I’m A Persecutor (WT724)

I’m A Persecutor (WT724)


WT 724 I'm a persecutor

In our leadership experiences we look at what Jennifer Elliot called “The Eternal Triangle of Hate”.

You might know this as “The Drama Triangle” or “Triangle of Drama”.

It gets referred to a lot in personal development circles.

The triangle includes three roles:

  1. The Victim
  2. The Rescuer, and
  3. The Persecutor.

The victim’s belief is “I’m not ok. You’re ok. I need someone to come and save me. I’m broken.”

The Rescuer believes “I’m ok. You’re ok, as long as you do what I say.”

The Persecutor believes “I’m ok. You’re not ok. You can’t do it right.”

At a surface level, persecutors are often seen as bullies.

Rescuers, also known as co-conspirators feel good when they help or save victims.

This week I gained a huge insight from Benjamin J. Harvey, co-founder of Authentic Education regarding persecutors.

Persecutors criticise and judge. They are argumentative and have to be right. They aren’t necessarily bullies in the traditional sense, but they are hard to work with.  No-one can do it as good as them.

Ben also explained that those of us who are passionate about personal development can get caught up in our own drama triangle – feeling the victim, coaching ourselves then persecuting ourselves for not being perfect.

As I listened to Ben’s explanations, I could feel my head getting redder and redder. “OMG!”, I thought. “I’m a persecutor.”

I can be quite argumentative. I criticise. I judge and I expect a very high standard of work.

I’m not proud to admit that Jennifer Elliot once told me that I was so critical, it was hard to be around me.”


Whilst I was uncomfortable to hear the feedback at the time (many years ago), I also appreciated it. How I was showing up was not how I wanted to show up.  It gave me the opportunity to reflect and change.

This week was another reminder that I’m not perfect. I constantly work on myself to be better.

As one of my clients often says, “When I know better, I can do better.”

So, how about you?

Do you favour one of the roles in the triangle?

Is it serving you?

Perhaps it’s about time you acknowledged how you show up and decide to do it differently.

And so I don’t leave you hanging, rather than being a persecutor, you can focus on listening to others and provide constructive feedback.

Instead of being a rescuer, you can become a facilitator to help empower others.

And instead of being a victim, it might be time to start taking responsibility for yourself, your actions and your results.

I accept this might be confronting, however without self-reflection or feedback from others, it’s difficult to change and improve.

Personal development is one of my greatest passions.

Let me know which role you identify with and what changes you can make.

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Time to F.O.C.U.S (WT713)

Time to F.O.C.U.S (WT713)


WT 713 Time to F.O.C.U.S.

Do you struggle to focus at times?

I do.

I have a plan for the day and often it goes by the wayside.

I intend for a task to take 30 minutes and hours later, I find I’m still doing the task.

What does it mean to focus?

According to Dictionary.com, the meaning of “focus” is “a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity.”

According to Cham Tang, co-founder of Authentic Education, F.O.C.U.S. means to “follow one course until successful”.

I love this definition because we can use it to help ourselves defeat overwhelm and procrastination.

When we have too many things to do and feel overwhelmed about getting them finished, often we distract ourselves with meaningless tasks, like cleaning the oven, doing the washing etc. that are not priorities at that time.

If you were to F.O.C.U.S. where would you start?

What is the one thing you could follow through until it was completed?

I was always impressed with Dugnea McGrath when I worked with her and Kip. Dug had a list of things she had to do in a day and she simply started at the top of the list and worked on one item at a time until it was completed, then moved on to the next item. She didn’t leave the office until her list was complete.

Now that’s F.O.C.U.S.

Another way I trick myself into focussing is to set deadlines.  For example, I always meet the deadline of sending the Weekly Thought. Sometimes it is written well in advance, other times I just make it. Knowing that it has to go out on a certain day and time helps me to focus to get it done.

What other strategies do you have?

One of my colleagues likes to work on Sunday. His wife works away from home on Sundays so he uses the quiet time to be creative as well as work on tasks that require uninterrupted attention.

We’re all different, so finding your thing is important.

Again, I ask. What’s the one course you’ll follow through to success?

P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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