You Don’t Need To Say That (WT666)

You Don’t Need To Say That (WT666)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 31 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Communication Skills, Mindset

WT 666 You don't need to say that

Have you ever noticed that the words we choose and how we say things can have a remarkable effect on others?

I was just typing an email to a client and I started to type, “I called you yesterday and left a message”.

As soon as I typed it, I realised, I don’t need to say that.

The effect of saying that could make the receiver feel bad. She might feel guilty because she didn’t call me back. She might feel annoyed and frustrated because I reminded her that she didn’t do something. She might be angry with me for being passive aggressive and making her wrong.

By typing that, I ran the risk of harming the relationship.

The other thing to note is that including those words and especially starting with them, was not necessary.

Start with something positive. Start with something uplifting.

John Maxwell talks about what he calls “The 30 Second Rule”.  In the first 30 seconds of coming into contact with someone, find something to appreciate about them or to compliment them. Of course, it must be genuine.

When you do this, you make people feel good and if they feel good around you, they are more likely to want to hang out with you and help you.

So, back to the email.

Backspace, backspace, backspace. I coached myself. “You don’t need to say that”.

Instead, I wrote, “Hey Mary, I hear you’re doing great things in your new role”, (which is true), then I went on to write the message to let her know about the next Loyal Lieutenant’s class and how her boss has approved her to do it, if she’d like to join in.

I don’t always get it right however, I constantly assess my words, especially in written communication because I have the opportunity to think about the potential effect of what I write on the other person.

How about you?

Do you think about your words and your communication and how it may land for the other person or do you simply blurt things out and then find yourself having to clean up?

Far better to check yourself in the first place.

There are many situations where we don’t need to say that.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. Early Bird Discount ends 10th April, saving $1000. If you’re looking for leadership skills and personal growth and development, then this is the experience for you. It’s practical. No academic assignments. What you learn will last a lifetime and can be used in all situations with all people. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

The Goldilocks Zone (WT665)

The Goldilocks Zone (WT665)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 24 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Communication Skills, Uncategorized

WT 665 The Goldilocks Zone

I love it when my peeps embody what they have learned.

By embody, I mean they live it; they act it as opposed to having what we call “propositional” knowledge, where we think we “know” something but aren’t yet doing it. They actually do something with the knowledge.

For the sake of privacy, we’ll use the names Jim and Jane.

Jim and Jane work together. Both are leaders and managers.

Jim is an Advisor personality. Jim is a great risk mitigator because he considers all the information and ramifications of different scenarios.

He needs to research and think about things before making a decision.

The root meaning of decide is to “cut off all options”. It’s not until we move or take action that we have actually decided, so Jim can be a little slow to act.

Jane on the other hand is right on the line between Driver and Coach personality. In the REACH profiling system, Drivers and Coaches are on the action side of the matrix.

Jane wants action. “Come on, let’s go. What’s the hold up?”

Their basic differences in personality, which remember, is simply a habit of how we think, feel and act, can cause frustration between them.

One pushes, one pushes back.

Here’s the gold – pardon the pun.

Jim, being aware of his personality style sought Jane’s assistance to help keep him accountable and get into action.

Jim calls it “The Goldilocks Zone”. I love it. He said, “Working together with Jane should produce the sweet spot, in other words the happy medium between Jane pushing too much and me not taking action quick enough.”

Oh, music to my ears.

Someone who gets it.

Someone who embraces the learning.

Someone who can see how different personalities can actually work together for greater results.

We call this “synergy”, where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

Thank you Jim, for sharing this insight.

Now it’s your turn.

What’s your personality type?

What are the personality types that press your buttons and how can you find a way to use the differences to help you achieve better results?

Let me know. I’d love to see how you are embodying the knowledge you have.

P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts next week, Thursday 30th March 9:30am-11:00am. For more information or to enrol go to https://shirleydaltoncourse.com/webinar.

P.P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. Early Bird Discount ends 10th April, saving $1000. If you’re looking for leadership skills and personal growth and development, then this is the experience for you. It’s practical. No academic assignments. What you learn will last a lifetime and can be used in all situations with all people. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Sometimes You Have To Sacrifice (WT664)

Sometimes You Have To Sacrifice (WT664)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 17 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

WT 664 Sometimes you just have to sacrifice

Most mornings, when Ross and I have breakfast, we play Wordle on the iPhone.

It’s amazing how much of our school English grammar and spelling lessons come back as we attempt to work out the word for the day.

We often start with a word that has at least two different vowels so we either eliminate them or find that they are in the word.

We look at the possible endings for the word. Sometimes it could be “ed”, “er”, “ey”, “et” etc.

And sometimes, we have to sacrifice a letter that we know is not in the word but could help us work out some more letters.

We acknowledge that we are sacrificing an attempt when we enter a word which has letters that we know are not included.

We seek permission from the other, “I’m going to sacrifice the “s” to see where the letters go, is that ok?”

Once we’ve sacrificed the letter, we often find that the other letters end up in the right place and we can work out what the word is.

Sacrificing the letters makes it quicker and more accurate.

And that’s the point for today.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice in order to get where you want to go, quicker and easier.

Consider what you want for a moment.

Is there a way to sacrifice something in order to get there quicker?

Is there something you would be willing to sacrifice to achieve your goal?

It might not be the most direct route and it might seem like you are going backwards, however in the end, it might be worth it.

What is it? What’s your sacrifice?

Reply and let me know.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts 30th March 9:30am-11:00am, Sydney time for 9 weeks. Contact me directly if you are keen to join. It’s only 2 weeks away.

P.P.P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. Early Bird Discount ends 10th April, saving $1000. If you’re looking for leadership skills and personal growth and development, then this is the experience for you. It’s practical. No academic assignments. What you learn will last a lifetime and can be used in all situations with all people. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

Thanks Lady (WT663)

Thanks Lady (WT663)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 10 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

WT 663 Thanks Lady

Last weekend Ross and I decided to go for a motorbike ride.

We love the beach so thought we would head down the coast and have breakfast.

It was a beautiful morning until we arrived at the destination to find that the café appeared to be closed.

A lady was walking her dog as we got off the bike.

“Excuse me, do you know if the café is open?” I asked.

“I don’t”, she replied. “Even though the lights look they are on and I’m a local, I don’t know.”

“Oh well, not to worry”, I said.

She thought for a minute, then said, “Actually, the surf house around the corner has just opened up a little café and a lot of the locals go there. The food is pretty good.”

“Great! Thank you” and we hopped back on the bike and rode around to the surf club.

It was amazing.

We had a table with a view straight out to the beach and the ocean. We were in the shade and a gentle breeze was blowing.

We could people watch, water watch and dog watch.

The food was basic but good and the service quick (which I would have preferred to be slower so I could have stayed longer).

As I sipped my coffee, feeling very relaxed, I was grateful.

Thanks Lady. I was so grateful for her information and sharing and I couldn’t help but think about how much locals know, how much they know about where they live and how often, many of us are too scared to ask.

In my experience I have found most people will answer you if you speak and most are very happy to share what they know about their community.

So, if in doubt, ask. Don’t be afraid to ask a local.

Be mindful that if you are intimidated to ask, it could be a sign that you might have a limiting belief that is limiting you from all sorts of helpful information and acquaintances.

W. H. Murray, puts it this way in his Commitment poem, “A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour, all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

I’m curious, let me know what you’ve learned when you made a decision to do something and had  the courage to ask a local.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts end of March 9:30am-11:00am, Sydney time for 9 weeks. Check out https://shirleydaltoncourse.com/webinar

It’s Not On The Run Sheet (WT662)

It’s Not On The Run Sheet (WT662)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 3 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 662 It's not on the run sheet

Last week I was challenged to walk my talk.

It was the last 90 minutes for the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience.

We celebrate with a graduation party.

I ordered some beverages and a cheese platter and asked them to be served in the room because last time they were left outside the room and someone out of our group helped themselves to a couple of beers.

I poked my head out of the room at the agreed time to see the events person walking away.

“Excuse me”, I called.

He came back.

“I asked for this to be served in the room on a trolley please.”

“I can’t give you my trolley”, he said.

“Well would you mind bringing them into the room please?” I explained why.

He moved the food and drinks into the room.

I noticed the order was short.

“I ordered twelve beers. Could I have another 6 please?” I asked.

“It’s not on the run sheet”, he said.

“I ordered 12 beers, could I have another 6 please?” I repeated myself.

“It’s not on the run sheet”, he said again. “I’m not authorised to change that.”

“Excuse me”, I was shocked.

“I’m not authorised to change it. I can’t do anything about it”, he said.

“What is the name of your manager please?”

“Hannah.”

“May I speak with Hannah please?”

He walked off.

I was angry and embarrassed. I had specifically requested the trolley, the catering to be served inside the room and the number of drinks. I wanted everything to be perfect for our graduation AND the class was watching.

What was Shirley going to do?

How was Shirley going to handle this?

He came back alone. He placed 6 more beers on the table. He said nothing.

I thanked him.

He walked out.

In that moment I decided that that was the final straw and I shall not be using that venue for a while.

It was such a short interlude and yet there were so many lessons in this.

Shirley walking her talk in front of the participants.

The organisation training their team members on how to be hospitable.

He could have just as easily said, “I’m sorry. Let me go check and see for you”, rather than telling me  “It’s not on the run sheet”.

Now to you.

What would you have done?

How would you have handled it?

And, if it was your staff, how much training would you have provided for them?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Claim the date. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts Thursday 30th March 9:30am Sydney time for 9 weeks. Hands on training, creating and streamlining systems and processes for your team and organisation.

Cheer Leader or Drill Sergeant (WT661)

Cheer Leader or Drill Sergeant (WT661)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 24 Feb, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 661 Cheerleader or Drill Sergeant

What’s the best way to motivate you?

Do you prefer the cheer leader or drill sergeant?

What’s the difference and why is it important?

Let me give you an example.

One time I was at the gym. It was a small ladies gym, in the back of the owner’s house. The owner had employed a young girl to assist with training. There was only enough room for about 4 ladies to train so it was quite cosy and everyone could hear and see what was going on.

I was on the rowing machine. It was 6:00am.

I was moving very slowly and deliberately as I wanted to concentrate on getting my technique right.

The young girl approached me and as she did she yelled “Oh, come on. A bit more effort.”

I was shocked and also embarrassed because the other ladies stopped and looked.

“Come on”, she said again. “Put a bit more effort into it. Stop being lazy.”

Now I was furious.

I was deliberately going slow to practise technique. Yelling at me like a drill sergeant is not the way to motivate me.

What would have worked better for me would have been for her to come over quietly and say something like, “Great technique Shirley, how about we just speed it up a bit more now so you get a bit of a cardio workout with it”.

I was so annoyed and upset by the way this young girl yelled orders at us, I decided not to go back. In hindsight we both missed out. The owner missed out on the revenue and I missed out on the exercise.

This young girl had no idea about how to motivate and inspire people. It wasn’t her fault. She most likely hadn’t been trained.

If you own the business, it’s your responsibility to train your people how to lead and manage. It’s your responsibility to make sure they know how to motivate and inspire your people.

There’s a huge difference between acting like a cheer leader or a drill sergeant.

Both have their place. What is important is that you know when, with whom and how to use the techniques.

You have to know your people.

You have to know what they need.

This week I encourage you to observe your people or simply ask.

“How do you like to be motivated and inspired?”

“What’s the best way for me to support you?”

It’s not a secret. People will tell you. They’ll be impressed you care enough to ask.

Based on what you know already, which of your team members require a cheer leader and which require a drill sergeant?

Now might also be a good time for some self-reflection, what’s your predominant motivation style? Does this work for everyone?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Claim the date. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts Thursday 30th March 9:30am Sydney time for 9 weeks. Hands on training, creating and streamlining systems and processes for your team and organisation.

Pin It on Pinterest