Before we get into this week’s thought, I just want to acknowledge the readers who answered the challenge last week and messaged me with the tasks they wanted to be held accountable for.

Well done! All were completed in the week, so just to remind us of the benefit of having a coach, I call it the “BAQS System” because a coach, has your “back”. A coach can help to:

1. Identify your Blind Spots
2. Be your Accountability partner
3. Ask quality Questions, and
4. Provide suggestion on Strategies that you may not have thought of.

Now to this week:

This week I presented the first of 6 online presentations.

Whilst I’ve practised and practised and practised, I still felt very nervous.

One strategy that I use to reduce the nervousness is to repeat over and over, “If You Get Nervous, Focus On Service”. I believe this originally came from Doreen Virtue.

So let’s unpack that.

Often our nervousness comes because we are focussing on ourselves. We are concerned to:

1. Look good
2. To have others think well of us
3. To not make mistakes

This is the wrong focus to have.

Ask yourself, why are you doing the thing that makes you nervous?

In most cases, it’s because you want to help others.

This could be through an uplifting song or play. It could be teaching and presenting some information. It could be speaking in public. It could be playing a sport.

No matter what the motivation is, keep in mind, “If you get nervous, focus on service”.
Focus on the people that you can help and why you are helping them.

Focus on the audience for your concert or play.

Focus on your team and/or the spectators when playing a sport.

This little mantra and change of focus and mindset works.

Forget about yourself and focus on the reason why you are doing it and for whom.

Let me know what makes you feel nervous and how you can apply this great little reminder.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

P.P.S. Go to https://ShirleyDalton.com/Events to register for my upcoming Live online ZOOM presentations, “5 Pillars To Become An Effective Leader” and “Reset Your Mindset: 4 Steps to Change Your Thoughts and Change Your Life”.  There’s nothing to buy.  Just pure content that I want you to have so you can create what it is you want.

I confess, up until recently I haven’t been someone who placed a great deal of importance on practise.

I’d put a bit of effort into something and then “wing” the rest of it, often with less than optimal results.

More recently I’ve gained a huge appreciation for practise and the reason for that is because I am understanding more about how our brains work.

Practising increases the traffic in our neural networks. The more traffic, the quicker we act and the quicker we learn.

I’ve been working with clients lately helping them to create new neural pathways, in other words, to rewire their brains.

At first, it is challenging when the neural pathway doesn’t exist. It’s like being asked to create a path in a jungle that is totally overgrown and all you have is a machete.

And bit by bit, you clear the trees and undergrowth until you forge a path and as many more people travel on the path, the path becomes much easier to use and eventually could become a highway.

So too with our brains. We need to create the neural pathways to be able to take action towards the things we want.

When we practise we are creating the path.

And, the way we practise is the way we perform.

For example, if I’m practising giving a presentation and I keep stopping and starting to change my words or because I forgot a sentence or decide to change a powerpoint slide, then that’s the way I will perform.

When you practise, practise the complete thing, not parts of it. Practise in smaller time frames and then increase the time.

As you practise the whole thing, you learn. You hear the words you say and they will get stored in your cellular memory.

This week I’m practising for a one hour presentation I’m giving next week called “The 5 Pillars To Become an Effective Leader”.

What are you practising for?

Regards Shirley

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Last week I presented two x 2 hour webinars, “Reset Your Mindset: 4 Steps to Change Your Thoughts and Change Your Life”.

It was the first time I had presented these webinars and I was quite nervous.

In the month leading up to the presentations I had to learn new software.

I practised and practised to give myself the best chance of success. As we discussed in the webinar, the more we do something the more myelin we produce around our neurons and the more myelin, the quicker the response & habit formation. (In fact, it can be the difference between your neuron firing 100 times faster or slower.)

After the second presentation was over I shared with Ross what I thought I could have done to improve.

Even though the feedback from attendees was very positive, I was critical of myself.

As I spoke, Ross listened and then when I finished he shared that he had heard an interview with Tom Brady, arguably the best NFL quarterback ever. Ross continued, “Brady has been in 10 Superbowl competitions, of which he was on the winning team for 7. When asked about his successes, Brady replied that he didn’t remember the 7 (wins), only the 3 (losses).”

I find this interesting that we often focus on what we don’t do or don’t achieve rather than what we do.

In our Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience participants have to keep a diary of compliments and criticisms (for want of more politically correct words) that they and others give to them over a 7 day period.

Overwhelmingly the feedback from participants is how often they are the ones who are doing the criticising and how often they do receive compliments and yet they don’t seem to take these on board.

So my point this week, and I’m listening too, is to focus on the 7, not the 3.

Try it for yourself this week.

Take a piece of paper or whatever electronic gadget you use and rule up two columns. Write two headings:

1. Compliments/Appreciation
2. Criticisms/Negative Thoughts

Be alert to comments that you get from others and also your thoughts.  Every time you identify a compliment or positive thought make a note in that column. Similarly, every time you receive criticism or have a negative thought about yourself, enter a point in that column.

At the end of week take a look at the number of comments and/or thoughts you have received.

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

What do you do when you receive a gift?

Do you save it or spend it or start using it straight away?

Ross and I have different strategies.

Ross is a saver.

I’m a spender/user.

For example, if we receive money for birthdays or Christmas or chocolates for Easter, I’ve spent, used or eaten mine within a week.

Ross still has his weeks and sometimes months later, (which I usually manage to share – Hahaha!)

It was the same when we both attended Weight Watchers years ago.

We had discretionary points to use over the week and mine were usually consumed within the first couple of days and Ross still had his at the end of the week.

Why am I asking you this and sharing?

Recently I was coaching one of my fabulous clients. We’ll call her Leanne.

Leanne is like Ross. She’s a saver.

She saves her coaching sessions until she feels she “really needs it”.

This week she came with a topic that she expected would take the full time to discuss and resolve.

To her surprise and delight, she resolved the issue within 10 minutes.

“I can’t tell you what a weight has lifted from my shoulders”, she said. “I feel so much lighter. I’ve been carrying that stress and anxiety and feeling of responsibility around with me for months.”

“Yes”, I replied. “You can be a bit tardy in using your coaching sessions.”

“I wished I’d addressed this months ago. I could have been so much more productive”, she continued.

To my point: Why Save It?

If you have an issue or a challenge, it’s much better to address it earlier than later.

In this instance Leanne was able to use the remaining time to resolve another issue.

By addressing issues and challenges as they occur, you can save yourself months of stress, anxiety, anger or resentment or any other negative feelings you may experience.

In relation to a coaching session (or other areas of your life), Why Save It?

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Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

Do you get yourself in a tizzy when things don’t go according to plan?

Are you a bit of a control freak; wanting things to be done the way you want them done, when you want them done?

I used to be like that.

I’ve mellowed over the years. I’ve come to realise and accept that things happen In Perfect Time.

Last week our air conditioner stopped working.

We called a few people. One person had a look at it and said, “That’s a warranty job. I can fix it, but it will cost you thousands because I am not an authorised warranty repairer.”

He told us who to contact, which proved challenging because we couldn’t speak to a person. Ross spent 90 minutes typing via a Chat Bot.

The Chat Bot would pass on the particulars.

Ross asked for the next steps and when these would happen, to which the Chat Box replied, “We’ll let you know.”

A week passed.

The temperature and humidity increased.

We were getting testy.

Ross followed up again with the Chat Bot.

Success! He was given a case number and the name and contact details of the authorised repairer – a real person.

To cut a long story short, the repairer came to inspect. “Yes, it’s a warranty issue. I’ve ordered the parts but don’t hold your breath. They are taking a lot longer than you might expect to get the parts.”

Not exactly the news we wanted to hear.

I sighed, smiled and thanked him.

I’ve learned that everything happens In Perfect Time.

If I get upset, it’s only me who is suffering.  Being anxious, angry or stressed only puts me in the Primal State (sympathetic nervous system) and in this state I cannot be resourceful.

It will get fixed when it gets fixed.

There is nothing I can do about it at the moment.

If you find yourself in a situation that isn’t going how you want, please consider surrendering. You’ll feel a lot better, and the irony is, that when you feel better, you’re more in tune with universal energy and as a result, things often start going your way a lot quicker.

Everything happens In Perfect Time.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.