It’s Hard To Visualise (WT729)

It’s Hard To Visualise (WT729)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 14 Jun, 2024 | Blog, Mindset

WT 729 It's hard to visualise

We know how powerful visualisation can be.

Remember the Harvard study of the piano players where researchers tested 3 groups:

  1. Piano players physically playing the piano over 5 days
  2. Piano players not playing but visualising playing the piano over 5 days
  3. Control group who had nothing to do with piano playing.

The brain scans for the piano players were very similar, despite the second group not playing.

This supports the idea that our brains don’t know the difference between what we might call reality (in the physical) and imagination.

If we want to create a different outcome, we can use our imagination to bring it into the physical, except when we’re in what David Bayer calls, The Primal State.

Our primal state is the state of survival. It’s fight, flight or freeze.

It’s hard to visualise when we are in that state.

If we’re worried about our health or finances or relationships or work, it’s challenging to go from being worried, even despairing to feeling joy and bliss and hope.

And yet that’s exactly the state we need to be in to visualise and manifest.

So, what to do?

Every day, your job is to get yourself in The Powerful State.   The Powerful State, according to Bayer, is the state of rest and relaxation. It matches our parasympathetic nervous system for being calm and creative.

The way to do that is to do something you enjoy.

It’s a way of increasing your vibration and when you increase your vibration you have a better chance of attracting what you want.

What are some things you like to do?

What are some things you enjoy?

Do that!

For me, I love walking along the beach. I love looking out the window, sitting in my recliner with a hot cup of tea, letting the thoughts come and go. I love reading. I love learning. I love watching dogs play.

What do you love?

If you’re finding it hard to visualise, how about taking some time to get yourself out of the Primal and into the Powerful state.

Do something you love. Raise your vibration.

When you do, you’ll find it much easier to visualise and to feel the feelings of having the things you want.

I’m curious, what works for you and what do you want?

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

14 Years – You Have The Answers (WT728)

14 Years – You Have The Answers (WT728)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 7 Jun, 2024 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 728 14 Years. You have the answers

Today we celebrate 14 years of writing a weekly thought and we haven’t missed one single week in all that time.

I am very proud of this achievement.

I am very proud of my commitment.

As I reflect back over the years, having started my business in October 2006, both the business and the Weekly Thoughts have evolved.

When I first started my business and attended networking events, people would ask me who I worked for.

I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “myself”.

That wasn’t a great answer.

They asked what I did.

I told them, “I help business owners streamline their systems and processes”.

They would reply, “Oh, you’re an IT person.”

“No.”

What I found was that when I finished a project and left the business to continue, the new systems often fell over.

Why was this?

It was because the owners and managers didn’t know how to lead and manage their people.

Evolution number 1 – I started coaching them one to one.

Evolution number 2 – I invested in more leadership training and offered small intimate intensive Leading Yourself and Leading Others experiences.

Evolution number 3 – as I learned more about mindset and neuroscience, we included Possibility into our framework of People and Process.

Evolution number 4 – changing the name Possibility to Potential.

Evolution number 5 – realizing that my clients are wanting High Performing Businesses with high performing people, high performing processes and high performance potential.

Over the years, most of my work has been word of mouth.

People would say to their colleagues, “You need to speak to Shirley”.

Speaking to some clients recently, asking them why they work with me and what benefits do they get, they all answered with a similar answer:

“I came to you because I was stuck. I didn’t know which way to turn. I didn’t know what to do. You listened to me. You didn’t interrupt. You allowed me to speak and then you reflected back what I had told you. Much like a mirror. When I heard myself through your voice I could easily evaluate what was going on. I found the answers and if I didn’t find the answers, you gave me the tools to find the answers.”

I just love that I can help you find your answers.  You have them inside of you.

Sometimes we just can’t see the label from inside the jar.

So this week, I want to thank you.

Thank you for being part of our community.

Thank you for allowing me to help you find your answers.

Thank you for being open to grow and develop.

Thank you for being you.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Happy anniversary!

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Don’t Want To Throw You Under The Bus (WT727)

I Don’t Want To Throw You Under The Bus (WT727)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 31 May, 2024 | Blog, Communication Skills

WT 727 I don't want to throw you under the bus

Do you know what word usually follows this statement?

“I don’t want to throw you under the bus, BUT” and then comes a negative comment.

It’s as if you know what you’re about to say won’t be well received or appreciated.

It’s a form of inoculation, letting the person know that something bad is following and yet saying it seems to justify the criticism we’re about to give.

And it’s usually in a public setting, otherwise there is no need to say it.

In my book, there is no reason to say it full-stop.

Let’s take a look at two examples and you tell me which one you would prefer to receive.

Imagine we’re in a meeting at work. Your name is Michael. You’ve just shared your point of view which happens to disagree with one of your team mates. The manager says, (in front of everyone):

  1. “I don’t want to throw you under the bus Michael, but when you disagreed with Mary just now, Steven really reacted. Like he was really angry about that and I think you could have controlled your own emotions better.”
  2. “It seems like we have some strong views on this topic. I’d like to hear everyone’s opinion please. I’d like to be able to understand how it affects everyone so we can work together to resolve this issue. Can we agree to use our communication and problem solving skills to work through this please?”

Which one do you prefer?

I’ve recently witnessed this type of interaction on a number of occasions and I cringe when I hear it.

It’s not the leader or team member’s fault if they don’t know any better.

I just wish everyone could be exposed to communication training. For me, it’s an essential part of our leadership training.

There are ways to say things that land better for the receiver.

It’s not that we don’t want to give feedback or points for improvement or even disagree. It’s the way we do it and the words we use that often damage the relationship.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

You can learn to express yourself in a non-judgemental way. One way you can do this is to focus on the unacceptable behaviour rather than passing judgement or labelling another.

For example, say an employee has a pattern of arriving at work 10 – 15 minutes after start time. A label would go something like, “Boy, you’re inconsiderate. You don’t care about the rest of us. You’re always late.”

Not only is that a label, it’s a “You Statement” and we tend to get defensive when we hear them.

A better way to communicate is to describe the situation and the unacceptable behaviour, how it makes you feel and the effect on you. It’s known as a Confronting I Message, created by Thomas Gordon.

“Start time is 9:00am. It’s unacceptable to arrive after this time and I can’t focus on my work because I am concerned that something may have happened to you on the way to work. Is there a reason for the late arrival?”

If you care about the relationship, use your communication skills.  That assumes you have them of course.

Next time you feel like throwing someone under the bus, think about the message before you say it. What is the outcome you really want?

Choose your words carefully.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

You Have To Dress For The Job You Want (WT726)

You Have To Dress For The Job You Want (WT726)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 24 May, 2024 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 726 Dress for the job you want

This week’s inspiration comes from one of my favourite clients and his Operations Coordinator.

As I sat wondering what this week’s thought would be, Ray called to give me a business progress update.

He started the conversation with, “I changed my life today”.

“What did you do? Sell the business?” I asked.

“No”, he replied. “I was vulnerable with my team and shared my vision for the business. I wanted them to see things from my perspective.”

“Amazing!”

Knowing Ray as I do, I asked him what the turning point was.

“I have to give credit to Kim” he said.

“When I shared my vision, she responded with ‘You have to dress for the job you want’”.

“As soon as she said that, I knew she was right. I had to start acting as if I was the CEO of the type of business I envision.”

“I took action straight away. I restructured. I delegated (not abdicated) and empowered the team. I’m feeling good after coming from a place of feeling wrung out.”

Hearing this made me feel so happy too.

I was happy for Ray. I was happy for Kim. I was happy for the team, the customers and the suppliers.

It’s a great reminder. Thank you Kim.

You have to dress for the job you want.

In a way it’s similar to “Act as If”.

We know that in order to have what we want, we have to be fully aligned to the result. When you dress and act as if you already have it, your unconscious mind will go to work to ensure the external matches the internal.

What is the job you want?

How do you have to dress and act?

I’d love to hear your progress report.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Don’t Always Want A Hamburger (WT725)

I Don’t Always Want A Hamburger (WT725)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 17 May, 2024 | Blog, Business

WT 725 I don't always want a Hamburger

Are there things you want to do that you talk yourself out of?

This was the case for David last week.

As we talked he shared that he wanted to become a business coach.

He had experience, results and big achievements in Sales, Systems and Strategy.

He’d worked in the real estate industry and manufacturing.

“What’s stopping you?” I asked.

“Well, I can’t really go into the real estate industry”, he replied.

“How come?”

“There are so many other coaches in that industry already” he said, as he began to list half a dozen names.

I knew the people he was referring to and even added a few more names.

“And they’re not all the same”, I said.

“No”, he agreed. “Some you either love or hate but there’s no room for me.”

“That sounds like a limiting belief”, I offered.

“Yes, but….” He replied.

I remembered the story of Kirsty or Kristy. I can’t remember her name or all the details but what I do remember is that she was a real estate agent in Darwin who moved to Tasmania and absolutely blitzed the industry.

She had had the same thoughts initially.  That there were already too many agents, so how could she be successful and yet she was.  In fact, she became so successful by doing things her way that she ended up teaching others.

So what has this got to do with hamburgers?

As I explained to David, “I don’t always want a hamburger”.

He looked at me quizzically.

“Do you sometimes get takeaway food?” I asked.

“Yes”, still puzzled.

“Do you always get the same thing or do you mix it up? For example, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Fish and Chips, Mexican, Middle Eastern Kebabs, Chinese, Indian?”

“I mix it up”, he said.

“Exactly! You don’t always want a hamburger”, I said.

“All those examples are choices of convenience foods.”

“All the coaches in the real estate industry that you mentioned are choices.”

“Principals and agents don’t always want hamburgers.”

There is plenty of room for everyone.

He is based in New Zealand.

All those coaches can’t serve everyone and everyone doesn’t want the same thing.

I encouraged him to go for what he truly wants and to let go of the things he is telling himself that are stopping him from getting what he wants.

The same goes for you.

Listen to the silly excuses you are telling yourself that are stopping you from going for what you want.

Remember, we don’t always want a hamburger.

People want choice.

Put yourself out there and give them the choice.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I’m A Persecutor (WT724)

I’m A Persecutor (WT724)

Blog

by Shirley Dalton | 10 May, 2024 | Blog, Leadership

WT 724 I'm a persecutor

In our leadership experiences we look at what Jennifer Elliot called “The Eternal Triangle of Hate”.

You might know this as “The Drama Triangle” or “Triangle of Drama”.

It gets referred to a lot in personal development circles.

The triangle includes three roles:

  1. The Victim
  2. The Rescuer, and
  3. The Persecutor.

The victim’s belief is “I’m not ok. You’re ok. I need someone to come and save me. I’m broken.”

The Rescuer believes “I’m ok. You’re ok, as long as you do what I say.”

The Persecutor believes “I’m ok. You’re not ok. You can’t do it right.”

At a surface level, persecutors are often seen as bullies.

Rescuers, also known as co-conspirators feel good when they help or save victims.

This week I gained a huge insight from Benjamin J. Harvey, co-founder of Authentic Education regarding persecutors.

Persecutors criticise and judge. They are argumentative and have to be right. They aren’t necessarily bullies in the traditional sense, but they are hard to work with.  No-one can do it as good as them.

Ben also explained that those of us who are passionate about personal development can get caught up in our own drama triangle – feeling the victim, coaching ourselves then persecuting ourselves for not being perfect.

As I listened to Ben’s explanations, I could feel my head getting redder and redder. “OMG!”, I thought. “I’m a persecutor.”

I can be quite argumentative. I criticise. I judge and I expect a very high standard of work.

I’m not proud to admit that Jennifer Elliot once told me that I was so critical, it was hard to be around me.”

Ouch!

Whilst I was uncomfortable to hear the feedback at the time (many years ago), I also appreciated it. How I was showing up was not how I wanted to show up.  It gave me the opportunity to reflect and change.

This week was another reminder that I’m not perfect. I constantly work on myself to be better.

As one of my clients often says, “When I know better, I can do better.”

So, how about you?

Do you favour one of the roles in the triangle?

Is it serving you?

Perhaps it’s about time you acknowledged how you show up and decide to do it differently.

And so I don’t leave you hanging, rather than being a persecutor, you can focus on listening to others and provide constructive feedback.

Instead of being a rescuer, you can become a facilitator to help empower others.

And instead of being a victim, it might be time to start taking responsibility for yourself, your actions and your results.

I accept this might be confronting, however without self-reflection or feedback from others, it’s difficult to change and improve.

Personal development is one of my greatest passions.

Let me know which role you identify with and what changes you can make.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Pin It on Pinterest