You know how every so often someone says something and it really resonates with you? Well, I was at a new yoga class this morning and the yoga teacher made a comment that I thought I’d share with you.

“We spend a lot of time in our mind each day, so we’d better make sure it’s a nice place to stay.”

Wow. This resonated because of the work I’ve done with David Bayer regarding suffering.

Bayer’s mission is to end all human suffering. What he means by that is our psychological suffering.

There is no suffering in the experience.

If we look to nature, there is no suffering. No psychological suffering. Flowers don’t get upset because one is a brighter red than another. Squirrels don’t get stressed thinking they may not be able to find a nut and birds aren’t worried that they might fly in the wrong direction.

We humans have this unique ability to create suffering in a world where suffering doesn’t naturally exist.

This week my heart has gone out to a number of clients who have been suffering in the primal state of anxiety, anger, resentment and generally feeling lousy because of situations that have occurred.

It’s helpful to remind ourselves that’s there no suffering in the experience. It’s just an experience. The suffering comes from what we think about the experience and the meaning we give it.

Another point Bayer makes is that our emotions are our guideposts from our nervous system and that if the nervous system is in dissonance with our energy, we feel “bad”. He says that if we feel bad, it’s a clue that our thinking is off; that what we are thinking isn’t true.

It took me a long time to understand this concept. How can what I’m thinking not be true? If you play with the concept and accept that what you’re thinking can’t be true, we can ask another question. If this isn’t true, then what is true? Often it’s the exact opposite of what we’re thinking.

If you go deeper into the enquiry and are open to the insights that will be revealed you’ll find that the suffering goes.

As an example, Bayer felt terrible when his cherished dog died. He was thinking that his dog shouldn’t have died. He applied his teachings. “If what I’m thinking isn’t true, then what is true? That my dog should have died?” The answer is “Yes” because the dog did in fact die.

Enter the enquiry. “If he was meant to die at this time, (he was an old dog with serious health issues), then what am I upset about? I’m upset because I won’t see him again.”

A little while later he got the inspiration to check out near death experiences of people, who as it turns out, were met by their pets. Hmmmm. “So I will see my dog again”, explained Bayer and with that the suffering ended.

I accept this might be a bit to get your head around. I encourage you to give it some thought and play with it next time you find yourself in a negative emotional state.

Go into the enquiry of it.

Remember, we spend a lot of time in our mind each day, so make sure it’s a pleasant place to stay.

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P.P.S. There’s still time to register for our February Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. Here’s the link for more information. Contact me urgently if you’d like to attend. We only have a few places left. https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/

“Everywhere I go, I get bullied”, cried Jane.

“Don’t say that”, I replied. “Because that’s what you’ll manifest.”

Our words are so important.

They are commands to our unconscious minds.

Let’s make a pact that this year, we will be very mindful about the language we use, especially when describing ourselves and our situations.

Bullying doesn’t just occur in the workplace.

It can happen with suppliers as well.

Don’t allow yourself to be bullied into accepting a product or service you don’t want.

You are the expert on you.

You know what you want and don’t want.

It’s okay to say “No”, when you don’t want something.

Here’s an example. George sought some legal and accounting advice. The advice was sound, however the strategy suggested wasn’t what George wanted to do.

“I know what they are saying is right”, said George. “But I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to start legal action. I just want to get on with things and put it down to the cost of my education, albeit a very expensive education.”

“Then don’t”, I agreed.

“Don’t allow yourself to be bullied. Thank them for the advice. You now know what your options are. Pay their bills and do what you want to do. At the end of the day, it is you who has to live with your decision.”

Just because we seek advice (from friends, family, professionals), doesn’t mean we have to implement what they say.

If you’re feeling uneasy about a decision to purchase or do something, question it. Our emotions are guideposts and if it isn’t a “Hell Yes”, then it’s a “Hell No.”

Don’t allow yourself to be bullied into buying or doing something you don’t want to.

It’s okay to say “No thank you.”

Here’s to an awesome 2023. May it be your year to be assertive.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts on Thursday 19^th January 2023. If you want to learn what it means to be a Loyal Lieutenant (Second-In-Command) AND work on streamlining and documenting your operations and procedures, click the link to register now. Last chance to enrol is Monday 16^th January. https://shirleydaltoncourse.com/Webinar

You may be aware of the learning styles according to Neurolinguistic Programming:

1. Visual
2. Auditory
3. Kinaesthetic
4. Audio Digital

These are great to know for yourself and your team to ensure you make the most of your training opportunities.

What I discovered in the past few weeks though, is that there is another layer to our learning styles.

Disclaimer: this is coming from my experience and I have not researched this yet, so let’s call it a discussion.

One of my clients, we’ll call her Abigail, was commenting about how one of her team members did not access the training provided in their resource library.

Abigail kept redirecting the team member to the library and was frustrated because she expected the team member to be an independent learner.

In other words, help yourself to the training, which I might add had been prepared to cater for all learning styles above. There were videos, written instructions, verbal instructions and do it yourself instructions. Audio Digital is more about making lists in your own mind, so of course there were checklists to follow.

“I don’t understand Shirley, how come she won’t sit down and learn by herself. She is constantly interrupting other team members and asking questions, when the answers are there in the procedures”, questioned Abigail.

Hmmm. This reminded me of another conversation I had recently had with another client, we’ll call Joseph. Joseph had wanted he and I to enrol in a training course together.

I mentioned to Joseph that the course was digital and we had to learn at our own pace.

He didn’t like the sound of that.

“I want a facilitator”, he said. “I want to be taught.”

I shared this with Abigail.

“OMG! That’s right”, she said.

“She wants to be taught and I don’t have the time or resources to enable 1:1 training. I need independent learners.”

This got me thinking about my own learning style in terms of whether I prefer to learn on my own or be taught. For me, it doesn’t really matter because I just love learning.

However, I can see that it does make a difference to some.

How about you? How about your team?

Are you an independent learner or do you need to be taught by someone. Do you need a facilitator to interact with?

It’s a great concept to look at in your organisation. Whilst you may have been paying attention to the V.A.K. styles of learning, now might be a good time to go a little deeper and look to whether your team are independent learners or needing a facilitator, and if needing a facilitator, how you might be able to accommodate that.

As I ponder this, it also helps explain to me how much value our Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience is because it is fully facilitated by me, over 4 intensive days, plus follow up 1:1 coaching sessions and a mastermind session.

The online Practical Leadership membership is a different story. There’s over 3 years worth of content there and I notice that some members don’t access the content, yet they show up for the twice monthly group coaching/mastermind calls.

It’s a fascinating topic and something I want to learn more about because my mission is to inspire, educate and support you to be, do, have and feel what you want. To that end, if I’m educating you, it’s to both our benefit to know your learning style.

Something for you to think about over the Christmas New Year period. Wishing you all the very best for the festive season. No breaks here, the Weekly Thoughts will continue.

Merry Christmas.

P.S. EARLY BIRD DISCOUNT for our February 2023 Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience ends on 31^st December, 2022.  Save yourself up to $1500. If you’re thinking about enrolling, do it before the 31^st December. Click the link for more information https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/