Polite Doesn’t Mean Pushover (WT574)

Polite Doesn’t Mean Pushover (WT574)

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by Shirley Dalton | 25 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 574 Polite doesn't mean pushover

I was conducting a recruitment interview for a client today.

I asked the candidate to explain his definition of “Assertive”.

“It’s someone who is quite forceful in getting their way”, he replied.

“Wow”, I thought to myself. “That’s not my definition.”

To be assertive means to be honest and congruent. It means that you get your needs met AND not at the expense of others. In order to get your needs met you need to:

  1. Be aware of your needs
  2. Take responsibility for getting your needs met, and
  3. Use your communication skills (I Messages, Active Listening and Conflict Resolution Skills as examples).

Participants in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience and Online Membership get to experience this in a number of ways.

There is a difference between being Assertive and Aggressive.

Aggressive people want to win and don’t care if others lose.

Assertive people also want to win, however they look for a win win, to make sure both parties get what they want.

Passive people lose. The give in and hardly ever get what they want.

Passive Aggressive people are the same as aggressive people in that they want to win and don’t care if you lose, however they are not as loud or violent. Rather they are sneaky and manipulative.

Assertive people who use their communication skills are often described as being polite.

Make no mistake, polite doesn’t mean pushover.

Polite people use their manners.

Polite people consider others.

Polite people look for a win win.

There is nothing wimpy about being polite, in fact, being polite can often help you gain support and help from others to get what you want.

Ross found this out when he gave a book to the receptionist at the van park. He took the time to talk with her when we arrived, found out she liked reading books, gave her one to read and add to their swap collection and she’s been very helpful ever since, which she isn’t always with other people.

This week your challenge is to be polite and still go for what you want.

Give it a go and let us know your results.

Polite doesn’t mean pushover.

P.S. Our next face to face Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience will be held in Newcastle, NSW in September 2021. You can find out more by CLICKING ON THIS LINK.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

If It Was Easy Everyone Would Do It (WT573)

If It Was Easy Everyone Would Do It (WT573)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 573 If it was easy everyone would do it

We’re talking about leadership and management of course.

It’s not for everyone. It’s not an easy role to have.

I remember when Ross was promoted to the Site Supervisor’s role. He had no idea how to lead and manage his team.

He did what most new leaders and managers do. He treated his team the way he had been treated in the past.

Working in male dominated heavy industry, he yelled a lot. He swore a lot and he was passive aggressive.

He hadn’t had any training and he would come home to me and tell me about his day.

I would cringe listening to him as he recounted the events of the day and how he treated his team.

I did my best to counsel him and mentor him.

I also strongly suggested that he join my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience, which to his credit, he did.

In fact, he has been a participant in 4 of the experiences as well as assisting me in many many more.

The change in him was amazing. He stopped swearing and yelling.

He invested the time to get to know his people. He stood up for them to higher management when needed.

The result. He created a very loyal, very productive and harmonious team.

At Christmas one year they had more work than they had workers and Ross facilitated a team meeting where they collectively created a plan for getting the work done. No surprises they all got to finish at midday Christmas Eve and got to enjoy the holiday period.

Being a leader isn’t easy and it doesn’t come naturally for most.

Leadership skills are skills you can learn and I’m excited to announce that the winner for our 11th year of Weekly Thoughts, and a participant in our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in Newcastle is Annie D.

Congratulations Annie and congratulations to all the entrants. It was a tough decision.

Remember, if it was easy, everyone would do it.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Can Put Air In That For You (WT570)

I Can Put Air In That For You (WT570)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 May, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 570 I can put air in that

This was the offer Ross received the other day when he was chatting with a neighbour in the van park.

Our neighbour had recently bought a motorhome and he and his wife had just begun their journey.

He was asking Ross for some tips and Ross was recounting some of the mistakes and misadventures we’ve made and had along the way.

As they were talking Ross noticed that our front tyre looked like it needed air.

The neighbour offered to use his compressor.

Initially Ross was reluctant, thinking it would be a big imposition for the neighbour to have to pull out what Ross thought would be a big piece of equipment.

The neighbour insisted.

It turned out the compressor was a handheld tool that easily filled the tyre.

As I reflected on this, I realised that this is a great example of what we teach about developing relationships with people.

It doesn’t cost anything to be nice. It doesn’t cost anything, other than a bit of time and your presence to be interested in other people.

In our People modules we encourage you to Know Yourself, Know Others and Develop and Use Your Communication Skills.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to be friendly toward others. It pays to be interested in them.

It pays to develop relationships and rapport with others, even if only for a short time.

Most people want to help.

Why not strike up a conversation with someone this week and get to know them. If you can help them, even better.

You never know when you might need someone to put air in your tyre.

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held today – Friday 11th June at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. This month we’re doing things a little differently. You bring the blank paper and coloured markers and I’ll walk you through my proprietary methodology and at the end you’ll have clarity around your systems, processes and overall workflow . You won’t want to miss this interactive online workshop. You won’t get this training anywhere else. Click on the link to register, even if you can’t attend, you’ll be able to catch the recording. https://shirleydalton.convertri.com/map-your-workflow-online-workshop

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

No Triangles (WT569)

No Triangles (WT569)

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by Shirley Dalton | 21 May, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 569 No triangels

In our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience and Online Membership we have a topic called The Eternal Triangle of Hate.

For some participants, even the name is too much.

“Hate is a very strong word Shirley”, commented Elli.

“Yes, I agree. It is and when we go through this concept you may understand why we use it”, I replied.

What we’re talking about here is the triangle that is formed, in the workplace and at home, when we have at least 3 people playing one of the roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.

If you draw an upside down triangle, it will make the V sign. At the bottom of the V write the word Victim. The Victim is someone who is seen as helpless; someone who is being Persecuted by a bully and needs Rescuing. The unwritten agreement here is that Victims cannot stand up for themselves and are hard done by.

Why it’s called The Eternal Triangle of Hate is because the roles seem to rotate. The Rescuer becomes the Persecutor, the Persecutor becomes the Victim and the Victim becomes the Rescuer and around and around and around it goes.

The way to stop triangles is to encourage people to go directly to what we call “source”. In this instance, we don’t mean Universal or Higher Intelligence, we mean the person with whom they are in conflict with.

No Triangles means not enlisting another person; not involving another person who can’t solve the problem. No Triangles means we take responsibility for being assertive and having the conversation with the person who has upset us in some way.

To create a culture of No Triangles in your workplace or family or friendship group you need 3 things:

  1. The encouragement and support to go directly to source (you may even make it a rule or an agreement)
  2. The skills to go to source (the skills to be assertive, using I Statements to explain what is going on for you)
  3. An open mind to receive the feedback, if you happen to be the person who is being confronted. Rather than being defensive, be curious. Seek to understand what has happened; seek to understand why your confronter is upset rather than reacting in a defensive way with excuses or counter attacks.

Agreeing to be in relationships where we avoid The Eternal Triangle of Hate is the quickest way to improve relationships, resolve misunderstandings and increase productivity.

What will you do? How will you respond next time you find yourself in a triangle? Will you action the above 3 steps or will you fuel the fire and fan the continuous progression of Persecutor, Victim and Rescuer roles?

One last point – the role of rescuer is also known as a Co-Conspirator because with the Victim, both are conspiring against the Persecutor.

No more triangles.

No more water cooler gossip sessions.

Speak to source!

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions (WT564)

Don’t Jump to Conclusions (WT564)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Apr, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 564 Don't jump to conclusions

This week we’re in Canberra, running my signature Leadership Experience and the Canberra weather turned cold on the weekend and we are back in our winter woollies.

Speaking of cold, I want to share Larry’s story with you this week.

“He won’t do what I ask him to do”, cried Larry.

“Who are you talking about?” I asked.

Larry had two boys so I assumed he was talking about one of his sons.

“My manager”, he said.

“Your manager? What do you mean?” I asked.

“I told him I wanted a stocktake done before the end of the first quarter.”

“Larry, that was a week ago.”

“Yes, but I told him to do it in January.”

“What do you mean you told him to do it in January? Do you mean you told him in January to do it in March, or you told him to do it in January?”

“I told him to do it in January”, he said with frustration.

“Oh Larry, I’m still confused. You wanted him to do the stocktake in March before the end of the quarter. You’re telling me that you told him to do it in January. To me that sounds like you told him in January and you wanted it done in January.”

“Well that’s not what I wanted”, he snapped.

“I understand that, however if you gave your manager the same instructions that you are giving me, I can understand why he didn’t do it now. Did he do it in January?”

“Yes and I was annoyed then because he didn’t do what I asked. He did it early.”

“Larry, is it possible that you are jumping to conclusions here?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said he won’t do what you ask. From what I’m hearing, he did exactly as you asked. He did it in January. It doesn’t sound to me like he isn’t doing what you told him to.”

Larry wouldn’t have it. He had decided that the manager was deliberately disobeying him. In my opinion, Larry had jumped to conclusions.

“Do you mind if I talk to him Larry”, I asked.

“Be my guest”, he huffed.

It turns out that the manager thought he was obeying Larry. He was doing his best to impress Larry. He jumped straight on to any request. He hadn’t understood that Larry was asking in January, even though he wanted the actual work carried out in March.

With a little coaxing Larry finally accepted that his manager was doing his best to please him.

This is a fabulous wake up call for us to be mindful about jumping to conclusions.

Before you decide, please take a moment to check your facts or as Steven Covey teaches us in Habit #5; “Seek first to understand then to be understood”.

It’s simple really, don’t jump to conclusions.

Regards Shirley

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held on Friday 14th May at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. This month we’re focusing on improving team productivity through a secret system. Save the date and we’ll share more over the coming weeks.

P.P.S.Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

How Good is Your Culture? (WT563)

How Good is Your Culture? (WT563)

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by Shirley Dalton | 9 Apr, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 563 How good is your culture

You’ve heard me mention the REACH profile before. It’s a psychometric tool we use to understand people’s personalities as well as their REACH – their agility to adapt to the other profiles or as a leader, their ability to use all of the 16 leadership competencies.

This week I did some peer reviews for one of my clients and we used the REACH Ecosystem Culture Survey.

The results we received were outstanding.

Both sets of results showed the current engagement scores for both leaders were in the top 10% of all culture surveys globally.

So what do the Culture Survey or engagement scores show us?

The scores are a reflection of how people feel about their workplace, which is commonly directly related to how the leaders execute the 4 key characteristics of a REACH Culture – the Who, Why, What and the How.

The report shows the percentage of participants who:

  1. Would recommend the organisation
  2. Enjoy their work
  3. Respect their team leaders
  4. Perceive that the team has a measurable impact on the organisation
  5. Believe that the organisation offers value
  6. Intend to remain in the organisation.

Obviously the higher the scores the better the team and organisation perform.

My question to you is, “How good is your culture?”

Do you know?

As a first step, why not ask your team to rate the above statements on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 lowest and 5 highest).

Calculate the percentages to see what your team really thinks.

Let me know how you go.

P.S. Want to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered straight to your inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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