He’s Not Getting The Job (WT768)

He’s Not Getting The Job (WT768)

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WT 768 He's not getting the job

Recently we had some storm damage, nothing like Cyclone Alfred up north, but enough to have to get the bay windows resealed and fixed.

We used Hipages to request quotes from qualified tradespeople.

One man called straight away on the Friday. We’ll call him Jack. Jack quoted $850 to come and do the work the next day, (Saturday) which was forecast to be raining.

We were a little surprised that:

  1. He quoted without looking at the job
  2. He could get there the next day.

What thoughts would you have about a tradesperson who isn’t booked out weeks or months in advance?

Anyway, Ross told him another person was coming to look at the job on Monday and that he would let him know.

Jack called again on the Saturday to see if he could come and do the job.

Ross reminded him that he had organised another quote for Monday.

Jack called again Monday morning.

He either didn’t hear or didn’t listen.

When Ross told me about Jack, I responded with, “Well he’s not getting the job.”

Jack might have been a good tradesperson.

Jack’s quote might have been fair and reasonable. It was actually half of what we ended up paying.

Jack didn’t get the job because he didn’t listen.

Ross also had a similar experience with another supplier.

Frustrated at the end of a phone call, he said, “I still haven’t finished a sentence”.

Listening is different to hearing.

You use your ears to hear. You use all of you to listen and best of all, your relationships will improve out of sight if you learn to Actively Listen.

Active Listening is a skill and a skill I wish everyone would learn.

When you Active Listen to others you are demonstrating that you heard and understood what they said. This means you repeat back to them what you think they said.
It doesn’t mean you are agreeing with what they say.

When people know that you heard and understood them they can move on and share more with you. They also trust that you did in fact hear them, listen to them and take in what they were telling you.

Your mission this week is to check yourself.

Are you behaving like Jack or the other supplier and not letting your clients, colleagues or family members finish their sentences?

Are you waiting to speak rather than listening?

Are you talking over them?

I sincerely hope not, because you may find that you too are frustrating others and therefore don’t get the job.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

I Only Remember The Three (WT767)

I Only Remember The Three (WT767)

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WT 767 I only remember the three

Last week I presented two x 2 hour webinars, “Reset Your Mindset: 4 Steps to Change Your Thoughts and Change Your Life”.

It was the first time I had presented these webinars and I was quite nervous.

In the month leading up to the presentations I had to learn new software.

I practised and practised to give myself the best chance of success. As we discussed in the webinar, the more we do something the more myelin we produce around our neurons and the more myelin, the quicker the response & habit formation. (In fact, it can be the difference between your neuron firing 100 times faster or slower.)

After the second presentation was over I shared with Ross what I thought I could have done to improve.

Even though the feedback from attendees was very positive, I was critical of myself.

As I spoke, Ross listened and then when I finished he shared that he had heard an interview with Tom Brady, arguably the best NFL quarterback ever. Ross continued, “Brady has been in 10 Superbowl competitions, of which he was on the winning team for 7. When asked about his successes, Brady replied that he didn’t remember the 7 (wins), only the 3 (losses).”

I find this interesting that we often focus on what we don’t do or don’t achieve rather than what we do.

In our Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience participants have to keep a diary of compliments and criticisms (for want of more politically correct words) that they and others give to them over a 7 day period.

Overwhelmingly the feedback from participants is how often they are the ones who are doing the criticising and how often they do receive compliments and yet they don’t seem to take these on board.

So my point this week, and I’m listening too, is to focus on the 7, not the 3.

Try it for yourself this week.

Take a piece of paper or whatever electronic gadget you use and rule up two columns. Write two headings:

  1. Compliments/Appreciation
  2. Criticisms/Negative Thoughts

Be alert to comments that you get from others and also your thoughts.  Every time you identify a compliment or positive thought make a note in that column. Similarly, every time you receive criticism or have a negative thought about yourself, enter a point in that column.

At the end of week take a look at the number of comments and/or thoughts you have received.

 

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

They Should … (WT766)

They Should … (WT766)

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WT 766 They should

This week I was teaching the concept of Values Collisions, from Thomas Gordon’s Leader Effectiveness Training.

I thought I’d share it with you too.

values collision is a conflict in which the values of two parties clash, but there is no tangible effect.

There are many many opportunities for Values Collisions in the workplace and at home.

For example, say you vape and I don’t.

Unless I’m in the room with you, you vaping doesn’t affect me.

When it comes to values, we won’t generally change our values just because someone says we should.

For example, if I was to say, “Vaping is really harmful to your body and you should stop”, it would most likely be met with resistance.

So how do we identify Values Collisions and more importantly what can we do to resolve them?

It’s easy to identify them.

If you hear yourself say, “They Should” or “They shouldn’t”, it’s an indication of a judgement and if it is a judgement, first look to see if there really is a tangible effect on you, if not, it’s a Values Collision.

In order to deal with the Values Collision, you can choose from 9 options, however they all come with varying degrees of risk to the relationship.

Here are the 9, from highest risk to lowest risk:

  1. Power (using your power to make the other person change)
  2. False Acceptance (pretending you accept their value)
  3. Problem Solving the behaviour associated with the value (e.g. not vaping when I am around)
  4. Consulting (sharing information and leaving the decision to change with the other)
  5. Disclosing and listening (truly listening for understanding of the other’s value)
  6. Preventative Teaching (explaining policies at induction)
  7. Modelling (walking your talk)
  8. Changing Self (to align with the other’s value)
  9. True Acceptance (of the other’s value)

Your choice of option may depend on the value, the other person or the situation.

Remember, if you find yourself judging, it’s a good litmus test for a potential Values Collision.

If so, ask yourself:

  1. What is my value?
  2. Where did it come from?
  3. Why do I want to keep it?

And if all else fails, revert to the Serenity poem.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Why Save It? (WT765)

Why Save It? (WT765)

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WT 765 Why save it

What do you do when you receive a gift?

Do you save it or spend it or start using it straight away?

Ross and I have different strategies.

Ross is a saver.

I’m a spender/user.

For example, if we receive money for birthdays or Christmas or chocolates for Easter, I’ve spent, used or eaten mine within a week.

Ross still has his weeks and sometimes months later, (which I usually manage to share – Hahaha!)

It was the same when we both attended Weight Watchers years ago.

We had discretionary points to use over the week and mine were usually consumed within the first couple of days and Ross still had his at the end of the week.

Why am I asking you this and sharing?

Recently I was coaching one of my fabulous clients. We’ll call her Leanne.

Leanne is like Ross. She’s a saver.

She saves her coaching sessions until she feels she “really needs it”.

This week she came with a topic that she expected would take the full time to discuss and resolve.

To her surprise and delight, she resolved the issue within 10 minutes.

“I can’t tell you what a weight has lifted from my shoulders”, she said. “I feel so much lighter. I’ve been carrying that stress and anxiety and feeling of responsibility around with me for months.”

“Yes”, I replied. “You can be a bit tardy in using your coaching sessions.”

“I wished I’d addressed this months ago. I could have been so much more productive”, she continued.

To my point: Why Save It?

If you have an issue or a challenge, it’s much better to address it earlier than later.

In this instance Leanne was able to use the remaining time to resolve another issue.

By addressing issues and challenges as they occur, you can save yourself months of stress, anxiety, anger or resentment or any other negative feelings you may experience.

In relation to a coaching session (or other areas of your life), Why Save It?

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

The Truth About Loyalty (WT764)

The Truth About Loyalty (WT764)

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WT 764 Loyalty

I’m ever surprised at where the inspiration for the Weekly Thoughts come from.

This week Ross and I were watching a series called “Shantaram” on Apple TV. It was based on the book by the same name and means “Man of Peace”.

There was a scene where two very powerful women were testing each other out with their words.

Asking about a man that one of the women was close to, the other asked, “Are you in love with him?”

To which, she replied, “No, but I am loyal to him.”

“Ah,” replied the questioner.

“There are only 3 reasons why people are loyal:

  1. They are in love
  2. They are afraid
  3. They feel obligated, so, if you are not in love, then you must be afraid or obligated?”

Dictionary.com defines Loyalty as, “the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations. faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve not thought about this before and the exchange got me thinking.

Many of my clients view loyalty as a very important trait in employees.

In fact, we can measure a person’s loyalty with the Integrity and Values profile that I use for recruitment and/or coaching purposes.

The description for someone who is loyal according to Integrity and Values is, “Committed to the organisation; prepared to put personal needs or goals to one side; does what is required of them – not just what they want to do or what will be good for their career.”

According to Integrity and Values research, Loyalty is one of the 5 most important values both employers and employees want to see in the workplace.

It goes both ways. Employers want loyal employees and employees want leaders who are loyal to them and “have their backs”.

Based on this little exchange in the TV show, I’m now looking more deeply at the concept of loyalty because it would distress me to think that employees, in particular, say they are loyal and yet are really afraid.

What do you think?

Is this something worth discussing with your team?

What is your definition of loyalty and is it an important trait for you?

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

In Perfect Time (WT763)

In Perfect Time (WT763)

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WT 763 In perfect time

Do you get yourself in a tizzy when things don’t go according to plan?

Are you a bit of a control freak; wanting things to be done the way you want them done, when you want them done?

I used to be like that.

I’ve mellowed over the years. I’ve come to realise and accept that things happen In Perfect Time.

Last week our air conditioner stopped working.

We called a few people. One person had a look at it and said, “That’s a warranty job. I can fix it, but it will cost you thousands because I am not an authorised warranty repairer.”

He told us who to contact, which proved challenging because we couldn’t speak to a person. Ross spent 90 minutes typing via a Chat Bot.

The Chat Bot would pass on the particulars.

Ross asked for the next steps and when these would happen, to which the Chat Box replied, “We’ll let you know.”

A week passed.

The temperature and humidity increased.

We were getting testy.

Ross followed up again with the Chat Bot.

Success! He was given a case number and the name and contact details of the authorised repairer – a real person.

To cut a long story short, the repairer came to inspect. “Yes, it’s a warranty issue. I’ve ordered the parts but don’t hold your breath. They are taking a lot longer than you might expect to get the parts.”

Not exactly the news we wanted to hear.

I sighed, smiled and thanked him.

I’ve learned that everything happens In Perfect Time.

If I get upset, it’s only me who is suffering.  Being anxious, angry or stressed only puts me in the Primal State (sympathetic nervous system) and in this state I cannot be resourceful.

It will get fixed when it gets fixed.

There is nothing I can do about it at the moment.

If you find yourself in a situation that isn’t going how you want, please consider surrendering. You’ll feel a lot better, and the irony is, that when you feel better, you’re more in tune with universal energy and as a result, things often start going your way a lot quicker.

Everything happens In Perfect Time.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

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