Into The Label Maker We Go (WT777)

Into The Label Maker We Go (WT777)

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WT 777 Into the label maker we go

This week I’m sharing a conversation I had with a good friend and colleague.

We’ll call him Andrew.

Andrew was telling me about one of his team members.

The team member was bemoaning his clients.

“Rather than being grateful for the work or understanding of the needs of his clients”, Andrew said, “Into The Label Maker We Go”.

He went on to explain.

The team member would mention the client’s name, throw them in the label maker and then spit out any number of disparaging judgements and labels to describe his clients.

Now, this shouldn’t be funny and yet I found myself laughing heartily at the metaphor.

I imagined the team member’s head shaped like a label maker, similar to the old fashioned “Dyno” label makers, which we would use to make sticky labels of our names etc. for school books, cases and the like.

Sadly, I think, to some extent, we are all label makers.

Recall one of your own recent conversations and notice if you threw people into your label maker, and spat out judgements and criticisms.

When we label and judge others:

  1. We ignore the fact that we don’t know all the facts. We don’t know what’s going on for the other to cause them to behave the way they do.
  2. We often project onto others, unresolved issues of our own. “She’s ignorant. She doesn’t listen. She interrupts”, complains your friend who does all of that and more.
  3. It limits their growth and yours. Labels can box people in. If they accept the label, they can become the label and therefore not grow and develop.
  4. If we normalse this behaviour, we create environments where negativity, comparison, and gossip thrive—rather than support, acceptance, and mutual respect.
  5. We let ourselves off the hook for having the conversation and giving the feedback about the behaviour we’d like to see changed.

So, as funny as the metaphor is, on a serious note, I encourage you to expel your label maker.

This doesn’t mean people won’t do things that upset you. Rather it encourages you to find out what’s going on, to have a look at yourself, to be open to growth and development and to create a culture of acceptance and mutual respect and hold yourself accountable for having the conversation in a positive and assertive way.

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The Law of Commitment (WT776)

The Law of Commitment (WT776)

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WT 776 Commitment

When you say you’re committed to (fill in the blank), have you ever wondered how your body knows you are committed?

This week I’ve been studying with Benjamin J. Harvey and he gave a mind-blowing explanation of the Law of Commitment.

In fact, we are biologically designed to succeed if we follow the Law of Commitment.

In your body, you have cells called Astrocytes.

Astrocytes respond to two things. They respond to what’s called increased impulse traffic where the impulses are travelling down the same neural networks over and over again as well as taking urgent action.

With a couple of coaching processes we can trick the astrocytes by combining increased traffic with urgent action.

Say you have a habit that you want to accelerate. If you did the same thing every day, once a day for a year, you would have “zapped” your neurons (electrical chemical impulse travelling down the axons) just 365 times. But if you sit down and do 1000 zaps in a sitting, this is the equivalent of taking 3 years to form the habit. So you are accelerating the number of times the neural network fires, causing the astrocytes to wake up and ask, “What’s going on?”

The astrocytes then wake up your glial cells called Oligodendrocytes which wrap your axons with myelin.  It’s the myelin that is responsible for your ability to learn and retain the habit. The myelin insulates your neurons so the impulses can travel faster, in fact, up to 100x faster through a neuron that’s wrapped with myelin compared to one that isn’t.

With a little bit of habit hacking, you can actually achieve your results 5x faster.

Think about it this way. The only way to know that you’re committed is by your speed of response.

If you have kids you’ll see this by how quickly they put on their shoes to go to a friend’s party compared to how long it takes to put on school shoes. They’re committed to going to the party.

For yourself, notice how quickly you get into action to respond to an SMS to a person you’re committed to vs someone you’re not committed to. The same goes for your work. You speed up your response to the tasks you’re committed to vs those that you aren’t.

This is absolutely fascinating.

We can say we are committed, however now we know how to tell if we’re really committed and we also know how we can hack the system to accelerate our results.

Let me know what you’re committed to and how quickly you’re getting your results. Reach out if you’d like to accelerate your results.

 

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

There’s A Better Way To Say It (WT775)

There’s A Better Way To Say It (WT775)

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WT 775 There is a better way to say it

You know that one of my passions is communication.

I’ve spent decades studying communication and am an accredited instructor for Thomas Gordon’s Leader Effectiveness Training and overall Effectiveness Training, both of which place a heavy emphasis on developing communication skills.

So this week I cringed when a colleague shared with me, her dismay at receiving some feedback.

These days I’m also cautious about using the word “feedback” because for most of us, it means something negative is coming or a criticism of some sort.

Anyhoo, we’ll call her Jasmine.

In a public forum, one of Jasmine’s colleagues pointed out that a diagram Jasmine had created was not perfectly symmetrical.

“The diagram doesn’t line up”, said the colleague.

“Ouch”, felt Jasmine.

“Even if it was slightly off, couldn’t she have said it in a more tactful or polite way, especially in front of others?” asked Jasmine.

“Yes, I believe she could”, I replied.

“How would you have given the feedback?” she asked.

I would have come from offering a point for improvement rather than blatantly saying it was wrong.

For example, something like, “I’m wondering if the lines could be moved a little closer together so they are all the same distance from each other?”

The second version comes from an attitude of curiosity and desire to help improve.

The first version lands as being direct, harsh and superior.

When you’re providing feedback to your work colleagues or even at home with your family, please consider how your comments will land with the other.

Your intention might be to help improve, however your words may have the exact opposite effect.

Your colleagues may feel embarrassed and hurt and could feel like you are pointing out their errors on purpose, which will do little for your relationship.

Now I know there are some of you “Driver” type personalities who are direct and don’t like using “fluffy” words, however, before you leap to debate the issue, ask yourself this question, “Do I care about the relationship?”  If the answer is “Yes”, (for whatever reason), then please, use your skills.

Take the time to find a better way to say it.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Just Jump In (WT774)

Just Jump In (WT774)

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WT 774 Just jump in

You know animals can teach us a lot about life.

It was Good Friday and Ross and I were relaxing in the loungeroom when we noticed three kookaburras sitting on the railing on the front verandah.

They weren’t there long before they were joined by magpies, a currawong and a butcher bird.

Now, ordinarily Ross and I would not feed birds because we recalled a sign in a Queensland national park when we were travelling that said, “A fed bird is a dead bird”.

So generally, we won’t feed birds.

For some reason, on this day, Ross had some left over meat and so he threw it on the verandah.

The kookaburras jumped in, grabbed what they could, flew off and proceeded to shake their beaks to kill their prize.

The butcher bird also took flight, grabbed a piece and flew off.

Not so the magpies and currawong.

They hesitated.

They were on high alert.

They kept looking this way and that.

To Ross and I there was clearly no danger.

They could have quickly swooped down, grabbed their share and flown off.

Still they waited.

Still they hesitated, until finally one of the magpies made a daring dash.

With prize in mouth, the magpie took off.

I didn’t see it again until a week later when I heard a commotion outside.

As I looked out the window, the magpie was scolding its young and pushing it away as it ran across the yard with its stash from a few days before.

The magpie then hid its stash under the bushes on the other side of the yard.

So what are they teaching us?

Apart from “Don’t feed the birds”, they are teaching us not to wait, rather to just jump in.

If fear is holding you back, you are likely to miss out.

If there is something you want, I encourage you to just jump in and go for it.

The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll get your prize.

In fact, I have a poster in my room that was a gift from a podcast guest, that says, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear”.

Just jump in.

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P.P.S.  If you are feeling fearful and you would like to release that fear, we have a transformational tool that can help. Contact us if you’d like to know more.

You Don’t Have To Believe What People Tell You (WT773)

You Don’t Have To Believe What People Tell You (WT773)

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WT 773 You don't have to believe what people tell you

Many years ago, a former boss of mine told me that I would never be successful because I didn’t have any vision.

For some reason I believed him about the vision.

It’s only been recently that I have experienced my own “Aha’s” around this limiting belief.

As I’ve been coaching people recently I’ve observed how often I can see their business model and a vision for them and their business and have done so with my clients for the past 18 years. Doh!

I’ve helped them gain so much clarity and then helped them to remove the resistance that is holding them back.

Clients have been hitting goals that have alluded them for years.

Now the reason I’m telling you this, is not to brag but to emphasise to you, that (and I’m going to put it in capital letters so you really get it), that

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BELIEVE WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU.

This is especially true when what they are telling you is their opinion about you and what is most likely not true, but could cause you to create your own Limiting Belief.

Remember, Beliefs are Decisions. They are decisions that we make at some point in time which then affect how we see and show up in the world.

The good thing about seeing Beliefs as Decisions, is that because you know how to make a decision, you can make another decision.

I’ve decided to forget what my former boss said to me because it’s not true.  I do have vision and I can help you see yours.

I’m curious, what are some limiting beliefs that you’ve got that came from others’ opinions of you?

How about taking some time over this Easter break to reflect on what you were told and ask yourself whether you want to make a decision to ignore it or forget it.

My mum had a saying about opinions, “They’re like bums, everyone’s got one”. 

Don’t let someone else’s opinion influence you in a way that keeps you small.

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If You Get Nervous (WT772)

If You Get Nervous (WT772)

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WT 772 If you get nervous

Before we get into this week’s thought, I just want to acknowledge the readers who answered the challenge last week and messaged me with the tasks they wanted to be held accountable for.

Well done! All were completed in the week, so just to remind us of the benefit of having a coach, I call it the “BAQS System” because a coach, has your “back”. A coach can help to:

  1. Identify your Blind Spots
  2. Be your Accountability partner
  3. Ask quality Questions, and
  4. Provide suggestion on Strategies that you may not have thought of.

Now to this week:

This week I presented the first of 6 online presentations.

Whilst I’ve practised and practised and practised, I still felt very nervous.

One strategy that I use to reduce the nervousness is to repeat over and over, “If You Get Nervous, Focus On Service”. I believe this originally came from Doreen Virtue.

So let’s unpack that.

Often our nervousness comes because we are focussing on ourselves. We are concerned to:

  1. Look good
  2. To have others think well of us
  3. To not make mistakes

This is the wrong focus to have.

Ask yourself, why are you doing the thing that makes you nervous?

In most cases, it’s because you want to help others.

This could be through an uplifting song or play. It could be teaching and presenting some information. It could be speaking in public. It could be playing a sport.

No matter what the motivation is, keep in mind, “If you get nervous, focus on service”.
Focus on the people that you can help and why you are helping them.

Focus on the audience for your concert or play.

Focus on your team and/or the spectators when playing a sport.

This little mantra and change of focus and mindset works.

Forget about yourself and focus on the reason why you are doing it and for whom.

Let me know what makes you feel nervous and how you can apply this great little reminder.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

P.P.S. Go to https://ShirleyDalton.com/Events to register for my upcoming Live online ZOOM presentations, “5 Pillars To Become An Effective Leader” and “Reset Your Mindset: 4 Steps to Change Your Thoughts and Change Your Life”.  There’s nothing to buy.  Just pure content that I want you to have so you can create what it is you want.

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