No Thinking Is Required (WT668)

No Thinking Is Required (WT668)

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by Shirley Dalton | 14 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Leadership

WT 668 No thinking is required

Last week I shared an activity that we do in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience. This week I’d like to talk about the aha’s and outcomes that participants gain from another activity.

Whilst not sharing the details of the activity, I am hopeful that this week’s thought will get you thinking about how you make decisions.

The activity is called “No Thinking Is Required, Only Action”. Participants are given a set of matchsticks and some instructions to complete the activity.

They can ask for help if they need it.

Insight number 1 – most won’t ask for help.

Insight number 2 – if they do ask for help, they get feedback. If they choose a correct match they hear someone clapping. If they choose an incorrect match, they hear nothing.

No thinking is required, only action.

Often participants sit and look at the puzzle trying to work it out. This just wastes their time.

Similarly, many people, mostly the Advisor and Counsellor type personalities have to think about things before making a decision.

The activity demonstrates that making a decision (i.e. choosing a match) allows for feedback. Feedback helps make the correct choice more quickly.

What’s your decision making strategy?

Are you a thinker or a doer?

Remember Aristotle’s advice, “The thing we think we need to know how to do before doing, we learn by doing.”

Just to reinforce the message, I remember working for Kip McGrath and in a relatively short time, he told me how much he enjoyed working with me because “I could make a decision”.

I didn’t quite understand. “What do you mean”, I asked.

“Shirley, it’s not bad decisions that send companies under”, he replied. “It’s not being able to make a decision that sends them under. You can make a decision. I like that and if it’s not the “right” decision, we just make another one”, he answered.

No thinking is required, only action. Take action towards the thing you want and look for the feedback. If it’s not going in the direction you want. Make another decision. Take action.

Life is full of feedback. Your mission this week is to be open to it.

No thinking is required, only action.

 

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May 2023 in Newcastle, NSW, Australia. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset, Uncategorized

WT 667 Be assertive, ask for what you want

The past few weeks I’ve been working with my editor, Kellie O’Brien, to write my second and third books on Knowing Yourself, Knowing Others and Developing Communication Skills to help you become a better leader.

I was explaining some of the activities in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience to Kellie as we considered what to include and not include.

“It’s like buying a record and wanting to go see the artist in concert”, I explained.

I read Jack Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles – How to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You Want To Be” and couldn’t wait to sign up to attend his “Breakthrough to Success” event the following year because I wanted to experience the activities for myself, rather than read about them.

So this week I thought I would share one activity because it’s so relevant to ALL of us.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want.

I first experienced this myself when I was training to become a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor.

“Divide yourselves into pairs”, instructed the facilitator.

“Decide that the other person has something you want. It could be a watch, pendant, hat, blouse, phone, sunglasses. It doesn’t matter. Simply decide on something you want from them.”

“I’ll give you 5 minutes to see if you can get it from them, WITHOUT PHYSICALLY TAKING IT.”

Five minutes elapsed.

“Who managed to get what they wanted?” asked the facilitator.

A few hands went up, most didn’t.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Who simply asked for what they wanted?” she continued.

Ouch. I didn’t manage to get what I wanted but even more distressing for me at the time was the realisation about the way I went about attempting to get it. 

I praised. I manipulated. I bullied. I threatened. I offered to trade. In fact, I did everything except simply ask for what I want.

This is a very simple, yet powerful exercise.

The majority of us feel uncomfortable asking for what we want and we resort to manipulative and other tactics.

These days I am much more assertive and I’ve learned to ask for what I want.

Another concept I learned from Lisa Sasevich is, “Leaders go first”.

Let me go first.

I’d like to have more people in my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. The early bird discount finishes on Monday, saving participants $1,000.

I’d like to be able to help more people. We have a few places left in this intimate group setting. Here’s my ask:

I’m very grateful if you could please let your network know about the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience by sharing the link in the P.S. If someone you share it with enrols for the May experience, starting 10th May, I will extend the Early Bird Discount for them until the 17th April.

Thank you so much for considering my ask.

Now your turn, be assertive – choose something you want and go ask for it.

You’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting it and if you don’t ask, you’ve got 100% chance of not getting it.

You don’t need to manipulate, bully, threaten or sweet talk. Simply be assertive and ask for what you want.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

You Don’t Need To Say That (WT666)

You Don’t Need To Say That (WT666)

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by Shirley Dalton | 31 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Communication Skills, Mindset

WT 666 You don't need to say that

Have you ever noticed that the words we choose and how we say things can have a remarkable effect on others?

I was just typing an email to a client and I started to type, “I called you yesterday and left a message”.

As soon as I typed it, I realised, I don’t need to say that.

The effect of saying that could make the receiver feel bad. She might feel guilty because she didn’t call me back. She might feel annoyed and frustrated because I reminded her that she didn’t do something. She might be angry with me for being passive aggressive and making her wrong.

By typing that, I ran the risk of harming the relationship.

The other thing to note is that including those words and especially starting with them, was not necessary.

Start with something positive. Start with something uplifting.

John Maxwell talks about what he calls “The 30 Second Rule”.  In the first 30 seconds of coming into contact with someone, find something to appreciate about them or to compliment them. Of course, it must be genuine.

When you do this, you make people feel good and if they feel good around you, they are more likely to want to hang out with you and help you.

So, back to the email.

Backspace, backspace, backspace. I coached myself. “You don’t need to say that”.

Instead, I wrote, “Hey Mary, I hear you’re doing great things in your new role”, (which is true), then I went on to write the message to let her know about the next Loyal Lieutenant’s class and how her boss has approved her to do it, if she’d like to join in.

I don’t always get it right however, I constantly assess my words, especially in written communication because I have the opportunity to think about the potential effect of what I write on the other person.

How about you?

Do you think about your words and your communication and how it may land for the other person or do you simply blurt things out and then find yourself having to clean up?

Far better to check yourself in the first place.

There are many situations where we don’t need to say that.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. Early Bird Discount ends 10th April, saving $1000. If you’re looking for leadership skills and personal growth and development, then this is the experience for you. It’s practical. No academic assignments. What you learn will last a lifetime and can be used in all situations with all people. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

The Goldilocks Zone (WT665)

The Goldilocks Zone (WT665)

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by Shirley Dalton | 24 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Communication Skills, Uncategorized

WT 665 The Goldilocks Zone

I love it when my peeps embody what they have learned.

By embody, I mean they live it; they act it as opposed to having what we call “propositional” knowledge, where we think we “know” something but aren’t yet doing it. They actually do something with the knowledge.

For the sake of privacy, we’ll use the names Jim and Jane.

Jim and Jane work together. Both are leaders and managers.

Jim is an Advisor personality. Jim is a great risk mitigator because he considers all the information and ramifications of different scenarios.

He needs to research and think about things before making a decision.

The root meaning of decide is to “cut off all options”. It’s not until we move or take action that we have actually decided, so Jim can be a little slow to act.

Jane on the other hand is right on the line between Driver and Coach personality. In the REACH profiling system, Drivers and Coaches are on the action side of the matrix.

Jane wants action. “Come on, let’s go. What’s the hold up?”

Their basic differences in personality, which remember, is simply a habit of how we think, feel and act, can cause frustration between them.

One pushes, one pushes back.

Here’s the gold – pardon the pun.

Jim, being aware of his personality style sought Jane’s assistance to help keep him accountable and get into action.

Jim calls it “The Goldilocks Zone”. I love it. He said, “Working together with Jane should produce the sweet spot, in other words the happy medium between Jane pushing too much and me not taking action quick enough.”

Oh, music to my ears.

Someone who gets it.

Someone who embraces the learning.

Someone who can see how different personalities can actually work together for greater results.

We call this “synergy”, where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

Thank you Jim, for sharing this insight.

Now it’s your turn.

What’s your personality type?

What are the personality types that press your buttons and how can you find a way to use the differences to help you achieve better results?

Let me know. I’d love to see how you are embodying the knowledge you have.

P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts next week, Thursday 30th March 9:30am-11:00am. For more information or to enrol go to https://shirleydaltoncourse.com/webinar.

P.P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. Early Bird Discount ends 10th April, saving $1000. If you’re looking for leadership skills and personal growth and development, then this is the experience for you. It’s practical. No academic assignments. What you learn will last a lifetime and can be used in all situations with all people. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Sometimes You Have To Sacrifice (WT664)

Sometimes You Have To Sacrifice (WT664)

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by Shirley Dalton | 17 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

WT 664 Sometimes you just have to sacrifice

Most mornings, when Ross and I have breakfast, we play Wordle on the iPhone.

It’s amazing how much of our school English grammar and spelling lessons come back as we attempt to work out the word for the day.

We often start with a word that has at least two different vowels so we either eliminate them or find that they are in the word.

We look at the possible endings for the word. Sometimes it could be “ed”, “er”, “ey”, “et” etc.

And sometimes, we have to sacrifice a letter that we know is not in the word but could help us work out some more letters.

We acknowledge that we are sacrificing an attempt when we enter a word which has letters that we know are not included.

We seek permission from the other, “I’m going to sacrifice the “s” to see where the letters go, is that ok?”

Once we’ve sacrificed the letter, we often find that the other letters end up in the right place and we can work out what the word is.

Sacrificing the letters makes it quicker and more accurate.

And that’s the point for today.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice in order to get where you want to go, quicker and easier.

Consider what you want for a moment.

Is there a way to sacrifice something in order to get there quicker?

Is there something you would be willing to sacrifice to achieve your goal?

It might not be the most direct route and it might seem like you are going backwards, however in the end, it might be worth it.

What is it? What’s your sacrifice?

Reply and let me know.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts 30th March 9:30am-11:00am, Sydney time for 9 weeks. Contact me directly if you are keen to join. It’s only 2 weeks away.

P.P.P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. Early Bird Discount ends 10th April, saving $1000. If you’re looking for leadership skills and personal growth and development, then this is the experience for you. It’s practical. No academic assignments. What you learn will last a lifetime and can be used in all situations with all people. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

Thanks Lady (WT663)

Thanks Lady (WT663)

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by Shirley Dalton | 10 Mar, 2023 | Blog, Mindset

WT 663 Thanks Lady

Last weekend Ross and I decided to go for a motorbike ride.

We love the beach so thought we would head down the coast and have breakfast.

It was a beautiful morning until we arrived at the destination to find that the café appeared to be closed.

A lady was walking her dog as we got off the bike.

“Excuse me, do you know if the café is open?” I asked.

“I don’t”, she replied. “Even though the lights look they are on and I’m a local, I don’t know.”

“Oh well, not to worry”, I said.

She thought for a minute, then said, “Actually, the surf house around the corner has just opened up a little café and a lot of the locals go there. The food is pretty good.”

“Great! Thank you” and we hopped back on the bike and rode around to the surf club.

It was amazing.

We had a table with a view straight out to the beach and the ocean. We were in the shade and a gentle breeze was blowing.

We could people watch, water watch and dog watch.

The food was basic but good and the service quick (which I would have preferred to be slower so I could have stayed longer).

As I sipped my coffee, feeling very relaxed, I was grateful.

Thanks Lady. I was so grateful for her information and sharing and I couldn’t help but think about how much locals know, how much they know about where they live and how often, many of us are too scared to ask.

In my experience I have found most people will answer you if you speak and most are very happy to share what they know about their community.

So, if in doubt, ask. Don’t be afraid to ask a local.

Be mindful that if you are intimidated to ask, it could be a sign that you might have a limiting belief that is limiting you from all sorts of helpful information and acquaintances.

W. H. Murray, puts it this way in his Commitment poem, “A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour, all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

I’m curious, let me know what you’ve learned when you made a decision to do something and had  the courage to ask a local.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

P.P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts end of March 9:30am-11:00am, Sydney time for 9 weeks. Check out https://shirleydaltoncourse.com/webinar

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