Yes You Did (WT787)

Yes You Did (WT787)

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by Shirley Dalton | 25 Jul, 2025 | Blog, Communication Skills

WT 787 Yes you did

This week I was reconciling the bank statement and I noticed that the direct debit for Ross’ gym membership had more than doubled.

For the past few years, the fees were paid fortnightly.

I showed Ross and he didn’t know anything about the increase.

Armed with the printout of the gym expenses, Ross asked the lady on the reception about the increase.

“Oh that”, she said. “We’ve changed to monthly now instead of fortnightly debits.”

A little passive aggressive, Ross replied, “Well it would have been nice to have been told.”

“We sent you an email in June”, she replied.

“I didn’t get an email”, said Ross.

“Yes you did”, she corrected him.

“I didn’t get an email” he repeated.

“Yes you did, we sent everyone an email in June”, she said dismissively.

You can imagine how Ross was feeling by this stage.

“Well how come it has increased?” he asked.

“It hasn’t”, she answered.

“I’m looking at the past two fortnights and they are less than the monthly fee you’ve just charged me.”

“If you multiple the fortnights to get a total and then divide by 12 to get the amount for the month, you’ll see that you are paying the exact same amount, just monthly now instead of fortnightly.”

Ross gave up.

He believed they probably did send an email, however he didn’t receive it. 

It’s a bit like my Weekly Thoughts.  Some people get them consistently and then for some reason, sometimes they just stop.

And the interesting thing was, that at some point in the conversation she admitted that a lot of people had enquired about the debit amount.

I don’t know about you, when Ross told me this story, I felt frustrated and disappointed.

I wish people would learn how to improve their communication skills.

If she had Actively Listened to Ross, she could have made her point about an email being sent out and he would have most likely accepted it and felt comfortable with it.

Instead, she argued, made him wrong and did nothing to develop a good relationship with him – a paying customer, potential referrer and fellow human being.

It saddens me when I hear stories like this. I just cringe.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Please, if nothing else, refrain from saying, “Yes you did”. 

Keep in mind the words of Denis Waitley, “If you have the choice, and you always do, to be kind or to be right. Choose kind.”

Your mission this week. Be kind.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Why Can’t I …? (WT786)

Why Can’t I …? (WT786)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Jul, 2025 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 786 Why can't I

Today’s thought might be a bit confronting as we ask and answer what I think is a deep question.

This week I had scheduled to run 3 x 2 hour presentations, “How to Succeed as a Solopreneur”.

On Sunday afternoon I lost it.

I’d spent practically all weekend preparing and practising.

In tears, I cried to Ross, “How come I can’t be like everybody else?”

“Why can’t I be happy to just work for someone and have weekends and evenings off, like other normal people? How come I always seem to be working on the weekend? Why do I put so much pressure on myself?”

Of course Ross knew too well to even attempt to answer that question because he knew it wasn’t a real question.

It was my way of expressing my fear that the presentations may not be whatever I deemed to be “successful”.

During the week I shared this story with a colleague and added, “I’m unemployable” to which she replied, “No you’re not, you’ve got so many skills and so much to offer”.

I corrected my communication, “I mean my attitude.”

And here is the confronting part, there is no such thing as “normal”.

We are all individuals. 

We all have unique gifts and talents that we bring to the world.

At times we can be challenged to show up, however I want to encourage you to stay true to who you are and to not compare yourself with anyone else or look to the other side of the fence, thinking the grass is greener.

Whether you’re an employee or an employer or a solopreneur or a stay at home mum or dad or carer, whatever you choose is OK as long as you are choosing it.

After I got over my little tanty, I settled down and focussed on being grateful.

I am grateful that I have the freedom to choose to work on weekends. 

I am grateful that I have the freedom to choose what I want to work on and with whom.

How about you?

If you find yourself asking, “Why can’t I …..?” how about reframing your question to “How lucky am I, I get to ….?

When we understand that everything in life is a choice, we take back our power.

If you find yourself having a tanty and saying things you don’t really mean, look to what’s underneath that.  Ask yourself “What’s going on here?  What’s the real issue?”

I’ll wager that it’s not the thing you’re complaining about.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

You Put Too Much Water In (WT785)

You Put Too Much Water In (WT785)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Jul, 2025 | Blog, Communication Skills

WT 785 You put too much water in it

This week wasn’t one of my best weeks.

Feeling a slight twinge in my back last Thursday night, by Friday morning I could barely move.

My remedy is to strap a hot water bottle to my back, do lots of tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), be grateful for everything and go into my mental healing lab and heal myself.

It took a few days and today I am 80% there.

Now the reason for the context is actually to remind us all to use our communication skills in order to enjoy harmonious relationships.

Ross was filling my water bottle for me and instead of using an “I Message” to assertively and kindly let him know, “I prefer less water please”, what did I do?

I used a “You Message” and ungratefully blurted out, “You put too much water in it”.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth and I noticed the look of hurt and upset on his face, I knew I had forgotten to use my skills.

As soon as I could, I apologised, and this is a public apology as well.

There are a couple of lessons here:

  1. When you mess up, take responsibility and clean up your mess.
  2. If you care about the relationship, use your skills, and
  3. Understand that when you do not appreciate what others do for you, they are less likely to want to continue doing for you.

It is such a simple concept, speak from “I” rather than “You”. We call these “I Messages” and there are 5 different types. 

“You Messages” on the other hand can be interpreted as:

  1. Put Downs
  2. Accusations
  3. Threats
  4. Ultimatums, and
  5. Blame.

None of which will help you to enjoy harmonious relationships with people who want to help and support you.

Your mission this week is to use “I Messages” when expressing yourself and to notice when you use a “You Message” and clean it up straight away.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Those Who Show Up … (WT784)

Those Who Show Up … (WT784)

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by Shirley Dalton | 4 Jul, 2025 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset

WT 784 Those who show up

This week I put my hand up to get some feedback on one of my roleplay calls from my mentor – in front of the group.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I had recently resat the training after I had submitted the recording, so I was able to give myself a huge amount of feedback on what I had missed.

At the end of the mentoring session, one of the group members reached out to me privately on What’s App and gave me her feedback. She said “You are fearless”.

I was sharing this story with another colleague and confessed, that’s not how I would describe myself. In fact, in lots of ways, I have a lot of fear.

My colleague responded with, “You continually show up”. I couldn’t argue with that. I do show up and I put my hand up for coaching and feedback continuously.  I don’t always like what I hear, however I do my best to take it on board and improve.

So I started thinking about the clients I have been coaching lately and how we celebrated those who showed up for their coaching and mentoring support call.

It was so inspiring to see the progress they are making towards their goals. They were all beaming with joy and pride as they shared their achievements and the action they are taking.

Life rewards Action! (source: Authentic Education)

They showed up and they continue to show up.

One of the participants commented that he “always likes to show up because it’s a constant reminder of things he might otherwise forget. In other words, it keeps him in action towards his goals”.

The point of this week’s thought is to encourage you to continue show up.

No matter what that looks like for you, if you continue to show up and do the work towards achieving your goals, you are bound to be successful.

And I’m here, in your corner, cheering you on.

Let me know what you’re working on and what showing up means for you.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Keep Practising and Improving (WT783)

Keep Practising and Improving (WT783)

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by Shirley Dalton | 27 Jun, 2025 | Blog, Mindset

WT 783 Keep practising and improving

I don’t know about you, but this week I’ve been resitting a training course I attended about 12 months ago and it’s like I never attended.

As we went through the exercises, I kept thinking, “I don’t remember this. I can’t recall doing that before.”

I’m guessing this has happened to you. How come?

Because this week I presented the final session for a 6 month internal customised training program for a client and as we revised what we had learned over the period, it was clear that some of the participants, like me with my course, hadn’t fully taken in the information when first presented.

As I reflect on this, I’m reminded of past participants of the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience who have attended more than once. Their feedback has been similar to my experience.

“I’ve picked up so much more this time around.  I’m getting more and more distinctions.”

So, if you’ve already graduated from our LSLO experience, it might be time to consider attending again.

The real lesson here is to keep practising and improving.

My favourite quote in the whole world is by English Philosopher, Herbert Spencer, who said, “The Great Aim of Education Is Not Knowledge but Action”.

It’s not enough for us to attend training and pay attention and learn and then think we “know it”. 

We only know it when we embody it.

We demonstrate that we have embodied the knowledge when we actually use it, ie. we do the thing we have learned. We take the action.

For example, you can read a book on how to swim. You can watch a video on how to ride a bike. You can watch a live demonstration of both of these things, however you will not be able to swim or ride a bike until you get in the pool or on the bike and start swimming or riding.

It’s not rocket science.

Do the thing. Keep practising and improving.

 

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

 

Make A Procedure (WT782)

Make A Procedure (WT782)

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by Shirley Dalton | 20 Jun, 2025 | Blog, Business, Systems and Processes

WT 782 Make a Procedure

Before we get into this week’s thought, Ross and I were debating about the correct way to write the title.

Should it be “Write a Procedure” or “Make a Procedure”?

Before screen-capture tools like Loom.com or transcription services like Otter.ai or AI in general, the only way to capture a procedure was to write it, hence “Write a Procedure”.

Today though, there are many ways to capture a procedure, hence “Make a Procedure”.

So, whichever one you think is correct, use that.

To get us started, I have a question for you.

Have you ever been employed in a role and been asked to complete a task but there were no instructions for how to do it?

I thought so!

Here’s the thing. When we write procedures, we aren’t writing for ourselves, because we know how to do the work.  We are writing for the people who come after us.

And if you answered “Yes” to the question above, then you know how much we appreciate the thoughtfulness of those who created procedures for us to follow.

As a general rule, if you’re going to do something more than once, make a procedure.

If you only do something once a year, make a procedure because the odds are you will forget between now and next year.

With today’s technology, it’s not hard to make a procedure.

Here’s a tip. You might even call it a procedure.

  1. Name the procedure. For example, How to Make a Procedure.

2. Subscribe to Otter.ai or similar transcription service and download it to your phone or desktop.

3. Press Record.

4. Verbally describe the steps and any important information.

5. Use the format – Why, What, How and What If.

a. Why is this important? (Give the person a reason to follow the procedure.)

b. What is it?  (Give a bit of context or history or definition.)

c. How (List the steps and always start with a verb because people want to know what they have to DO.)

d. What if?  (These are questions people may have, “What if this happens? What if that happens?” Answer the questions.)

6. Stop the recording.

7. Upload the transcription to ChatGPT or other similar AI.

8. Prompt AI to create a procedure using verbs and numbers for each step and sub-step.

9. Review and edit the procedure.

10. Copy or download the procedure.

11. Update the version history (version number and date).

12. File the procedure in your document management system.

13. Inform those who use the procedure of the new version.

14. Request acknowledgement from users that they have Read and Understood the procedure.

15. Follow the procedure.

If you’re looking for a good document management system, I recommend TKO Docs (https://tkodocs.com).  It’s built on wordpress, has search availability and soon to have voice activated conversations like, “What’s our procedure for writing a procedure?”

There are many more features, like version control, being able to select who sees what, ability to create personalised manuals for different roles and the list goes on.

I trust I have encouraged you to think about your procedures and motivated you to start making them, if you haven’t already.

More information can be found in my book, The Loyal Lieutenant: How The Second-in-Command Brings The CEO’s Vision To Life.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

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