One of my clients was sharing a coaching experience they had recently. It unnerved me a little because if she was talking about them, it’s most likely only a matter of time before she starts talking about me.
On a tangent here, I remember confronting a coaching client about the same thing. He was complaining about all of his suppliers. After he stopped ranting, I looked him in the eye and said “I’m just wondering when it will be my turn.”
“Your turn for what?” he asked.
“My turn for you to p..s all over me”, I answered and continued, “You’ve just sat there for 20 minutes and told me all the things your suppliers have done wrong and haven’t taken responsibility for any part of it, so I can only imagine that you’ll be saying something about my work at some stage.”
Not exactly what he was expecting to hear and it was true and he needed to hear it. He didn’t continue coaching after his initial commitment was completed. No real surprises there.
Back to this week’s thought.
So my client was talking about a previous coaching experience.
“The coach kept telling me what to do. That doesn’t work for me. Giving me strategies doesn’t work. All that does is make the coach feel good and superior because they think they have solved my problem, when they haven’t.”
“Did you speak up?” I asked.
“No, because it’s no use arguing with them, because they’ve decided what you need and will argue the solution. It’s easier to say nothing and do what I want anyway.”
“And you’re paying for the coaching” I stated, yet it was really a question.
Hearing this reminded me of what David Bayer calls “Ordinary Coaching” and I’m sad to say, I used to be guilty of that myself.
Until I learned about what he calls “Phenomenal Coaching”.
In Phenomenal Coaching we invite what David calls The Phenomenon into the conversation. The Phenomenon is Infinite Intelligence. David sees it like an old friend.
It’s also the part of us that knows what we want and how to solve our problems. In my Lifeline Telephone Counsellor’s training, I learned that the person with the problem is the best person to solve the problem because they know all the reasons why your solutions won’t work. They may also have a different set of beliefs and without the belief being in alignment with the strategy the coach or the counsellor is giving them, it simply won’t work.
Stop making yourself feel good by solving others’ problems.
Listen to them, ask them questions and invite The Phenomenon to help them find the answers that are already inside of them. That’s Phenomenal Coaching!
P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.