projects, products and services.  Have you named them? Do people refer to them by name?  If not, you know what to do.

You can also look at the numerology of your name. This can make a huge difference to the tone or vibration of your product, service or project.

Remember, you gotta name the baby.

You Are Allowed to Change (WT447)

You Are Allowed to Change (WT447)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Jan, 2019 | Blog, Mindset

WT 447 You are allowed to change

Today I interviewed Susan Hart and Kerrie Hourigan for our TV show. The topic was really interesting, and yet for some it might be considered taboo to talk about.

Susan and Kerrie have a podcast called “The Moon in You” where they talk about two subjects:

  1. The New Moon and the Full Moon Energies together with their associated zodiac signs, and
  1. The Menstrual Cycle, in particular the psychological aspect of the female cycle and how this affects EVERYONE, especially if you live and work with women.

Why am I mentioning this?

I want you to know you are allowed to change what you do.

Susan has owned and run a very successful bookkeeping business for the past 20 years as well as co-founded the Uniting Bookkeepers Association.

If we are not allowed to change, then Susan would be stuck doing that, even though her passion has moved towards educating and empowering women and men about the psychological and hormonal effects of the moon and the menstrual cycle.

Kerrie has also made a transition to become an authority on soul and personality astrology.

If I look at my own career history, I’ve made numerous transitions over the past 40 years and just about to embark on another.  

If you’re struggling with changing what you do, think of it this way. If you wanted to buy a new car or a new house, would you deny yourself, telling yourself that you can only have one house or car in your lifetime?  Of course you wouldn’t.

When asked what they want to do when they leave school, the majority of people don’t know. It’s often not until we experience something that we find out whether we like it or not.

I remember Ross crying to me one night after having been at university all day studying Macro Economics. “I can’t do it. I hate it,” he said. “I read the book and fall asleep but I don’t want to waste the time I’ve invested, not to mention the expense.” 

You can imagine my response. “Just quit”. Ross is a creative. He loves to take photos and is very artistic. It was no surprise to me that economics wasn’t for him.

I am in no position to make anyone stick at something they hate. I left a good government job to go to university for 4 years to become a school teacher, only to teach for 6 months and hate it. I didn’t hate the kids and I loved teaching. The bureaucracy was too stifling for me. It was not the right environment for me.  I still love to teach; I can’t help myself and over the years I have evolved and found my calling.

The same is true for you. If you’re doing something you love. Fantastic. Keep doing that.

If you’re not doing something you love, then listen very carefully, “You are Allowed to Change”. You can go for what you want and if you think about it, the happier you are, the happier everyone around you will be.

It’s the start of a new year. Don’t waste another year doing something you don’t want to do.

You are allowed to change.

We’ll Talk About That Later (WT446)

We’ll Talk About That Later (WT446)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Jan, 2019 | Blog, Business

WT 446 We'll talk about that later

It took me a long time to figure out that when I made a request of my mother and her reply was, “We’ll talk about that later,” it was code for “No, that’s not happening. Definitely not.”

Why she couldn’t just say “No”, always intrigued me and then I found out that she wasn’t the only one who used codes.

One of my former boss used to say, “I’ll consider it”.

My friend’s mum says, “I’ll have a little think”.

What does your boss or mother or father or partner say?

Why do we seem to find it so hard to say, “No”?

Gordon Training International answers with the following:

  1. Desire to please. “What will she think of me?”
  1. Fear of hurting someone. “I don’t want to disappoint her.”
  1. Guilt. “How could I turn them down?”
  1. Surprise. “Well, I guess I could do it.”
  1. Deference to authority. “Yes, sir!”
  1. Reciprocation. “She’d do it for me.”
  1. Duty. “I owe it to them.”
  1. Need for power. “If I say ‘No’, they’ll think I can’t handle it.”

I’m curious. How many of the above apply to you?

I’m fascinated by how many of us, me included at times, will shy away from simply saying, “No thank you.”

In fact, when we don’t speak our truth, we are actually lying by omission.

Ouch!

How many of you in sales would much prefer to hear “No”, as quickly as possible, so you can move on and not harass people who aren’t interested in what you have to offer, as well as not waste yours or their time?

In fact, Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz wrote a book, titled “Go for No” to explain why it’s so important (if counter intuitive) to “Go for No”, rather than chasing a “Yes”.

They get excited when they hear “No” because it means they are closer to a “Yes”. For example, one of my clients wanted to find a girlfriend so he set himself a task of getting 100 “No’s”. The rationale behind this is that the 100 “No’s” meant that he would keep asking ladies out on a date, and not be upset if they said “No” because he simply crossed that one off the list and moved to the next. Consequently, he gave more invitations, and therefore actually got more dates.

So the moral to the story this week is two fold.

  1. It’s ok, in fact it’s preferable, for you to say “No”, when it’s a “No”. No more hiding behind codes or keeping people hanging on.
  1. If you are in sales, Go for No. It will increase the number of calls you make, which in turn will increase the number of “Yeses” you receive.

Give it a go and let me “No” the outcome!

You, Me and the Trojan Horse (WT445)

You, Me and the Trojan Horse (WT445)

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by Shirley Dalton | 4 Jan, 2019 | Blog, Business

WT 445 You, me and the Trojan Horse

Every now and then we get a wake up call.

As we step into 2019, I was fortunate enough to connect with a fabulous guide on LinkedIn and received such a wake up call. 

Here’s the back story:

All year I have been connecting with people all over the world on LinkedIn. One lady in particular, Kay Sanders, wrote to me and said she was making an effort to actually connect with people she had “met” via LinkedIn.

This sounded good to me, and you know I am always up for a chat and to meet people.

It turns out she’s a business intuitive in Texas and reads the Akashic Records. According to Kay, the Akashic Records are “your soul’s library of thoughts, events, and emotions from all life-times. Every soul has its own sacred Akashic Records containing information about the past, present, and future possibilities of that individual soul.”

I was fascinated to hear her journey and that of some of her clients. Here’s where the Trojan Horse comes in.

I was sharing how this year I would like to be more open about my spirituality and that in the past I had shared this with my clients once they knew me and trusted me and that I was afraid to lead with my gifts. 

Kay then tells me about a client of hers, an executive coach who is also very spiritual and who finds himself healing people with Reiki and all sorts of modalities, once they trust him. Sounds familiar! Then came the clanger. He referred to himself as a Trojan Horse. Kay wasn’t keen on this because it is not authentic. Well I was totally confronted.  

Is that how I had been behaving? Was I a Trojan Horse?

In that instant I decided I would be open to being more authentic; to sharing who I really am.

I am spiritual. I do have the gift of sight and I also hear things. It’s these gifts that help me when I am coaching, listening or teaching and (gulp), somehow I am going to find a way to be more comfortable to share my gifts and lead with them from now on.

Now, you don’t get out of this either.

Who are you?

Are you being authentic or are you a Trojan Horse?

What will you do in 2019?  Will you allow yourself to be yourself and express who you are, whomever that may be? 

Let’s make a pact – that starting this year, 2019, a universal number 3 year, full of creativity and self expression, that we will allow ourselves to be more of ourselves and share ourselves with others and support and encourage each other to do so. 

There! I went first. As Lisa Sasevich says, “Leaders go first.” Now it’s your turn.

Who will you be this year? How will you show up?

I wish you the happiest, healthiest, wealthiest and most of all – authentic years!

Happy New Year!

If You Want More (WT444)

If You Want More (WT444)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Dec, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 444 If you want more

As we celebrate the festive season, I find myself reflecting on Christmas and how it is often thought of as a time of giving.

Many of us were taught “It’s better to give than to receive”.

BNI (Business Networking International), teaches its members that “Givers Gain”.

This year, I truly understood what it means to be grateful and to express that appreciation.

As a child, my mother used to admonish me and call me an “ungrateful wretch”.

I was deeply hurt by this, yet as I got older, I understood what she was trying to teach me, that being grateful and expressing appreciation is so important, and from a selfish point of view, if you want to receive more, it’s the easiest way to make sure you do.

Let me explain.

Over the Christmas period, I caught up with some friends. One friend, we’ll call her Justine, was sharing how upset she was that she went to so much effort to find gifts for her brother’s kids and not one of them said “Thank You”.

At first I thought Justine was just complaining. After all, isn’t Christmas the time of giving?

But what she said next had a profound effect on me.

She said, “I’m hardly encouraged to buy them anything at all next year.”

Whoa! I got it.

That’s exactly how it is with the universe. 

If we don’t show our appreciation and gratitude for the things we have in our lives right now, why would we expect the universe or God to give us more and shower us with gifts.

Since that conversation, I have been very mindful to express my gratitude to the universe and anyone who has done or given me something. 

Now you might say that’s being selfish. Being grateful in order to receive more.

Here’s the thing. It actually feels good to express your appreciation and by doing so, you help to make someone else feel happy about whatever it is they have done for you or given you.

You actually encourage them to want to give you more.

DOH! 

How often do the gurus tell us, “Be grateful” and how often do so many of us miss the point? 

Thank you universe for this lesson. I truly got it. 

Thank you universe for the opportunity to share it with so many. I trust you will get it too. 

Guess what your mission is this week?   

If you want more, be grateful and express your appreciation. 

Let me know what happens.

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