This Is Really Awkward For Me (WT685)

This Is Really Awkward For Me (WT685)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Aug, 2023 | Blog, Communication Skills

WT 685 This is Really Awkward for Me

I’m sure at one time or another you’ve had THAT conversation with someone; a conversation that you’d rather not have. A conversation where you have to confront someone.

It could be at home with your personal relationships or at work or with your sporting team etc.

The truth is that most people would prefer not to have the conversation and many actively avoid it. However, if you avoid it, it only tends to get worse.

When I’m coaching my clients, many find that even when they resolve to have the conversation, they don’t know how to start it.

So this week, we’re going to talk about a concept called “Inoculation”, which I learned from Jennifer Elliot, creator of the Integrity and Values profile.

Inoculation as a concept for communication skills is the same as what most of us went through with getting vaccinated for Covid.

By being given a little of the virus, the aim is to lessen the effect for people who might get it and prevent as many as possible from getting sick.

When we have to have THAT conversation, we start by “inoculating” the other person so that they do not feel ambushed or blindsided.

We might start by saying something like, “This is really awkward for me. I feel uncomfortable having to have this conversation”.

This helps the initiator of the conversation to acknowledge how they feel so they can go on and also helps the person receiving the feedback to get ready for what’s about to come.

From there the feedback can be given, e.g. “It has come to my attention that one of our customers has not been invoiced for the past three months for work completed. Can you help me understand how this happened please?”

The next thing to do is to active listen the response.

The conversation can develop from there.

Inoculation gets you started. It sets the tone for how the conversation will go and reduces the potential for an argument.

Next time you have to have THAT conversation with someone, please inoculate them. You’ll find you’ll most likely get a better outcome as well as maintain a better relationship.

P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant masterclass series is starting in September.  Check it out here https://shirleydaltoncourse.com/webinar

P.P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Which One Holds The Most Belief? (WT684)

Which One Holds The Most Belief? (WT684)

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by Shirley Dalton | 4 Aug, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

T 684 Which one holds the most belief?

This week I finished reading Bruce Lipton’s book, “The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles”.

It was first published in 2005 and then updated ten years later in 2015.

It was a fascinating book, written by a scientist who explains how our beliefs or perceptions are “programmed” before the age of 6 and “which control our biology for the rest of our lives … or at least until we make the effort to reprogram them.” (Lipton, p173)

Lipton states that our subconscious mind controls about 95 percent of our behaviour. This explains the disconnect we have between our conscious mind where we set goals and desires and our sub-conscious mind which will either be in alignment with our goals or not.  Alignment equals achievement, non-alignment means lack of achievement or self-sabotage.

It also explains why will power alone doesn’t last.

Indeed, another great book to read to create lasting change is “Switch” by brothers Dan and Chip Heath.

In their book, they use the analogy of a rider and an elephant. The rider is our willpower, the elephant is our emotions and motivation.  Unless the elephant wants to go in the direction of the rider, the rider (willpower) has little control over where the elephant goes.

The good news is that we now know that we can change our programming. We can rewire the brain. We can change our beliefs and therefore our destiny.

The question is, which reprogramming modality to choose?

The answer, according to Lipton, is “the one in which you hold the most belief.”

You would have heard of the placebo effect before, where an inert substance (e.g. sugar pill) causes a perceived beneficial outcome.

Have you heard of the term, “nocebo”?  A nocebo is the opposite. It causes a perceived harmful outcome. For example, if you believe that a drug causes certain side effects, you will most likely manifest the side effects.

So what’s the point of our thought this week?

The point is, it’s a huge reminder that we need to accept that we are 100% responsible for our lives and what happens to us, even though we may be consciously unaware. We need to take responsibility and start to become aware of the limiting beliefs we have been programmed with (albeit unintentionally from our parents and caregivers) and do the work to change our lives so that we can all be, do, have and feel what we want.

If you’re not living the life you desire, then take responsibility for changing it. Start to notice your limiting beliefs. Invest in a training program or methodology that suits you to override the conditioning.

You can easily notice your limiting beliefs by listening to what you say, e.g. You can’t get good staff. There are no good men or women out there. It’s hard to make money.  These beliefs (perceptions or decisions) are holding you back. The only way to change them is to rewire your brain.

Depending on what you believe, below is a very small sample of different modalities that can help:

  1. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)
  2. Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping)
  3. Psych-K (by Rob Williams)
  4. Neuro Linguistic Programming
  5. Silva Mind Control Method
  6. Various forms of energy healing

The important thing here is that it doesn’t matter which modality you choose. The one that will work is the one which holds the most belief.

P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant masterclass series is starting in September.  If you own a business and are desperate to have some help so you can step back and not have to do everything, reply to this email and let’s talk. It is possible to have a business and a life you love.

P.P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

You’re Only Cheating Yourself (WT683)

You’re Only Cheating Yourself (WT683)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Jul, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

WT 683 You are only cheating yourself

Have you ever “gone on a diet”?

Have you ever taken action to change a habit?

This week I started back on “The Fast 800”. Eight hundred refers to the number of calories you can eat in a day.

I followed it a year or two ago and released about 8 kilos. (I can’t say lost, or I might find it again, which I did.)

I found it challenging and I know what I am in for again.

I’m having to use my mindset training not to allow my limiting beliefs to dominate and create the exact experience I don’t want, e.g. “It’s going to be hard”.   Well, that may not be true. It could be easy.

I’m also having to be even more aware of my thoughts, feelings and actions.

The other night Ross made a beautiful dinner based on beans (legumes) with some lettuce and pickled cucumbers etc.

As I took my plate back into the kitchen I saw two servings of beans still in the frypan.

I put my plate down and walked over and started to pick at the beans with my fingers.

I ate two mouthfuls and a voice in my head said, “You’re only cheating yourself”.

It was true. It didn’t matter to Ross if I ate more beans or not. It wasn’t like I was trying to hide from him and no-one else would know if I tucked in and ate more of the beans.

It’s times like these that give us the opportunity to understand ourselves.

It’s times like these that challenge us to stay true to our goals and take the action necessary to achieve them.

It’s times like these that require us to flex our discipline muscles.

If we set a goal and don’t do the work to achieve it, we’re only cheating ourselves.

How about you?

Have you set a goal recently? Is there something you want?

Have you started taking action or are you still thinking about it?

If you’ve started taking action, are you being persistent and disciplined or are you letting yourself off the hook and cheating yourself?

 And one last point, there are two schools of thought on this one; if you have a goal, vision or dream you want:

  1. Don’t tell anyone, in order to avoid the negative energy of the naysayers, or
  2. Tell everyone to keep yourself accountable.

Guess which one I’m following.

Now that I have “spilled the beans” and shared, I have to keep going otherwise I’ll experience the pain of embarrassment.  Out of two forms of motivation, move away from pain or toward pleasure, I’m definitely a “move away from pain” gal.

How about you?   Away from pain or toward pleasure?

Knowing yourself helps you lead and manage yourself.

Remember, if you cheat, you’re only cheating yourself.

P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant masterclass series is starting in September.  Running for 9 weeks over zoom, I will personally guide you through my 5 Steps to Business Freedom so you can streamline your operations, discover how to write procedures the right way and develop Key Performance Indicators and Key Behaviour Indicators for you and your team. It’s practical. You’ll be completing assignments each week so at the end you will have already started improving your productivity, plus you have the opportunity to be coached in real time by me. Starts Tuesday 5th September 9:30am – 11:00am Sydney time.  Reply to this email if you’re interested.

P.P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

The Dash (WT682)

The Dash (WT682)

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by Shirley Dalton | 21 Jul, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 682 The dash

This week I had a really interesting conversation with a participant in the next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience.

Participants complete a profile and we spend 2 hours together understanding the report and identifying what works and what gets in the way of achieving what they want.

Participants share their life stories and I feel very privileged to hear what people have done and experienced in their lives.

In our meeting this week, I commented about the poem “The Dash” by Linda Ellis, that is often read at funerals and which is about the metaphor of the hyphen that separates the birth date and death date on a tombstone.

It represents what we do between the two dates and I commented that this participant has a big dash, not that she is old, rather that she has done a lot in her lifetime.

It got me thinking about my dash. What are the things that I’ve done and experienced so far? What have I learned? And like the poem suggests, am I living life to the full? Am I living the life I want to live?

These are big questions. How would you answer them for yourself?

Are you spending time with those you love?

Do you enjoy the work you do?

Are you making a difference to others?

Is there something else you’d rather be doing?

Is there somewhere else you’d rather be living?

Let’s take the time to reflect.

Let’s think about the time we have left. (For me, I’ve decided that’s at least another 37 years.)

What do you want to be, do, have and feel?

If you’re not being, doing, having and feeling what you want, then maybe it’s time to make some changes.

What do you want to include in your dash?

P.S. If you’ve been sitting on the fence thinking you might like to register for the Leading Yourself and Leading Experience but haven’t quite committed, now might be a good time to reach out and make it happen. I can guarantee you it will change your life.

P.P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

There Are Always More Options (WT680)

There Are Always More Options (WT680)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Jul, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

WT 680 There are always more options

This week’s thought is for those who may get disheartened thinking that you only have one option and if you get a “No” that it’s the end of your desire.

Not true. There are always more options.

I’m in the midst of writing my next book, “Leaders are Listeners”. I wanted to make sure that I don’t infringe copyright and that I acknowledge my mentors and coaches and other great resources.

The book includes some concepts and activities from the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience.

You might be thinking, “Why would you include activities from your Leadership experience in your book? Shouldn’t that be reserved for participants only?”

The answer is “No”. Think about it this way. If you like a musician or a band, you buy the album or listen to Spotify etc. however most of us still want to go to the concerts and see them live.

This happened for me with Jack Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles – How to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You Want To Be”. Ross bought it for my birthday and I was so excited by all the activities he shared in his book, that the very next year, we headed to Scottsdale, Arizona to join his week-long course, “Breakthrough to Success”.

As I reviewed the content that I wanted to include, there were some concepts that were part of a program that I had been trained and accredited to teach but I didn’t want to include them all.

Without asking, I assumed that I would have to leave them out.

Here’s the thing, there are always more options. Sometimes it takes someone else to see them and show you.

In my case, I was offered two options, one of which suited me perfectly.

If you’re currently telling yourself “No” and giving up on something you want, please take another look.  Talk to others who may see things from a completely different perspective.

Remember, there are always more options and if you’re committed, truly committed, the answers will appear.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

To AI or Not to AI (WT679)

To AI or Not to AI (WT679)

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by Shirley Dalton | 30 Jun, 2023 | Blog, Business, Systems and Processes

WT 679 To AI or not to AI

You’ve probably heard all the hype and excitement lately about AI (Artificial Intelligence) and ChatGPT4 in particular, so I thought I’d trial ChatGPT4 to write my Weekly Thought.

Here’s what I asked:

“i write weekly thoughts. they are a dose of inspiration, education and support. Please write me a 200 word article on the difference between having ai write my thought and me actually writing the thought.”

I can’t help myself. Even though I know it is a machine, I still use my manners. Mum would kill me if I was impolite at any time.

The article that came back was too long, so I asked for it to be reduced to 100 words.

Here’s the response:

Title: The Essence of Thought: AI Assistance versus Human Expression

In the realm of thought creation, a juxtaposition arises between AI-generated and human-written musings. While AI can produce coherent content, the distinction lies in the authenticity and emotional depth present in human expression. Human thoughts are infused with personal experiences, unique perspectives, and genuine vulnerability, fostering connections on a deeper level. The act of personal creation taps into imagination, intuition, and introspection, allowing for exploration, inspiration, and cognitive growth. Collaborative synergy further enhances human-written thoughts, as diverse perspectives and feedback foster evolution and innovation. Embrace the symbiotic relationship between AI and human creativity, combining their strengths to shape a world where thoughts thrive with a harmonious blend of technology and the human spirit.

Wowza!

That’s certainly not something I would write.

Firstly, there are too many polysyllabic words (words with more than two syllables). When writing in Plain English, we want to use less syllables, e.g. instead of “receive” use “get”.

Sentences should be limited to no more than 14 words, which is why my Weekly Thoughts often have one sentence to a line.

When communicating, you need to write for your reader and the Weekly Thoughts are not meant for publishing in an academic journal.

They are simply my thoughts that I share in the hope they inspire you or educate you and certainly encourage you to think about the topic.

Whilst I am a fan of ChatGPT4 for creating checklists and giving me content, I won’t be using it to write my Weekly Thoughts. Afterall, writing the thoughts is like journaling and it’s a form of therapy for me.

And just in case you’re wondering what GPT means, it’s “Generative Pre-trained Transformer” and it’s used to generate human-like text, complete sentences, or even whole articles based on a given prompt or context. GPT models excel at tasks such as text completion, language translation, question-answering, summarization, and generating conversational responses. They leverage the knowledge and patterns learned during pre-training to generate creative and contextually relevant outputs. (Source ChatGPT4)

There you have it, to AI or not to AI. For me, it’s a blend of both, just like ChatGPT4 said:

Embrace the symbiotic relationship between AI and human creativity, combining their strengths to shape a world where thoughts thrive with a harmonious blend of technology and the human spirit.

P.S. Today is the last day to save with the Early Bird Discount for the next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in August. Find out more here https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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