Are You Open to Receiving? (WT577)

Are You Open to Receiving? (WT577)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Jul, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 577 Are you open to receiving?

Wow! What a couple of weeks we’ve had.

We’d been at the van park in Darwin for a few days when we found out at midday on a Sunday that we were going into lockdown at 1pm that day. That was an hour later.

Ross and I were in a panic.

We’d also been told that the supermarkets were going to close and we had little fresh food in the motorhome.

As we were frantically packing up the motorhome to drive to the shops one of the neighbours came over and offered for us to go with them.

“Yes please!” we smiled.

We were so grateful.

When we got to the shops there was a line up to get into Woolworths grocery store. We waited in the sun for what seemed like an eternity.

As we neared the entrance to the store, an employee offered us masks.

“Thank you!”, again grateful for the gesture.

Over the next few weeks we were invited to join our neighbours and their group to watch the State of Origin football matches and join in with Happy Hour of an afternoon.

On a number of occasions, different members of the group offered for us to go with them to the shops.

This was an amazing offer for us because our only other means of transport was riding our electric pushbikes and we were 5km from the nearest shops. In the Darwin heat of 32 degrees Celsius and 90% humidity, we said “Yes Please and Thank You” to every opportunity we got.

Now, why am I telling you this?

It’s because we haven’t always been that way. In the past we were fiercely independent and proud – too proud to accept help.

Not these days. If someone offers to help me, I’m a grateful recipient.

Likewise we also expressed our thanks and gratitude by reciprocating with a carton of beer (which I managed to carry on the back of my pushbike – but that’s another story).

Being open to receiving can be a challenge for some of us, so your challenge this week is to say “Yes, thank you”, when someone offers to help you in any way OR you can also choose to ask for help if you need it.

People are not judging you harshly for asking for or accepting help.

Most of us want to help. It’s how we feel good about ourselves.

So if you must, look at it this way, by accepting the help, you are actually helping someone else feel good about helping.

Are you open to receiving?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Everything is Draft – Until it is Final (WT576)

Everything is Draft – Until it is Final (WT576)

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by Shirley Dalton | 9 Jul, 2021 | Blog, Systems and Processes

WT 576 Everything is Draft Until it is Final

You know that I do a lot of systems and procedures work for clients.

One of my mantras is “Everything is draft – until it’s Final”.

I often say this to my clients because they can be reluctant to provide feedback if we haven’t quite gotten the procedure down pat.

I don’t take offence.

I prefer to get the procedures correct rather than having unhappy clients because they don’t speak up.

What I’ve found is that often we need to encourage people to speak up. Many won’t speak up because they are afraid of hurting our feelings.

Once I give people permission and even encouragement to speak up, I can see them visibly relax before they share the changes.

We can’t fix what we don’t know about.

What would you rather? Would you rather someone be polite to you and not tell you or would you rather them share what’s going on for them so you have a chance to resolve any issues?

This seems like such a minor concept; getting people to correct some procedures, however it leads to a much more critical and major concept and that is a concept known as “Group Think”.

MindTools.com describes Group Think as “a phenomenon that occurs when the desire for group consensus overrides people’s common sense desire to present alternatives, critique a position, or express an unpopular opinion. Here, the desire for group cohesion effectively drives out good decision-making and problem solving.”

One such example was the team of engineers working on the Challenger Space Shuttle. They knew that the O rings were faulty and yet said nothing because they didn’t want to delay the project or risk bad press. Unfortunately, we know how that ended.

If you’ve got something to say; if you have information to share, I encourage you to be courageous and share it. You might be surprised at the response you get. You might find that even though your message might not be exactly what people want to hear, they will respect you for speaking up and having the courage to get things changed.

Your challenge this week is to speak up. Go ahead, say what’s on your mind. Share what needs to be shared. Nothing can be improved or resolved if you don’t.

P.S. This month’s free online training is scheduled for Friday 16th July at 11:00am Sydney Time – Discover the Secrets to Finding, Hiring and Keeping the Right People. You can register here: https://shirleydalton.convertri.com/finding-hiring-keeping-the-right-people

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.       

Nobody is Helping (WT575)

Nobody is Helping (WT575)

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by Shirley Dalton | 2 Jul, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 575 Nobody is helping

We were stopped at the traffic lights on a hot and humid Friday afternoon in Darwin.

“OMG! Ross”, I yelled, “Nobody is helping” as I pointed to a young guy who was laying underneath his motorbike at the traffic lights on the side street to us.

As we were waiting for the lights to turn green I watched in horror as I saw the guy and the bike fall over.

I was stunned that nobody rushed to help.

There was a car in front of him and a car behind him and a long line of traffic.

Our lights turned green and we crossed the intersection and pulled up.

Without thinking, I jumped out of the van and ran to his aid.

Thankfully, by this time another man had appeared to help, amidst the women from the front car who only seemed interested in whether he had damaged their car before taking off.

We got the bike off him and picked the broken pieces up off the road and moved to the grass across the road.

He was shaken but okay.

He was more concerned that it wasn’t his bike.

He mentioned he was the apprentice and was able to call someone to come with a trailer to pick him up.

The other guy on the scene was able to wait with him.

I raced over to the motorhome and got him a bottle of water.

With that we got going.

“Wow, I can’t believe people didn’t rush to help”, I said to Ross.

It really upset me to see people just sitting in their car watching.

I know I’m not supposed to judge. Well that’s a judgement of myself, isn’t it?

It was another sad example of what psychologists call “The Bystander Effect”.

What this means is that if you’re in trouble, you’re better off to have just one other person around because if there are many, they will all stand back, thinking that someone else will help and of course, nobody does.

I’m curious. What would you have done?

Would you have sat in your car or would you have gone to his aid?

No judgement.

P.S. This month’s free online training is scheduled for Friday 16th July at 11:00am Sydney Time – Discover the Secrets to Finding, Hiring and Keeping the Right People. Click here to register.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Polite Doesn’t Mean Pushover (WT574)

Polite Doesn’t Mean Pushover (WT574)

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by Shirley Dalton | 25 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 574 Polite doesn't mean pushover

I was conducting a recruitment interview for a client today.

I asked the candidate to explain his definition of “Assertive”.

“It’s someone who is quite forceful in getting their way”, he replied.

“Wow”, I thought to myself. “That’s not my definition.”

To be assertive means to be honest and congruent. It means that you get your needs met AND not at the expense of others. In order to get your needs met you need to:

  1. Be aware of your needs
  2. Take responsibility for getting your needs met, and
  3. Use your communication skills (I Messages, Active Listening and Conflict Resolution Skills as examples).

Participants in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience and Online Membership get to experience this in a number of ways.

There is a difference between being Assertive and Aggressive.

Aggressive people want to win and don’t care if others lose.

Assertive people also want to win, however they look for a win win, to make sure both parties get what they want.

Passive people lose. The give in and hardly ever get what they want.

Passive Aggressive people are the same as aggressive people in that they want to win and don’t care if you lose, however they are not as loud or violent. Rather they are sneaky and manipulative.

Assertive people who use their communication skills are often described as being polite.

Make no mistake, polite doesn’t mean pushover.

Polite people use their manners.

Polite people consider others.

Polite people look for a win win.

There is nothing wimpy about being polite, in fact, being polite can often help you gain support and help from others to get what you want.

Ross found this out when he gave a book to the receptionist at the van park. He took the time to talk with her when we arrived, found out she liked reading books, gave her one to read and add to their swap collection and she’s been very helpful ever since, which she isn’t always with other people.

This week your challenge is to be polite and still go for what you want.

Give it a go and let us know your results.

Polite doesn’t mean pushover.

P.S. Our next face to face Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience will be held in Newcastle, NSW in September 2021. You can find out more by CLICKING ON THIS LINK.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

If It Was Easy Everyone Would Do It (WT573)

If It Was Easy Everyone Would Do It (WT573)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 573 If it was easy everyone would do it

We’re talking about leadership and management of course.

It’s not for everyone. It’s not an easy role to have.

I remember when Ross was promoted to the Site Supervisor’s role. He had no idea how to lead and manage his team.

He did what most new leaders and managers do. He treated his team the way he had been treated in the past.

Working in male dominated heavy industry, he yelled a lot. He swore a lot and he was passive aggressive.

He hadn’t had any training and he would come home to me and tell me about his day.

I would cringe listening to him as he recounted the events of the day and how he treated his team.

I did my best to counsel him and mentor him.

I also strongly suggested that he join my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience, which to his credit, he did.

In fact, he has been a participant in 4 of the experiences as well as assisting me in many many more.

The change in him was amazing. He stopped swearing and yelling.

He invested the time to get to know his people. He stood up for them to higher management when needed.

The result. He created a very loyal, very productive and harmonious team.

At Christmas one year they had more work than they had workers and Ross facilitated a team meeting where they collectively created a plan for getting the work done. No surprises they all got to finish at midday Christmas Eve and got to enjoy the holiday period.

Being a leader isn’t easy and it doesn’t come naturally for most.

Leadership skills are skills you can learn and I’m excited to announce that the winner for our 11th year of Weekly Thoughts, and a participant in our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in Newcastle is Annie D.

Congratulations Annie and congratulations to all the entrants. It was a tough decision.

Remember, if it was easy, everyone would do it.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s 11 Years (WT572)

It’s 11 Years (WT572)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 572 It's 11 Years

Have you ever started something without any expectation?

Maybe you started going to the gym and then found that a few years later you’re still going to the gym.

Well, to my surprise and delight, that’s what has happened for me with the Weekly Thought.

I started writing a Weekly Thought to my database 11 years ago.

When I started I didn’t know how long I would keep going; that would depend on the readers and whether my thoughts were of interest.

And here we are 11 years later and I haven’t missed one single week in all that time.

I have to say, I’m impressed. I can count on one hand the commitments I’ve made in my lifetime and this is one of them.

Thank you for being part of our community.

Thank you for replying and letting me know which thoughts resonate.

Over the years I’ve had people tell me they’ve gone to work specifically to access their computer to hear what Shirley had to say on a Friday morning when they had an issue or situation to deal with.

I’ve had people give me great insights around weekly thought topics which have then made me stop and think some more.

Others have given me stories to share.

I’m just so excited to celebrate another year of thoughts.

I’m not done yet, nor is Infinite Intelligence, who often speaks through me, so we’ll commit to another year and see how we go.

As always, on the anniversary, I love to give a gift to celebrate.

This year one lucky reader will have the choice to either join my Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in Newcastle NSW Australia in September 2021 or one year’s subscription to our online Leading Yourself and Leading Others Membership. Both valued at over $5,000AUD. (You can find out more on my website under the “Get Shirlified” tab.)

For a chance to win, all you need to do is to click on this link and tell me in 25 words or less why you want to win.  You have until 12:00pm (noon) Thursday 17th June (Sydney, Aussie time) to enter. I’ll announce the winner in next week’s thought.

So what’s the message today? It’s a great quote from Les Brown. He says, “You don’t have to be great to get started but you do have to get started to be great.”

What is something you want to start doing?

Just start, you never know where it will lead or how long you might end up doing it.

Good luck with your entry.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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