As we wrap up Day 4 of the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience, one of the main concepts we learn is that of “Change Me – Change You”.
What that means is that rather than asking, demanding or expecting the other person to change, we understand that because we are in a relationship with someone, if we want the other to change, we must change first.
To demonstrate this, I move from one end of the room to the other. Because the participants and I are in a relationship, they shift in their seast to be able to see and hear me. It’s then that I explain that because I have changed, and we’re in a relationship together, so too have they.
If I had remained at the front of the room and instructed them to turn and shift in their seats and look towards the back of the room, they may or may not heed my instructions. And yet, when I change positions, so do they.
If you want to change your relationship or the way another interacts with you, you must first change yourself. Change Me – Change You.
On a similar note, I came across a quote which expands this concept to what’s going on around us.
“You can’t change what’s going on around you, UNTIL you start changing what’s going on within you.” (Source unknown.)
We create our world, whether we are conscious of it or not. When we understand this and take responsibility for what is happening in our world, we can choose to change it.
If you’re experiencing people or situations that are not to your liking or that are challenging, take a deep breath and be open to looking to find your contribution to the situation.
How are you showing up?
What are you thinking?
What is your belief around the situation?
What benefit are you getting from the situation?
All behaviour is motivated by a benefit that we receive, even being a victim has payoffs.
If you want to change what’s going on around you, start changing what’s going on within you.
Change me – change you.
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