Watch Out For The But (WT717)

Watch Out For The But (WT717)

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by Shirley Dalton | 22 Mar, 2024 | Blog, Communication Skills

WT 717 Watch out for the But

“I don’t want to throw you under the bus but ….”

What do you think when you hear that?

For me, I think you know what you’re about to say won’t be well received, so you qualify it first.

It’s like looking for approval for being the bearer of bad news or feedback.

Here’s the thing about using the word “but”.

When you join sentences with “but”, you negate the first sentence.

“I really like your new hairstyle but I prefer you blonde.”

“I think you did a good job but you missed this section of the garden.”

If you want to join sentences, use the word “and”.

“I really like your new hairstyle and I prefer you blonde.”

“I think you did a good job and you missed this section of the garden.”

If we don’t use the word “and”, the first sentence is ignored, so you may as well not say it.

Using “but” can also be a habit. I understand that.

I am constantly correcting myself.

If I hear myself say “but”, and I am aware of it, I immediately correct myself by saying “and”.

How about you?

My encouragement this week is to stop and think about what you are about to say, before you say it.

Think of the consequences.

Hear it from the receiver’s point of view before you speak.

“I’m hopeful that you’ve understood the message this week and I would love it if you practised.”

Watch out for the “but”.

Don’t throw yourself or anyone else under the bus.

And if you happen to be on the receiving end of the “but”, politely ask the speaker to clarify the message. Is the first sentence in addition to, or instead of, what follows?

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When You’re Short On Time (WT716)

When You’re Short On Time (WT716)

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by Shirley Dalton | 15 Mar, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 716 When you're short on time

I’m always looking to grow and develop and of course share what I learn with you.

This week I learned two things which I think will benefit you.

The first is a concept called “Power Pocket Rehearsals” by Lisa Pezik.

Lisa attended “World’s Greatest Speaker” training with Brendan Burchard, Bo Eeson and Roger Love.

She enrolled with all three for their coaching programs.

Bo encouraged the group and asked, “What if you could achieve your 10 year goal in one year?”

Lisa didn’t really think this was possible, however she did the work and created her own vision board, by sketching it and then set about sharing her goal and working towards it.

Lisa wanted to write a play and star in the play in live theatre as a one woman actor.

She achieved her goal in just less than one year. Amazing!

She shared her strategy – “Power Pocket Rehearsals”.

Instead of scrolling on Facebook for 20 minutes of a night, she rehearsed.

If she only had 7 minutes between meetings, she practised her voice warm up exercises.

Lisa found the pockets of time that previously she felt she wasted.

How often do we do that?   Waste time on something that isn’t “essential” when we could be doing something towards manifesting our dreams.     

The second thing is “Learn To Love It”.

In my coaching session I wanted to know how to get myself to take the action I know I need to take.

Mentor, Cham Tang replied, “Learn To Love It”.

I was puzzled.

He explained, we find the time to do the things we love, so learn to love the things you need to do and yet don’t do that are good for you.

When Cham was younger he enrolled in acting classes. He and another student had to practise their roles.  The other student enthusiastically said, “Oh, I just love practising. I’ve been away from acting for a while and I just love it.”

At the time Cham didn’t love the practise and yet he continued to the point where he did start to like it and eventually love it.

What’s something you are putting off that is good for you or will take you to where you want to go and yet you can’t get yourself to do the work?

Can you find some power pocket rehearsal times or practise enough until you learn to love it?

In fact, the only reason I got to hear Lisa’s presentation was because we turned off the nightly television shows and decided to watch something that was good for us.

What is it for you?

Reply and let me know.

Regards Shirley

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You Don’t Have To Point It Out (WT715)

You Don’t Have To Point It Out (WT715)

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by Shirley Dalton | 8 Mar, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 715 You don't have to point it out

This week I observed something that triggered me.

I was watching a recording of a training video and I noticed that the presenter had spelled one of the words incorrectly on the flipchart.

I couldn’t see the message that he received, however he stopped his presentation to address the person who had pointed out the spelling error.

Whilst he said “thank you” for pointing it out, he also mentioned that he was dyslexic and didn’t learn to read until he was in his mid twenties.

As a result, he spells differently to the rest of us. (A bit of humour.)

This triggered me because I didn’t think it was necessary to point out the error.

If you see a spelling mistake and you know how to spell the word correctly, in my opinion, just write it down correctly.

As a presenter, I can sometimes get words mixed up on the whiteboard and I’ve felt the embarrassment of someone pointing it out, especially when the word looks similar to the correct spelling, for example, “recieve”.

It might be spelt incorrectly, but it’s clear what the word is.

In fact, studies have shown that we really only need a few letters of words to actually work out the word.

Anyway, my point – there are times when being right can quickly turn into being righteous.

As Denis Waitley says, “If you have the choice, and you always do, to be kind or to be right, choose kind.”

One way you can be kind and correct a mistake is if you see that a date is incorrect.

Thank you to Bec for taking the time to let me know that the landing page for people to sign up for next Tuesday’s free training, 3 Steps to Reclaim Freedom in Business had the wrong day but correct  date in the form. The correct day is Tuesday 12th March.

I didn’t pick up the error and I didn’t know how to change it on the web and my developer is away at a conference. A couple of reminders there for me:

  1. Be more thorough with my reviews
  2. Don’t leave things until the last minute.

And lucky for me, my developer was kind enough to fix it within a few minutes of my request.  Thank you Paul.

I’m curious, what would you do? Would you point out the spelling mistake?

Would you take the time to provide feedback when the day and date don’t match the calendar? As the reader you won’t know which is correct and which is incorrect? It could be either the day or the date.

Or am I making a big deal over nothing?

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

That’s Not What I Value (WT714)

That’s Not What I Value (WT714)

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by Shirley Dalton | 1 Mar, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 714 That's not what I value

Have you ever been shopping and had your mind set on buying a particular thing and the sales assistant appeared to be doing everything they could to talk you out of it?

It’s a curious thing.

It comes down to what we value.

For example, if you’re a salesperson and you want the cheapest price when you buy something, it’s highly likely that you will expect that your clients have the same value.

Often they do not.

Here’s an example from one of my colleagues.

My colleague values his time and efficiency.

He went to the hairdresser to get his haircut.

The hairdresser thought that the longer she took and the more she fussed over the cut, the happier her clients would be.

This didn’t suit my colleague. He valued his time, not the cost of the haircut or how much the hairdresser fussed.

To the hairdresser, he said, “I will pay you double if you can cut my hair in half the time?”

This shocked the hairdresser because she couldn’t comprehend that someone would pay more for less time.

So, for you this week, I encourage you to have a look at your values and see if you might be unconsciously trying to impose them on others.

Allow others to value what they value.

If you are serving customers, please take the time to listen, really listen to what they want and as best as you can, give it to them.

They will love you for it.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Time to F.O.C.U.S (WT713)

Time to F.O.C.U.S (WT713)

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by Shirley Dalton | 23 Feb, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 713 Time to F.O.C.U.S.

Do you struggle to focus at times?

I do.

I have a plan for the day and often it goes by the wayside.

I intend for a task to take 30 minutes and hours later, I find I’m still doing the task.

What does it mean to focus?

According to Dictionary.com, the meaning of “focus” is “a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity.”

According to Cham Tang, co-founder of Authentic Education, F.O.C.U.S. means to “follow one course until successful”.

I love this definition because we can use it to help ourselves defeat overwhelm and procrastination.

When we have too many things to do and feel overwhelmed about getting them finished, often we distract ourselves with meaningless tasks, like cleaning the oven, doing the washing etc. that are not priorities at that time.

If you were to F.O.C.U.S. where would you start?

What is the one thing you could follow through until it was completed?

I was always impressed with Dugnea McGrath when I worked with her and Kip. Dug had a list of things she had to do in a day and she simply started at the top of the list and worked on one item at a time until it was completed, then moved on to the next item. She didn’t leave the office until her list was complete.

Now that’s F.O.C.U.S.

Another way I trick myself into focussing is to set deadlines.  For example, I always meet the deadline of sending the Weekly Thought. Sometimes it is written well in advance, other times I just make it. Knowing that it has to go out on a certain day and time helps me to focus to get it done.

What other strategies do you have?

One of my colleagues likes to work on Sunday. His wife works away from home on Sundays so he uses the quiet time to be creative as well as work on tasks that require uninterrupted attention.

We’re all different, so finding your thing is important.

Again, I ask. What’s the one course you’ll follow through to success?

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s Boring (WT712)

It’s Boring (WT712)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Feb, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 712 It's boring

I was talking with a friend this week.

She asked how I was going at the gym.

“OK”, I said.

“Only just OK?” she asked.

“It’s boring”, I blurted out.

“Boring?”

“Yes, I do the same exercises every time and I find it boring. It’s the same with some yoga classes I’ve attended as well. The same thing week after week after week.”

“Hmmm.  Do you think that some people might like that? They might like the security of knowing what they will be doing each time and also improving as they practise and repeat?” she enquired.

“I suppose so, but that’s not me. I need variety. In one way, that’s why I like yoga because you can do so many different poses, depending on what you feel like at the time.”

I’m the same with breakfast. I can only eat the same thing so many days in a week before I get bored and have to change that too.  Ross is happy to eat cereal every day of the week.

The conversation moved on.

We’re all different. We all have different personalities and different needs and wants.

I remember doing a systems project one time with a finance team in real estate. They loved the fact that they knew what they were doing at any minute of the day on any given day. For example, at 9:00am they started the bank downloads. At 9:30am they started reconciling the entries. At 11:00am they stopped for morning tea. Every second Thursday the processed the pays etc. etc. etc.

I was impressed with how much they liked their structure and routine.

I couldn’t bear it.

How about you?

Are you a routine sort of person?

Do you like knowing what’s coming next? (The Counsellors and Advisors in the REACH profiling system.)

Or, are you like me, a Coach or a Driver, who loves spontaneity, variety and change?

Either answer is ok.

It’s about knowing yourself and the people around you and finding ways to satisfy those needs.

I realise now why I loved being on Relief Staff, 40 odd years ago. I travelled around the region and relieved in various motor registries when the permanent staff were on leave. I loved meeting new people. I loved learning about new locations and I wasn’t there long enough to get involved in the office politics and I didn’t know from one month to the next where I would be working. It could all change in an instant. (It’s also where I got a lot of my systems training and mindset from because I could go into any motor registry in New South Wales and do the job. No training required because they were all the same.)

How about you? What is your preference and what ways have you found to satisfy yourself?

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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