Phenomenal Coaching (WT562)

Phenomenal Coaching (WT562)

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WT 562 Phenomenal Coaching

One of my clients was sharing a coaching experience they had recently. It unnerved me a little because if she was talking about them, it’s most likely only a matter of time before she starts talking about me.

On a tangent here, I remember confronting a coaching client about the same thing. He was complaining about all of his suppliers. After he stopped ranting, I looked him in the eye and said “I’m just wondering when it will be my turn.”

“Your turn for what?” he asked.

“My turn for you to p..s all over me”, I answered and continued, “You’ve just sat there for 20 minutes and told me all the things your suppliers have done wrong and haven’t taken responsibility for any part of it, so I can only imagine that you’ll be saying something about my work at some stage.”

Not exactly what he was expecting to hear and it was true and he needed to hear it. He didn’t continue coaching after his initial commitment was completed. No real surprises there.

Back to this week’s thought.

So my client was talking about a previous coaching experience.

“The coach kept telling me what to do. That doesn’t work for me. Giving me strategies doesn’t work. All that does is make the coach feel good and superior because they think they have solved my problem, when they haven’t.”

“Did you speak up?” I asked.

“No, because it’s no use arguing with them, because they’ve decided what you need and will argue the solution. It’s easier to say nothing and do what I want anyway.”

“And you’re paying for the coaching” I stated, yet it was really a question.

Hearing this reminded me of what David Bayer calls “Ordinary Coaching” and I’m sad to say, I used to be guilty of that myself.

Until I learned about what he calls “Phenomenal Coaching”.

In Phenomenal Coaching we invite what David calls The Phenomenon into the conversation. The Phenomenon is Infinite Intelligence. David sees it like an old friend.

It’s also the part of us that knows what we want and how to solve our problems. In my Lifeline Telephone Counsellor’s training, I learned that the person with the problem is the best person to solve the problem because they know all the reasons why your solutions won’t work. They may also have a different set of beliefs and without the belief being in alignment with the strategy the coach or the counsellor is giving them, it simply won’t work.

Stop making yourself feel good by solving others’ problems.

Listen to them, ask them questions and invite The Phenomenon to help them find the answers that are already inside of them. That’s Phenomenal Coaching!

Regards Shirley

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Ho’Oponopono (WT561)

Ho’Oponopono (WT561)

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WT 561 Ho'Oponopono

This week I thought I would share another story to demonstrate where I use Ho’oponopono [ho.ʔo.po.no.po.no]. I have mentioned it before in Weekly Thoughts and it is so powerful, it deserves repeating. We also have it proudly displayed on the top of our motorhome, clearing the way as we go.

Firstly, what is Ho’Oponopono?

The word “ho’o” means “cause” in Hawaiian, while “ponopono” means “perfection”. The term “ho’oponopono” can be translated as “correct a mistake” or “make it right”.

Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian spiritual practice that helps us to forgive past wrongs, conflicts, misunderstandings, and similar.

It teaches us that difficulties are manifestations of past wrongs as memories, and these memories influence our daily lives, hence the need to clear them.

I first heard about Ho’Oponopono through Dr Joe Vitale. He had heard about and subsequently met Dr Ihaleakala Hew Len who had studied with the creator of Ho’oponopono (Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona). Dr Hew Len talks about how, at first he thought Morrnah was crazy, and yet he took on her teachings. He has a Phd in Psychology and he accepted a contract to work in a hospital/gaol for the criminally insane in Hawaii. When given the position he told his employers that he would not meet with the inmates; he would do his work in private.

Each day he would go to his office, open the files of the inmates and practise Ho’oponopono. Within a couple of years, the inmates were rehabilitated and the hospital/gaol closed down.

Amazing stuff.

Dr Hew Len understood that we are responsible for everything that happens, especially if we are involved or participating. Ho’oponopono helps us to clear whatever it is that we have done, consciously or unconsciously.

For example, if someone upsets me and I get emotional about it, I immediately look to how I am responsible for the situation. I know that I am responsible for everything that happens in my life. If I am part of it, I am responsible.

Sometimes I don’t know what that is on a conscious level. That’s where Ho’oponopono comes in. It helps me to clear and release or “correct a past mistake”.

By simply reciting 4 phrases, I can clear what is happening.

The 4 phrases are (said aloud or mentally, in any order):

  1. I’m sorry

2. Please Forgive Me

3. Thank You.

4. I Love You

What I am saying to the universe, God, Infinite Intelligence, whatever name you want to use is, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’ve done to create this, Please Forgive Me, Thank you for the forgiveness and I love you.

Next time you find yourself in a situation that is not to your preference, take responsibility for it (even though you may not know how you caused it or what part you have played) and practise Ho’oponopono.

It really does work.

Give it a go and see.

I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You!

Regards Shirley

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held on Friday 9th April at 11:00am Sydney time. We’ll be going deeper on your leadership style and your mindset and how this affects the degree to which you create and manifest the possibilities you want in your life. Click here to register:https://shirleydalton.convertri.com/1-1-possibilities-webinar

P.P.S.Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Get Out Of Bed (WT559)

Get Out Of Bed (WT559)

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WT559 Get Out Of Bed

It’s Autumn and the days are getting shorter. It won’t be long and we’ll be looking to snuggle up under the doona on a cold winter’s night.

But that’s not what I’m talking about when I say “Get Out of Bed”.

I’m referring to what we know as “Living Above and Below the Line”.

Imagine a line drawn on a page.

Above the line are written three words; one on top of the other (vertically):

Ownership

Responsibility

Accountability

Below the line are another three words, the first initials of which spell BED:

Blame

Excuses

Denial

If you live above the line, you take ownership for what happens in your life. You take responsibility for cleaning up your mess and you hold yourself and others accountable for their commitments.

If you live below the line, you get into BED with blame, excuses and denial. You justify your lack of results and generally make up a big fat story as to why you are not achieving what you want.

Recently I was coaching with one of my legends and had to remind her of this concept. What was really interesting was that she had been sick recently and had been forced to stay in bed until she recovered.

As we chatted, she looked at me and shared her insight, “Get Out of Bed! OMG. I’ve been living below the line. It’s time for me to get out of bed, literally and figuratively.”

Watching her come to her own conclusion and her own Aha moment was the moment of transformation. As David Bayer says, “The moment you see your unintelligent thinking as unintelligent, is the moment of transformation.”

From this point on, she will never be the same. She realised she had been giving excuses and not taking responsibility.

And happy to report, that things are quite different now. She has gotten into action. She has stepped up. She has taken responsibility and I’m so excited to report that she is achieving what she wants.

And as always, how about you? Are you living above or below the line?

Do YOU need to Get Out of BED?

Regards Shirley

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Can Hear You (WT558)

I Can Hear You (WT558)

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WT 558 I Can Hear You

When you’re having a conversation with people, do you listen to what they are saying or are you waiting to speak?

In our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience we dedicate an entire day to developing our listening skills. It’s amazing to me how most people’s listening skills are so poor.

The first micro-skill we teach for listening is to be quiet; to not interrupt and to show attending behaviours of nodding your head etc. to show that you are actually hearing and listening to what the other is saying.

This skill is so important because it enables you to really understand what the other is saying and that is my point for today.

When I listen to you, I can hear your beliefs; your limiting beliefs and your empowering beliefs.

When I hear your beliefs, I can predict the results or lack of, that you will achieve.

I find this fascinating. People always tell you what’s going on for them, if you listen.

In other words, our beliefs are like biases that we have. We make a decision about something then we look for the evidence to prove ourselves right.

Here’s a couple of limiting beliefs, see if you can relate to any of them:

  1. Nobody at work listens to what I have to say
  2. I’ll never get a pay rise.

With these limiting beliefs I can predict your results:

  1. You won’t speak up and therefore others won’t get to hear what you have to say.
  2. You won’t do what’s required in order to get the pay rise, and therefore won’t be offered more money.

I can hear you. I listen to what you say and I can predict your results. By the same token, I can look at your results and predict your beliefs and my own.

How about you? Are you really listening to what others are telling you? Do you know what they’re thinking or what they believe? Often they aren’t even aware of their beliefs. Are you?

What Are You Going To Do About It? (WT555)

What Are You Going To Do About It? (WT555)

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WT 555 What are you going to do about it

This was the question the guy at the counter asked Ross when Ross pointed out the damage to the bumper bar on our motorhome.

“What am I going to do about it? Ross repeated the question.

“I’m not going to do anything. You’re going to get it fixed. It was you (as in their company) who damaged it”, Ross continued.

We had taken the motorhome to get its yearly service on the truck and engine. It was also due for registration, so we needed a roadworthy certificate.

We had only recently had the bumper bar replaced after waiting almost 12 months.

“How about you get it fixed and we’ll waive the invoice for today?” the assistant offered.

“Do you know how much these are worth?” asked Ross, who was totally flabbergasted at the offer.

Ross answered for him, “We got a quote for $7,000 from company X and we ended up getting another repairer to fix it for $4,000.

Blood drained from the assistant’s face.

“I’m not leaving here until I have it in writing that you are going to fix it”, demanded Ross.

After some lengthy negotiations and still no apology, Ross finally left after having waited 5 hours for the service because they had failed to update their booking system when the date had been changed, nor had they confirmed it. From a business and customer service point of view, they score 1/10.

Apart from a rant, here’s the point.

Both Ross and I went into the primal state over this. Ross was so rattled he missed a turn and we ended up 40km out of our way when we didn’t have the luxury of time.

As soon as we arrived at our destination, Ross jumped out of the van and apologised. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I had been following in Harry Hilux and had been fuming at how late I was for an appointment.

My mood only got worse when he told me about the damage.

Fortunately, I remembered my training. There is no suffering in any experience. The only cause of our suffering is our own thoughts, or what we think about the experience.

I started to calm down. The facts were: the motorhome got damaged and I was late for a meeting. That’s it. No suffering in the experience, only my thoughts, so I focussed on it being an experience and let it go. (A ride on my new ebike also helped.)

So, please remember this story and training for the next time things don’t go according to how you want or expect.

There is no suffering in the experience. The only cause of your suffering is your own thinking.

I trust this is helpful. Thanks for listening.

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When You Can’t Decide (WT554)

When You Can’t Decide (WT554)

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WT 554 When You Can't Decide

I don’t have any trouble making a decision, unless I can’t make a decision.

That sounds odd, don’t you think.

Here’s what I mean.

Ross and I had wanted to get e-bikes for about a year now.

About a month ago we decided to purchase them. (As a side note, you haven’t made a decision until you take action.)

Ross did the initial research to get a ballpark figure for what the bikes might cost. There was a huge variation in price.

We narrowed it down to a couple of brands.

Ross researched the distributors and stockists (many of whom had none in stock).

Finally he found a business that specialised in e-bikes and which had a number in store that we could test ride.

We both test rode a couple of the bikes. I liked some of the features of them, but there wasn’t one bike that stood out.

“I don’t know. I’m not quite sure”, I said to Ross as we drove off.

What I did know was that I was getting desperate to buy one.

I couldn’t decide.

We went back the following week and test rode the same two bikes. Nothing had changed. I still couldn’t decide.

A new bike had arrived at the shop and the assistant had only assembled it that morning. Ross rode it and liked it.

I rode my 2 bikes again, doing my best to decide which one to buy.

I looked at the new bike and just as we were about to leave, I asked to ride it.

As soon as I took off, I knew it was the one.

It was comfortable. It had power and it was manageable. The strange thing for me was that this bike was the same as one I had ridden the week before and dismissed. What was different this time?

It had different brakes, but that didn’t make a difference to how it handled or how it felt.

Ross had changed the seat and handlebar settings.

Wow, I loved this bike.

As I rode back to the shop, I smiled and said, “We have a Winner”.

I felt the assistant’s relief.

All that had to be done was to pay for the bikes and organise for a new sturdy bike rack for the motorhome.

I can’t wait to go riding this weekend.

Now to the point of the story. I don’t have any trouble making a decision, unless I can’t make a decision.

Ross and I have learned over the years to trust my intuition. If it’s an “I don’t know”, it’s a “No”.

There is always something better to come.

How about you?

What sort of decision maker are you?

What do you do when you can’t decide?

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