It Doesn’t Matter, We’re Just Practising (WT755)

It Doesn’t Matter, We’re Just Practising (WT755)

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by Shirley Dalton | 13 Dec, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 755 It doesn't matter we are just practicing

Yesterday I commenced with a group of leaders to provide a series of inhouse leadership training for Community Therapy. Big shout out to Scott Lynch and Emily Steel for organising the training and for having such a “dream team”.

Because it was a new group to me and I hadn’t been to the venue before, I was feeling a bit nervous.

As I prepared, I remembered a mantra I’d learned from Benjamin J Harvey at Authentic Education.

“It doesn’t matter. We’re just practising.”

What this means is that sometimes we tie ourselves up in knots thinking that “we have to get it right”.

“This is it. If I make a mistake, it’s the worst thing ever”.

This type of thinking actually inhibits our performance. It puts us in the primal state of fight, flight or freeze.

When we’re in that state, we can’t think straight, let alone perform at our best.

So, this little mindset hack helps to take the pressure off.

As soon as you remind yourself that the next gig is the “real gig” and “this one is a practice for the next gig”, you’ll find you relax and of course, as a result perform better.

You can use this mantra for any situation where you are feeling the pressure.

Because you’re practising, you’re not concerned about getting it right. You’re practising. You’re improving.

By default, your performance or outcome will be achieved at a higher standard.

I’m curious, in what situations can you see yourself making use of the mantra?

Reply and let me know.

Keep in mind, (pardon the pun) that mindset is everything and you need to do whatever you can to ensure you manage your mindset.

Regards Shirley

P.S.  Early Bird Discount ends 31st December for the next public Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. Held over 4 Tuesdays in February 2025.  Click on the link for more information:

https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Beware The Resting B-Face (WT752)

Beware The Resting B-Face (WT752)

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by Shirley Dalton | 22 Nov, 2024 | Blog, Communication Skills

WT 752 Beware the resting bitch face

Last week I attended a 6 day training course, “Present Like a Pro” with Authentic Education.

It was an amazing course, truly transforming and I can’t wait to put what I learned into action.

One of the interesting topics that came up was to beware the resting B-face.

I’m assuming you know what “B” stands for. Rhymes with “itch”.

The presenter, Benjamin J. Harvey, explained that over the years our facial muscles learn to rest in the same places over time and that there are only 7 universal facial expressions and only one of these is what we might deem “positive” in emotion.

This one is the “happy” one.

The others include:

  1. Angry
  2. Surprise
  3. Sad
  4. Fear
  5. Disgust
  6. Contempt

This was relevant to our training because we were practising presentations and it was a request for audience members to be aware of the resting face they may be giving.

As an example, over the years my facial muscles have learned to frown when I’m listening and processing important information from others.  My face screws up and can look quite menacing.

As a result, I always make a point of explaining this to new clients so they don’t take offence or react to my frown.

As a presenter, I’m always looking for clues of engagement or otherwise from the facial expressions of audience members.

Sometimes there can be what looks like a resting B-face or a face that appears to be sitting in judgement. 

I’ve had to learn not to project my insecurities onto someone’s facial expression.  Remember “automatic listening” by Loretta Malandro.

I’m sharing this with you because I thought it was relevant for you to know when you are either presenting to an audience or sitting in the audience.

If you’re in the audience, please spare a thought for the presenter and put a smile on your face. This will encourage your presenter to relax and give you their best presentation.

If you’re the presenter, do your best not to make up a story based on how someone is looking.

Over to you, are you aware of where your facial muscles tend to land?

If not, ask a colleague or family member. They’ll tell you.

Next time, you’re in the audience, remember to consciously choose your facial expression.

A smile goes a long way.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

I’m A Persecutor (WT724)

I’m A Persecutor (WT724)

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by Shirley Dalton | 10 May, 2024 | Blog, Leadership

WT 724 I'm a persecutor

In our leadership experiences we look at what Jennifer Elliot called “The Eternal Triangle of Hate”.

You might know this as “The Drama Triangle” or “Triangle of Drama”.

It gets referred to a lot in personal development circles.

The triangle includes three roles:

  1. The Victim
  2. The Rescuer, and
  3. The Persecutor.

The victim’s belief is “I’m not ok. You’re ok. I need someone to come and save me. I’m broken.”

The Rescuer believes “I’m ok. You’re ok, as long as you do what I say.”

The Persecutor believes “I’m ok. You’re not ok. You can’t do it right.”

At a surface level, persecutors are often seen as bullies.

Rescuers, also known as co-conspirators feel good when they help or save victims.

This week I gained a huge insight from Benjamin J. Harvey, co-founder of Authentic Education regarding persecutors.

Persecutors criticise and judge. They are argumentative and have to be right. They aren’t necessarily bullies in the traditional sense, but they are hard to work with.  No-one can do it as good as them.

Ben also explained that those of us who are passionate about personal development can get caught up in our own drama triangle – feeling the victim, coaching ourselves then persecuting ourselves for not being perfect.

As I listened to Ben’s explanations, I could feel my head getting redder and redder. “OMG!”, I thought. “I’m a persecutor.”

I can be quite argumentative. I criticise. I judge and I expect a very high standard of work.

I’m not proud to admit that Jennifer Elliot once told me that I was so critical, it was hard to be around me.”

Ouch!

Whilst I was uncomfortable to hear the feedback at the time (many years ago), I also appreciated it. How I was showing up was not how I wanted to show up.  It gave me the opportunity to reflect and change.

This week was another reminder that I’m not perfect. I constantly work on myself to be better.

As one of my clients often says, “When I know better, I can do better.”

So, how about you?

Do you favour one of the roles in the triangle?

Is it serving you?

Perhaps it’s about time you acknowledged how you show up and decide to do it differently.

And so I don’t leave you hanging, rather than being a persecutor, you can focus on listening to others and provide constructive feedback.

Instead of being a rescuer, you can become a facilitator to help empower others.

And instead of being a victim, it might be time to start taking responsibility for yourself, your actions and your results.

I accept this might be confronting, however without self-reflection or feedback from others, it’s difficult to change and improve.

Personal development is one of my greatest passions.

Let me know which role you identify with and what changes you can make.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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