See Ya Tomorrow (WT571)

See Ya Tomorrow (WT571)


WT 571 See you tomorrow

“See ya tomorrow.”

“No You Won’t” replied Ross. “I don’t think so”, was my reply to the bar attendant as she closed the door on us to make sure we couldn’t enter.

It was the local bowling club at a very tiny town on the northern New South Wales coast.

It wasn’t even 6:30pm. We had been told the Chinese Restaurant was supposed to be re-opening after a long time shut with COVID and renovations so we thought we would go along and support them.

We walked down the hill to see 3 cars in the carpark and a sign to say re-opening in 2 days time.

“Oh well”, we thought, “while we’re here, we’ll support them and have a beer”.

We couldn’t even get in the door. The bar attendant rushed to lock the door before we could even enter.

Standing in the doorway, she said, “We’re closing sorry, only 2 here on the pokies so we’re shutting.”

“Could we get a takeaway?” we asked.

“Sorry, just done the til”, she replied. “See ya tomorrow”, she added.

“No you won’t”, answered Ross.

It wasn’t a big deal that we couldn’t purchase anything. It was the attitude that got us.

I worked behind the bar for years when I was younger and you can always ring up orders or place the money in the til with a note for the next day.

“Wow!” When you’ve got visitors in town, wanting to support you and spend money, wouldn’t you be a little more hospitable.

“See ya tomorrow.”

“Definitely not, nor the next day.”

What would you do? Would you shut the door or make a sale to support the club?

P.S. Be sure to join us on Friday 11th June at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. Bring your coloured pencils or textas and an A3 piece of white paper. I’ll be guiding you through my proprietary methodology to map your processes.

P.P.S. Be sure to read next week’s thought for a chance to win a place in our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in Newcastle, NSW in September. That’s a $5,500 prize for one lucky reader. Why? We’re celebrating 11 years of Weekly Thoughts and we haven’t missed a week. Hallelujah!

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to

I Can Put Air In That For You (WT570)

I Can Put Air In That For You (WT570)


WT 570 I can put air in that

This was the offer Ross received the other day when he was chatting with a neighbour in the van park.

Our neighbour had recently bought a motorhome and he and his wife had just begun their journey.

He was asking Ross for some tips and Ross was recounting some of the mistakes and misadventures we’ve made and had along the way.

As they were talking Ross noticed that our front tyre looked like it needed air.

The neighbour offered to use his compressor.

Initially Ross was reluctant, thinking it would be a big imposition for the neighbour to have to pull out what Ross thought would be a big piece of equipment.

The neighbour insisted.

It turned out the compressor was a handheld tool that easily filled the tyre.

As I reflected on this, I realised that this is a great example of what we teach about developing relationships with people.

It doesn’t cost anything to be nice. It doesn’t cost anything, other than a bit of time and your presence to be interested in other people.

In our People modules we encourage you to Know Yourself, Know Others and Develop and Use Your Communication Skills.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to be friendly toward others. It pays to be interested in them.

It pays to develop relationships and rapport with others, even if only for a short time.

Most people want to help.

Why not strike up a conversation with someone this week and get to know them. If you can help them, even better.

You never know when you might need someone to put air in your tyre.

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held today – Friday 11th June at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. This month we’re doing things a little differently. You bring the blank paper and coloured markers and I’ll walk you through my proprietary methodology and at the end you’ll have clarity around your systems, processes and overall workflow . You won’t want to miss this interactive online workshop. You won’t get this training anywhere else. Click on the link to register, even if you can’t attend, you’ll be able to catch the recording.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to

No Triangles (WT569)

No Triangles (WT569)


WT 569 No triangels

In our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience and Online Membership we have a topic called The Eternal Triangle of Hate.

For some participants, even the name is too much.

“Hate is a very strong word Shirley”, commented Elli.

“Yes, I agree. It is and when we go through this concept you may understand why we use it”, I replied.

What we’re talking about here is the triangle that is formed, in the workplace and at home, when we have at least 3 people playing one of the roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.

If you draw an upside down triangle, it will make the V sign. At the bottom of the V write the word Victim. The Victim is someone who is seen as helpless; someone who is being Persecuted by a bully and needs Rescuing. The unwritten agreement here is that Victims cannot stand up for themselves and are hard done by.

Why it’s called The Eternal Triangle of Hate is because the roles seem to rotate. The Rescuer becomes the Persecutor, the Persecutor becomes the Victim and the Victim becomes the Rescuer and around and around and around it goes.

The way to stop triangles is to encourage people to go directly to what we call “source”. In this instance, we don’t mean Universal or Higher Intelligence, we mean the person with whom they are in conflict with.

No Triangles means not enlisting another person; not involving another person who can’t solve the problem. No Triangles means we take responsibility for being assertive and having the conversation with the person who has upset us in some way.

To create a culture of No Triangles in your workplace or family or friendship group you need 3 things:

  1. The encouragement and support to go directly to source (you may even make it a rule or an agreement)
  2. The skills to go to source (the skills to be assertive, using I Statements to explain what is going on for you)
  3. An open mind to receive the feedback, if you happen to be the person who is being confronted. Rather than being defensive, be curious. Seek to understand what has happened; seek to understand why your confronter is upset rather than reacting in a defensive way with excuses or counter attacks.

Agreeing to be in relationships where we avoid The Eternal Triangle of Hate is the quickest way to improve relationships, resolve misunderstandings and increase productivity.

What will you do? How will you respond next time you find yourself in a triangle? Will you action the above 3 steps or will you fuel the fire and fan the continuous progression of Persecutor, Victim and Rescuer roles?

One last point – the role of rescuer is also known as a Co-Conspirator because with the Victim, both are conspiring against the Persecutor.

No more triangles.

No more water cooler gossip sessions.

Speak to source!

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to

Just Press A Button (WT568)

Just Press A Button (WT568)


WT 568 Just press a button

“If he’d gone 2 feet further he would have missed it completely”, lamented the caretaker at the caravan park.

He was referring to a guest who wiped out the security gate as he attempted to turn the corner and enter the park with his caravan in tow.

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to fix it over the last 6 years”, he added.

I shook my head as Ross recounted the story.

There are actually 2 gates side by side on the entrance side.

When you arrive for the first time, the receptionists press a button to open the gate closest to the office to let you into the park.

When Ross finished sharing what had happened, I asked, “Why don’t they change the procedure?”

“You won’t change how people drive, so change the procedure. Just press a button. A second button, that is.”

“Why not just open both gates instead of just one?

This reminds me of what Dan and Chip Heath had to say in their book “Switch”. They advocate making the path easy for change.

In this instance, and I accept I don’t have all the facts from the reception team, I would simply change the procedure and open both gates, especially if it has been happening consistently for 6 years. Opening both gates would surely prevent having to keep fixing it.

So how about you?

Are there things happening in your workplace or even at home that have consistently caused problems for a period of time?

Is it time to look at changing the procedure? Could it be as simple as just pressing a button?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to

Don’t Assume Malevolence (WT567)

Don’t Assume Malevolence (WT567)


WT 567 Don't assume malevolence

You know I love quotes and mantras. Well here’s another one that a colleague of mine shared with me recently. Thank you Mark!

It comes from Jordan Petersen, “Don’t assume malevolence, when ignorance will suffice.”

First of all we’d better define malevolence. Without consulting the dictionary, in this context for me it means, don’t assume malice. Don’t expect that someone is intentionally wanting to hurt you in some way.

When you combine it with, “When ignorance will suffice”, my interpretation is that the other is not even aware of the effect they are having on you. The meaning of ignorance is to not know something.  

Okay, so why the English lesson?

These words remind us to not jump to conclusions. They remind us that our suffering is caused by one thing and one thing only and that is our thinking. They remind us to not get caught up in what Loretta Malandro calls Automatic Listening, where we make stuff up based on a reaction and judgement we have to a situation and then we create a story and look for evidence to predict the future and prove ourselves right. In NLP, we call it mindreading.

We do this from a very young age and for many, the ignorant ones, they continue into old age. But not you! You know better.

Here’s an example:

Christine was venting to her colleague about her manager. “He’s horrible, Shirley. He never asks me how I’m going or if there is anything I need? He’s just not interested in me at all.”

“Do you know that for a fact?” I asked.

“Well, that’s what he does”, she replied.

“Yes, that’s what he does. Do you know for sure that he is not interested in you or your work?”

“No, I suppose I don’t know for sure. But he’s horrible.”

“Yes, I understand that’s what you think. How about you ask him what he is thinking?” I encouraged her.

The following week she reported in. “You were right”, she said.

Now that was an interesting comment because I had simply asked her to ask her boss a question.

“He thought that because my personality profile was a Driver or Director (depending on the profiling system you use), he assumed that I wouldn’t want to talk about what was happening for me or what I needed. In fact, he was very interested. He was actually holding himself back, thinking that that was what I wanted.”

“Well, there you go. Don’t assume malevolence, when ignorance will suffice.”

Your turn! What situation have you recently reacted to and decided the other was acting from malicious intentions?

How about you go and have that conversation and check it out and save yourself the angst and grief of reacting to what you’re making up.

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held next week on Friday 14th May at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. This month we’re focussing on improving team productivity through a secret system. Click on the link to register, even if you can’t attend, you’ll be able to catch the recording.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to

Pin It on Pinterest