Today’s thought might be a bit confronting as we ask and answer what I think is a deep question.

This week I had scheduled to run 3 x 2 hour presentations, “How to Succeed as a Solopreneur”.

On Sunday afternoon I lost it.

I’d spent practically all weekend preparing and practising.

In tears, I cried to Ross, “How come I can’t be like everybody else?”

“Why can’t I be happy to just work for someone and have weekends and evenings off, like other normal people? How come I always seem to be working on the weekend? Why do I put so much pressure on myself?”

Of course Ross knew too well to even attempt to answer that question because he knew it wasn’t a real question.

It was my way of expressing my fear that the presentations may not be whatever I deemed to be “successful”.

During the week I shared this story with a colleague and added, “I’m unemployable” to which she replied, “No you’re not, you’ve got so many skills and so much to offer”.

I corrected my communication, “I mean my attitude.”

And here is the confronting part, there is no such thing as “normal”.

We are all individuals. 

We all have unique gifts and talents that we bring to the world.

At times we can be challenged to show up, however I want to encourage you to stay true to who you are and to not compare yourself with anyone else or look to the other side of the fence, thinking the grass is greener.

Whether you’re an employee or an employer or a solopreneur or a stay at home mum or dad or carer, whatever you choose is OK as long as you are choosing it.

After I got over my little tanty, I settled down and focussed on being grateful.

I am grateful that I have the freedom to choose to work on weekends. 

I am grateful that I have the freedom to choose what I want to work on and with whom.

How about you?

If you find yourself asking, “Why can’t I …..?” how about reframing your question to “How lucky am I, I get to ….?

When we understand that everything in life is a choice, we take back our power.

If you find yourself having a tanty and saying things you don’t really mean, look to what’s underneath that.  Ask yourself “What’s going on here?  What’s the real issue?”

I’ll wager that it’s not the thing you’re complaining about.

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This week I put my hand up to get some feedback on one of my roleplay calls from my mentor – in front of the group.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I had recently resat the training after I had submitted the recording, so I was able to give myself a huge amount of feedback on what I had missed.

At the end of the mentoring session, one of the group members reached out to me privately on What’s App and gave me her feedback. She said “You are fearless”.

I was sharing this story with another colleague and confessed, that’s not how I would describe myself. In fact, in lots of ways, I have a lot of fear.

My colleague responded with, “You continually show up”. I couldn’t argue with that. I do show up and I put my hand up for coaching and feedback continuously.  I don’t always like what I hear, however I do my best to take it on board and improve.

So I started thinking about the clients I have been coaching lately and how we celebrated those who showed up for their coaching and mentoring support call.

It was so inspiring to see the progress they are making towards their goals. They were all beaming with joy and pride as they shared their achievements and the action they are taking.

Life rewards Action! (source: Authentic Education)

They showed up and they continue to show up.

One of the participants commented that he “always likes to show up because it’s a constant reminder of things he might otherwise forget. In other words, it keeps him in action towards his goals”.

The point of this week’s thought is to encourage you to continue show up.

No matter what that looks like for you, if you continue to show up and do the work towards achieving your goals, you are bound to be successful.

And I’m here, in your corner, cheering you on.

Let me know what you’re working on and what showing up means for you.

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This week I’m sharing a conversation I had with a good friend and colleague.

We’ll call him Andrew.

Andrew was telling me about one of his team members.

The team member was bemoaning his clients.

“Rather than being grateful for the work or understanding of the needs of his clients”, Andrew said, “Into The Label Maker We Go”.

He went on to explain.

The team member would mention the client’s name, throw them in the label maker and then spit out any number of disparaging judgements and labels to describe his clients.

Now, this shouldn’t be funny and yet I found myself laughing heartily at the metaphor.

I imagined the team member’s head shaped like a label maker, similar to the old fashioned “Dyno” label makers, which we would use to make sticky labels of our names etc. for school books, cases and the like.

Sadly, I think, to some extent, we are all label makers.

Recall one of your own recent conversations and notice if you threw people into your label maker, and spat out judgements and criticisms.

When we label and judge others:

1. We ignore the fact that we don’t know all the facts. We don’t know what’s going on for the other to cause them to behave the way they do.
2. We often project onto others, unresolved issues of our own. “She’s ignorant. She doesn’t listen. She interrupts”, complains your friend who does all of that and more.
3. It limits their growth and yours. Labels can box people in. If they accept the label, they can become the label and therefore not grow and develop.
4. If we normalse this behaviour, we create environments where negativity, comparison, and gossip thrive—rather than support, acceptance, and mutual respect.
5. We let ourselves off the hook for having the conversation and giving the feedback about the behaviour we’d like to see changed.

So, as funny as the metaphor is, on a serious note, I encourage you to expel your label maker.

This doesn’t mean people won’t do things that upset you. Rather it encourages you to find out what’s going on, to have a look at yourself, to be open to growth and development and to create a culture of acceptance and mutual respect and hold yourself accountable for having the conversation in a positive and assertive way.

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Many years ago, a former boss of mine told me that I would never be successful because I didn’t have any vision.

For some reason I believed him about the vision.

It’s only been recently that I have experienced my own “Aha’s” around this limiting belief.

As I’ve been coaching people recently I’ve observed how often I can see their business model and a vision for them and their business and have done so with my clients for the past 18 years. Doh!

I’ve helped them gain so much clarity and then helped them to remove the resistance that is holding them back.

Clients have been hitting goals that have alluded them for years.

Now the reason I’m telling you this, is not to brag but to emphasise to you, that (and I’m going to put it in capital letters so you really get it), that

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BELIEVE WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU.

This is especially true when what they are telling you is their opinion about you and what is most likely not true, but could cause you to create your own Limiting Belief.

Remember, Beliefs are Decisions. They are decisions that we make at some point in time which then affect how we see and show up in the world.

The good thing about seeing Beliefs as Decisions, is that because you know how to make a decision, you can make another decision.

I’ve decided to forget what my former boss said to me because it’s not true.  I do have vision and I can help you see yours.

I’m curious, what are some limiting beliefs that you’ve got that came from others’ opinions of you?

How about taking some time over this Easter break to reflect on what you were told and ask yourself whether you want to make a decision to ignore it or forget it.

My mum had a saying about opinions, “They’re like bums, everyone’s got one”. 

Don’t let someone else’s opinion influence you in a way that keeps you small.

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