Are You Open to Receiving? (WT577)

Are You Open to Receiving? (WT577)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Jul, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 577 Are you open to receiving?

Wow! What a couple of weeks we’ve had.

We’d been at the van park in Darwin for a few days when we found out at midday on a Sunday that we were going into lockdown at 1pm that day. That was an hour later.

Ross and I were in a panic.

We’d also been told that the supermarkets were going to close and we had little fresh food in the motorhome.

As we were frantically packing up the motorhome to drive to the shops one of the neighbours came over and offered for us to go with them.

“Yes please!” we smiled.

We were so grateful.

When we got to the shops there was a line up to get into Woolworths grocery store. We waited in the sun for what seemed like an eternity.

As we neared the entrance to the store, an employee offered us masks.

“Thank you!”, again grateful for the gesture.

Over the next few weeks we were invited to join our neighbours and their group to watch the State of Origin football matches and join in with Happy Hour of an afternoon.

On a number of occasions, different members of the group offered for us to go with them to the shops.

This was an amazing offer for us because our only other means of transport was riding our electric pushbikes and we were 5km from the nearest shops. In the Darwin heat of 32 degrees Celsius and 90% humidity, we said “Yes Please and Thank You” to every opportunity we got.

Now, why am I telling you this?

It’s because we haven’t always been that way. In the past we were fiercely independent and proud – too proud to accept help.

Not these days. If someone offers to help me, I’m a grateful recipient.

Likewise we also expressed our thanks and gratitude by reciprocating with a carton of beer (which I managed to carry on the back of my pushbike – but that’s another story).

Being open to receiving can be a challenge for some of us, so your challenge this week is to say “Yes, thank you”, when someone offers to help you in any way OR you can also choose to ask for help if you need it.

People are not judging you harshly for asking for or accepting help.

Most of us want to help. It’s how we feel good about ourselves.

So if you must, look at it this way, by accepting the help, you are actually helping someone else feel good about helping.

Are you open to receiving?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s 11 Years (WT572)

It’s 11 Years (WT572)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 572 It's 11 Years

Have you ever started something without any expectation?

Maybe you started going to the gym and then found that a few years later you’re still going to the gym.

Well, to my surprise and delight, that’s what has happened for me with the Weekly Thought.

I started writing a Weekly Thought to my database 11 years ago.

When I started I didn’t know how long I would keep going; that would depend on the readers and whether my thoughts were of interest.

And here we are 11 years later and I haven’t missed one single week in all that time.

I have to say, I’m impressed. I can count on one hand the commitments I’ve made in my lifetime and this is one of them.

Thank you for being part of our community.

Thank you for replying and letting me know which thoughts resonate.

Over the years I’ve had people tell me they’ve gone to work specifically to access their computer to hear what Shirley had to say on a Friday morning when they had an issue or situation to deal with.

I’ve had people give me great insights around weekly thought topics which have then made me stop and think some more.

Others have given me stories to share.

I’m just so excited to celebrate another year of thoughts.

I’m not done yet, nor is Infinite Intelligence, who often speaks through me, so we’ll commit to another year and see how we go.

As always, on the anniversary, I love to give a gift to celebrate.

This year one lucky reader will have the choice to either join my Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in Newcastle NSW Australia in September 2021 or one year’s subscription to our online Leading Yourself and Leading Others Membership. Both valued at over $5,000AUD. (You can find out more on my website under the “Get Shirlified” tab.)

For a chance to win, all you need to do is to click on this link and tell me in 25 words or less why you want to win.  You have until 12:00pm (noon) Thursday 17th June (Sydney, Aussie time) to enter. I’ll announce the winner in next week’s thought.

So what’s the message today? It’s a great quote from Les Brown. He says, “You don’t have to be great to get started but you do have to get started to be great.”

What is something you want to start doing?

Just start, you never know where it will lead or how long you might end up doing it.

Good luck with your entry.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Don’t Assume Malevolence (WT567)

Don’t Assume Malevolence (WT567)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 May, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 567 Don't assume malevolence

You know I love quotes and mantras. Well here’s another one that a colleague of mine shared with me recently. Thank you Mark!

It comes from Jordan Petersen, “Don’t assume malevolence, when ignorance will suffice.”

First of all we’d better define malevolence. Without consulting the dictionary, in this context for me it means, don’t assume malice. Don’t expect that someone is intentionally wanting to hurt you in some way.

When you combine it with, “When ignorance will suffice”, my interpretation is that the other is not even aware of the effect they are having on you. The meaning of ignorance is to not know something.  

Okay, so why the English lesson?

These words remind us to not jump to conclusions. They remind us that our suffering is caused by one thing and one thing only and that is our thinking. They remind us to not get caught up in what Loretta Malandro calls Automatic Listening, where we make stuff up based on a reaction and judgement we have to a situation and then we create a story and look for evidence to predict the future and prove ourselves right. In NLP, we call it mindreading.

We do this from a very young age and for many, the ignorant ones, they continue into old age. But not you! You know better.

Here’s an example:

Christine was venting to her colleague about her manager. “He’s horrible, Shirley. He never asks me how I’m going or if there is anything I need? He’s just not interested in me at all.”

“Do you know that for a fact?” I asked.

“Well, that’s what he does”, she replied.

“Yes, that’s what he does. Do you know for sure that he is not interested in you or your work?”

“No, I suppose I don’t know for sure. But he’s horrible.”

“Yes, I understand that’s what you think. How about you ask him what he is thinking?” I encouraged her.

The following week she reported in. “You were right”, she said.

Now that was an interesting comment because I had simply asked her to ask her boss a question.

“He thought that because my personality profile was a Driver or Director (depending on the profiling system you use), he assumed that I wouldn’t want to talk about what was happening for me or what I needed. In fact, he was very interested. He was actually holding himself back, thinking that that was what I wanted.”

“Well, there you go. Don’t assume malevolence, when ignorance will suffice.”

Your turn! What situation have you recently reacted to and decided the other was acting from malicious intentions?

How about you go and have that conversation and check it out and save yourself the angst and grief of reacting to what you’re making up.

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held next week on Friday 14th May at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. This month we’re focussing on improving team productivity through a secret system. Click on the link to register, even if you can’t attend, you’ll be able to catch the recording. https://shirleydalton.convertri.com/processes-webinar

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

What Lesson Did I Just Teach? (WT566)

What Lesson Did I Just Teach? (WT566)

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by Shirley Dalton | 30 Apr, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

What Lesson Did I Just Teach (WT566)

One of my weaknesses is that I let everyone else go first and I put myself last. It’s not a great quality and for the most part it only affects me (and of course, Ross from time to time).

I was horrified the other day to realise that I may have taught this to my friend’s 2 year old child, unintentionally of course, but a life lesson, none the less.

Here’s what happened:

Magnus was climbing the slippery dip at a local café where we were having breakfast.

Another kid, possibly the same age and a bit bigger in size, height and weight started climbing too.

I was standing behind Magnus to make sure he didn’t fall backwards and the second kid pushed his way past and up to the top of the slippery dip and I let him.

This same kid also attempted to take Magnus’ water bottle off him in another section of the playground but Magnus fought back.

Wow! Such an innocent event and yet so powerful in what it teaches us as well as the beliefs it generates. Powerful also in that our beliefs dictate our destiny and our beliefs are often created at a very early age.

Whilst I’m working on my own limiting belief of letting others go first (which I learned from my dad), I apologise if I just taught that to Magnus.

Remember, what you tolerate you teach.

What are you unconsciously teaching your kids?

Regards Shirley

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held on Friday 14th May at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. This month we’re focusing on improving team productivity through a secret system. Save the date and we’ll share more over the coming weeks.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Can I Have a Go? (WT565)

Can I Have a Go? (WT565)

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by Shirley Dalton | 23 Apr, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 565 Can I have a go?

“Excuse me.”

“Excuse me.”

“Is that an electric bike?” asked one of the kids in the caravan park where we’ve been staying.

“Yes”, replied Ross.

“Can I have a go?” the young boy asked.

“No, it’s too big for you”, replied Ross.

“Does it go really fast?”

“Have you got to peddle all the time?”

Ross chatted with them and answered their questions.

They didn’t push the point for a ride and I couldn’t help admire their confidence to ask for what they wanted. Straight up!

I love how kids don’t prejudge an answer.

I love how they simply ask for what they want.

It makes me curious. At what point do we learn that it’s rude to ask for what we want or that people will think less of us if we ask or any number of variations on this theme?

When you think about it, you’ve got a 50 50 chance of getting a Yes or No.

If you get a Yes, you’re in front.

If you get a No, you’re no further behind. You’re still at the same spot you were when you asked.

If you have trouble asking for what you want, my recommendation is to go to https://www.goforno.com/ and order the book Go For No by Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton.

It’s required reading in my Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience.

The message is clear, “If Yes is the destination, No is how you get there.”

This week why not be childlike?

Why not ask for what you want?

It’s not that hard to ask “Can I have a go?”

Regards Shirley

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held on Friday 14th May at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. This month we’re focussing on improving team productivity through a secret system. Check out our Events Page for more information.

P.P.S.Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Phenomenal Coaching (WT562)

Phenomenal Coaching (WT562)

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by Shirley Dalton | 2 Apr, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 562 Phenomenal Coaching

One of my clients was sharing a coaching experience they had recently. It unnerved me a little because if she was talking about them, it’s most likely only a matter of time before she starts talking about me.

On a tangent here, I remember confronting a coaching client about the same thing. He was complaining about all of his suppliers. After he stopped ranting, I looked him in the eye and said “I’m just wondering when it will be my turn.”

“Your turn for what?” he asked.

“My turn for you to p..s all over me”, I answered and continued, “You’ve just sat there for 20 minutes and told me all the things your suppliers have done wrong and haven’t taken responsibility for any part of it, so I can only imagine that you’ll be saying something about my work at some stage.”

Not exactly what he was expecting to hear and it was true and he needed to hear it. He didn’t continue coaching after his initial commitment was completed. No real surprises there.

Back to this week’s thought.

So my client was talking about a previous coaching experience.

“The coach kept telling me what to do. That doesn’t work for me. Giving me strategies doesn’t work. All that does is make the coach feel good and superior because they think they have solved my problem, when they haven’t.”

“Did you speak up?” I asked.

“No, because it’s no use arguing with them, because they’ve decided what you need and will argue the solution. It’s easier to say nothing and do what I want anyway.”

“And you’re paying for the coaching” I stated, yet it was really a question.

Hearing this reminded me of what David Bayer calls “Ordinary Coaching” and I’m sad to say, I used to be guilty of that myself.

Until I learned about what he calls “Phenomenal Coaching”.

In Phenomenal Coaching we invite what David calls The Phenomenon into the conversation. The Phenomenon is Infinite Intelligence. David sees it like an old friend.

It’s also the part of us that knows what we want and how to solve our problems. In my Lifeline Telephone Counsellor’s training, I learned that the person with the problem is the best person to solve the problem because they know all the reasons why your solutions won’t work. They may also have a different set of beliefs and without the belief being in alignment with the strategy the coach or the counsellor is giving them, it simply won’t work.

Stop making yourself feel good by solving others’ problems.

Listen to them, ask them questions and invite The Phenomenon to help them find the answers that are already inside of them. That’s Phenomenal Coaching!

Regards Shirley

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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