Perception Vs Intention (WT730)

Perception Vs Intention (WT730)

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by Shirley Dalton | 21 Jun, 2024 | Blog, Communication Skills, Mindset

WT 730 Perception vs Intention

Here’s a little story to help us see the difference between perception and intention.

Ross and I go to the gym of a morning.

Ross is generally ready before I am so he backs the car out of the garage and sits there with it idling.

I put my shoes on and close the garage door and get in the car.

For a while now, this behaviour has annoyed me.

Ignoring all my communication skills for effective confrontation, this week I got in the car and said, “It gives me the s…s when you sit there with the car idling. I feel pressured to hurry up and get going and I don’t like it.”

To which Ross replied, “Well, you can …. off. I start the car so it’s nice and warm for you when you get in.”

Ouch.

Here’s a classic example of perception vs intention.

My perception (or Automatic Listening according to Loretta Malandro) had me thinking Ross was getting impatient with me and I was taking too long.

This was not even close to the truth of his intention.

How often does that happen?

We make up a story based on what’s going on for us, that has absolutely nothing to do with what the other person intends.

Next time you find yourself making up a story, don’t rush in with a blurt that is critical and provoking. Take your time to explore the reasons why the other person might be doing what they are doing.

As in this case, they may actually have positive intentions for you.

I guess I can look forward to jumping into a cold car from now on.

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It’s Hard To Visualise (WT729)

It’s Hard To Visualise (WT729)

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by Shirley Dalton | 14 Jun, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 729 It's hard to visualise

We know how powerful visualisation can be.

Remember the Harvard study of the piano players where researchers tested 3 groups:

  1. Piano players physically playing the piano over 5 days
  2. Piano players not playing but visualising playing the piano over 5 days
  3. Control group who had nothing to do with piano playing.

The brain scans for the piano players were very similar, despite the second group not playing.

This supports the idea that our brains don’t know the difference between what we might call reality (in the physical) and imagination.

If we want to create a different outcome, we can use our imagination to bring it into the physical, except when we’re in what David Bayer calls, The Primal State.

Our primal state is the state of survival. It’s fight, flight or freeze.

It’s hard to visualise when we are in that state.

If we’re worried about our health or finances or relationships or work, it’s challenging to go from being worried, even despairing to feeling joy and bliss and hope.

And yet that’s exactly the state we need to be in to visualise and manifest.

So, what to do?

Every day, your job is to get yourself in The Powerful State.   The Powerful State, according to Bayer, is the state of rest and relaxation. It matches our parasympathetic nervous system for being calm and creative.

The way to do that is to do something you enjoy.

It’s a way of increasing your vibration and when you increase your vibration you have a better chance of attracting what you want.

What are some things you like to do?

What are some things you enjoy?

Do that!

For me, I love walking along the beach. I love looking out the window, sitting in my recliner with a hot cup of tea, letting the thoughts come and go. I love reading. I love learning. I love watching dogs play.

What do you love?

If you’re finding it hard to visualise, how about taking some time to get yourself out of the Primal and into the Powerful state.

Do something you love. Raise your vibration.

When you do, you’ll find it much easier to visualise and to feel the feelings of having the things you want.

I’m curious, what works for you and what do you want?

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

14 Years – You Have The Answers (WT728)

14 Years – You Have The Answers (WT728)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Jun, 2024 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 728 14 Years. You have the answers

Today we celebrate 14 years of writing a weekly thought and we haven’t missed one single week in all that time.

I am very proud of this achievement.

I am very proud of my commitment.

As I reflect back over the years, having started my business in October 2006, both the business and the Weekly Thoughts have evolved.

When I first started my business and attended networking events, people would ask me who I worked for.

I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “myself”.

That wasn’t a great answer.

They asked what I did.

I told them, “I help business owners streamline their systems and processes”.

They would reply, “Oh, you’re an IT person.”

“No.”

What I found was that when I finished a project and left the business to continue, the new systems often fell over.

Why was this?

It was because the owners and managers didn’t know how to lead and manage their people.

Evolution number 1 – I started coaching them one to one.

Evolution number 2 – I invested in more leadership training and offered small intimate intensive Leading Yourself and Leading Others experiences.

Evolution number 3 – as I learned more about mindset and neuroscience, we included Possibility into our framework of People and Process.

Evolution number 4 – changing the name Possibility to Potential.

Evolution number 5 – realizing that my clients are wanting High Performing Businesses with high performing people, high performing processes and high performance potential.

Over the years, most of my work has been word of mouth.

People would say to their colleagues, “You need to speak to Shirley”.

Speaking to some clients recently, asking them why they work with me and what benefits do they get, they all answered with a similar answer:

“I came to you because I was stuck. I didn’t know which way to turn. I didn’t know what to do. You listened to me. You didn’t interrupt. You allowed me to speak and then you reflected back what I had told you. Much like a mirror. When I heard myself through your voice I could easily evaluate what was going on. I found the answers and if I didn’t find the answers, you gave me the tools to find the answers.”

I just love that I can help you find your answers.  You have them inside of you.

Sometimes we just can’t see the label from inside the jar.

So this week, I want to thank you.

Thank you for being part of our community.

Thank you for allowing me to help you find your answers.

Thank you for being open to grow and develop.

Thank you for being you.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Happy anniversary!

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

You Have To Dress For The Job You Want (WT726)

You Have To Dress For The Job You Want (WT726)

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by Shirley Dalton | 24 May, 2024 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 726 Dress for the job you want

This week’s inspiration comes from one of my favourite clients and his Operations Coordinator.

As I sat wondering what this week’s thought would be, Ray called to give me a business progress update.

He started the conversation with, “I changed my life today”.

“What did you do? Sell the business?” I asked.

“No”, he replied. “I was vulnerable with my team and shared my vision for the business. I wanted them to see things from my perspective.”

“Amazing!”

Knowing Ray as I do, I asked him what the turning point was.

“I have to give credit to Kim” he said.

“When I shared my vision, she responded with ‘You have to dress for the job you want’”.

“As soon as she said that, I knew she was right. I had to start acting as if I was the CEO of the type of business I envision.”

“I took action straight away. I restructured. I delegated (not abdicated) and empowered the team. I’m feeling good after coming from a place of feeling wrung out.”

Hearing this made me feel so happy too.

I was happy for Ray. I was happy for Kim. I was happy for the team, the customers and the suppliers.

It’s a great reminder. Thank you Kim.

You have to dress for the job you want.

In a way it’s similar to “Act as If”.

We know that in order to have what we want, we have to be fully aligned to the result. When you dress and act as if you already have it, your unconscious mind will go to work to ensure the external matches the internal.

What is the job you want?

How do you have to dress and act?

I’d love to hear your progress report.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s Not Hard To Live In Peace (WT722)

It’s Not Hard To Live In Peace (WT722)

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by Shirley Dalton | 26 Apr, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 722 It's Not Hard To Live In Peace

With everything that’s going on in the world at the moment, we could copy The Animals’ Playbook.

Ross and I just spent a few weeks in South Africa.

We were fortunate to be able to resit The Silva Mind Control Course at Cradle Moon.

Cradle Moon is a game park.

There are no predatory animals, however the animals that are there are wild and roam free.

In fact, one young boy was reminded, in no uncertain terms, that animals come first, when he tried to shoe away the zebras who came to drink from the pool.

As we sat in the conference room we could see the zebras marching around, stopping to graze and then moving on. Totally at peace and not in any hurry.

Sharing the park where we were staying were zebras, giraffes, wildebeest, monkeys, blesboks, springboks, impalas and a huge monitor lizard.

We also saw rhinos with babies and ostrich when we went further into the park on a game drive as well as the animals mentioned above.

According to Kruger National Park, “Most of Africa’s herbivores can be classified as either grazers of grass or browsers of leaves off trees. Some animals, like the elephant and impala, do both – depending on the availability of food.”

Which brings me to my point, it’s not hard to live in peace.

Sitting on the patio, waiting for the sun to set, we were in awe of the peaceful parade of animals as they grazed together.

They weren’t fighting for food, although we did see a bit of infighting for the attention of the females.

Because there were no predators in the park, i.e. no lions, cheetahs, leopards or hyenas, the grazing animals were safe.

They lived together harmoniously.

The giraffes ate the leaves from bushes with very big spikes. The monkeys ate what was available to them, including pinching toothpaste and sugar (cheeky monkeys). The impalas, blesboks, springboks and zebras ate the grass.

As species, they weren’t fighting for territory. They shared the territory.

I couldn’t help but wonder why we can’t do the same.

I would love to see a world where humans live together in peace.

Where we accept the differences and allow those that are different to us to live the way they want to live.

There is no right or wrong or judgement from the animals. They just mind their own business and carry on.

What do you think?

Do you think we could take a leaf out of their book (pardon the pun) and start to live in peace?

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Made A Decision (WT719)

I Made A Decision (WT719)

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by Shirley Dalton | 5 Apr, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 719 I made a decision

We had guests around for dinner the other night.

I made a quiche.

When we sat down to eat, one of the guests looked at my plate quizzically and then turned to me and said, “You’re eating eggs. I didn’t think you ate eggs”.

“I made a decision”, I replied.

“You made a decision?” he asked.

“That’s right. I decided I wanted to eat eggs again, so I decided I would.”

For those of you who are not aware, for about 15 years I’ve had an intolerance to eggs if they were not cooked with flour. I became nauseous if I ate quiche, scrambled or other breakfast eggs or mayonnaise.

Whilst I’m not rushing out to eat mayonnaise, once I decided I was going to eat eggs again, I started introducing small amounts of scrambled egg until I could eat a regular breakfast meal.

I was testing myself with the quiche and I am happy to say, I didn’t get sick.

Enough about my digestion and eating preferences.

What has this got to do with you?

Well, you too can make a decision.

You can decide to be happy. (I had that conversation with a party guest last weekend who told me she just wanted to be happy.)

You can decide to have a good relationship.

You can decide to have children.

You can decide to change jobs or careers.

There’s a great book by Raymond Charles Barker called “The Power of Decision”.

I urge you to get it and either read it or listen to it or both.

It will help you understand and apply the power of decision.

And one more example from a client who decided to reduce his weight.

“Shirley, I’ve found that when I start thinking about reducing my weight, even before I have taken action, just by the mere decision and thought I can lose 4 kilos.”

What is it you want?

What can you make a new decision about?

All it takes is to decide.

Let me know what your new decision is.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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