Stop Distracting Yourself (WT409)

Stop Distracting Yourself (WT409)

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by Shirley Dalton | 27 Apr, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 409 Stop Distracting Yourself

Speaking with a colleague this week, I was impressed with her clarity about what she is going to focus on for the remainder of the year.

“Two things, Shirley,” she said. “I’m focussing on just two things,” and then proceeded to outline what those two things are.

In order to focus on the two things, she realised she needed to give up a number of other things that had been what she called “distractions”.

Listening to her, I could totally relate to what she was saying.

As I thought about what she shared, I thought about all the things that I had been doing lately that were not “moving the needle” as my colleague says.

I started to count up the lost hours working on things that were not moving me forward and I made a decision there and then to analyse all my current commitments and sort them into needle movers or expenses (in terms of time or money or enjoyment or lost opportunities).

Once I completed my analysis and made decisions to let things go, I felt an enormous sense of relief as well as anticipation. For example, my radio contract with Voice America expired this month, and as much as I enjoyed meeting new guests and learning so many interesting things, not renewing the contract has added at least an extra 3 hours of time back into my week, which I can now allocate to needle movers.

How about you? What distractions are you currently allowing? How much are they costing you? Have you measured the cost in terms of time, money, enjoyment or lost opportunities because you have to say “No” to other things?

Your challenge this week is to take inventory of your commitments. Assess whether they are needle movers – moving you forward towards your goal or something you absolutely love doing. If not, ask yourself how you can relieve yourself of your commitment and take action to do so.

Your distractions are costing you. It’s time to stop distracting yourself.

Give Up the Drama (WT408)

Give Up the Drama (WT408)

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by Shirley Dalton | 20 Apr, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 408 Give up the drama

This week has been a doozy for interpersonal dramas; mine, my clients, my colleagues and friends and family. 

It’s fascinating to me, how we interpret what people say according to our values, beliefs and expectations or what’s going on in our head at any given time. 

My point this week is not to share gossip; quite the opposite. My point is that we get what we focus on, so let’s focus on what we want, rather than what we don’t want. 

Let’s say you have a disagreement with your co-worker. Most people’s tendency is to seek support with other co-workers to sure up their position as being right or the victim. When this happens your co-workers become what we call “co-conspirators”.  Time and energy is now directed to talking about the other person, sharing anecdotes of past wrongs and generally enlisting others into the cause. 

This is drama. 

It takes you away from the focus of your work. It reduces productivity and it’s toxic to those around. 

Even worse than that, it stops you from achieving what you really want. 

And you don’t even have to be engaging in gossip to be adding fuel to the fire. You could be going over and over the conversation in your head; analysing what he or she said over and over and thinking about your responses or potential responses. 

Stop It. 

Give up the drama. 

As soon as you become aware that you are thinking about the situation and/or enlisting others or gossiping – just stop it. 

This is draining your energy and only serving to bring you more of the same, just with different people. 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to assert yourself and then either resolve it with the person or let it go. Do not give it any more attention. Rather focus on the outcomes you want – the income you want, the customers you want, the job you want, the partner you want, the travel you want to do.   

Imagining the positive and feeling how you’ll feel when you’ve achieved it, is the quickest way to get what you want. 

Go ahead and give up the drama.

It’s Not About What You Look Like (WT407)

It’s Not About What You Look Like (WT407)

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by Shirley Dalton | 13 Apr, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 407 It's not what you look like

A few years ago I did some training on self-concept and self-esteem for one of my clients and their team.

I started one of the sessions by showing them a mock up of me on the cover of a magazine (it was part of my vision board). 

“What’s wrong with this picture?” I asked.

They all studied the picture intently and none came up with what I thought was wrong with the picture.

It wasn’t the headline. It wasn’t the font. It wasn’t the colours.

“Can’t you see?” I demanded.

“Look at my teeth in the photo, they’re crooked.”

“Look at the wrinkles around my eyes” and on I went about all the things that were wrong with the picture.

Of course the picture was of me. I was pointing out all the things I don’t like I about myself. I was pointing out all the things that were not perfect.

They didn’t see it because to them there was no difference between the person standing in front of them and the picture they had in their hands, (well maybe a little less makeup than in the picture).

It’s not about what you look like.

Unless you are a hermit; people are looking at you every day.

It’s fascinating to me observing how hung up we get on our appearance.

This came up recently when we filmed for Day 2 of our Powerful Marketing Video Event.

As the participants sat in the make-up artist’s chair, they proceeded to tell her about all the things they didn’t like about how they looked. 

When they got in front of the camera with me, they started to tell me about all the things they didn’t like about themselves. 

When we present them with the edited final version, what do you think they mention first?

“I really don’t like myself on camera.” 

“I hate the sound of my voice.”

“I’m too animated.” 

It’s not about what you look like. 

People are interacting with you every day. They see you. They hear you. They know you. 

My message today – Get over it. It’s not about what you look like.  

It’s our lack of self-esteem and confidence. 

These are the things to work on. What you look like is what you look like. 

Do your best to be comfortable with your appearance and save yourself and everyone else the pain of hearing about how much you don’t like yourself.  

You can’t do anything about your appearance, unless you engage a specialist plastic surgeon. 

It’s not about what you look like. People are drawn to you or repelled by your energy and vibration. 

If you want to change something, work on improving your energy. This will also help you increase your self-esteem and confidence. 

It’s not about what you look like.

Pass on the Positive (WT405)

Pass on the Positive (WT405)

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by Shirley Dalton | 30 Mar, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 405 Pass on the positive

One of the scores we use in the Integrity and Values profile measures Appreciation. This is the degree to which you can give both positive and negative feedback. The creator, Jennifer Elliott, says that if you can’t give negative feedback, you’ll also be unlikely to give positive feedback. 

This week I’ve noticed a theme around giving positive feedback and accepting it. 

What I’ve found is that often we do receive positive feedback but we don’t take it on board for a number of reasons:  

  1. We don’t believe we deserve it
  1. We don’t believe the person saying it
  1. We dismiss it as soon as it’s said, or
  1. We don’t even hear it

There are plenty of other reasons as well and you can make up your own list. 

Today I want to encourage you to both pass on positive feedback and also accept it when you receive it. 

And when I say pass on positive feedback, I am including yourself in that. 

This week I presented a workshop for the Real Estate Academy and I took notice of my reaction to positive feedback. I’ve been working on this for myself to allow myself to hear it and accept it and I am so happy to say that at the end of the workshop, not only did I not beat myself up for all the things I think I could have done differently or better, I actually acknowledged to myself that I did a good job and was happy with it AND I accepted the compliments that came my way from the participants and organiser as well. 

It has also been interesting to notice people’s reactions when we show them their videos. Most people report not liking seeing or hearing themselves on camera.  They don’t like the way they look, etc. This is easily overcome if you think about the fact that people are looking at you every day and that doesn’t stop us from going out and doing our thing each day. 

This week I’d like you to focus on passing on the positive to yourself and to those around you. Really make a point to make sure they hear it and accept it. 

I’m including myself in this exercise and have passed it along to at least 5 people in the past 3 days, plus myself. 

Who can you pass some positive feedback to? 

Will you allow yourself to receive? 

And to finish, I wish you a happy Easter if you celebrate Easter and happy holidays if not.

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