It’s All in the Asking (WT449)

It’s All in the Asking (WT449)

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by Shirley Dalton | 1 Feb, 2019 | Blog, Mindset

WT 449 It's all in the asking

I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m not the best negotiator when it comes to getting a “good deal”. 

I tend to accept the price that I’ve been given when I want to purchase or sell something. 

I expect and believe that the person I am buying from or selling to, has the same values as me, which tends to make me quite naïve at times. 

At the end of February we will be taking possession of our Motorhome, affectionately named Contessa, to start our journey to live and work around Australia for the next few years. 

This meant we had to say goodbye to Connie, my beloved Lexus E350. 

It was a tearful day for me as I left Connie with her new owner. 

Here’s what I learned: 

I had an amount in my mind that I wanted to get for Connie. 

The offer I received was lower than this, not by much, but still lower.

My experience has also shown me that the first offer you get, whether that be for a car or house, etc. is often the best offer, so I was conflicted about what to do.

I shared the offer with Ross who immediately suggested I ask for more.

I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know the words to use. I didn’t know what to say.

Eventually I crafted an email and asked if we could agree on the revised figure, and if so, I would arrange to deliver Connie. 

To my surprise and delight they agreed.

Wow! It’s all in the asking. 

Lesson number 1 – be okay with asking. 

Lesson number 2 – be mindful of the language you use to ask. 

This little experience has motivated and inspired me and given me confidence. 

I still have a lot to learn and practice and I share this story with you to encourage you, if you need it, to be ok with asking. 

After all, if the answer is “No’, you are no worse off.

You Are Allowed to Change (WT447)

You Are Allowed to Change (WT447)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Jan, 2019 | Blog, Mindset

WT 447 You are allowed to change

Today I interviewed Susan Hart and Kerrie Hourigan for our TV show. The topic was really interesting, and yet for some it might be considered taboo to talk about.

Susan and Kerrie have a podcast called “The Moon in You” where they talk about two subjects:

  1. The New Moon and the Full Moon Energies together with their associated zodiac signs, and
  1. The Menstrual Cycle, in particular the psychological aspect of the female cycle and how this affects EVERYONE, especially if you live and work with women.

Why am I mentioning this?

I want you to know you are allowed to change what you do.

Susan has owned and run a very successful bookkeeping business for the past 20 years as well as co-founded the Uniting Bookkeepers Association.

If we are not allowed to change, then Susan would be stuck doing that, even though her passion has moved towards educating and empowering women and men about the psychological and hormonal effects of the moon and the menstrual cycle.

Kerrie has also made a transition to become an authority on soul and personality astrology.

If I look at my own career history, I’ve made numerous transitions over the past 40 years and just about to embark on another.  

If you’re struggling with changing what you do, think of it this way. If you wanted to buy a new car or a new house, would you deny yourself, telling yourself that you can only have one house or car in your lifetime?  Of course you wouldn’t.

When asked what they want to do when they leave school, the majority of people don’t know. It’s often not until we experience something that we find out whether we like it or not.

I remember Ross crying to me one night after having been at university all day studying Macro Economics. “I can’t do it. I hate it,” he said. “I read the book and fall asleep but I don’t want to waste the time I’ve invested, not to mention the expense.” 

You can imagine my response. “Just quit”. Ross is a creative. He loves to take photos and is very artistic. It was no surprise to me that economics wasn’t for him.

I am in no position to make anyone stick at something they hate. I left a good government job to go to university for 4 years to become a school teacher, only to teach for 6 months and hate it. I didn’t hate the kids and I loved teaching. The bureaucracy was too stifling for me. It was not the right environment for me.  I still love to teach; I can’t help myself and over the years I have evolved and found my calling.

The same is true for you. If you’re doing something you love. Fantastic. Keep doing that.

If you’re not doing something you love, then listen very carefully, “You are Allowed to Change”. You can go for what you want and if you think about it, the happier you are, the happier everyone around you will be.

It’s the start of a new year. Don’t waste another year doing something you don’t want to do.

You are allowed to change.

If You Want More (WT444)

If You Want More (WT444)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Dec, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 444 If you want more

As we celebrate the festive season, I find myself reflecting on Christmas and how it is often thought of as a time of giving.

Many of us were taught “It’s better to give than to receive”.

BNI (Business Networking International), teaches its members that “Givers Gain”.

This year, I truly understood what it means to be grateful and to express that appreciation.

As a child, my mother used to admonish me and call me an “ungrateful wretch”.

I was deeply hurt by this, yet as I got older, I understood what she was trying to teach me, that being grateful and expressing appreciation is so important, and from a selfish point of view, if you want to receive more, it’s the easiest way to make sure you do.

Let me explain.

Over the Christmas period, I caught up with some friends. One friend, we’ll call her Justine, was sharing how upset she was that she went to so much effort to find gifts for her brother’s kids and not one of them said “Thank You”.

At first I thought Justine was just complaining. After all, isn’t Christmas the time of giving?

But what she said next had a profound effect on me.

She said, “I’m hardly encouraged to buy them anything at all next year.”

Whoa! I got it.

That’s exactly how it is with the universe. 

If we don’t show our appreciation and gratitude for the things we have in our lives right now, why would we expect the universe or God to give us more and shower us with gifts.

Since that conversation, I have been very mindful to express my gratitude to the universe and anyone who has done or given me something. 

Now you might say that’s being selfish. Being grateful in order to receive more.

Here’s the thing. It actually feels good to express your appreciation and by doing so, you help to make someone else feel happy about whatever it is they have done for you or given you.

You actually encourage them to want to give you more.

DOH! 

How often do the gurus tell us, “Be grateful” and how often do so many of us miss the point? 

Thank you universe for this lesson. I truly got it. 

Thank you universe for the opportunity to share it with so many. I trust you will get it too. 

Guess what your mission is this week?   

If you want more, be grateful and express your appreciation. 

Let me know what happens.

A New Way to Look at Goal Setting (WT440)

A New Way to Look at Goal Setting (WT440)

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by Shirley Dalton | 30 Nov, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 440 A new way to look at Goal setting

Do you find that you set a goal and then seem to procrastinate on taking the action to actually achieve the goal? 

Have you ever felt overwhelmed when setting goals because you think you have to set 3 goals for every area of your life and then find you’ve got 15-21 goals in front of you? 

And remember the SMART acronym for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timeframe? 

I do. 

This week I learned a new technique from Coach Mary Ayers and I thought I’d share it with you. 

Mary came up with an acronym for GOALS: 

Go 

Out 

And 

Love 

Something 

If you’re like me, when I set a goal, I often go to my head and “try” to work out “how” it’s going to happen.  Mary’s way is much easier and much more fun. 

Think about how you feel when you love someone or something? 

Don’t you want to spend time with that special person or doing the thing you love? 

Katrina, my hair stylist has recently fallen in love with bare foot skiing. She can’t get enough of it. Her goal is to qualify for the nationals in early 2019.  

Because she loves it, she doesn’t complain about getting up at 5:00am to practice. She doesn’t complain about the bruises on her body from all the stacks. 

She’s doing what she loves. 

Think about yourself, when you love something you can’t wait to spend time doing it. It makes you feel good. Now compare this to the traditional way of setting goals and ask yourself whether the goals make you feel good. Here’s the “aha” for me; we don’t like doing things that don’t make us feel good, ie. for me, that means procrastination and no action, means no achievement. 

According to Mary, if you Go Out and Love Something, you will want to do it and of course the measurement or achievement of the goal comes from the action. 

Think about someone you love. On some level, you’ll be asking yourself, “How can I express my love?” Mary gives the example of taking someone out for a special evening. To do this, you have to decide where to go, what time, make a reservation, determine how you will get there and get home. These are all action steps you need to take to achieve the goal and here’s the magic, when you love something, you enjoy and often get excited about taking the action – it’s not a chore and it doesn’t make you feel bad. 

This week I’m looking at my goals and culling them down to just two and then I’m going to reassess the action steps I can take to achieve them and make sure that these steps are things I love to do. 

How about you?  Do you love your current goals? Are you happily taking action? If not, how about resetting them so you can Go Out And Love Something.

How Do You Catch a Monkey? (WT438)

How Do You Catch a Monkey? (WT438)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Nov, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 438 How do you catch a Monkey

Working with another of my fabulous clients this week, Mark reminded me of the story of catching monkeys. Thanks Mark.

How do you catch a monkey? 

There are many variations and the theme is similar.

Here are two methods: 

  1. Drill a hole in a coconut large enough for monkeys to put their hand in, but not big enough to allow the hand out, once it has been made into a fist. Empty the coconut of the flesh and juice, etc. and place some fruit in it. Leave the coconut and wait for the monkey to grab for the fruit.
  1. Drill a hole in the side of a dirt mound. This can be done in full view of curious baboons. Again, the hole is big enough for the open hand to go in, but not big enough to allow the fist out. Place some sweet seeds, etc. in the hole. Wait for the baboon to go to the hole.

In both cases, the monkey and baboon will reach for the treat and grab it with their hand, making a fist. Here’s the interesting thing; even when faced with being caught and potentially losing their lives, they WILL NOT LET GO of the prize.

To secure freedom, all they have to do is let go.

Now what’s this got to do with you?

Is there something you’re not letting go of at the moment?

Perhaps you’re hanging on to some limiting beliefs. Perhaps it’s a relationship or an idea about a relationship or business or product. Maybe you need to forgive someone to let go of your anger.

If you think about it, you’ll probably find that there is something that you are holding onto that is stopping you from moving forward. All you need to do is to Let it Go.

For me, it was being attached to how I earned my income. Countless possibilities presented themselves and yet, I wouldn’t consider them because they didn’t fit my idea of how I thought it should be.

You know I take my own medicine, so I let go of some of my limiting beliefs and a heap of opportunities opened up.

How about you? What are you holding onto that is stopping you from having what you want?

Can you allow yourself to let go and stop acting like a monkey?

You Have to See the Dirt (WT436)

You Have to See the Dirt (WT436)

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by Shirley Dalton | 2 Nov, 2018 | Blog, Mindset

WT 436 You have to see the Dirt

This week, I was watching an interview between Louise Hay, Founder of Hay House and absolute guru in the self-help and healing sector and Nick Ortner, Founder of The Tapping Solution.

“Tapping” is used to refer to Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short. It’s an ancient healing modality that uses the meridians of the body in conjunction with the amygdala in our brain. The amygdala is the part of the brain associated with fight, flight and freeze. 

The idea of tapping on the meridians with your fingertips whilst acknowledging what’s not working has been scientifically proven to help people release past unconscious memories and help them to move forward. 

Nick asked Louise what she thought about people who believed you shouldn’t acknowledge the negative things in your life when tapping.

Louise responded, “You have to see the dirt before you can clean it. If you want to clean an oven, you have to see how dirty it is.” 

This resonated with me because much of the recent self-help literature focuses on the Law of Attraction and only thinking good thoughts. 

Whilst I agree with thinking and speaking about the story we want to create, Louise’s comment also rang true for me, especially when I think of the work I do coaching clients and facilitating my Leading Yourself and Leading Others program.

We have to become self-aware before we can choose to change anything. Sometimes this awareness comes in the form of feedback from others. 

My message to you this week is to encourage you to be open to looking at the dirt in your life. Look at what’s not working and accept it. Take a really good look so you know and understand the extent of the job you have before you and then, if you choose, clean it up.

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