This week wasn’t one of my best weeks.
Feeling a slight twinge in my back last Thursday night, by Friday morning I could barely move.
My remedy is to strap a hot water bottle to my back, do lots of tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), be grateful for everything and go into my mental healing lab and heal myself.
It took a few days and today I am 80% there.
Now the reason for the context is actually to remind us all to use our communication skills in order to enjoy harmonious relationships.
Ross was filling my water bottle for me and instead of using an “I Message” to assertively and kindly let him know, “I prefer less water please”, what did I do?
I used a “You Message” and ungratefully blurted out, “You put too much water in it”.
As soon as the words came out of my mouth and I noticed the look of hurt and upset on his face, I knew I had forgotten to use my skills.
As soon as I could, I apologised, and this is a public apology as well.
There are a couple of lessons here:
- When you mess up, take responsibility and clean up your mess.
- If you care about the relationship, use your skills, and
- Understand that when you do not appreciate what others do for you, they are less likely to want to continue doing for you.
It is such a simple concept, speak from “I” rather than “You”. We call these “I Messages” and there are 5 different types.
“You Messages” on the other hand can be interpreted as:
- Put Downs
- Accusations
- Threats
- Ultimatums, and
- Blame.
None of which will help you to enjoy harmonious relationships with people who want to help and support you.
Your mission this week is to use “I Messages” when expressing yourself and to notice when you use a “You Message” and clean it up straight away.
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