Look at Me Look at Me (WT518)

Look at Me Look at Me (WT518)

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by Shirley Dalton | 29 May, 2020 | Blog, Mindset

WT518 Look at Me Look at Me

Most days Ross and I enjoy a walk together, usually in the morning or middle of the day. Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and although the temperature was only 13 degrees Celsius, we felt warm with the heat of the sun. 

We came upon a bridge over the Lachlan River in New Norfolk, Tasmania. The bridge was just wide enough for two people to walk side by side. As we neared the bridge we saw a young man walking towards us. He was a large man. In fact, he took up most of the width of the bridge, leaving no room to pass. 

We waited politely for him to cross. Both Ross and I looked up and smiled at him. He stared at the sky to avoid eye contact as he walked past us.  

I find this sort of behavior both intriguing and annoying. I say annoying because I was brought up to “Be Sociable”; to always acknowledge people and smile and say “Hello”. For someone to walk past me without acknowledging me goes against my value set. I also find it intriguing for the same reason. Obviously, people have a different set of values and of course, they are entitled to do whatever they want. There is no law that says you must look at me and smile when you walk past me. 

So why am I sharing this story with you? It’s an opportunity to talk about Values and Values Collisions. A Values Collision occurs when we perceive someone’s behavior as unacceptable to us, yet there is no tangible concrete effect on us as a result of the behavior. Here’s another example: Let’s say you smoke cigarettes and I don’t. It’s your right to choose to smoke. I can’t force you to stop simply because I don’t like it and unless we are near each other, there is no tangible concrete effect on me. 

The next logical question then, is “How do you resolve a Values Collision”? 

Using the above smoking example, I’ll show you a couple of options: 

  1. I can change my value to be the same as yours. I might start smoking. 
  1. I can ask you to not smoke around me, whilst still respecting your decision to smoke. We call that “influencing the other’s behavior”. 
  1. I can attempt to influence your value by “modelling” the values I’d like you to adopt (ie not smoking) or “consulting” to you. I can provide you with information to see if that might influence you to change your value. 
  1. Finally, if we are not able to satisfactorily resolve our values differences, then we might need to alter the relationship. 

Values Collisions occur all the time. They are part of life. They occur in the family, in the workplace, almost anywhere you have people. We are not wrong because we have a different set of values.  

Following on from today’s message, what Values are important to you and how will you choose to resolve any Values Collisions?

Keeping Yourself Accountable (WT517)

Keeping Yourself Accountable (WT517)

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by Shirley Dalton | 22 May, 2020 | Blog, Leadership

WT517 Keeping Yourself Accountable

This week, we started our first virtual LIVE online Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. I was so thrilled and delighted that the group passed their very first homework assignment.

“Big Deal”, you might be thinking.

Yes it is a big deal. It’s a very big deal. In over 10 years of facilitating this experience, there have only been about 3 or 4 groups that have actually passed some of the homework and only one group that passed ALL of the homework activities.

By doing the homework, participants learn what it means to be both a member of a team and to lead a team. One of the key lessons is Accountability.

What I’ve found is that there are very few people who can hold themselves accountable to finish tasks or projects, or at times even start projects. 

It seems we need to check in with someone else BUT not just anyone.

Ross and I find it very difficult to keep each other accountable. We may decide we want to do something or stop doing something and then when we falter, we let each other off the hook. We are not holding each other accountable. 

This is the reason why people join gym groups or have personal trainers. It’s what they need to make sure they show up and do the work. 

It’s what your team members require from you, the Leader. They want to know you have their back and will keep them accountable to complete their tasks or work according to the procedures.

Even your kids want to know you are watching and will hold them accountable.

Having to share your progress with another person is the best way I know to help you get something done.

Who is your accountability buddy?

Who can you ask if you don’t currently have someone?

What is it you want to achieve or complete?

How can your accountability buddy help you?

What’s Your Pillow Talk? (WT516)

What’s Your Pillow Talk? (WT516)

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by Shirley Dalton | 8 May, 2020 | Blog, Customer Service

WT516 What’s Your Pillow Talk?

The past few weeks, I’ve been focussing on my business and digging deeper into who it is I serve and how I can help, and of course, that means digging into the language I use to help my ideal customers identify themselves. 

I was first introduced to the concept of Pillow Talk by Lisa Sasevich.

Pillow talk is different to marketing speak from marketers and copywriters. 

Pillow Talk is the language your customers speak.

It’s what they say to each other when they are laying in bed talking to each other.

For example, “Honey, I don’t know how we’re going to pay the mortgage this month. I don’t know where the money’s coming from for the school fees. I’m really worried.” 

Compare this to marketing speak, “Would you like to save x% on your mortgage?” “Are you paying too much for your mortgage?” 

Pillow talk speaks to your customer using their language.

It shows them that you know them; that you get them; that you know the conversations they are having with others and in their head. 

It also speaks to their limiting beliefs. 

When you study copy, you can easily pick the ones that resonate with the customers.

Ryan Levesque, creator of The Ask Method, is a huge AFOL – Adult Fan of Lego. Ryan’s genius is in asking your customers what they think, feel and want. Why? Because that’s where we learn our customer’s language. As an AFOL, Ryan gives the example of people who are Lego fans know that it’s spelt and pronounced LEGO, not LEGOS. According to Ryan, anyone who uses the term LEGOS is not really a dedicated LEGO customer because they would never use that term. It’s fascinating to see the difference. In fact, I recently read an article entitled, “Give Away Your Legos”. The article was about business growth, delegation and leadership. I instantly knew the author was not an AFOL. 

Back to you, do you know what your customers are saying when they’re laying awake in bed at night, stressed out and worried about things?

If not, that’s your homework. Go find out.

It’s on my To Do list for the next few weeks, so thank you in advance if I contact you and ask you.

Feedback – Giving and Receiving (WT515)

Feedback – Giving and Receiving (WT515)

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by Shirley Dalton | 8 May, 2020 | Blog, Mindset

WT515 Feedback – Giving and Receiving

Firstly, a warm welcome to our new Weekly Thoughts readers. I’m so thrilled to write to you each week. I trust you’ll find the messages helpful, inspiring and educative. We’ve been going almost 10 years and I’m so grateful for all our readers. Thanks for showing up. 

This week, we’re talking about being open to both giving and receiving feedback.

I was coaching with a client this week, and we’d almost finished the call when he mentioned one last topic. I was looking at the time and knew that if mentioned the thoughts I had, we would definitely go over time and I also had a presentation to prepare for straight after the call.

I was also concerned about how he might take the feedback. I had some thoughts and opinions and some questions around the topic and I wondered to myself, “Well, do I say anything? We have to finish the call? Do I not say anything? Will I upset him with my feedback? If I say anything, will it be perceived as being negative?  

I chose not to say anything on the call.

I thought about it for a couple of hours and decided, if I don’t say anything, I’m doing this person a disservice. So I called them. I checked to see if he was open to the feedback. He was. I shared my thoughts and questions and was relieved to hear how much he appreciated the feedback.

He appreciated the fact that I had continued to think about him and his situation. He appreciated that I cared enough to call back and share my thoughts. He appreciated being able to see things from a different point of view.

It turned out to be a Win Win.

This week’s reminder is to be open to both giving and receiving feedback.

Is there someone who needs to hear your feedback? If so, go ahead. Check to see if they are open to it, and if so, share away.

When Someone Else Believes in You (WT514)

When Someone Else Believes in You (WT514)

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by Shirley Dalton | 1 May, 2020 | Blog, Leadership

WT514 When Someone Else Believes in You

At times, we don’t always believe in ourselves and this can hold us back from achieving our full potential. 

I remember years ago, when Ross’ supervisor was promoted, he wanted to nominate Ross to take over his position. At first Ross was hesitant.

“No thanks. I just want to do my work. I don’t want to supervise anyone. I’m not management material,” he protested.

With a little encouragement from me, he reluctantly took the role. 

When he began, he had few leadership skills and zero experience. He joined one of my Leading Yourself and Leading Others experiences and immediately started applying what he learned and within a short time, became an exceptionally good leader.

The guys he supervised complimented him and remarked how much they appreciated his loyalty to them. 

A few years later, it was Ross’ turn to nominate someone to take over his position. Sadly, his choice didn’t believe in himself and wouldn’t borrow Ross’ belief, so he turned down the opportunity. Six month’s later, at a work reunion, he shared how much he regretted that decision.

In the past few weeks, I’ve witnessed a similar scenario where upper management have offered the opportunity to participate in our Leadership experience to some of their middle managers who disappointingly declined the opportunity.

Upper management believed in their people and were happy to invest in them. They were shocked when one employee attempted to negotiate for the training investment to be spent on technical training which would have benefitted the employee, not necessarily the company or the team they lead. 

If you find a similar thing happening in your workplace, ask yourself whether you need to give your people the benefit of the doubt and teach them the rules of the game or encourage them or find out whether they fit the category of those who really do not wish to be managers.

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks.

When you have someone who believes in you, say ‘Thank You’ and accept the opportunity. 

In the meantime, know that I believe in you.

If It Doesn’t Feel Good… (WT513)

If It Doesn’t Feel Good… (WT513)

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by Shirley Dalton | 24 Apr, 2020 | Blog, Mindset

WT513 If It Doesn’t Feel Good

Firstly, a big shout out to John Lizzio for correcting my reference to Steven Covey’s story about sharpening the saw in last week’s thought. “In Covey’s story of the two lumberjacks, one worked through. The other sharpened his saw for 10 minutes each hour. And cut more.” Thank you, John.  

This week I’d like to look at your feelings. Your feelings or our emotional guidance system can signal to us that our thinking is off.

Here’s an example. I recently provided some online training for clients. At the end of the training, I collapsed back in my seat and started to criticize myself.

“Oh, that was hopeless.”

“There was no connection.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No-one is interested in learning this stuff.”

“They were only there because they had to be.”

On and on and on went my inner critic. As I listened to myself, I felt worse and worse. I was disappointed with myself, frustrated with myself and feeling hopeless.

I was in the primal state. The state of fight or flight where I’m not able to come up with creative solutions.

I did my best to move myself out of this state into the creative, joyful powerful state, but it didn’t work. My critic was having a field day. I decided to go for a walk to clear my head.

When I got back to the office, I was so surprised to see some text messages and emails showing me the graphic summary that one of the team members had created after the training. 

“Wow! They had gotten something out of the training. Wow! They did understand the message. Wow! They enjoyed it and were grateful.”

What a classic case study for what we teach. According to David Bayer, if it doesn’t feel good, it’s not true. This was certainly the case for me. It didn’t feel good and when I examined my thinking, and the positive feedback I received, I could see that what I was thinking was absolutely not true. I moved back into the powerful state.

With all that’s going on at the moment with COVID-19, please remember that if you’re not feeling good, whatever you are thinking is not true. Life is always working for you, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. If you’re not feeling good, look to your thinking and look for the evidence of the opposite. If it doesn’t feel good, what you’re thinking is not true.

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