Get Out Of Bed (WT559)

Get Out Of Bed (WT559)

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by Shirley Dalton | 12 Mar, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT559 Get Out Of Bed

It’s Autumn and the days are getting shorter. It won’t be long and we’ll be looking to snuggle up under the doona on a cold winter’s night.

But that’s not what I’m talking about when I say “Get Out of Bed”.

I’m referring to what we know as “Living Above and Below the Line”.

Imagine a line drawn on a page.

Above the line are written three words; one on top of the other (vertically):

Ownership

Responsibility

Accountability

Below the line are another three words, the first initials of which spell BED:

Blame

Excuses

Denial

If you live above the line, you take ownership for what happens in your life. You take responsibility for cleaning up your mess and you hold yourself and others accountable for their commitments.

If you live below the line, you get into BED with blame, excuses and denial. You justify your lack of results and generally make up a big fat story as to why you are not achieving what you want.

Recently I was coaching with one of my legends and had to remind her of this concept. What was really interesting was that she had been sick recently and had been forced to stay in bed until she recovered.

As we chatted, she looked at me and shared her insight, “Get Out of Bed! OMG. I’ve been living below the line. It’s time for me to get out of bed, literally and figuratively.”

Watching her come to her own conclusion and her own Aha moment was the moment of transformation. As David Bayer says, “The moment you see your unintelligent thinking as unintelligent, is the moment of transformation.”

From this point on, she will never be the same. She realised she had been giving excuses and not taking responsibility.

And happy to report, that things are quite different now. She has gotten into action. She has stepped up. She has taken responsibility and I’m so excited to report that she is achieving what she wants.

And as always, how about you? Are you living above or below the line?

Do YOU need to Get Out of BED?

Regards Shirley

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I Can Hear You (WT558)

I Can Hear You (WT558)

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by Shirley Dalton | 5 Mar, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 558 I Can Hear You

When you’re having a conversation with people, do you listen to what they are saying or are you waiting to speak?

In our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience we dedicate an entire day to developing our listening skills. It’s amazing to me how most people’s listening skills are so poor.

The first micro-skill we teach for listening is to be quiet; to not interrupt and to show attending behaviours of nodding your head etc. to show that you are actually hearing and listening to what the other is saying.

This skill is so important because it enables you to really understand what the other is saying and that is my point for today.

When I listen to you, I can hear your beliefs; your limiting beliefs and your empowering beliefs.

When I hear your beliefs, I can predict the results or lack of, that you will achieve.

I find this fascinating. People always tell you what’s going on for them, if you listen.

In other words, our beliefs are like biases that we have. We make a decision about something then we look for the evidence to prove ourselves right.

Here’s a couple of limiting beliefs, see if you can relate to any of them:

  1. Nobody at work listens to what I have to say
  2. I’ll never get a pay rise.

With these limiting beliefs I can predict your results:

  1. You won’t speak up and therefore others won’t get to hear what you have to say.
  2. You won’t do what’s required in order to get the pay rise, and therefore won’t be offered more money.

I can hear you. I listen to what you say and I can predict your results. By the same token, I can look at your results and predict your beliefs and my own.

How about you? Are you really listening to what others are telling you? Do you know what they’re thinking or what they believe? Often they aren’t even aware of their beliefs. Are you?

Sit Under the Umbrella (WT557)

Sit Under the Umbrella (WT557)

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by Shirley Dalton | 26 Feb, 2021 | Blog, Customer Service

WT 557 Sit under the umbrella

It was an overcast day and rain was imminent.

I was meeting a coaching client for coffee at 11:00am at one of the local trendy cafes.

I signed in and waited to speak to one of the three attendants, two of whom were engrossed in their own conversation and a third who had been cleaning tables.

“Do you have a booking?” she asked.

“No, I’m meeting a friend and we’d like coffees please.”

“I’ll just find out where I can seat you.”

The other attendant gestured to a table just near where I was standing.

“You can sit here til 11:45am, then you’ll have to leave because we have a lunch booking.”

That didn’t suit me because I wanted to meet for the full hour.

“I’d like to stay til midday please.”

She motioned me outside.

You can sit at any of these tables outside and sit for as long as you like.

She pointed to a couple of tables and chairs under two umbrellas.

“The best spot to sit is here under the umbrella for when it rains”, she suggested.

If you want coffees, just go and order them at the takeaway bar over there.

“Wow! I couldn’t sit inside. I had to go order from the takeaway booth and she knew it was going to rain.”

And it did rain. And I did get wet. And I did have to move to the bench where my client was sitting.

As I looked inside the café, there were at least 6 empty tables. The wait staff were looking straight at us as we battled with the water dripping from the umbrella and blowing in from the side.

Not one of the waitstaff motioned for us to come inside. Not one of them approached us.

I was amazed. The behaviour of the wait staff was not congruent with my definition of hospitable.

I won’t be going back.

I couldn’t help but think that over the last 12 months with COVID and many of the hospitality establishments being closed or closing, that the employees would be grateful to have the work and really look after their customers.

Apparently not!

Am I being unrealistic? Are my expectations too high? Have I got the wrong definition of hospitality?

Let me know what you think.

Would you have invited us back inside to escape the rain or would you simply have watched us as we sat under the umbrella in the rain?

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Should I Say Something? (WT556)

Should I Say Something? (WT556)

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by Shirley Dalton | 19 Feb, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

DISCRETION

Should I Say Something? WT556

Sean had a dilemma. His teammates had confided in him.

They shared information with him that affected the business.

He didn’t know what to do.

“Shirl, I am in a real pickle here. I want to maintain confidentiality, but I feel really strongly about what they told me. I don’t know what to do. What would you do?”

Now anyone who has worked with me knows that it’s not for me to answer that question.

We know that the person with the problem is the best person to solve the problem.

The best way to help is to listen (actively) and to ask the questions that they need to hear, not questions to satisfy our curiosity.

“Why do you think they confided in you?” I asked.

“Well, they know I can keep stuff to myself.”

“Yes, why else did they tell you and not someone else?”

“Well, I don’t know that they haven’t told someone else.”

“Ok. Let’s look at it another way. Do you think they were venting, or do you think they told you because they wanted you to do something about it?”

“I think a bit of both. I think they needed to download and share and I also think they were wondering what they should do with the information.”

“So what they shared wasn’t necessarily about them, rather it was what someone else had shared with them?” I continued to clarify.

“Yes, I think so.”

“In essence, they were having the same conversation with you that we are having now?” I reflected back.

“Yes, I suppose they were. You know, I really don’t have to do anything with that information, other than have listened to them. They are the ones who need to take action to change it, if they want to.”

“That sounds like you’ve worked out what you want to do?” I reflected.

“Yes. Thanks so much for the advice. It was really helpful.”

That comment always intrigues me because I didn’t give any advice. I merely asked questions to help Sean clarify for himself what was going on. At the end of the conversation he decided what he wanted to do and in this case, he decided he didn’t need to do anything.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, where you’re not sure if you should speak up, you can coach yourself, by asking yourself some simple questions:

  1. What was the motivation for them sharing the information with me?
  2. Is this something that has the potential to harm others?
  3. Is this a legal issue, such as child protection information or a non-compliance behaviour etc.?
  4. What is to be gained by me breaking the confidentiality and sharing the information or what are the likely consequences?
  5. If I was to break confidentiality, who would need to know and what would their likely reaction be?
  6. And finally, what are my real reasons for wanting to say something?

It’s a tricky situation to be in and every situation is different. At the end of the day, only you can really decide whether you should say something.

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What Are You Going To Do About It? (WT555)

What Are You Going To Do About It? (WT555)

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by Shirley Dalton | 12 Feb, 2021 | Blog, Customer Service, Mindset

WT 555 What are you going to do about it

This was the question the guy at the counter asked Ross when Ross pointed out the damage to the bumper bar on our motorhome.

“What am I going to do about it? Ross repeated the question.

“I’m not going to do anything. You’re going to get it fixed. It was you (as in their company) who damaged it”, Ross continued.

We had taken the motorhome to get its yearly service on the truck and engine. It was also due for registration, so we needed a roadworthy certificate.

We had only recently had the bumper bar replaced after waiting almost 12 months.

“How about you get it fixed and we’ll waive the invoice for today?” the assistant offered.

“Do you know how much these are worth?” asked Ross, who was totally flabbergasted at the offer.

Ross answered for him, “We got a quote for $7,000 from company X and we ended up getting another repairer to fix it for $4,000.

Blood drained from the assistant’s face.

“I’m not leaving here until I have it in writing that you are going to fix it”, demanded Ross.

After some lengthy negotiations and still no apology, Ross finally left after having waited 5 hours for the service because they had failed to update their booking system when the date had been changed, nor had they confirmed it. From a business and customer service point of view, they score 1/10.

Apart from a rant, here’s the point.

Both Ross and I went into the primal state over this. Ross was so rattled he missed a turn and we ended up 40km out of our way when we didn’t have the luxury of time.

As soon as we arrived at our destination, Ross jumped out of the van and apologised. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I had been following in Harry Hilux and had been fuming at how late I was for an appointment.

My mood only got worse when he told me about the damage.

Fortunately, I remembered my training. There is no suffering in any experience. The only cause of our suffering is our own thoughts, or what we think about the experience.

I started to calm down. The facts were: the motorhome got damaged and I was late for a meeting. That’s it. No suffering in the experience, only my thoughts, so I focussed on it being an experience and let it go. (A ride on my new ebike also helped.)

So, please remember this story and training for the next time things don’t go according to how you want or expect.

There is no suffering in the experience. The only cause of your suffering is your own thinking.

I trust this is helpful. Thanks for listening.

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