When You Expect To Be Perfect (WT790)

When You Expect To Be Perfect (WT790)

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WT 790 When you expect to be perfect

This week’s thought is for all the learners who think they have to be perfect when they’re learning something for the first time.

Hand on heart, I know this personality well. 

Years ago, I was learning how to set up a studio with greenscreens and lights for our online TV show.

The trainer was in the USA so we were waking up around 3:00am for a 4:00am class.

It was winter. We were in the garage and it was cold and uncomfortable.

“The lights aren’t right Ross”, I bellowed.

“You can see the edge of the greenscreen. It needs to be moved.”

On and on I went, getting more and more frustrated because my set-up wasn’t perfect.

Until …

Ross had had enough and he snapped back, “You’re learning. You’re not supposed to know this yet. That’s what you’re learning.”

So it’s top of mind for me this week as I watch some of our Leading Yourself and Leading Others students struggle to learn Active Listening.

It’s a hard skill to learn, let alone master.

You aren’t expected to be perfect. You aren’t expected to get it right when you’re learning.

Cut yourself some slack and stop overthinking it.

Remember Aristotle’s quote: “The thing you think you need to know how to do before doing, you learn by doing”.

To get to the 4th stage of learning, where you are “unconsciously competent” (i.e. it’s second nature to you, you don’t have to think about it, it’s a habit), you must first pass stages 1, 2, and 3.

As a reminder:

Stage 1: Unconsciously Incompetent (You don’t know what you don’t know)

Stage 2: Consciously incompetent (Now you know you don’t know something)

Stage 3: Consciously competent (You have to think about every step and practise practise practise)

It’s not until you get through stages 1, 2 and 3 that you can get to Stage 4.

Note to self: “You are learning. Don’t expect to be perfect. Take the pressure off yourself to get it right and stop overthinking it.”

I’m curious, what sort of learner are you?

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Stay In Your Lane (WT789)

Stay In Your Lane (WT789)

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WT 789 Stay in your lane

The past few weeks I’ve been working onsite with a client on a major project.

Parking is tricky, so Ross has been driving me to and from the premises.

Sitting in the passenger seat, I found myself clinging to the seat.

“God! Look out! They’re coming over.”

“I know!” replied Ross.

This didn’t happen on just one occasion.

It seems to be a daily occurrence.

What happened to people’s ability to drive and stay in their lanes?

Are they on the phone?

Are they reading a text message?

Hopefully, they’re not trying to watch a youtube training, like the guy in Melbourne this week who got fined for “driving whilst distracted”.

Anyway, as we navigated our way to work, I reflected on the metaphor.

At work, it’s also important to stay in your lane.

The clearer your role descriptions are, the easier it is for people to stick to their lane.

Unless, of course, they happen to be people who can’t help themselves and have to do everyone else’s job except their own.

You know the ones. They exist in every business.

In our leadership experience participants complete an activity where they work with a team member to build a business.  This activity requires them to separate their roles, stick in their lanes and trust their team member to do their job.

It’s amazing to see the reaction when participants realise how much they CAN actually trust their team mate to do the work and that in fact, they MUST TRUST them because they can’t win if they try and do everything themselves.

Your mission this week is to reflect on your role.

Are you staying in your lane, or are you veering off into someone else’s lane?

If you don’t trust others to do their job, ask yourself how come?

If they’re really not capable, are they unable or unwilling? If unable, do they need more training?

And if they are capable, then maybe you need to look at yourself and get out of the way and let them do their job.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

4D’s to Exceptional Customer Care (WT788)

4D’s to Exceptional Customer Care (WT788)

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WT 788 4Ds to Exceptional Customer Care

About twelve years ago I created a model to help a property management company better understand and look after their customers.

Their property managers were struggling with the different demands and expectations of their customers, in relation to how much involvement they wanted in the process and how much communication they wanted.  They also struggled to understand their customers’ preferred methods of communication.

Taking inspiration from Stephen Covey’s Time Management Matrix, I created The Customer Communication MatrixTM.

Over the years I’ve found the model applies to most industries.

Here’s how it works, using a real estate example. You can substitute your industry.

Ask your customer the following questions and plot their ideal communication/involvement position on the matrix. Circle their top 3 preferred mediums for communication.

1. On a scale of 1-10 (1 low, 10 high), how much involvement would you like during the process of selling your home/managing your investment property?

2. On a scale of 1-10 (1 low, 10 high), how often would you like us to communicate with you during the process of selling your home or managing your investment property?

3. How would you like us to communicate with you? Choose your top 3 preferred methods.

4. What sort of information would you like us to communicate to you?

The answers to questions 1 and 2 will help you identify which quadrant they fit into.

Check out the diagram and read the summary below. Remember, the example is for real estate.

Doers – like lots of communication and to be highly involved in the process. They are very detailed and want to be involved at every step. Sometimes it can feel as though they want to do your job for you. Definitely detailed – they like to know everything.

Directors – like to give the orders. They want you to do things their way and they want lots of involvement in the beginning. They don’t need a lot of communication. They just want to know you are following their instructions. They can be detailed people. Do it their way.

Delegators – like to delegate the duties and hear from you often. They want to know what’s going on, but don’t want to do it or tell you how to do your job. They are interested in the outcome. They aren’t into detail. Let them know where you are up to without the details or specifics. Talk in terms of progress and outcomes reached.

Distant – They are happy for you to manage the process. They don’t need a lot of communication, in fact, they prefer little communication and little involvement. Just do your job and get the outcome. These customers are big picture people. They don’t want detail, they want results.

The options for their preferred method of communication float around the around circle.

Once you have this information from the customer, all you need to do is to act in accordance with their wishes.

When you do this, you can be confident that you are providing exceptional customer care.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Yes You Did (WT787)

Yes You Did (WT787)

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WT 787 Yes you did

This week I was reconciling the bank statement and I noticed that the direct debit for Ross’ gym membership had more than doubled.

For the past few years, the fees were paid fortnightly.

I showed Ross and he didn’t know anything about the increase.

Armed with the printout of the gym expenses, Ross asked the lady on the reception about the increase.

“Oh that”, she said. “We’ve changed to monthly now instead of fortnightly debits.”

A little passive aggressive, Ross replied, “Well it would have been nice to have been told.”

“We sent you an email in June”, she replied.

“I didn’t get an email”, said Ross.

“Yes you did”, she corrected him.

“I didn’t get an email” he repeated.

“Yes you did, we sent everyone an email in June”, she said dismissively.

You can imagine how Ross was feeling by this stage.

“Well how come it has increased?” he asked.

“It hasn’t”, she answered.

“I’m looking at the past two fortnights and they are less than the monthly fee you’ve just charged me.”

“If you multiple the fortnights to get a total and then divide by 12 to get the amount for the month, you’ll see that you are paying the exact same amount, just monthly now instead of fortnightly.”

Ross gave up.

He believed they probably did send an email, however he didn’t receive it. 

It’s a bit like my Weekly Thoughts.  Some people get them consistently and then for some reason, sometimes they just stop.

And the interesting thing was, that at some point in the conversation she admitted that a lot of people had enquired about the debit amount.

I don’t know about you, when Ross told me this story, I felt frustrated and disappointed.

I wish people would learn how to improve their communication skills.

If she had Actively Listened to Ross, she could have made her point about an email being sent out and he would have most likely accepted it and felt comfortable with it.

Instead, she argued, made him wrong and did nothing to develop a good relationship with him – a paying customer, potential referrer and fellow human being.

It saddens me when I hear stories like this. I just cringe.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Please, if nothing else, refrain from saying, “Yes you did”. 

Keep in mind the words of Denis Waitley, “If you have the choice, and you always do, to be kind or to be right. Choose kind.”

Your mission this week. Be kind.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Why Can’t I …? (WT786)

Why Can’t I …? (WT786)

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WT 786 Why can't I

Today’s thought might be a bit confronting as we ask and answer what I think is a deep question.

This week I had scheduled to run 3 x 2 hour presentations, “How to Succeed as a Solopreneur”.

On Sunday afternoon I lost it.

I’d spent practically all weekend preparing and practising.

In tears, I cried to Ross, “How come I can’t be like everybody else?”

“Why can’t I be happy to just work for someone and have weekends and evenings off, like other normal people? How come I always seem to be working on the weekend? Why do I put so much pressure on myself?”

Of course Ross knew too well to even attempt to answer that question because he knew it wasn’t a real question.

It was my way of expressing my fear that the presentations may not be whatever I deemed to be “successful”.

During the week I shared this story with a colleague and added, “I’m unemployable” to which she replied, “No you’re not, you’ve got so many skills and so much to offer”.

I corrected my communication, “I mean my attitude.”

And here is the confronting part, there is no such thing as “normal”.

We are all individuals. 

We all have unique gifts and talents that we bring to the world.

At times we can be challenged to show up, however I want to encourage you to stay true to who you are and to not compare yourself with anyone else or look to the other side of the fence, thinking the grass is greener.

Whether you’re an employee or an employer or a solopreneur or a stay at home mum or dad or carer, whatever you choose is OK as long as you are choosing it.

After I got over my little tanty, I settled down and focussed on being grateful.

I am grateful that I have the freedom to choose to work on weekends. 

I am grateful that I have the freedom to choose what I want to work on and with whom.

How about you?

If you find yourself asking, “Why can’t I …..?” how about reframing your question to “How lucky am I, I get to ….?

When we understand that everything in life is a choice, we take back our power.

If you find yourself having a tanty and saying things you don’t really mean, look to what’s underneath that.  Ask yourself “What’s going on here?  What’s the real issue?”

I’ll wager that it’s not the thing you’re complaining about.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

You Put Too Much Water In (WT785)

You Put Too Much Water In (WT785)

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WT 785 You put too much water in it

This week wasn’t one of my best weeks.

Feeling a slight twinge in my back last Thursday night, by Friday morning I could barely move.

My remedy is to strap a hot water bottle to my back, do lots of tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), be grateful for everything and go into my mental healing lab and heal myself.

It took a few days and today I am 80% there.

Now the reason for the context is actually to remind us all to use our communication skills in order to enjoy harmonious relationships.

Ross was filling my water bottle for me and instead of using an “I Message” to assertively and kindly let him know, “I prefer less water please”, what did I do?

I used a “You Message” and ungratefully blurted out, “You put too much water in it”.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth and I noticed the look of hurt and upset on his face, I knew I had forgotten to use my skills.

As soon as I could, I apologised, and this is a public apology as well.

There are a couple of lessons here:

  1. When you mess up, take responsibility and clean up your mess.
  2. If you care about the relationship, use your skills, and
  3. Understand that when you do not appreciate what others do for you, they are less likely to want to continue doing for you.

It is such a simple concept, speak from “I” rather than “You”. We call these “I Messages” and there are 5 different types. 

“You Messages” on the other hand can be interpreted as:

  1. Put Downs
  2. Accusations
  3. Threats
  4. Ultimatums, and
  5. Blame.

None of which will help you to enjoy harmonious relationships with people who want to help and support you.

Your mission this week is to use “I Messages” when expressing yourself and to notice when you use a “You Message” and clean it up straight away.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

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