It’s Okay to Say “But” (WT751)

It’s Okay to Say “But” (WT751)

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by Shirley Dalton | 15 Nov, 2024 | Blog, Communication Skills

WT 751 It's okay to say but

If you’ve done any training with me, you’ll know that we teach you not to use the word “but” because it negates everything that goes before it.

For example, you wouldn’t say to your staff member, “I really like the work you’re doing, but I’d like you to improve here”. All they will hear is “I’d like you to improve”.

Instead of “but” use “and”.

“I really like the work you’re doing and I’d like you to improve here.”

Now, there is an exception.

The one time that it is okay and encouraged to say “but” is when you’ve just complained about something or you’ve been ungrateful about something.

In this instance, you can correct the complaint, with what Rhonda Byrne, author of “The Secret” and “The Magic” calls the Magic Lifeline.

As soon as you become aware you have been ungrateful or have complained, simply say, “But, I have to say, I’m truly grateful for <fill in the blank>”.

In this instance you are negating the thing that you’ve being complaining about, or that you’re being negative about.

Byrne explains in “The Magic” that gratitude is the magic and provides 28 days of activities to help us enjoy more magic in our lives. I highly recommend you get the book and go through the activities. It’s especially powerful if you do it with a group to keep you accountable.

So, to recap, the one and only time it’s okay to say “but” is when you use it to cancel out a negative comment or complaint.

Give it a go this week.  It’s a good opportunity to notice how much you might be complaining or not showing gratitude.

And with that, thank you for being part of my community and reading the thought each week. It inspires me to keep going.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Are You Delusional? (WT750)

Are You Delusional? (WT750)

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by Shirley Dalton | 8 Nov, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 750 Are you delusional?

Before you answer that question, here’s the definition of “delusional” from Vocabulary.com.

“A delusional person believes things that couldn’t possibly be true. If you’re convinced that the microwave is attempting to control your thoughts, you are, sadly, delusional. Delusional comes from a Latin word meaning “deceiving”. So delusional thinking is kind of like deceiving yourself by believing outrageous things.”

And this week, this is exactly what we want.

I really love this concept from Nina Oberoi.

Nina explains that to create your reality, you need to become delusional in your thinking.

This has helped me enormously to have fun with expanding the vision of my future self. Because it’s delusional, I’m not attached to whether it will happen or not. I just have fun with creating outrageous goals and outcomes.

If you’re up for it, here’s what to do:

  1. Identify the delusions of your new reality (all the things you want to have happen, things you want to receive, achieve and the person you want to become)
  2. Write down everything as if it has already happened
  3. Record yourself reading everything, with plenty of positive emotion and energy
  4. Listen to your recording at least 3 times a day

Give yourself permission to be completely delusional because when you allow yourself to be delusional, and you know you are being delusional, then you can play a game with yourself.

You can have fun going into the delusion, getting that feeling of excitement, that energy, that is exactly what you need in order to create and manifest what you want.

Here’s a couple of mine to give you an example:

“People love to hear what I have to say. People look forward to my posts. I get hundreds of comments and hundreds of people sharing the work that I’m doing.”

What’s the delusion of your new reality that you want to create?

What’s the decision, the delusional decision that you’re making?

Will you allow yourself to be completely delusional in this sense? Give it a go and see what happens.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Transaction Vs Transformation (WT749)

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by Shirley Dalton | 1 Nov, 2024 | Blog, Business

WT 749 Transaction versus Transformation

Last week Ross and I drove to Sydney to attend The Complete Leader conference by Lee Woodward. I love connecting with other leaders and learning tips and strategies for mindset and operations.

On the way down and back we also listened to some audiobooks.

One of the books, both by Dan Sullivan, was “The 4 C’s Formula: Your Building Blocks of Growth: Commitment, Courage, Capability, and Confidence”.

I loved listening to Dan as he explained the cycle for success.

First you have to commit. You have to decide what it is you want.

Secondly, you have to have courage.  Courage gets you past the fear and gets you into action.

When you get into action, you start to develop Capability and when you become Capable, you develop Confidence.

Many people think it’s the other way around. When I’m capable, I’ll commit to x,y,z and then I’ll have the courage.

Think of a recent project you’ve undertaken. One that you didn’t know how to do before you started doing it.

Did you go through the 4C’s?

If you’re about to start a new project, I encourage you to commit to completing it first, even if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Dan’s second book that we listened to was “10x Is Easier than 2x: How World-Class Entrepreneurs Achieve More by Doing Less”.

This was a game changer for me in terms of mindset.

Dan explained that most entrepreneurs think about doubling their business (2x) and when they do, they think about all the extra work they will have to do to increase the number of sales or turnover etc.  Dan referred to this as increasing the number of “transactions”.

For me, for example, if I think about doubling my business, this brings up images of having to find more time to service more clients, especially if they are individual coaching clients.

But, to 10X the business, requires a transformation. A transformation in mindset. A transformation in operations and support. It means looking at different ways to achieve the results, by working less and focussing on the tasks that only you can and should do.

As Dan says, it’s easier to 10X your business than to 2X.

So for you, what will it be?  Transactions or Transformation?

If you’d like a little help with coaching, training or systems advice, reply and we’ll set up a time to talk.

I’d love to help you see what’s possible for you and your business. Let’s transform together!

 

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Feel The Fear (WT748)

Feel The Fear (WT748)

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by Shirley Dalton | 25 Oct, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 748 Feel the Fear

Ever read the book, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers?

It’s a great book to get you into action.

Another book I’m listening to and reading is “Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender” by David R. Hawkins.

Hawkins encourages us to simply acknowledge our feelings and let them go.

He also encourages us to let go of some limiting beliefs that may prevent us from doing just that, such as: “We only deserve things through hard work, struggle, sacrifice and effort” or “We don’t get anything for nothing”.

Hawkins tells us that “Letting go involves being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it, and letting it run its course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it. It means simply to let the feeling be there and to focus on letting out the energy behind it.” (pp19-20)

As you let go, ignore all thoughts and focus only on the feeling.

According to Hawkins, “it is the accumulated pressure of feelings that causes thoughts. One feeling, can create literally thousands of thoughts over a period of time.”

For example, think of a time from your past that was painful or something you did that you regret. How many times have you gone over and over that situation, thinking about it?

If you could surrender the underlying painful feeling, the thoughts would disappear and you would forget the event.

I don’t know about you but I find this fascinating.  It’s opposite to what I’ve learned previously where thoughts create feelings.

Right now, I’m willing to experiment. I’m willing to acknowledge that I am feeling a great deal of fear. Fear about the future as I transition and the business evolves. This feeling generates all sorts of thoughts, some positive and expectant, some negative and paralysing.

And the important thing to remember, according to Hawkins, is that we want to let go of all feelings, not just the negative ones. Similar to the Buddha’s teachings, it’s about becoming detached.

It also reminds me of a saying I learned when I attended the 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat, “Arises, passes away” in relation to body sensations (you could call feelings) as you observe them and let them go.

How about you? Are you willing to feel the fear (or whatever feeling you are currently experiencing) and let it go?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

A Hug and An Ear (WT747)

A Hug and An Ear (WT747)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Oct, 2024 | Blog, Communication Skills, Leadership

WT 747 A hug and an ear

Every now and then we need a little reminder of the skills we’ve learnt that we’ve forgotten.

I was talking with a past Leading Yourself and Leading Others graduate this week.

We’ll call him Max.

Max was sharing some challenges that he and his family were experiencing.

Max is a “Driver” personality, so I know he’s focused on what he can “do”.

I asked him, “How do you think you can support your family?”

He replied, “I think I’m fairly supportive. I’m doing what I can to help relieve the burden (of tasks).”

He then shared a story with me about how he had done his best to encourage one of his family members with an upbeat pep talk.

Max has a huge heart and he loves his family very much.

“Are your family members huggers?” I asked.

“Yes, they are”, he said.

“Hmmm”, I replied. “You know, sometimes we just need a hug and an ear.”

I remembered the day I left the hospital after visiting my dad at lunch time (whom had had a car accident) and the head nurse called me into her office and basically told me he was going to die.

I was in total shock and when I eventually finished work for the day and went home, I drove the car into the garage. I barely made it up the stairs and when I got to the top of the stairs, I burst into tears.

Seeing the state I was in, Ross quickly came over. I collapsed into his arms and sobbed.

He didn’t need to say anything.

He didn’t ask any questions.

The hug and his ear was enough.

Learning to listen, really listen, what we call Active Listening is something participants learn in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience.

When you actively listen to someone, you are demonstrating that you heard and understood their message.  You don’t have to agree with it.  Your job is simply to give them feedback on what it is you think you understood.

When I say “simply”, this is a skill and it is not so simple to master. It takes concentration and patience and practise. Participants have to learn not to jump in with solutions. Often that’s about them feeling good about themselves that they have solved your problem.

If you’d like to improve your listening and communication skills, consider registering for the next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience which starts Friday 22nd November. (See link below.)

You’ll be amazed at how much better your relationships will be when you have the awareness that sometimes all you need to do is share a hug and an ear.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

I Can’t Do That Because … (WT746)

I Can’t Do That Because … (WT746)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Oct, 2024 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 746 I can't do that because

Have you ever found yourself responding to a suggestion with “I can’t do that because …?”

It’s such a powerful phrase that stops us from moving forward.

One of my fabulous coaching clients, (we’ll call him Doug) had this incredible insight as we were discussing some potential actions he could take to grow his business.

As I reflected back the suggestions he gave, his internal response was “I can’t do that because …”

He was aware enough to mention it, so we had a juicy topic to coach around.

“Hmm,” he pondered.

“You know, this is something I do a lot.”

“I hold myself back by looking for reasons NOT to do something and then I validate myself and let myself off the hook.”

Doug isn’t alone in this department.

Most of us do this to some extent.

I do it with the gym.

“I can’t go today because I have to catch up on client work. I can’t go today because I have a meeting in town at 9:00am.”

Excuse after excuse after excuse.

So what can we do about it once we become aware of it?

Look to see the benefit or reward we are seeking from avoiding taking the action.

There is always a benefit to our behaviour.

Once we become aware of the benefit we are seeking, we can then look for ways that we can get that benefit by doing the things we say we want to do.

It’s a process of rewiring your brain.

Here’s an example: “I can’t go to the gym today because I’m running the leadership experience all day.” This is a valid reason not to go.  Or is it?

If I really wanted to go to the gym, I could get up earlier or go after the leadership experience finishes.

I don’t really enjoy the gym. I find it boring doing the same things and I get frustrated when others are using the equipment I want.

Going to the gym is not aligned with my values but yoga is.

I love doing yoga at home. I am in my own little world. I am not concerned about others and I can change up the poses from day to day.

If the goal is to move the body, I’m better off doing something that is aligned with my values and that gives me the benefit or reward I am seeking.

How about you?

Are there things you’re procrastinating on?

If so, perhaps take a look at your values and see if what you’re procrastinating about is aligned.

I’ll wager it’s not.

When we’re in alignment with our values, we do the work. We take the action, even if we don’t particularly like it because it’s a means to an end.

This week, take stock of the excuses you are making up, and if you find yourself saying, “I can’t do that because …” then ask yourself, what is the benefit I am getting by not doing the thing? How can I find a way to give myself the benefit and take the action I need to take?

 

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

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