Phenomenal Coaching (WT562)

Phenomenal Coaching (WT562)

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by Shirley Dalton | 2 Apr, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 562 Phenomenal Coaching

One of my clients was sharing a coaching experience they had recently. It unnerved me a little because if she was talking about them, it’s most likely only a matter of time before she starts talking about me.

On a tangent here, I remember confronting a coaching client about the same thing. He was complaining about all of his suppliers. After he stopped ranting, I looked him in the eye and said “I’m just wondering when it will be my turn.”

“Your turn for what?” he asked.

“My turn for you to p..s all over me”, I answered and continued, “You’ve just sat there for 20 minutes and told me all the things your suppliers have done wrong and haven’t taken responsibility for any part of it, so I can only imagine that you’ll be saying something about my work at some stage.”

Not exactly what he was expecting to hear and it was true and he needed to hear it. He didn’t continue coaching after his initial commitment was completed. No real surprises there.

Back to this week’s thought.

So my client was talking about a previous coaching experience.

“The coach kept telling me what to do. That doesn’t work for me. Giving me strategies doesn’t work. All that does is make the coach feel good and superior because they think they have solved my problem, when they haven’t.”

“Did you speak up?” I asked.

“No, because it’s no use arguing with them, because they’ve decided what you need and will argue the solution. It’s easier to say nothing and do what I want anyway.”

“And you’re paying for the coaching” I stated, yet it was really a question.

Hearing this reminded me of what David Bayer calls “Ordinary Coaching” and I’m sad to say, I used to be guilty of that myself.

Until I learned about what he calls “Phenomenal Coaching”.

In Phenomenal Coaching we invite what David calls The Phenomenon into the conversation. The Phenomenon is Infinite Intelligence. David sees it like an old friend.

It’s also the part of us that knows what we want and how to solve our problems. In my Lifeline Telephone Counsellor’s training, I learned that the person with the problem is the best person to solve the problem because they know all the reasons why your solutions won’t work. They may also have a different set of beliefs and without the belief being in alignment with the strategy the coach or the counsellor is giving them, it simply won’t work.

Stop making yourself feel good by solving others’ problems.

Listen to them, ask them questions and invite The Phenomenon to help them find the answers that are already inside of them. That’s Phenomenal Coaching!

Regards Shirley

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Ho’Oponopono (WT561)

Ho’Oponopono (WT561)

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by Shirley Dalton | 26 Mar, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 561 Ho'Oponopono

This week I thought I would share another story to demonstrate where I use Ho’oponopono [ho.ʔo.po.no.po.no]. I have mentioned it before in Weekly Thoughts and it is so powerful, it deserves repeating. We also have it proudly displayed on the top of our motorhome, clearing the way as we go.

Firstly, what is Ho’Oponopono?

The word “ho’o” means “cause” in Hawaiian, while “ponopono” means “perfection”. The term “ho’oponopono” can be translated as “correct a mistake” or “make it right”.

Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian spiritual practice that helps us to forgive past wrongs, conflicts, misunderstandings, and similar.

It teaches us that difficulties are manifestations of past wrongs as memories, and these memories influence our daily lives, hence the need to clear them.

I first heard about Ho’Oponopono through Dr Joe Vitale. He had heard about and subsequently met Dr Ihaleakala Hew Len who had studied with the creator of Ho’oponopono (Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona). Dr Hew Len talks about how, at first he thought Morrnah was crazy, and yet he took on her teachings. He has a Phd in Psychology and he accepted a contract to work in a hospital/gaol for the criminally insane in Hawaii. When given the position he told his employers that he would not meet with the inmates; he would do his work in private.

Each day he would go to his office, open the files of the inmates and practise Ho’oponopono. Within a couple of years, the inmates were rehabilitated and the hospital/gaol closed down.

Amazing stuff.

Dr Hew Len understood that we are responsible for everything that happens, especially if we are involved or participating. Ho’oponopono helps us to clear whatever it is that we have done, consciously or unconsciously.

For example, if someone upsets me and I get emotional about it, I immediately look to how I am responsible for the situation. I know that I am responsible for everything that happens in my life. If I am part of it, I am responsible.

Sometimes I don’t know what that is on a conscious level. That’s where Ho’oponopono comes in. It helps me to clear and release or “correct a past mistake”.

By simply reciting 4 phrases, I can clear what is happening.

The 4 phrases are (said aloud or mentally, in any order):

  1. I’m sorry

2. Please Forgive Me

3. Thank You.

4. I Love You

What I am saying to the universe, God, Infinite Intelligence, whatever name you want to use is, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’ve done to create this, Please Forgive Me, Thank you for the forgiveness and I love you.

Next time you find yourself in a situation that is not to your preference, take responsibility for it (even though you may not know how you caused it or what part you have played) and practise Ho’oponopono.

It really does work.

Give it a go and see.

I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You!

Regards Shirley

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held on Friday 9th April at 11:00am Sydney time. We’ll be going deeper on your leadership style and your mindset and how this affects the degree to which you create and manifest the possibilities you want in your life. Click here to register:https://shirleydalton.convertri.com/1-1-possibilities-webinar

P.P.S.Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

What is the Right Age for a Leader? (WT560)

What is the Right Age for a Leader? (WT560)

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by Shirley Dalton | 19 Mar, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

What is the Right Age for a Leader

Do you know the answer to this question: “What is the right age for a leader?”

If your answer is, “There is no right age”, you are correct.

How do I know that?

Because I have worked with and been led by leaders of all ages.

Just because you might be older, doesn’t automatically make you a leader and vice versa, just because you might be younger, doesn’t mean you can’t lead.

Let’s think about this for a moment.

Let’s take sporting teams for example, the Captains of which, are the leaders. There is a huge age range here from very young children to very old men and women.

Why then, does there seem to be, what we call “Age Discrimination” in the workplace?

I have young clients who have completed my Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience who are extremely switched on, knowledgeable and self-aware.

In fact, Robert I. Sutton, states “Of all the skills and aspirations good bosses must have, self-awareness is probably the most important.” (McKinsey Quarterly_Why Good Bosses Tune Into Their People, August 2010.)

Being self-aware means you know your strengths and weaknesses. It means you know the impact you have on people. It means you are able to identify your flaws and compensate for them.

Just because someone is young, doesn’t mean they can’t lead.

Afterall, the definition of leadership, according to John Maxwell, is “Becoming the type of person, others trust to take them where they want to go.”

Being a good leader is not about ego. Simon Sinek says, “Leadership is not a rank, it is a responsibility. Leadership is not about being in charge, it is about taking care of those in your charge. And when we take care of our people, our people will take care of us.”

This week I ask you to take notice; become aware of whether you’re guilty of a limiting belief around the right age for a leader.

Observe the people around you. Look for leadership qualities and then look to see if their age matches up with your belief system or perhaps, even challenges it.

There is no right age for a leader, because being a good leader is not age dependent. It’s also not dependent on experience. I know many people who have 40 years x 1 of experience, meaning they have done the same thing over and over for 40 years, so they really only have one year of experience, 40 times over.

What do you think?

Has your answer changed? What is the right age for a leader?

P.S. Want to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered straight to your inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Get Out Of Bed (WT559)

Get Out Of Bed (WT559)

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by Shirley Dalton | 12 Mar, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT559 Get Out Of Bed

It’s Autumn and the days are getting shorter. It won’t be long and we’ll be looking to snuggle up under the doona on a cold winter’s night.

But that’s not what I’m talking about when I say “Get Out of Bed”.

I’m referring to what we know as “Living Above and Below the Line”.

Imagine a line drawn on a page.

Above the line are written three words; one on top of the other (vertically):

Ownership

Responsibility

Accountability

Below the line are another three words, the first initials of which spell BED:

Blame

Excuses

Denial

If you live above the line, you take ownership for what happens in your life. You take responsibility for cleaning up your mess and you hold yourself and others accountable for their commitments.

If you live below the line, you get into BED with blame, excuses and denial. You justify your lack of results and generally make up a big fat story as to why you are not achieving what you want.

Recently I was coaching with one of my legends and had to remind her of this concept. What was really interesting was that she had been sick recently and had been forced to stay in bed until she recovered.

As we chatted, she looked at me and shared her insight, “Get Out of Bed! OMG. I’ve been living below the line. It’s time for me to get out of bed, literally and figuratively.”

Watching her come to her own conclusion and her own Aha moment was the moment of transformation. As David Bayer says, “The moment you see your unintelligent thinking as unintelligent, is the moment of transformation.”

From this point on, she will never be the same. She realised she had been giving excuses and not taking responsibility.

And happy to report, that things are quite different now. She has gotten into action. She has stepped up. She has taken responsibility and I’m so excited to report that she is achieving what she wants.

And as always, how about you? Are you living above or below the line?

Do YOU need to Get Out of BED?

Regards Shirley

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I Can Hear You (WT558)

I Can Hear You (WT558)

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by Shirley Dalton | 5 Mar, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 558 I Can Hear You

When you’re having a conversation with people, do you listen to what they are saying or are you waiting to speak?

In our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience we dedicate an entire day to developing our listening skills. It’s amazing to me how most people’s listening skills are so poor.

The first micro-skill we teach for listening is to be quiet; to not interrupt and to show attending behaviours of nodding your head etc. to show that you are actually hearing and listening to what the other is saying.

This skill is so important because it enables you to really understand what the other is saying and that is my point for today.

When I listen to you, I can hear your beliefs; your limiting beliefs and your empowering beliefs.

When I hear your beliefs, I can predict the results or lack of, that you will achieve.

I find this fascinating. People always tell you what’s going on for them, if you listen.

In other words, our beliefs are like biases that we have. We make a decision about something then we look for the evidence to prove ourselves right.

Here’s a couple of limiting beliefs, see if you can relate to any of them:

  1. Nobody at work listens to what I have to say
  2. I’ll never get a pay rise.

With these limiting beliefs I can predict your results:

  1. You won’t speak up and therefore others won’t get to hear what you have to say.
  2. You won’t do what’s required in order to get the pay rise, and therefore won’t be offered more money.

I can hear you. I listen to what you say and I can predict your results. By the same token, I can look at your results and predict your beliefs and my own.

How about you? Are you really listening to what others are telling you? Do you know what they’re thinking or what they believe? Often they aren’t even aware of their beliefs. Are you?

Sit Under the Umbrella (WT557)

Sit Under the Umbrella (WT557)

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by Shirley Dalton | 26 Feb, 2021 | Blog, Customer Service

WT 557 Sit under the umbrella

It was an overcast day and rain was imminent.

I was meeting a coaching client for coffee at 11:00am at one of the local trendy cafes.

I signed in and waited to speak to one of the three attendants, two of whom were engrossed in their own conversation and a third who had been cleaning tables.

“Do you have a booking?” she asked.

“No, I’m meeting a friend and we’d like coffees please.”

“I’ll just find out where I can seat you.”

The other attendant gestured to a table just near where I was standing.

“You can sit here til 11:45am, then you’ll have to leave because we have a lunch booking.”

That didn’t suit me because I wanted to meet for the full hour.

“I’d like to stay til midday please.”

She motioned me outside.

You can sit at any of these tables outside and sit for as long as you like.

She pointed to a couple of tables and chairs under two umbrellas.

“The best spot to sit is here under the umbrella for when it rains”, she suggested.

If you want coffees, just go and order them at the takeaway bar over there.

“Wow! I couldn’t sit inside. I had to go order from the takeaway booth and she knew it was going to rain.”

And it did rain. And I did get wet. And I did have to move to the bench where my client was sitting.

As I looked inside the café, there were at least 6 empty tables. The wait staff were looking straight at us as we battled with the water dripping from the umbrella and blowing in from the side.

Not one of the waitstaff motioned for us to come inside. Not one of them approached us.

I was amazed. The behaviour of the wait staff was not congruent with my definition of hospitable.

I won’t be going back.

I couldn’t help but think that over the last 12 months with COVID and many of the hospitality establishments being closed or closing, that the employees would be grateful to have the work and really look after their customers.

Apparently not!

Am I being unrealistic? Are my expectations too high? Have I got the wrong definition of hospitality?

Let me know what you think.

Would you have invited us back inside to escape the rain or would you simply have watched us as we sat under the umbrella in the rain?

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