Clean Up Your Mess (WT480)

Clean Up Your Mess (WT480)

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by Shirley Dalton | 6 Sep, 2019 | Blog, Leadership

WT480 Clean Up Your Mess

Years ago, Ross and I attended a week long conference with Jack Canfield, best selling author of The Chicken Soup for the Soul series of books in Scottsdale, Arizona. The conference was called “Breakthrough to Success” and was based on one of his other best selling books “The Success Principles – How to Get from Where You are Now to Where You Want to Be”.

One of the lessons Jack taught us was to take 100% Responsibility for ourselves and our actions.

It was confronting at the time and yet so liberating.

This week in our leadership experience, I shared a similar exercise with participants.

We were discussing how it is never too late to clean up your mess. In other words, you can always say sorry or assert yourself, even if you think the moment has passed.

Here’s a couple of questions from the exercise.

Starting with “If I were to take just 10% more responsibility for ………. I would ………..”

What are you doing that is not working that you need to do less of?

What are you doing that is working that you need to do more of?

What are you not doing that you could try on to see if it works?

What will you commit to doing as a result of this exercise?

In other words, what mess are you responsible for and what can and will you do to clean it up?

When will you do that?

Let me know what your commitment is by commenting on this post.

It’s amazing how much we can achieve when we know we are being held accountable.

Are you willing to clean up your mess this week?

Chicken and Chips (WT479)

Chicken and Chips (WT479)

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by Shirley Dalton | 30 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Leadership

WT479 Chicken and Chips

This week, I facilitated Days 1 and 2 of the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience. One of the topics is an Introduction to the Assertiveness Model. 

There is a big difference between being Assertive and being Aggressive. Sadly, a lot of people confuse the two. 

If you’re acting in an Assertive manner it means you get your needs met but not at the expense of others (win-win). Whereas if you act in an Aggressive manner, you get your needs met and you don’t really give a continental about others’ needs (win-lose). 

I was horrified whilst waiting in a shopping centre car park this week, having just taught this concept,  to hear a woman screaming abuse at an elderly man, “Chicken and chips! I told you. Chicken and chips, not f……..ng fish and chips.” 

“Wow!” I thought to myself, “If only someone had taught you the difference, there would be no need for this drama and angst and upset. That sort of behaviour does no one any good.”

The man was doing his best to run away and she kept running after him, screaming at the top of her voice.

I cringe when I witness this sort of behaviour because it is so unnecessary and really, chicken and chips is not the end of the world.  

If she had learned how to assert herself she might have been able to calmly express her disappointment, anger or annoyance. For example, a three part Confronting I Message describing the unacceptable behaviour, how it makes you feel and the tangible concrete effects is often enough for people to change their behaviour. In this instance, the woman could have said something like, “I’m really disappointed. I ordered chicken and chips, not fish and chips. I don’t like fish and I don’t want to eat this.” She could also add, “Are there other options?” 

Whilst I cringe, I also can’t blame the woman because most of us have not been exposed to better ways of communicating – me included. I too was a hot head until I learned these skills in my early 20’s. 

How about you? 

Do you think you act in an assertive or aggressive manner?  Perhaps you err on the side of Passive or Passive Aggressive.    

The way you communicate with people really does a make a difference to your relationships and results.

Know What You are Competing For (WT478)

Know What You are Competing For (WT478)

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by Shirley Dalton | 23 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Mindset

WT478 Know what you are competing for

This week, I trialled a new activity for self-awareness with some participants for an in-house training session.

Participants had to share their preferences for how their colleagues could best work with them.

To make it fun, participants had to select some items without realising that the number of items they selected equalled the number of things they had to share about themselves.

The instructions were simple, “Take as many items as you like.” 

It was really interesting to see how the participants turned this into a competition. They competed for items which backfired on them when they realised the connection between the number of items and number of shares. 

Suddenly those who had not collected many items were now feeling relieved.

The competition that participants created wasn’t the aim of the activity, however, it did provide an opportunity to gain valuable insights into understanding that you need to know what you are competing for before committing. 

It also provided an opportunity for participants to realise that making assumptions (as in more items is better) can be risky.

What would you have done?  Would you have questioned whether the number of items was important or would you have gotten swept up in the competition, which turned out to not be something many wanted to win?

What Game Will You Play (WT477)

What Game Will You Play (WT477)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Business

WT 477 What game will you play?

Have you ever thought about the type of player you are, when it comes to games?

It’s an interesting concept and something I encourage you to do because “How we do anything is how we do everything”.

In the last few weeks I dipped my toe into using social media to promote my next leadership experience and I found I had to challenge a few limiting beliefs.

One of those beliefs was that I had to get everything right in order to advertise.  If I was paying for ads, I wanted to make sure that I got a return on my investment.

I had to reframe my belief and expectation to that of conducting an experiment, after all business is mostly about tweaking things until we get it right, so why did I think I had to get the ads right before I could advertise.

As I was talking to a colleague about this, he pointed out that “I only like to play games I can win”.

I responded with an embarrassed giggle. It was true. I do only like to play games I can win.

How about you? Is this the way you play or are you like my colleague who plays until he wins?

It was his turn to laugh. He said, “I will play and I don’t mind if you win, but we’re not finishing until I win. If it means we come back tomorrow to finish, we will. No-one’s going home, until I’ve won.”

<name>, what an interesting concept. If you only like to play games that you know you can or will win, does that mean you won’t play if there’s a chance of you losing and if so, is that how you play life?

Are you missing out on opportunities because they are not guaranteed?

Hmm, it’s certainly worth looking at, don’t you think?

Your Manner Matters (WT476)

Your Manner Matters (WT476)

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by Shirley Dalton | 9 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Business

WT476 Your Manner Matters

Firstly, I want to say that I am not complaining and this isn’t a rant. Rather, the goal for the stories in this week’s thought is to remind us of the importance of our manner and the impact it can have – both positive and negative. 

Here we go:

As we’ve been travelling around Far North Queensland we’ve been staying in a mix of caravan parks, national parks and free campsites. We generally only plan our itinerary a few days in advance and mostly call a prospective caravan park a few hours before we intend to arrive.

We got caught out a few times, booking and paying in advance, only to arrive and find the park was awful, so we made a rule, policy or guideline, whatever you want to call it, that says “We can enquire on the way, but not book in and pay until we’ve seen the site”.

On a couple of occasions, we’ve made the decision not to even look at a park because of the manner of the receptionist.

Here’s an example of an enquiry:

“Hello, could you please tell me if you have any sites for a motorhome for tonight please?”

“How big is the motorhome?”

“About 25 feet.”

“Have you got slide outs?”

“No.”

“You’re sure you’ve got no slide outs?”

“Yes.”

“How many nights are you staying?”

“Just the one please?”

“You’re sure it’s just one night?”

And on the conversation went until an exasperated Ross ended the call.

Turning to me, he announced, “We won’t be staying there!”

His next phone call was completely different.

“Sure we’ve got sites. Just come around when you get into town and we’ll show you what we have.”

When we arrived, the lady was extremely hospitable and gracious. She walked us around the caravan park, pointing out the various sites and inviting us to choose the one that suited us.

When we were leaving, having extended our stay by a few days, she came out of the office and thanked us for staying with them and invited us to return.

Your manner makes all the difference.

It can win or lose you business and you may not even be aware of it.

Could you say you are confident that your team are winning you business?

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