Let’s Talk About Accountability (WT771)

Let’s Talk About Accountability (WT771)

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WT 771 Let's Talk About Accountability 600x300

It always amazes me how themes seem to appear at different times.

The past month or so, the theme of Accountability has popped up enough times to be more than a coincidence.

As I prepared to present The 5 Pillars to Become an Effective Leader, I was reminded again and again to hold myself accountable.

One of the pillars is “Support for Success”.

If you look at all the successful leaders, sportspeople, politicians, business people, one thing they have in common is they haven’t gotten there alone.

Many have team members to help them, and the majority of them have coaches and mentors.

Why is that? It’s because a coach or mentor can do 4 things for you:

  1. Help you observe the blindspots and point out mistakes you’re not aware of
  2. Help you with strategy
  3. Provide you with quality questions to get you to think about things you’re not thinking about when you’re stuck, and
  4. Help keep you accountable.

One of my mentors recently brought up the subject of accountability as well.

I signed up for a 6 week challenge to help me get into action. To help me do the things I know I should be doing but could easily let myself off the hook.

As part of the challenge, each week we report on action taken. It’s there for all to see.

As my mentor put it, “Accountability equals Proof”.

That’s it. So simple.

Show me the proof.

If you said you were going to make 100 prospecting calls this week, show me your call record.

If you said you were going to walk 10km, show me some evidence.

It’s the act of showing our evidence that gets us to complete the task.

So this week, I invite you to reply with something you want to be held accountable for doing and then next week email the evidence.

Just knowing that someone is waiting to see the evidence can be motivation enough.

So, if you can’t keep yourself accountable, then seek some support for success.

Get yourself an Accountability Buddy, BUT it has to be someone whom you will allow to keep you accountable.

For example, I can say to Ross, “Don’t let me eat any chocolate this week.”

As he sees me heading for the chocolate, he will mention it. “You asked me to not let you eat chocolate.”
I smile, ignore him and continue opening the wrapper.

He will venture a second reminder, only to receive a glare in return.

He knows better than to offer a third time.

Why? Because we both know I haven’t really agreed for him to hold me accountable.

Interestingly though, if I engage a coach or mentor, then I’m absolutely giving them permission to hold me accountable and as such I hold myself accountable to do what I say I will.

How about you?

Are you able to hold yourself accountable or could you use an Accountability Buddy or Coach to help you achieve what you say you want?

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

The Truth About Loyalty (WT764)

The Truth About Loyalty (WT764)

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WT 764 Loyalty

I’m ever surprised at where the inspiration for the Weekly Thoughts come from.

This week Ross and I were watching a series called “Shantaram” on Apple TV. It was based on the book by the same name and means “Man of Peace”.

There was a scene where two very powerful women were testing each other out with their words.

Asking about a man that one of the women was close to, the other asked, “Are you in love with him?”

To which, she replied, “No, but I am loyal to him.”

“Ah,” replied the questioner.

“There are only 3 reasons why people are loyal:

  1. They are in love
  2. They are afraid
  3. They feel obligated, so, if you are not in love, then you must be afraid or obligated?”

Dictionary.com defines Loyalty as, “the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations. faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve not thought about this before and the exchange got me thinking.

Many of my clients view loyalty as a very important trait in employees.

In fact, we can measure a person’s loyalty with the Integrity and Values profile that I use for recruitment and/or coaching purposes.

The description for someone who is loyal according to Integrity and Values is, “Committed to the organisation; prepared to put personal needs or goals to one side; does what is required of them – not just what they want to do or what will be good for their career.”

According to Integrity and Values research, Loyalty is one of the 5 most important values both employers and employees want to see in the workplace.

It goes both ways. Employers want loyal employees and employees want leaders who are loyal to them and “have their backs”.

Based on this little exchange in the TV show, I’m now looking more deeply at the concept of loyalty because it would distress me to think that employees, in particular, say they are loyal and yet are really afraid.

What do you think?

Is this something worth discussing with your team?

What is your definition of loyalty and is it an important trait for you?

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

When The Universe Speaks (WT760)

When The Universe Speaks (WT760)

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WT 760 When the Universe speaks

This week I was talking to a former boss of mine, Sue Schmotz.

Sue was my supervisor when I worked for the Southern Queensland Institute of TAFE, around 1997.

When I became a manager, Sue shared lots of little gems with me. One of the best lessons she taught me was, “The first rule of management – It’s not a popularity contest”.

There are times when we do need to have those difficult conversations and I am so pleased that since 2000, I’ve been an accredited instructor for Thomas Gordon’s Effectiveness Training and more recently Leader Effectiveness Training, which teaches us how to have those difficult conversations.

Anyhoo, I digress.

As I was talking to Sue, I mentioned my interest in all things “Woo Woo”. By “Woo Woo”, I mean the metaphysical; the things we can’t seem to explain.

Sue’s reaction was priceless.  “I would never, in a million years, have pictured you being interested in woo woo”.

It’s true! I look and act “straighty one eighty”, meaning people perceive me as conservative.

At heart, I am a big hippy.

I prefer not to wear makeup and I can’t stand tight clothes.  I’m happiest in shorts and a T-Shirt with no shoes.   Of course, this doesn’t fit the corporate business consultant persona.

So, the past few weeks when the universe spoke, I was forced to listen.

I no longer want to hide my interest in the metaphysical or the occult.  It’s part of who I am, and I am sharing this with you, to encourage you to “come out of the closet” and admit who you really are as well.

If my mission is to “inspire, educate and support you to be, do, have and feel what you want” then I need to walk my talk.

In the past I’ve studied numerology, astrology and the tarot. I consult the runes. I consult spiritual advisors and more recently engaged a lady to channel my business guides.

Often when I am the coach, I too am channelling. This could be images I see, questions I hear, thoughts or a knowingness of what to say and when. Often, I am instructed to “Wait”, to “Listen” before speaking.

I’m fascinated by how the universe works. I’m fascinated by how our brains work and the messages we receive when we’re open to them.

As we move into a new year, let this year be your year to be “YOU”.  Embrace yourself. Embrace all of you.  Let go of any shame or guilt you may have. 

The world I want to live in is one where we all feel confident to share what we want and those around us respond with “That’s great! How can I help you become that, do that or get that?”

Imagine that, a world where we’re all on point to live the lives we want to live.

This year, I encourage you to listen and take action when the universe speaks.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

A Hug and An Ear (WT747)

A Hug and An Ear (WT747)

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WT 747 A hug and an ear

Every now and then we need a little reminder of the skills we’ve learnt that we’ve forgotten.

I was talking with a past Leading Yourself and Leading Others graduate this week.

We’ll call him Max.

Max was sharing some challenges that he and his family were experiencing.

Max is a “Driver” personality, so I know he’s focused on what he can “do”.

I asked him, “How do you think you can support your family?”

He replied, “I think I’m fairly supportive. I’m doing what I can to help relieve the burden (of tasks).”

He then shared a story with me about how he had done his best to encourage one of his family members with an upbeat pep talk.

Max has a huge heart and he loves his family very much.

“Are your family members huggers?” I asked.

“Yes, they are”, he said.

“Hmmm”, I replied. “You know, sometimes we just need a hug and an ear.”

I remembered the day I left the hospital after visiting my dad at lunch time (whom had had a car accident) and the head nurse called me into her office and basically told me he was going to die.

I was in total shock and when I eventually finished work for the day and went home, I drove the car into the garage. I barely made it up the stairs and when I got to the top of the stairs, I burst into tears.

Seeing the state I was in, Ross quickly came over. I collapsed into his arms and sobbed.

He didn’t need to say anything.

He didn’t ask any questions.

The hug and his ear was enough.

Learning to listen, really listen, what we call Active Listening is something participants learn in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience.

When you actively listen to someone, you are demonstrating that you heard and understood their message.  You don’t have to agree with it.  Your job is simply to give them feedback on what it is you think you understood.

When I say “simply”, this is a skill and it is not so simple to master. It takes concentration and patience and practise. Participants have to learn not to jump in with solutions. Often that’s about them feeling good about themselves that they have solved your problem.

If you’d like to improve your listening and communication skills, consider registering for the next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience which starts Friday 22nd November. (See link below.)

You’ll be amazed at how much better your relationships will be when you have the awareness that sometimes all you need to do is share a hug and an ear.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

I Can’t Do That Because … (WT746)

I Can’t Do That Because … (WT746)

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WT 746 I can't do that because

Have you ever found yourself responding to a suggestion with “I can’t do that because …?”

It’s such a powerful phrase that stops us from moving forward.

One of my fabulous coaching clients, (we’ll call him Doug) had this incredible insight as we were discussing some potential actions he could take to grow his business.

As I reflected back the suggestions he gave, his internal response was “I can’t do that because …”

He was aware enough to mention it, so we had a juicy topic to coach around.

“Hmm,” he pondered.

“You know, this is something I do a lot.”

“I hold myself back by looking for reasons NOT to do something and then I validate myself and let myself off the hook.”

Doug isn’t alone in this department.

Most of us do this to some extent.

I do it with the gym.

“I can’t go today because I have to catch up on client work. I can’t go today because I have a meeting in town at 9:00am.”

Excuse after excuse after excuse.

So what can we do about it once we become aware of it?

Look to see the benefit or reward we are seeking from avoiding taking the action.

There is always a benefit to our behaviour.

Once we become aware of the benefit we are seeking, we can then look for ways that we can get that benefit by doing the things we say we want to do.

It’s a process of rewiring your brain.

Here’s an example: “I can’t go to the gym today because I’m running the leadership experience all day.” This is a valid reason not to go.  Or is it?

If I really wanted to go to the gym, I could get up earlier or go after the leadership experience finishes.

I don’t really enjoy the gym. I find it boring doing the same things and I get frustrated when others are using the equipment I want.

Going to the gym is not aligned with my values but yoga is.

I love doing yoga at home. I am in my own little world. I am not concerned about others and I can change up the poses from day to day.

If the goal is to move the body, I’m better off doing something that is aligned with my values and that gives me the benefit or reward I am seeking.

How about you?

Are there things you’re procrastinating on?

If so, perhaps take a look at your values and see if what you’re procrastinating about is aligned.

I’ll wager it’s not.

When we’re in alignment with our values, we do the work. We take the action, even if we don’t particularly like it because it’s a means to an end.

This week, take stock of the excuses you are making up, and if you find yourself saying, “I can’t do that because …” then ask yourself, what is the benefit I am getting by not doing the thing? How can I find a way to give myself the benefit and take the action I need to take?

 

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Would You Like A Hand To Hold Onto? (WT742)

Would You Like A Hand To Hold Onto? (WT742)

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WT 742 Would you like a hand to hold on to

Sometimes we just need someone to hold our hand.

Ross and I were walking down the stairs to the beach at Dixon Park.

The stairs were wet and slippery.

A young toddler was doing her best to navigate holding onto the railing, which was too high for her to comfortably reach, all whilst holding onto her bucket and spade and step down the stairs all by herself.

Her mum was on the sand with all the things mum’s need to take to the beach, along with baby number two in her arms.

The toddler had made it most of the way down, however the last part was especially wet and sandy and the distress was starting to show – on both the toddler and mum.

Without thinking, I offered my hand and said, “Would you like a hand to hold onto?”

Surprised at first, and with mum walking back to the bottom of the steps, she held my hand and the railing and proceeded to navigate the bottom 5 stairs.

We took our time.

First step. “Yay! Well done.”

Second step. “Awesome, keep going.”

Third step. “You’ve got this.”

Fourth step. “Almost there.”

Fifth step. “Hooray. You did it. Well done.”

And with that, I let go of her hand as she reunited with mum and Ross and I headed off down the beach.

Sometimes we just need a steadying hand and some encouragement to help us do what we know we must and what we can.

How about you?

Are you one to offer a hand of support?

Will you accept the hand when it’s offered?

Or, are you willing to hold yours out when you need one?

There’s no shame in offering or accepting a hand when you need it.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

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