When You’re Feeling Down (WT410)

When You’re Feeling Down (WT410)

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WT 410 When you're feeling down

I don’t know about you; for the past few months many of my clients and friends have been experiencing many obstacles, set-backs and challenges and as a result have been feeling very low, depressed, frustrated and/or angry. I include myself in this list so this week I thought I would talk about it because it’s normal to feel like this from time to time.

At times we can feel like there is no hope; no way out; no way through or no solution. At times like this it can be tempting to want to end our pain. I know first-hand how this feels and I’ve had it confirmed lately from many in my network.

Spiritual teachers tell us that the world/planet is shifting and changing so it’s natural that we would feel out of sync. It’s to be expected that we will experience challenges and feel like we are out of flow.

It’s one thing to know that we are normal but what do we do to help ourselves navigate through this choppy uncomfortable time?

For me, it was keeping a promise. Ross and I promised each other 50 years of happy marriage. We’re just over half way and no matter how bad I thought things were or how anxious I felt about the future, I committed to my promise.

What’s your reason? What’s your why that will pull you through? What have you committed to? What could you commit to if you haven’t yet done so?

Another thing that gets in our way is our insistence on knowing and controlling the “How”. This always intrigues me because we know from neuroscience and spirituality that our job is to focus on the “what” and the “why” and leave the “how” to the universe or God or spirit or a higher consciousness (whatever term you use). Too often we get stuck in having to know the details. This only serves to frustrate us and prolong the pain.

I understand that at times it can be challenging to have faith and belief and yet that’s exactly what we must have if we are to move forward. Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote a book about it titled “You’ll See it When You Believe It”. Recently I read another of his books, “Wishes Fulfilled; Mastering the Art of Manifesting”.

One of the most important points I took from the book was the fact that our subconscious mind handles about 96% of all that we undertake in life and that the last 5 minutes before you go to sleep are the most important 5 minutes of our day. Dyer writes, “In this brief portion of your day, you are going to tell your subconscious mind how you feel and what wishes God is to fulfill upon awakening from your deep slumber. This five-minute segment of time in your bed, about to enter into your subconscious and marinate for the next eight hours or so, is the most crucial segment of your entire 24 hour day”.

He continues by instructing us that there is one question we must ask ourselves as we get closer and closer to dropping off into the unconsciousness of sleep – “If my wishes were realized, how would it feel right here right now in my body? Stay with that thought until you begin to feel your body shift into what that feels like. This is not an empty exercise – it is a programming tool for reteaching your subconscious mind to act on what you intend to manifest, rather than on what you are worried, angry, or fearful about.”

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or lost or without hope, do your best to implement the two strategies above: reconnecting to your why and asking yourself how it would feel when you have manifested whatever it is that you want.

Let go of the “how” and know that feeling less than positive from time to time is both natural and normal.

Stop Distracting Yourself (WT409)

Stop Distracting Yourself (WT409)

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WT 409 Stop Distracting Yourself

Speaking with a colleague this week, I was impressed with her clarity about what she is going to focus on for the remainder of the year.

“Two things, Shirley,” she said. “I’m focussing on just two things,” and then proceeded to outline what those two things are.

In order to focus on the two things, she realised she needed to give up a number of other things that had been what she called “distractions”.

Listening to her, I could totally relate to what she was saying.

As I thought about what she shared, I thought about all the things that I had been doing lately that were not “moving the needle” as my colleague says.

I started to count up the lost hours working on things that were not moving me forward and I made a decision there and then to analyse all my current commitments and sort them into needle movers or expenses (in terms of time or money or enjoyment or lost opportunities).

Once I completed my analysis and made decisions to let things go, I felt an enormous sense of relief as well as anticipation. For example, my radio contract with Voice America expired this month, and as much as I enjoyed meeting new guests and learning so many interesting things, not renewing the contract has added at least an extra 3 hours of time back into my week, which I can now allocate to needle movers.

How about you? What distractions are you currently allowing? How much are they costing you? Have you measured the cost in terms of time, money, enjoyment or lost opportunities because you have to say “No” to other things?

Your challenge this week is to take inventory of your commitments. Assess whether they are needle movers – moving you forward towards your goal or something you absolutely love doing. If not, ask yourself how you can relieve yourself of your commitment and take action to do so.

Your distractions are costing you. It’s time to stop distracting yourself.

Give Up the Drama (WT408)

Give Up the Drama (WT408)

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WT 408 Give up the drama

This week has been a doozy for interpersonal dramas; mine, my clients, my colleagues and friends and family. 

It’s fascinating to me, how we interpret what people say according to our values, beliefs and expectations or what’s going on in our head at any given time. 

My point this week is not to share gossip; quite the opposite. My point is that we get what we focus on, so let’s focus on what we want, rather than what we don’t want. 

Let’s say you have a disagreement with your co-worker. Most people’s tendency is to seek support with other co-workers to sure up their position as being right or the victim. When this happens your co-workers become what we call “co-conspirators”.  Time and energy is now directed to talking about the other person, sharing anecdotes of past wrongs and generally enlisting others into the cause. 

This is drama. 

It takes you away from the focus of your work. It reduces productivity and it’s toxic to those around. 

Even worse than that, it stops you from achieving what you really want. 

And you don’t even have to be engaging in gossip to be adding fuel to the fire. You could be going over and over the conversation in your head; analysing what he or she said over and over and thinking about your responses or potential responses. 

Stop It. 

Give up the drama. 

As soon as you become aware that you are thinking about the situation and/or enlisting others or gossiping – just stop it. 

This is draining your energy and only serving to bring you more of the same, just with different people. 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to assert yourself and then either resolve it with the person or let it go. Do not give it any more attention. Rather focus on the outcomes you want – the income you want, the customers you want, the job you want, the partner you want, the travel you want to do.   

Imagining the positive and feeling how you’ll feel when you’ve achieved it, is the quickest way to get what you want. 

Go ahead and give up the drama.

It’s Not About What You Look Like (WT407)

It’s Not About What You Look Like (WT407)

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WT 407 It's not what you look like

A few years ago I did some training on self-concept and self-esteem for one of my clients and their team.

I started one of the sessions by showing them a mock up of me on the cover of a magazine (it was part of my vision board). 

“What’s wrong with this picture?” I asked.

They all studied the picture intently and none came up with what I thought was wrong with the picture.

It wasn’t the headline. It wasn’t the font. It wasn’t the colours.

“Can’t you see?” I demanded.

“Look at my teeth in the photo, they’re crooked.”

“Look at the wrinkles around my eyes” and on I went about all the things that were wrong with the picture.

Of course the picture was of me. I was pointing out all the things I don’t like I about myself. I was pointing out all the things that were not perfect.

They didn’t see it because to them there was no difference between the person standing in front of them and the picture they had in their hands, (well maybe a little less makeup than in the picture).

It’s not about what you look like.

Unless you are a hermit; people are looking at you every day.

It’s fascinating to me observing how hung up we get on our appearance.

This came up recently when we filmed for Day 2 of our Powerful Marketing Video Event.

As the participants sat in the make-up artist’s chair, they proceeded to tell her about all the things they didn’t like about how they looked. 

When they got in front of the camera with me, they started to tell me about all the things they didn’t like about themselves. 

When we present them with the edited final version, what do you think they mention first?

“I really don’t like myself on camera.” 

“I hate the sound of my voice.”

“I’m too animated.” 

It’s not about what you look like. 

People are interacting with you every day. They see you. They hear you. They know you. 

My message today – Get over it. It’s not about what you look like.  

It’s our lack of self-esteem and confidence. 

These are the things to work on. What you look like is what you look like. 

Do your best to be comfortable with your appearance and save yourself and everyone else the pain of hearing about how much you don’t like yourself.  

You can’t do anything about your appearance, unless you engage a specialist plastic surgeon. 

It’s not about what you look like. People are drawn to you or repelled by your energy and vibration. 

If you want to change something, work on improving your energy. This will also help you increase your self-esteem and confidence. 

It’s not about what you look like.

If You Don’t Tell Them, They Won’t Know (WT406)

If You Don’t Tell Them, They Won’t Know (WT406)

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WT 406 If You Don't Tell Them They Won't Know

This week we’re not talking about giving feedback; we’re talking about marketing your services and letting people know the value you are providing.

I was sitting at the traffic lights and in front of me was an SUV style of vehicle. Underneath the back window on the body panels I read “Sizes 10-26”, a phone number and address. I presumed it was for a clothing retailer. I also presumed it was for women and yet nowhere could I find the name of the shop or what the sizes were for. I was intrigued, so I found a way to pass the vehicle and to my amazement the sides of the vehicle did not show the name either.

If you don’t tell them; they won’t know.

The same theme emerged as I was working with one of my coaching clients this week. We were working on his messaging to showcase his credibility for the work he does.

Initially reluctant, he was concerned about the “Tall Poppy” syndrome. He didn’t want to appear arrogant or egotistical.

I shared a story that one of my employees told me years ago. She was purchasing taps for a renovation and the salesperson seemed to get annoyed with her because she didn’t appear to appreciate what he had done. Eventually he blurted out, “You don’t seem to realise what I great deal I have just given you” and proceeded to tell her about all the discounts he had factored into the price. She explained to me that until he told her, she had no idea; she just thought that was the price.

If you don’t tell them; they won’t know.

And just yesterday I was working on marketing messages with participants in the next Powerful Marketing Video Event and a similar thing occurred. They weren’t aware of the special attention they were receiving so I mentioned it. 

Marketing is all about getting your name known and attracting customers. It’s your responsibility to let them know the value you bring.

Don’t be shy about this. It doesn’t mean you have to be arrogant. It doesn’t mean you have to be resentful, it simply means, “If you don’t tell them; they won’t know”.

Your job this week is to look at the value you bring and ask yourself whether your clients or prospective clients know this. In fact, you could even extend this to your inner circle at home. Are you sharing the value you bring or are you feeling resentful because they aren’t showing appreciation, when in fact, they may not know.

Here’s a simple example – in a few weeks we’ll be celebrating eight (8) years of Weekly Thoughts. That’s amazing to me that I haven’t missed a week in all these years. Starting at number 1, we’re now up to 406. When we get to 416 we ring the gong and perhaps will celebrate with a few surprises.

If I didn’t tell you, you might not have known.

Pass on the Positive (WT405)

Pass on the Positive (WT405)

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WT 405 Pass on the positive

One of the scores we use in the Integrity and Values profile measures Appreciation. This is the degree to which you can give both positive and negative feedback. The creator, Jennifer Elliott, says that if you can’t give negative feedback, you’ll also be unlikely to give positive feedback. 

This week I’ve noticed a theme around giving positive feedback and accepting it. 

What I’ve found is that often we do receive positive feedback but we don’t take it on board for a number of reasons:  

  1. We don’t believe we deserve it
  1. We don’t believe the person saying it
  1. We dismiss it as soon as it’s said, or
  1. We don’t even hear it

There are plenty of other reasons as well and you can make up your own list. 

Today I want to encourage you to both pass on positive feedback and also accept it when you receive it. 

And when I say pass on positive feedback, I am including yourself in that. 

This week I presented a workshop for the Real Estate Academy and I took notice of my reaction to positive feedback. I’ve been working on this for myself to allow myself to hear it and accept it and I am so happy to say that at the end of the workshop, not only did I not beat myself up for all the things I think I could have done differently or better, I actually acknowledged to myself that I did a good job and was happy with it AND I accepted the compliments that came my way from the participants and organiser as well. 

It has also been interesting to notice people’s reactions when we show them their videos. Most people report not liking seeing or hearing themselves on camera.  They don’t like the way they look, etc. This is easily overcome if you think about the fact that people are looking at you every day and that doesn’t stop us from going out and doing our thing each day. 

This week I’d like you to focus on passing on the positive to yourself and to those around you. Really make a point to make sure they hear it and accept it. 

I’m including myself in this exercise and have passed it along to at least 5 people in the past 3 days, plus myself. 

Who can you pass some positive feedback to? 

Will you allow yourself to receive? 

And to finish, I wish you a happy Easter if you celebrate Easter and happy holidays if not.

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