A New Way to Look at Goal Setting (WT440)

A New Way to Look at Goal Setting (WT440)

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by Shirley Dalton | 30 Nov, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 440 A new way to look at Goal setting

Do you find that you set a goal and then seem to procrastinate on taking the action to actually achieve the goal? 

Have you ever felt overwhelmed when setting goals because you think you have to set 3 goals for every area of your life and then find you’ve got 15-21 goals in front of you? 

And remember the SMART acronym for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timeframe? 

I do. 

This week I learned a new technique from Coach Mary Ayers and I thought I’d share it with you. 

Mary came up with an acronym for GOALS: 

Go 

Out 

And 

Love 

Something 

If you’re like me, when I set a goal, I often go to my head and “try” to work out “how” it’s going to happen.  Mary’s way is much easier and much more fun. 

Think about how you feel when you love someone or something? 

Don’t you want to spend time with that special person or doing the thing you love? 

Katrina, my hair stylist has recently fallen in love with bare foot skiing. She can’t get enough of it. Her goal is to qualify for the nationals in early 2019.  

Because she loves it, she doesn’t complain about getting up at 5:00am to practice. She doesn’t complain about the bruises on her body from all the stacks. 

She’s doing what she loves. 

Think about yourself, when you love something you can’t wait to spend time doing it. It makes you feel good. Now compare this to the traditional way of setting goals and ask yourself whether the goals make you feel good. Here’s the “aha” for me; we don’t like doing things that don’t make us feel good, ie. for me, that means procrastination and no action, means no achievement. 

According to Mary, if you Go Out and Love Something, you will want to do it and of course the measurement or achievement of the goal comes from the action. 

Think about someone you love. On some level, you’ll be asking yourself, “How can I express my love?” Mary gives the example of taking someone out for a special evening. To do this, you have to decide where to go, what time, make a reservation, determine how you will get there and get home. These are all action steps you need to take to achieve the goal and here’s the magic, when you love something, you enjoy and often get excited about taking the action – it’s not a chore and it doesn’t make you feel bad. 

This week I’m looking at my goals and culling them down to just two and then I’m going to reassess the action steps I can take to achieve them and make sure that these steps are things I love to do. 

How about you?  Do you love your current goals? Are you happily taking action? If not, how about resetting them so you can Go Out And Love Something.

How Do You Catch a Monkey? (WT438)

How Do You Catch a Monkey? (WT438)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Nov, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 438 How do you catch a Monkey

Working with another of my fabulous clients this week, Mark reminded me of the story of catching monkeys. Thanks Mark.

How do you catch a monkey? 

There are many variations and the theme is similar.

Here are two methods: 

  1. Drill a hole in a coconut large enough for monkeys to put their hand in, but not big enough to allow the hand out, once it has been made into a fist. Empty the coconut of the flesh and juice, etc. and place some fruit in it. Leave the coconut and wait for the monkey to grab for the fruit.
  1. Drill a hole in the side of a dirt mound. This can be done in full view of curious baboons. Again, the hole is big enough for the open hand to go in, but not big enough to allow the fist out. Place some sweet seeds, etc. in the hole. Wait for the baboon to go to the hole.

In both cases, the monkey and baboon will reach for the treat and grab it with their hand, making a fist. Here’s the interesting thing; even when faced with being caught and potentially losing their lives, they WILL NOT LET GO of the prize.

To secure freedom, all they have to do is let go.

Now what’s this got to do with you?

Is there something you’re not letting go of at the moment?

Perhaps you’re hanging on to some limiting beliefs. Perhaps it’s a relationship or an idea about a relationship or business or product. Maybe you need to forgive someone to let go of your anger.

If you think about it, you’ll probably find that there is something that you are holding onto that is stopping you from moving forward. All you need to do is to Let it Go.

For me, it was being attached to how I earned my income. Countless possibilities presented themselves and yet, I wouldn’t consider them because they didn’t fit my idea of how I thought it should be.

You know I take my own medicine, so I let go of some of my limiting beliefs and a heap of opportunities opened up.

How about you? What are you holding onto that is stopping you from having what you want?

Can you allow yourself to let go and stop acting like a monkey?

You Have to See the Dirt (WT436)

You Have to See the Dirt (WT436)

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by Shirley Dalton | 2 Nov, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 436 You have to see the Dirt

This week, I was watching an interview between Louise Hay, Founder of Hay House and absolute guru in the self-help and healing sector and Nick Ortner, Founder of The Tapping Solution.

“Tapping” is used to refer to Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short. It’s an ancient healing modality that uses the meridians of the body in conjunction with the amygdala in our brain. The amygdala is the part of the brain associated with fight, flight and freeze. 

The idea of tapping on the meridians with your fingertips whilst acknowledging what’s not working has been scientifically proven to help people release past unconscious memories and help them to move forward. 

Nick asked Louise what she thought about people who believed you shouldn’t acknowledge the negative things in your life when tapping.

Louise responded, “You have to see the dirt before you can clean it. If you want to clean an oven, you have to see how dirty it is.” 

This resonated with me because much of the recent self-help literature focuses on the Law of Attraction and only thinking good thoughts. 

Whilst I agree with thinking and speaking about the story we want to create, Louise’s comment also rang true for me, especially when I think of the work I do coaching clients and facilitating my Leading Yourself and Leading Others program.

We have to become self-aware before we can choose to change anything. Sometimes this awareness comes in the form of feedback from others. 

My message to you this week is to encourage you to be open to looking at the dirt in your life. Look at what’s not working and accept it. Take a really good look so you know and understand the extent of the job you have before you and then, if you choose, clean it up.

See It When You Believe It (WT435)

See It When You Believe It (WT435)

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by Shirley Dalton | 26 Oct, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 435 See it when you believe it

Often when I am coaching with clients and sharing something I’ve learned or asking them a question to help them reflect on what’s going on for them, a little voice will speak to me inside my head.

It asks me, “Are you listening to this?”

They say (whomever “they” are), “We teach what we need to learn”.

If that’s true, I need to learn a heck of a lot.

Today’s thought is no exception.

I am the one who needs to hear this message the most.

I remember years ago, Wayne Dyer wrote a book called, “You’ll See it When You Believe It”. At the time it was a ground breaking book.

Most people wanted to correct the title, thinking it was a typo.

Turns out Dyer was correct. He was referring to manifestation; The Law of Attraction and any other words you want to use to describe our ability to create what we desire.

Now that sounds easy and this is what I’ve been struggling with for the past few months and why I need to write this thought for myself.

I’ve had difficulty believing that I can create what I want. I seem to have lost my way; lost my faith and I know that having faith is the most important thing I need. I often encourage my clients by reminding them, “It’s not our job to know the how, only to know the what and why”.

Lately I’ve been doubting. I’ve been wanting to control things.

I haven’t been able to see “how” things are going to work out the way I want them to.

I’ve been relapsing into my old pattern of wanting to control everything.

Today’s thought is a wake-up call and reminder; I’ll see it when I believe it.

So I made myself a list of just some of the techniques I know and use to restore my faith and get me back on track to believing in myself and the power of “The Great Something” as Dr Joe Vitale refers to God, the Universe, etc.

The point for today is this, “You’ll see it when you believe it”, so do what you can to believe it.

Here’s my list. Contact me if you’d like to know more about any or all of the below:

  1. Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique)
  1. Ho’oponopono
  1. Decision Matrix
  1. Visualisation
  1. Affirmations
  1. Afformations
  1. Meditation
  1. The One Command

Just quickly, I’ll share The One Command by Asara Lovejoy. Asara found herself in a similar situation, not believing and not manifesting, so she asked for guidance from spirit and received “The One Command”. In a nutshell (and there are a few steps to getting to this point), you simply take the pressure off from having to know the “How”, by commanding and visualising, “I don’t know how… (fill in the blank with what you want). All I know is… (I am now or I have now) and I am fulfilled.”

I love this strategy because it releases the pressure of having to know the “How” and restores faith in The Great Something.

Thanks for listening. I needed this little pep talk.

Make Yourself a Micro-Commitment (WT432)

Make Yourself a Micro-Commitment (WT432)

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by Shirley Dalton | 5 Oct, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 432 Make yourself a Micro-commitment

This week I am celebrating. 

I passed my exam (100% and bragging) and am now an official graduate of the ASK Method Masterclass which is all about asking your market the RIGHT questions to figure out exactly WHAT they want to buy and exactly HOW to sell it to them in order to serve them and help them solve their problems. 

But that’s not the topic for this week.  

I wanted to share one of the concepts I learned, which helped me to get the work done so I could pass. 

It’s called a “micro-commitment”: 

  • A small incremental step to move you (or others) toward taking a specific action without scaring yourself (or them) off in the process 
  • Based on neuroscientific evidence that any sort of change, good or bad, is perceived as a threat by the brain which kicks off the fight, flight or freeze response. To avoid triggering that response you want to ask yourself “What is the next possible step I can ask myself or someone else to take, that is so small, it is literally impossible to fail?” 

For example, one small micro-commitment I made was to turn on the computer and open the lesson.  That’s not something I could fail and it was only a tiny commitment. Of course, once I had turned on the computer and opened the lesson, I completed it. 

By making micro-commitments we can avoid feeling overwhelmed which can lead us to procrastinate (freeze). 

Every time you move into action you move closer to your goal, so pick an action that you can start on today, no matter how small. Remember you can use the power of micro-commitments to hack your own progress  

What is something you could do right now, to take action towards a goal you have, that you could not fail? 

Whatever it is, make yourself a micro-commitment now. 

Keep up your momentum. 

Remember “Done is Better than Perfect”.  (It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be done.)

Focus On the Bigger Picture (WT430)

Focus On the Bigger Picture (WT430)

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by Shirley Dalton | 21 Sep, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 430 Focus on the bigger picture

When I was studying to become a school teacher, I learnt one of the most impactful lessons of my life. 

It was during my practicum at a high school in a seaside community.  

Enthusiastic and passionate about learning and education and wanting to deliver the most fun and informative lessons to my students, I found myself preparing lessons and creating games well into the early hours of the morning before heading off to school to teach them. 

One particular class was scheduled to be tested and I was devastated with their results. 

“How could they not study? How could they not learn this?” I cried to my supervising teacher. “I put so much time and effort into making their revision lessons so much fun.” 

“Shirley, it’s not about you”, she said. “These kids have a different set of values to you. They don’t value education. They would rather surf and smoke pot.”

This was totally confronting for me. I experienced so many emotions. I wanted to give up. I wanted to scream at them. I resented them for not appreciating the effort I had gone to to make their lessons interesting. I was distressed for them that their future depended on them learning and none of this seemed to matter to them. 

“Shirley, if you are going to make it in this system, you have to accept that the kids you will be teaching will not all share the same values as you, and that despite that, you still need to show up and give your best effort”, counselled my wise and experienced supervising teacher. 

Sadly, I accepted her advice. She was right. I needed to focus on the bigger picture. I was there to teach and do the best job I could, to help as many as I could. 

It’s been 30 years since I learned that lesson and it still applies today.  

The people you are working with in your organisation may not share the same values as you. 

That doesn’t make them wrong and you right. It doesn’t mean that you have to convince them, rather, focus on the bigger picture.    

What outcome do you want to achieve? What is best for the organisation and your people? 

Focus on that.  

Invest your time, energy, passion and enthusiasm into achieving the end result. 

Focus on the bigger picture.

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