When You’re All Over The Place (WT671)

When You’re All Over The Place (WT671)

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by Shirley Dalton | 5 May, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset, Systems and Processes

WT 671 When you are all over the place

I have a feeling this week’s thought will resonate with many of you.

Let’s talk about how to focus when you’re all over the place; when you’re feeling overwhelmed and you have too much to do.

You know that horrible feeling you get when you just can’t focus. You can’t seem to prioritise or get into your tasks.

What do you do?

I have a few “go to” strategies that I turn to:

  1. I tap. (I use Emotional Freedom Technique, not tap dancing.)
  2. I breathe.
  3. I meditate.
  4. I go for a walk.
  5. I sit and have a cup of tea and stare out the window.
  6. I chant the phrases for Ho’oponopono.
  7. I write.

When we’re in this state, which David Bayer calls the “Primal” state, we can’t think. 

We can’t solve our problems.

We’re not creative because all our body and brain are doing is looking to survive.

Should I stay and fight? Should I run? Should I freeze?

When this happens, the first thing to do is to stop what you are doing and notice that you are in the primal state.

Awareness is the first step to moving out of it.

Take a breath. Calm yourself.

It sounds counter intuitive because you have so much to do and yet you’ll achieve far more and be more efficient and effective if you take a few minutes for yourself.

Another strategy that helps me is what I call my “Data Dump” method. I list everything that’s on my mind.

If I can, I use the whiteboard.

When I can see it, I can prioritise it.

I create a plan for when things have to be done.

I look to see who else can help. What can I delegate or request support for or negotiate an extended deadline?

Allowing yourself to stay in the primal state is a choice. It’s similar to worry.

There are many strategies and tools that will help you to focus and get back into the “Powerful” state.

What will you choose?

If you’d like to learn more, our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience starts next week or you may prefer individual coaching.

Remember, next time you can’t focus and you’re all over the place. Stop. Become Aware. Choose.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox.
Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts

Get Yourself Organised (WT670)

Get Yourself Organised (WT670)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 670

Get yourself organised or get someone to organise you.

That may sound harsh, however it’s not meant to be. It’s meant to be practical and encouraging.

The past few days Ross was preparing to get ready to go away for a few days on his motorbike. He was heading for a rally with some friends interstate.

He decided he wanted to leave by 3:30pm.

We were getting down to the wire.

“Have you seen my gloves?” he yelled.

“What sort of gloves?  Aren’t your riding gloves next to your boots?” I answered.

“No! Not those gloves. I want the waterproof gloves.”

I had no idea what gloves he was referring to, however I did get that they were important so I dropped what I was doing to look for the gloves, and his tiny flashlight. That was missing too.

“Have you checked the storage box with our other motorbike gear?” I asked, walking towards it.

“No, what’s that?” he asked.

I found the container. Opened it. No joy.

We searched through other shelves and boxes in the garage.

Underneath his workbench was one of the motorbike paniers.

“What’s in that panier?” I asked.

“I don’t know”, he replied as he pulled it out from under the workbench.

“Hello!”, said Ross, surprised.

Here were the gloves and other bits and pieces that he needed for his trip.

The panier was also supposed to be on the bike that he was taking.

Panic over, problem solved, I shook my head, smiled and walked away.

Being organised is both a skill and a talent.

Some of us have it. Some of us don’t.

You can learn it.

Even better though, if you’re not organised, hook up with someone who is. They love to help and it’s easy for them.

Even though I consider myself to be somewhat of an organised person, I still call for help when I need accountability or someone to help organise me to get going and do tasks that need to be done.

How about you?

Are you organised or do you need help from someone who is?

In the Entrepreneurial Operating System (EOS), the organised person is referred to as The Integrator. The Integrator helps bring the Chief Vision Officer’s vision to life.  We need to have a dynamic duo, no matter what you call it.

We all have our strengths.

How about you play to yours.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset, Uncategorized

WT 667 Be assertive, ask for what you want

The past few weeks I’ve been working with my editor, Kellie O’Brien, to write my second and third books on Knowing Yourself, Knowing Others and Developing Communication Skills to help you become a better leader.

I was explaining some of the activities in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience to Kellie as we considered what to include and not include.

“It’s like buying a record and wanting to go see the artist in concert”, I explained.

I read Jack Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles – How to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You Want To Be” and couldn’t wait to sign up to attend his “Breakthrough to Success” event the following year because I wanted to experience the activities for myself, rather than read about them.

So this week I thought I would share one activity because it’s so relevant to ALL of us.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want.

I first experienced this myself when I was training to become a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor.

“Divide yourselves into pairs”, instructed the facilitator.

“Decide that the other person has something you want. It could be a watch, pendant, hat, blouse, phone, sunglasses. It doesn’t matter. Simply decide on something you want from them.”

“I’ll give you 5 minutes to see if you can get it from them, WITHOUT PHYSICALLY TAKING IT.”

Five minutes elapsed.

“Who managed to get what they wanted?” asked the facilitator.

A few hands went up, most didn’t.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Who simply asked for what they wanted?” she continued.

Ouch. I didn’t manage to get what I wanted but even more distressing for me at the time was the realisation about the way I went about attempting to get it. 

I praised. I manipulated. I bullied. I threatened. I offered to trade. In fact, I did everything except simply ask for what I want.

This is a very simple, yet powerful exercise.

The majority of us feel uncomfortable asking for what we want and we resort to manipulative and other tactics.

These days I am much more assertive and I’ve learned to ask for what I want.

Another concept I learned from Lisa Sasevich is, “Leaders go first”.

Let me go first.

I’d like to have more people in my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. The early bird discount finishes on Monday, saving participants $1,000.

I’d like to be able to help more people. We have a few places left in this intimate group setting. Here’s my ask:

I’m very grateful if you could please let your network know about the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience by sharing the link in the P.S. If someone you share it with enrols for the May experience, starting 10th May, I will extend the Early Bird Discount for them until the 17th April.

Thank you so much for considering my ask.

Now your turn, be assertive – choose something you want and go ask for it.

You’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting it and if you don’t ask, you’ve got 100% chance of not getting it.

You don’t need to manipulate, bully, threaten or sweet talk. Simply be assertive and ask for what you want.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

You Don’t Need To Say That (WT666)

You Don’t Need To Say That (WT666)

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by Shirley Dalton | 31 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Communication Skills, Mindset

WT 666 You don't need to say that

Have you ever noticed that the words we choose and how we say things can have a remarkable effect on others?

I was just typing an email to a client and I started to type, “I called you yesterday and left a message”.

As soon as I typed it, I realised, I don’t need to say that.

The effect of saying that could make the receiver feel bad. She might feel guilty because she didn’t call me back. She might feel annoyed and frustrated because I reminded her that she didn’t do something. She might be angry with me for being passive aggressive and making her wrong.

By typing that, I ran the risk of harming the relationship.

The other thing to note is that including those words and especially starting with them, was not necessary.

Start with something positive. Start with something uplifting.

John Maxwell talks about what he calls “The 30 Second Rule”.  In the first 30 seconds of coming into contact with someone, find something to appreciate about them or to compliment them. Of course, it must be genuine.

When you do this, you make people feel good and if they feel good around you, they are more likely to want to hang out with you and help you.

So, back to the email.

Backspace, backspace, backspace. I coached myself. “You don’t need to say that”.

Instead, I wrote, “Hey Mary, I hear you’re doing great things in your new role”, (which is true), then I went on to write the message to let her know about the next Loyal Lieutenant’s class and how her boss has approved her to do it, if she’d like to join in.

I don’t always get it right however, I constantly assess my words, especially in written communication because I have the opportunity to think about the potential effect of what I write on the other person.

How about you?

Do you think about your words and your communication and how it may land for the other person or do you simply blurt things out and then find yourself having to clean up?

Far better to check yourself in the first place.

There are many situations where we don’t need to say that.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. Early Bird Discount ends 10th April, saving $1000. If you’re looking for leadership skills and personal growth and development, then this is the experience for you. It’s practical. No academic assignments. What you learn will last a lifetime and can be used in all situations with all people. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Sometimes You Have To Sacrifice (WT664)

Sometimes You Have To Sacrifice (WT664)

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by Shirley Dalton | 17 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

WT 664 Sometimes you just have to sacrifice

Most mornings, when Ross and I have breakfast, we play Wordle on the iPhone.

It’s amazing how much of our school English grammar and spelling lessons come back as we attempt to work out the word for the day.

We often start with a word that has at least two different vowels so we either eliminate them or find that they are in the word.

We look at the possible endings for the word. Sometimes it could be “ed”, “er”, “ey”, “et” etc.

And sometimes, we have to sacrifice a letter that we know is not in the word but could help us work out some more letters.

We acknowledge that we are sacrificing an attempt when we enter a word which has letters that we know are not included.

We seek permission from the other, “I’m going to sacrifice the “s” to see where the letters go, is that ok?”

Once we’ve sacrificed the letter, we often find that the other letters end up in the right place and we can work out what the word is.

Sacrificing the letters makes it quicker and more accurate.

And that’s the point for today.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice in order to get where you want to go, quicker and easier.

Consider what you want for a moment.

Is there a way to sacrifice something in order to get there quicker?

Is there something you would be willing to sacrifice to achieve your goal?

It might not be the most direct route and it might seem like you are going backwards, however in the end, it might be worth it.

What is it? What’s your sacrifice?

Reply and let me know.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts 30th March 9:30am-11:00am, Sydney time for 9 weeks. Contact me directly if you are keen to join. It’s only 2 weeks away.

P.P.P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. Early Bird Discount ends 10th April, saving $1000. If you’re looking for leadership skills and personal growth and development, then this is the experience for you. It’s practical. No academic assignments. What you learn will last a lifetime and can be used in all situations with all people. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

Thanks Lady (WT663)

Thanks Lady (WT663)

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by Shirley Dalton | 10 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

WT 663 Thanks Lady

Last weekend Ross and I decided to go for a motorbike ride.

We love the beach so thought we would head down the coast and have breakfast.

It was a beautiful morning until we arrived at the destination to find that the café appeared to be closed.

A lady was walking her dog as we got off the bike.

“Excuse me, do you know if the café is open?” I asked.

“I don’t”, she replied. “Even though the lights look they are on and I’m a local, I don’t know.”

“Oh well, not to worry”, I said.

She thought for a minute, then said, “Actually, the surf house around the corner has just opened up a little café and a lot of the locals go there. The food is pretty good.”

“Great! Thank you” and we hopped back on the bike and rode around to the surf club.

It was amazing.

We had a table with a view straight out to the beach and the ocean. We were in the shade and a gentle breeze was blowing.

We could people watch, water watch and dog watch.

The food was basic but good and the service quick (which I would have preferred to be slower so I could have stayed longer).

As I sipped my coffee, feeling very relaxed, I was grateful.

Thanks Lady. I was so grateful for her information and sharing and I couldn’t help but think about how much locals know, how much they know about where they live and how often, many of us are too scared to ask.

In my experience I have found most people will answer you if you speak and most are very happy to share what they know about their community.

So, if in doubt, ask. Don’t be afraid to ask a local.

Be mindful that if you are intimidated to ask, it could be a sign that you might have a limiting belief that is limiting you from all sorts of helpful information and acquaintances.

W. H. Murray, puts it this way in his Commitment poem, “A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour, all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

I’m curious, let me know what you’ve learned when you made a decision to do something and had  the courage to ask a local.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts end of March 9:30am-11:00am, Sydney time for 9 weeks. Check out https://shirleydaltoncourse.com/webinar

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