Chicken and Chips (WT479)

Chicken and Chips (WT479)

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by Shirley Dalton | 30 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Leadership

WT479 Chicken and Chips

This week, I facilitated Days 1 and 2 of the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience. One of the topics is an Introduction to the Assertiveness Model. 

There is a big difference between being Assertive and being Aggressive. Sadly, a lot of people confuse the two. 

If you’re acting in an Assertive manner it means you get your needs met but not at the expense of others (win-win). Whereas if you act in an Aggressive manner, you get your needs met and you don’t really give a continental about others’ needs (win-lose). 

I was horrified whilst waiting in a shopping centre car park this week, having just taught this concept,  to hear a woman screaming abuse at an elderly man, “Chicken and chips! I told you. Chicken and chips, not f……..ng fish and chips.” 

“Wow!” I thought to myself, “If only someone had taught you the difference, there would be no need for this drama and angst and upset. That sort of behaviour does no one any good.”

The man was doing his best to run away and she kept running after him, screaming at the top of her voice.

I cringe when I witness this sort of behaviour because it is so unnecessary and really, chicken and chips is not the end of the world.  

If she had learned how to assert herself she might have been able to calmly express her disappointment, anger or annoyance. For example, a three part Confronting I Message describing the unacceptable behaviour, how it makes you feel and the tangible concrete effects is often enough for people to change their behaviour. In this instance, the woman could have said something like, “I’m really disappointed. I ordered chicken and chips, not fish and chips. I don’t like fish and I don’t want to eat this.” She could also add, “Are there other options?” 

Whilst I cringe, I also can’t blame the woman because most of us have not been exposed to better ways of communicating – me included. I too was a hot head until I learned these skills in my early 20’s. 

How about you? 

Do you think you act in an assertive or aggressive manner?  Perhaps you err on the side of Passive or Passive Aggressive.    

The way you communicate with people really does a make a difference to your relationships and results.

Know What You are Competing For (WT478)

Know What You are Competing For (WT478)

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by Shirley Dalton | 23 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Mindset

WT478 Know what you are competing for

This week, I trialled a new activity for self-awareness with some participants for an in-house training session.

Participants had to share their preferences for how their colleagues could best work with them.

To make it fun, participants had to select some items without realising that the number of items they selected equalled the number of things they had to share about themselves.

The instructions were simple, “Take as many items as you like.” 

It was really interesting to see how the participants turned this into a competition. They competed for items which backfired on them when they realised the connection between the number of items and number of shares. 

Suddenly those who had not collected many items were now feeling relieved.

The competition that participants created wasn’t the aim of the activity, however, it did provide an opportunity to gain valuable insights into understanding that you need to know what you are competing for before committing. 

It also provided an opportunity for participants to realise that making assumptions (as in more items is better) can be risky.

What would you have done?  Would you have questioned whether the number of items was important or would you have gotten swept up in the competition, which turned out to not be something many wanted to win?

What Game Will You Play (WT477)

What Game Will You Play (WT477)

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by Shirley Dalton | 16 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Business

WT 477 What game will you play?

Have you ever thought about the type of player you are, when it comes to games?

It’s an interesting concept and something I encourage you to do because “How we do anything is how we do everything”.

In the last few weeks I dipped my toe into using social media to promote my next leadership experience and I found I had to challenge a few limiting beliefs.

One of those beliefs was that I had to get everything right in order to advertise.  If I was paying for ads, I wanted to make sure that I got a return on my investment.

I had to reframe my belief and expectation to that of conducting an experiment, after all business is mostly about tweaking things until we get it right, so why did I think I had to get the ads right before I could advertise.

As I was talking to a colleague about this, he pointed out that “I only like to play games I can win”.

I responded with an embarrassed giggle. It was true. I do only like to play games I can win.

How about you? Is this the way you play or are you like my colleague who plays until he wins?

It was his turn to laugh. He said, “I will play and I don’t mind if you win, but we’re not finishing until I win. If it means we come back tomorrow to finish, we will. No-one’s going home, until I’ve won.”

<name>, what an interesting concept. If you only like to play games that you know you can or will win, does that mean you won’t play if there’s a chance of you losing and if so, is that how you play life?

Are you missing out on opportunities because they are not guaranteed?

Hmm, it’s certainly worth looking at, don’t you think?

Your Manner Matters (WT476)

Your Manner Matters (WT476)

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by Shirley Dalton | 9 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Business

WT476 Your Manner Matters

Firstly, I want to say that I am not complaining and this isn’t a rant. Rather, the goal for the stories in this week’s thought is to remind us of the importance of our manner and the impact it can have – both positive and negative. 

Here we go:

As we’ve been travelling around Far North Queensland we’ve been staying in a mix of caravan parks, national parks and free campsites. We generally only plan our itinerary a few days in advance and mostly call a prospective caravan park a few hours before we intend to arrive.

We got caught out a few times, booking and paying in advance, only to arrive and find the park was awful, so we made a rule, policy or guideline, whatever you want to call it, that says “We can enquire on the way, but not book in and pay until we’ve seen the site”.

On a couple of occasions, we’ve made the decision not to even look at a park because of the manner of the receptionist.

Here’s an example of an enquiry:

“Hello, could you please tell me if you have any sites for a motorhome for tonight please?”

“How big is the motorhome?”

“About 25 feet.”

“Have you got slide outs?”

“No.”

“You’re sure you’ve got no slide outs?”

“Yes.”

“How many nights are you staying?”

“Just the one please?”

“You’re sure it’s just one night?”

And on the conversation went until an exasperated Ross ended the call.

Turning to me, he announced, “We won’t be staying there!”

His next phone call was completely different.

“Sure we’ve got sites. Just come around when you get into town and we’ll show you what we have.”

When we arrived, the lady was extremely hospitable and gracious. She walked us around the caravan park, pointing out the various sites and inviting us to choose the one that suited us.

When we were leaving, having extended our stay by a few days, she came out of the office and thanked us for staying with them and invited us to return.

Your manner makes all the difference.

It can win or lose you business and you may not even be aware of it.

Could you say you are confident that your team are winning you business?

You Can’t Make Your Team Compete (WT475)

You Can’t Make Your Team Compete (WT475)

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by Shirley Dalton | 2 Aug, 2019 | Blog, Leadership

WT 475 You can't make your team compete

As a leader, it’s your job to get the best out of your team. This doesn’t mean you are a slave driver and that you crack the whip to milk every last minute of productivity. 

Rather it means that you help your team to reach their full potential. When they are actively engaged and enjoying themselves, productivity will naturally be high.

This week one of my coaching clients was sharing how she and her sister have been enjoying an exercise challenge.  She was miffed when her sister pipped her at the post before the deadline. She was also miffed when she had finished a workout yet didn’t receive the credit because the recording device had run out of battery. 

This story and experience opened up an entire discussion about how to engage your team. 

When I suggested creating a competition between team members, her initial reaction was, “You can’t make your team compete”.

Maybe the word “challenge” is more appealing as you set up a challenge to get a certain amount of work finished by the end of the month or attain a certain target. 

As we discussed it further, we both had examples where we had been engaged in friendly competitions at work. Winning a prize wasn’t always the motivator. At times it was simply knowing you had put in the effort and “won” that was most satisfying. 

When my clients used to meet me in my office, the first thing they often did was to share their success stories and get to “Ring the Gong”.   It was our favourite thing to do – to celebrate the wins. 

This week I’m challenging you (ha ha) to come up with some fun and interesting ways that you can engage your team. What friendly challenge can you give them that will have them run toward the finish line? 

Not only can you “make your team compete”, in many cases they will thank you for it because it just might be the thing that spices up the week or the month.

You’re Such an Idiot (WT474)

You’re Such an Idiot (WT474)

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by Shirley Dalton | 26 Jul, 2019 | Blog, Mindset

WT 474 You're such an idiot

Of course I’m not talking about you.

This is what I’ve been saying to myself the past few days; even though I know better than to do that. 

Sometimes my ability to criticise myself astounds me.

I’ve been working day and night to make sure I have everything ready for our launch today for the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Membership Site.

I have pushed myself to learn about 4 or 5 new software programs to make sure they all talk to each other.

I was setting up the member logins and wanted to simply add their details to the new site.

There was an action step that generated a Welcome email, which I did not want to send.

Without realising that I had duplicate automation sequences, of course I chose the one that included the Welcome email and away it went before I realised.

“Damn!” (Well I said worse than that.) 

“Quick, send another email to make sure the members don’t try and login with the details in that email.”

I quickly put together an explanation and again, hit Send, only to find, to my horror, that in my haste, I had forgotten to update the Subject Line which was announcing our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in August in Newcastle.

“Damn!” (Again!)

There was nothing I could do.

My Inner Critic had a field day.

“You’re such an idiot.” “How embarrassing?” “How could you have been so stupid?” “What will people think?”

On and on and on it went, until I screamed “Enough!” “Stop it!”

“Yes, I made a mistake. In fact I made two mistakes in quick succession. That doesn’t mean I give up. I’m learning. People will forgive me. Let’s look at all the things I’ve done right over the past few weeks to get this ready.” 

Does this happen to you, too?  Is your Inner Critic quick to judge and call you names?

If so, here’s a tip I learned from Jack Canfield a long time ago. He taught us to turn our Inner Critic into an Inner Coach.  The critic is there to help us improve, so we can thank it and let it know we’re aware of what needs to be changed or improved and we’re working on it. The name calling can stop.

Understanding that the critic only wants the best for us and for us to do well and achieve our goals makes it a little easier to bear when they can be so detailed with their improvement list.

I’m curious. What strategies do you use to silence your Inner Critic?

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