What is Everyone Else Doing (WT509)

What is Everyone Else Doing (WT509)

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WT509 What Is Everyone Else Doing

This week, I want to talk to you about a concept called “Social Proof”. It’s a psychological construct. In his book, “Influence”, Robert Cialdini describes it in great detail but I’ll give you the brief version here.

Stick with me, it’s very relevant to what’s going on in the world today.

“Social Proof” in this context refers to people checking to see what other people are doing before they take action. We’re not talking about “Social Proof” in marketing where you get a third party to endorse you and give you a testimonial, although I can see where that came from when you look at the psychology.

Cialdini references some shocking events like the “Jonestown Suicides” in South America where 909 individuals died, all but two from apparent cyanide poisoning, in an event termed “revolutionary suicide” by leader Jim Jones. The disturbing thing about this is that the majority of the people voluntarily took the poison, reportedly in a peaceful and ordered way.

This event led to psychologists asking how this could happen, which leads us to the construct of “Social Proof”. We look to others to see what they are doing, so that we know what to do. The odd thing here is that we believe/expect that the other people actually know what the right thing to do is.

I found this fascinating when I became aware that I too was looking for social proof at a caravan park. I wasn’t sure whether the garbage bins were divided for recycling so I looked inside to see “what everyone else had done”, assuming of course, that they were correct and they knew the right thing to do.

This type of behavior was further researched when in 1964, a 28-year-old woman known as Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death across the road from where she lived in New York and although lots of people saw and heard what was happening, not one person even called the police, let alone went to her aid.

How could this be?

It was “Social Proof”. We look to see what everyone else is doing as a reference point for our behavior. Since the research we now know that you are better off if there is just one other person available if you get into trouble rather than a group, because in all probability the group will stand back waiting to see what everyone else does (it’s known as the By Stander Effect).

So, why am I writing about what seem to be such morbid stories?  It’s because we’re in a time of crisis with the current situation and I want you to be aware that if you follow everyone else and look to others for “Social Proof”, be mindful that “everyone else” may not know the right thing to do either and they may just be waiting for you to step up and be the leader and show them what to do.

Don’t assume that everyone else knows what to do.

She Who Adapts Succeeds (WT508)

She Who Adapts Succeeds (WT508)

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WT508 She Who Adapts Succeeds

In these challenging times, I want to take the opportunity to remind you that he or she who adapts succeeds.

No-one knows what’s going to happen as a result of the Corona Virus and this uncertainty causes many people to go into what David Bayer refers to as the Primal State of Being.

The Primal State matches to our Sympathetic Nervous System – the fight or flight system. In times of real danger, you need this to either stand and fight or run, but let’s be clear, there is a huge difference between being in danger and being in fear.

Emotions such as stress, overwhelm, fear and anger trigger your Sympathetic Nervous System and cause you to go into the Primal State. The Primal State cuts you off from all your creative resources and intuition and inspiration because it’s only focused on survival.

What’s needed now, more than ever, is to get yourself into the opposite state, known as the Powerful State. The Powerful State matches to your Parasympathetic Nervous System, also known as rest, relaxation and digestion. 

One way to do this is to understand that the thoughts you are thinking that are putting you in the Primal State are NOT TRUE and so if they are not true, then what is true? Usually it’s the opposite.  

What we need to do is to become aware of our thoughts and change them, then look for the evidence to support what is true. In other words, become aware of what we call your Unintelligent Thinking. Unintelligent in the sense that it is stopping you from accessing your own and the infinite intelligence to find creative solutions. 

Here’s an example of what many people are thinking at the moment: “My hours have been cut. I’m not going to get paid. I’m not going to have enough money. I’m going to go broke. I’ll never get out of this.”  If you truly look at the thinking you’ll see it’s not true. It’s simply the meaning you are giving to an experience and we know there is no suffering in any experience, only the meaning we give it. 

On the same example, look at your finances and know that you’ve always had enough, you’ve got enough now and you’ll have enough in the future. You may want more, however you’ve always found a way to survive.  Go through and look for the evidence for where you have survived in the past. Write it down. Focus on it every day. Get yourself into a Powerful State. 

It’s the only way you’ll be able to adapt and succeed.

Remember, he or she who adapts succeeds. Now is the time to adapt and look for other opportunities. You can’t be creative unless you get yourself in to the Powerful State.

Would You Like a Photo Taken? (WT507)

Would You Like a Photo Taken? (WT507)

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WT507 Would You Like A Photo Taken

I’ve been listening to Robert Cialdini’s audio book “Influence” as I’ve been driving around Tasmania.

One of his 6 principles to influence people and encourage compliance is “Reciprocity” or in other words, “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours”.

This week, I was fascinated to watch the psychology in action. 

We went for a walk to Wineglass Bay lookout in the Freycinet National Park in Tasmania. It was about 1.5 hours from the carpark through absolutely stunning landscapes of rocks and trees.

Of course we were not the only tourists making our way to the lookout.

When we made it to the top, it was standing room only as each group took their photos on cameras and smart phones.

“Would you like a photo taken?” asked one of the travelers.

“Oh! Yes, thank you, that would be nice,” I replied.

We posed. He clicked and then retook the photo on his wife’s instructions for a better position.

And then I witnessed the psychology in action.

“Can we return the favour”, I asked, without thinking. “Would you like a photo, too?”

Of course they did, so I handed Ross their camera and he did the honours.

It was our turn a little later to offer to take another couple’s photo and as if like clockwork, they offered to return the favour to us.

I was fascinated.

The science shows us that when we offer to do something for another, often unexpected and without expectation, the result is that the other feels obligated to us in some way and so as far as their brains go, they want to wipe the slate clean and not be obligated or owing in anyway.

Cialdini also explains that Reciprocity is necessary for us all to survive. We need others to do things for us and to help us. We can’t do everything by and for ourselves, so it’s not a bad thing. It only becomes negative when unscrupulous people use the science to manipulate us into complying with what they want.

Your action this week is to take notice of Reciprocity. Notice when you offer to do things for people or just do them without expectation and notice when others do things for you. Notice how you feel. See if you feel obligated to clear the slate by doing something nice for them or as BNI teaches, Givers Gain. See if you feel compelled to pay it forward and thereby wipe your slate clean by giving to someone else.

How to Lose $75 in Income in Less than 2 Minutes (WT506)

How to Lose $75 in Income in Less than 2 Minutes (WT506)

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WT506 How to lose $75 in less than 2 minutes

As we’ve been travelling around Tasmania, we wanted to learn about and see some Tasmanian Devils. Ross searched the internet to find out opening hours and prices for a Tasmanian Devil attraction near where we were staying.

We arrived at the venue. After greeting us and asking if we wanted to enter, the salesperson said, “Your contribution is $37.50 per adult, which includes a donation to further research, etc.”

“Oh, that’s more than we read on the website”, I said.

“Was it our website?” she asked, as she proceeded to look it up, telling us that we were wrong and here it was to prove it.

Ross showed her what he had found on the internet and she continued to prove herself right.

“You did a Google search. We can’t control that. That was written by someone in 2014”, she said in a condescending manner.

We were originally okay with the increase in price. It was $2.50 per person. No big deal.

We were not okay with her manner, nor her seeming desire to prove us wrong.

“It’s okay”, I said. “We’ll pay the correct price.”

“I just wanted to check for myself,” she lied as she turned the computer screen towards us to show us, when we were not at all interested.

“No you didn’t,” I retorted, this time completely exasperated by her. “You just wanted to make us wrong.”

Next came the information that there would be a surcharge for paying by credit card. This did it for me.

“You know what? We won’t worry about it.”

With that she gave me back my card. I told her she could improve her customer service skills and we walked out.

As I write this, it’s hard to describe the manner in which she spoke and gestured. It was totally uncomfortable and off putting.

As I was driving away, I reminded myself that it was only an experience. There is no suffering in any experience; only the meaning we give it.

I also considered how I would have handled the situation differently.

Knowing that people get things wrong and that there was little resistance on our part to the increased price, I would have chosen to be kind rather than right.

I would have replied with something like, “Oh, thank you for telling me [about the difference in price]. I’m sorry the price wasn’t correct. The current price is $37.50 if you’d still like to come in.”

Wow! How to lose the business $75 in income in less than 2 minutes.

What would you have done from a number of different perspectives:

  1. The customer
  1. The salesperson
  1. The business owner?

The Unassuming Leader (WT505)

The Unassuming Leader (WT505)

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WT505 The Unassuming Leader

This week’s thought is truly inspirational.

It’s the story of one of my clients.

I won’t name names because she would hate that.

She was sharing with me how surprised she was at the reaction of some of her work colleagues in relation to a health goal she had set for herself a few months back.

To achieve the goal takes courage, commitment and dedication, all of which she has in spades.

Unwavering in her actions and commitment over the past few months, she is making real progress towards her goal. 

“It’s more than a goal”, I remarked. “What you have is a vision and your workmates can clearly see the vision, and they have all jumped on board with you.”

She sat with that for a moment.

“I guess you are right”, she said. “I’ve never really thought about it like that.”

True leadership is about appealing to people’s emotions. It’s about getting them on board with your vision. When they are on board, they will do whatever they can to fulfill the vision.

In my client’s case, the entire company has jumped on board with her vision. They see her as a role model and they are inspired by her. Even her family members are on board as well.

She is what I call, The Unassuming Leader. She hasn’t broadcast her vision/goal. She hasn’t cajoled people into helping and supporting her. She hasn’t offered wild incentives to motivate people nor has she threatened harsh consequences.

Rather, she has quietly gotten on with the job. She’s shared her vision when asked and has simply shown up and shown the way.

Leaders are found in all walks of life and in all positions.

As John Maxwell says, “Leadership is about becoming the type of person others trust to take them where they want to go.”

In this case, they are being inspired on a daily basis without a big fan fare and they are all quietly working towards the same goal and it’s impressive to observe.

What Are You Thinking? (WT504)

What Are You Thinking? (WT504)

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WT504 What are you thinking

This week, Ross and I experienced a great reminder of the power of our thoughts and how life is always working for you. 

For the past few weeks, Ross had been thinking he needed to replace the back tyre on Floyd, our motorbike. 

It must have been playing on his mind because at the 11th hour before we were due to catch the last ferry from Bruny Island in Tasmania back to Kettering and then drive 90 minutes to where we were staying at New Norfolk, Ross suddenly pulled over and stopped on the side of the road.

“Why are we stopping?” I asked.

“Flat tyre,” he replied.

“Oh dear! What shall we do?” 

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. 

Quickly, I reminded him that “Life is always working for us”.

It was too late. He went into the un-resourceful Primal State of fight and flight and paced backwards and forwards, angrily asking, “What am I doing to create this?”

It turns out it was his thinking. He wanted a new tyre so the Universe and his goal achieving brain created a situation where we had to get a new tyre.

And life is always working for us; we also enjoyed a complimentary night on the island, courtesy of the NRMA and RACT. Even better, our host provided homemade soup and started a warm log fire for us, not to mention a really comfortable King size bed (Ah! Luxury).

Paul from the RACT fixed the puncture and we were able to get the 6:30am ferry back in time for me to present some online training for a client.

This little situation provided so many great reminders:

  1. Not to go into the Primal State
  1. Ask ourselves empowering questions
  1. The brain is a goal achieving machine
  1. Life is always working for us
  1. Our thoughts create things (and situations).

What are you thinking?

What is it you are creating and are your thoughts in alignment with what you want?

Something to think about. (Pun intended.)

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