I Don’t Even Know What to Ask (WT534)

I Don’t Even Know What to Ask (WT534)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Sep, 2020 | Blog, Mindset

WT534 I Don't Even Know What to Ask

During the week one of my friends rang me out of the blue.

She lives in Queensland and it was lovely to hear from her.

She’s normally jetsetting around the globe running events, which have all been put on hold, of course, until we can travel again.

“Shirley, it’s the school holidays in a few weeks and we just need to get away, so I’m looking at hiring a motorhome”, she said.

“Wonderful! Where are you planning to go?”

“We want to go to Airlie Beach and up and down the coast. The thing is I’ve never done this before so I thought I would ask you for some advice. I don’t even know what to ask”, Sandra replied.

I’m not going to bore you with the details of the conversation and the questions she didn’t have or the advice we gave. That’s not the point of the thought.

The point is, I am always so impressed with Sandra’s openness to ask for help. She is a very smart woman and understands the power of having people in her network.

She doesn’t have any limiting beliefs about having to do it all herself. She doesn’t have any limiting beliefs about asking questions or what people might think of her when she does ask. She simply calls and asks.

How about you?

Do you understand the power of your network?

Are you open to asking for help, even when you don’t know what you don’t know?

More importantly, do you take the advice and act on it?

In fact, I had another conversation with a colleague today who also mentioned how supported she felt these past few weeks, as she realised the power of her network and the willingness of the people in her network to help her as she and her family navigated the purchase of a house in a different state to her home state.

When you’re doing something new or going somewhere you’ve never been before, it’s okay to ask for help and advice. This is something that Ross and I have learned over the past 18 months as we’ve travelled around.

We’d never driven or camped in a motorhome before. Heck, we left the tap fittings on the tap at the first caravan park we stayed at and didn’t realise until we got to Canberra and had no pipe fittings. Luckily for us, the chap in the van next to us had a spare and loaned us one until we purchased one and a spare the following day.

It’s okay to ask, even when you don’t know what to ask. Go ahead and ask anyway. You might be surprised at how much joy your network actually gets from helping you.

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I Wish I Hadn’t Said Anything (WT533)

I Wish I Hadn’t Said Anything (WT533)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Sep, 2020 | Blog, Leadership

WT533 I Wished I Hadn't Said Anything

How many times have you said that to yourself?

“I wish I hadn’t said anything.”

The other night Ross was watching some teenage boys who kept looking around to see if anyone was watching.

You know the look people get on their face when they know they are doing something wrong and they don’t want anyone to see.

I watched for a few minutes too. They were doing their best to break a pipe on the side of a community building opposite from where we were staying.

Knowing the story of Kitty Genovese, who was murdered in 1961 in New York and not one person even rang the Police to get help, even though there were hundreds of people who heard her screams. And knowing the psychology breakthroughs that the investigation inspired which led to what is known as “The Bystander Effect”, where you are better off if you find yourself in trouble to only have one other person around. They will most likely help you, whereas if there a number of people around, they will most likely stand back, thinking that someone else will help (and of course, nobody does).

And knowing the story of Victor Frankl whose family and himself were captured and put into Nazi prison camps and his words “Evil prospers when good men stand by and say nothing”, of course I poked my head out of the van and asked them, “What are you doing?”

They ignored me.

I was about to get on a call so I couldn’t follow it up but Ross did. He walked over to them, asked them what they were doing and was threatened by the older one “What are you coming over here for and getting in my face, do you want a punch in the “bcfing” head?”

They argued for a while. The teenager told Ross “it was public property and therefore he could do anything he liked to it”. The teenager continued working on extracting the pipe. Ross threatened to call the Police at which stage they ran off.

Then the doubt set in. “I wished I hadn’t said anything. What if they come back and slash the tyres? What if they bring their big brothers back? What if…. What if …..?”

For the rest of the night, I was uneasy. I wished I hadn’t said anything. I wished I had handled it differently and yet on a deeper level I knew better than to see something and ignore it.

What would you have done?

The question for all of us is, “Do you do the right thing or do you stand by and do nothing and let evil prosper?”

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Stop Looking For The Wrong Evidence (WT532)

Stop Looking For The Wrong Evidence (WT532)

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by Shirley Dalton | 4 Sep, 2020 | Blog, Mindset

stop looking for the wrong evidence

You know that your brain is a goal achieving machine. Right! It’s going to go and find you the answers to the questions you give it. It’s also going to go and find you the evidence for whatever it is you are focusing on.

Stop looking for the wrong evidence.

Here’s what I mean:

Say you decide that your work colleague or your partner or your friend or a relative doesn’t like you anymore. You decide that they are upset with you for something that you did or didn’t do. They haven’t said anything to you. (Of course they wouldn’t, nobody likes confrontation.) Your brain starts looking for evidence to back up what you’ve decided. This is how the brain works.

I’m writing about it this week because so many of my legends (clients) and colleagues have been telling me about their woes and sharing with me all the evidence they have backed up to prove they are right.

Stop looking for the wrong evidence.

You get what you focus on, so focus on what you want; not what you don’t want.

In essence you are creating or manifesting the scenarios. You know you are.

Stop looking for the wrong evidence.

Instead start looking for the evidence for the things that you want and are grateful for. This will ensure you get more of that.

And if there really is a problem between you and someone else, go and talk to them about it.

Often times I’ve accused Ross of being in a mood or being cranky with me because I’ve interpreted his facial expression or manner and decided how he’s feeling and what’s going on. When I do confront him he gives it straight back to me with a “That’s your xxit. Deal with it.”

“Ouch!” He is right though. I’m reacting to the story I’ve told myself and then looking for evidence to back it up.

Have I made myself clear for this week?

Stop looking for the wrong evidence.

Go look for the evidence for what you want. It’s there. You’ve just been filtering it out.

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Hi Ho It’s Off to Work We Go (WT531)

Hi Ho It’s Off to Work We Go (WT531)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Aug, 2020 | Blog, Mindset

off to work we go

It’s been miserable in Tasmania the past few days. The weather has been wild. Lots of wind and rain and snow in the mountain areas.

“So what?” you might think.

Well it doesn’t stop the penguins, plovers or pademelons from their daily routine.

I’ve been so impressed watching the wildlife as we travel around. It doesn’t matter what the weather conditions are, they’re out fishing and foraging for food.

They don’t complain. They don’t wake up and moan, “Oh, I don’t feel like it today. I think I’ll have a doona day. I think I’ll stay in bed. I’ll ring in sick.”

Nope! That doesn’t happen.

Hi Ho it’s off to work they go.

David Bayer often references nature when talking about mindset. He’s on a mission to end all suffering. Now that doesn’t mean physical suffering; he’s talking about our psychological suffering, which of course comes from our thinking.

If you look to nature, there is no (psychological) suffering.

Watching the animals has made me aware of how much I look for excuses to not do things. It’s also made me away of how much my “stinking thinking” causes my misery.

As I sit here getting buffeted from side to side in the motorhome, the wind seems to be getting stronger and stronger. I am grateful. I am grateful I have you to write to and I’m grateful to be inside, out of the weather, even though I now have to go out because the motorbike just blew over and hit the motorhome. OMG!

How about you?

Are you causing yourself misery?

What can you be grateful for?

Next time you find yourself in a less than optimal state, how about you remember the animals. Don’t dwell on your thinking and just get yourself into action.

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I’m Fine (WT530)

I’m Fine (WT530)

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by Shirley Dalton | 21 Aug, 2020 | Blog, Leadership

I'm fine

I was talking with a colleague this week and as we often do, we got into a deep and meaningful conversation about leadership.

We discussed the saying, “If you don’t want the answer, don’t ask the question” and the ramifications of not asking, or worse, asking and then accepting the answer, even if you don’t believe the answer.

As an example, (we’ll call him Ted), explained how his kids will sense that his energy is off or his demeanour is rather gruff and they’ll ask him, “Are you angry daddy?”. His response is usually “No, I’m not angry”, hoping they will leave it at that.

Of course, kids being kids, they don’t leave it at that and they persist, “Are you sure?”. They keep going until he either admits what he is feeling or he changes his demeanour to match what he is saying.

How often do you simply accept the answer someone gives you, even though you have an innate sense that what they are saying is not true, just because it is easier to accept than to question?

Good leaders know their people and they know when what they are saying and what they are doing or how they are showing up is out of alignment.

Good leaders are present; not distracted. They are aware. They see, they listen and they enquire.

Good leaders have taken the journey from being totally unaware to becoming aware of themselves and their team.

They give themselves permission to ask and to follow up. They don’t take the easy road to simply accept an answer at face value.

Are you a good leader or do you aspire to be? If so, you won’t accept “I’m fine” for an answer when your senses tell you, they are not fine.

Remember, it takes courage to not leave it alone. It takes courage to ask and it takes courage to confront.

What will you do next time you ask and the answer you get is “I’m fine”?

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It’s the Same Old Same Old (WT529)

It’s the Same Old Same Old (WT529)

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by Shirley Dalton | 14 Aug, 2020 | Blog, Mindset

It’s the Same Old Same Old

Have you ever found yourself saying, “it’s the same old, same old”?

According to Dictionary.Cambridge.org, it’s a phrase that’s “used to say that a situation or someone’s behaviour remains the same, especially when it is boring or annoying: Most people just keep on doing the same old same old every day.” 

Doing the same old same old behaviour concerns me when we apply it to work that we don’t want to be doing and in some cases, work that we “shouldn’t” be doing.

Another of my favourite phrases that is relevant to our discussion this week can be abbreviated to “HABU”.  “HABU” stands for “Highest And Best Use”. Of course, we’re talking about your genius, your skills, your contribution and your time.

As I’ve been working with members in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others membership and fellow travellers on this journey of life, I’ve observed a common theme over the past few weeks.

Many have been lapsing back into old habits. They’ve been seduced back into doing tasks that they don’t want to and isn’t their highest and best use.

How about you, does this apply to you, too?

It’s something I have to watch for myself as well. Making a decision and sticking to the plan tests us all.

The way forward is to look at our beliefs. If our beliefs are not in alignment with the results we want to achieve; we simply won’t achieve them. We can’t. It’s not possible because our beliefs dictate our destiny and they generate our thoughts. 

We might think that we’ve made a decision and are actually taking action, however, we often find that we can sabotage ourselves and not stick to the decision or commit to the discipline of the action and thus find ourselves back doing the same old same old.

For example, you can’t decide to start delegating and then continue to do the tasks yourself. If your beliefs are not in alignment with delegating, you’ll find all sorts of reasons and excuses as to why you must keep doing the tasks. Your vibration will also ensure that you attract people or situations into your life that prevent you from moving forward. 

This is a very serious topic. I want for you, what you want for you. Maybe it’s time to change those beliefs; make some new decisions and start looking for the evidence to support your new decisions. This is Mindset 2.0; stacking the evidence to prune your old neuro pathways and rewire your brain so you can stop doing the same old same old and start doing the things that you say you want to do.

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