Polite Doesn’t Mean Pushover (WT574)

Polite Doesn’t Mean Pushover (WT574)

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by Shirley Dalton | 25 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 574 Polite doesn't mean pushover

I was conducting a recruitment interview for a client today.

I asked the candidate to explain his definition of “Assertive”.

“It’s someone who is quite forceful in getting their way”, he replied.

“Wow”, I thought to myself. “That’s not my definition.”

To be assertive means to be honest and congruent. It means that you get your needs met AND not at the expense of others. In order to get your needs met you need to:

  1. Be aware of your needs
  2. Take responsibility for getting your needs met, and
  3. Use your communication skills (I Messages, Active Listening and Conflict Resolution Skills as examples).

Participants in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience and Online Membership get to experience this in a number of ways.

There is a difference between being Assertive and Aggressive.

Aggressive people want to win and don’t care if others lose.

Assertive people also want to win, however they look for a win win, to make sure both parties get what they want.

Passive people lose. The give in and hardly ever get what they want.

Passive Aggressive people are the same as aggressive people in that they want to win and don’t care if you lose, however they are not as loud or violent. Rather they are sneaky and manipulative.

Assertive people who use their communication skills are often described as being polite.

Make no mistake, polite doesn’t mean pushover.

Polite people use their manners.

Polite people consider others.

Polite people look for a win win.

There is nothing wimpy about being polite, in fact, being polite can often help you gain support and help from others to get what you want.

Ross found this out when he gave a book to the receptionist at the van park. He took the time to talk with her when we arrived, found out she liked reading books, gave her one to read and add to their swap collection and she’s been very helpful ever since, which she isn’t always with other people.

This week your challenge is to be polite and still go for what you want.

Give it a go and let us know your results.

Polite doesn’t mean pushover.

P.S. Our next face to face Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience will be held in Newcastle, NSW in September 2021. You can find out more by CLICKING ON THIS LINK.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

If It Was Easy Everyone Would Do It (WT573)

If It Was Easy Everyone Would Do It (WT573)

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by Shirley Dalton | 18 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 573 If it was easy everyone would do it

We’re talking about leadership and management of course.

It’s not for everyone. It’s not an easy role to have.

I remember when Ross was promoted to the Site Supervisor’s role. He had no idea how to lead and manage his team.

He did what most new leaders and managers do. He treated his team the way he had been treated in the past.

Working in male dominated heavy industry, he yelled a lot. He swore a lot and he was passive aggressive.

He hadn’t had any training and he would come home to me and tell me about his day.

I would cringe listening to him as he recounted the events of the day and how he treated his team.

I did my best to counsel him and mentor him.

I also strongly suggested that he join my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience, which to his credit, he did.

In fact, he has been a participant in 4 of the experiences as well as assisting me in many many more.

The change in him was amazing. He stopped swearing and yelling.

He invested the time to get to know his people. He stood up for them to higher management when needed.

The result. He created a very loyal, very productive and harmonious team.

At Christmas one year they had more work than they had workers and Ross facilitated a team meeting where they collectively created a plan for getting the work done. No surprises they all got to finish at midday Christmas Eve and got to enjoy the holiday period.

Being a leader isn’t easy and it doesn’t come naturally for most.

Leadership skills are skills you can learn and I’m excited to announce that the winner for our 11th year of Weekly Thoughts, and a participant in our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in Newcastle is Annie D.

Congratulations Annie and congratulations to all the entrants. It was a tough decision.

Remember, if it was easy, everyone would do it.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

It’s 11 Years (WT572)

It’s 11 Years (WT572)

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by Shirley Dalton | 11 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Mindset

WT 572 It's 11 Years

Have you ever started something without any expectation?

Maybe you started going to the gym and then found that a few years later you’re still going to the gym.

Well, to my surprise and delight, that’s what has happened for me with the Weekly Thought.

I started writing a Weekly Thought to my database 11 years ago.

When I started I didn’t know how long I would keep going; that would depend on the readers and whether my thoughts were of interest.

And here we are 11 years later and I haven’t missed one single week in all that time.

I have to say, I’m impressed. I can count on one hand the commitments I’ve made in my lifetime and this is one of them.

Thank you for being part of our community.

Thank you for replying and letting me know which thoughts resonate.

Over the years I’ve had people tell me they’ve gone to work specifically to access their computer to hear what Shirley had to say on a Friday morning when they had an issue or situation to deal with.

I’ve had people give me great insights around weekly thought topics which have then made me stop and think some more.

Others have given me stories to share.

I’m just so excited to celebrate another year of thoughts.

I’m not done yet, nor is Infinite Intelligence, who often speaks through me, so we’ll commit to another year and see how we go.

As always, on the anniversary, I love to give a gift to celebrate.

This year one lucky reader will have the choice to either join my Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in Newcastle NSW Australia in September 2021 or one year’s subscription to our online Leading Yourself and Leading Others Membership. Both valued at over $5,000AUD. (You can find out more on my website under the “Get Shirlified” tab.)

For a chance to win, all you need to do is to click on this link and tell me in 25 words or less why you want to win.  You have until 12:00pm (noon) Thursday 17th June (Sydney, Aussie time) to enter. I’ll announce the winner in next week’s thought.

So what’s the message today? It’s a great quote from Les Brown. He says, “You don’t have to be great to get started but you do have to get started to be great.”

What is something you want to start doing?

Just start, you never know where it will lead or how long you might end up doing it.

Good luck with your entry.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

See Ya Tomorrow (WT571)

See Ya Tomorrow (WT571)

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by Shirley Dalton | 4 Jun, 2021 | Blog, Customer Service

WT 571 See you tomorrow

“See ya tomorrow.”

“No You Won’t” replied Ross. “I don’t think so”, was my reply to the bar attendant as she closed the door on us to make sure we couldn’t enter.

It was the local bowling club at a very tiny town on the northern New South Wales coast.

It wasn’t even 6:30pm. We had been told the Chinese Restaurant was supposed to be re-opening after a long time shut with COVID and renovations so we thought we would go along and support them.

We walked down the hill to see 3 cars in the carpark and a sign to say re-opening in 2 days time.

“Oh well”, we thought, “while we’re here, we’ll support them and have a beer”.

We couldn’t even get in the door. The bar attendant rushed to lock the door before we could even enter.

Standing in the doorway, she said, “We’re closing sorry, only 2 here on the pokies so we’re shutting.”

“Could we get a takeaway?” we asked.

“Sorry, just done the til”, she replied. “See ya tomorrow”, she added.

“No you won’t”, answered Ross.

It wasn’t a big deal that we couldn’t purchase anything. It was the attitude that got us.

I worked behind the bar for years when I was younger and you can always ring up orders or place the money in the til with a note for the next day.

“Wow!” When you’ve got visitors in town, wanting to support you and spend money, wouldn’t you be a little more hospitable.

“See ya tomorrow.”

“Definitely not, nor the next day.”

What would you do? Would you shut the door or make a sale to support the club?

P.S. Be sure to join us on Friday 11th June at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. Bring your coloured pencils or textas and an A3 piece of white paper. I’ll be guiding you through my proprietary methodology to map your processes. https://shirleydalton.convertri.com/map-your-workflow-online-workshop

P.P.S. Be sure to read next week’s thought for a chance to win a place in our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience in Newcastle, NSW in September. That’s a $5,500 prize for one lucky reader. Why? We’re celebrating 11 years of Weekly Thoughts and we haven’t missed a week. Hallelujah!

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Can Put Air In That For You (WT570)

I Can Put Air In That For You (WT570)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 May, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 570 I can put air in that

This was the offer Ross received the other day when he was chatting with a neighbour in the van park.

Our neighbour had recently bought a motorhome and he and his wife had just begun their journey.

He was asking Ross for some tips and Ross was recounting some of the mistakes and misadventures we’ve made and had along the way.

As they were talking Ross noticed that our front tyre looked like it needed air.

The neighbour offered to use his compressor.

Initially Ross was reluctant, thinking it would be a big imposition for the neighbour to have to pull out what Ross thought would be a big piece of equipment.

The neighbour insisted.

It turned out the compressor was a handheld tool that easily filled the tyre.

As I reflected on this, I realised that this is a great example of what we teach about developing relationships with people.

It doesn’t cost anything to be nice. It doesn’t cost anything, other than a bit of time and your presence to be interested in other people.

In our People modules we encourage you to Know Yourself, Know Others and Develop and Use Your Communication Skills.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to be friendly toward others. It pays to be interested in them.

It pays to develop relationships and rapport with others, even if only for a short time.

Most people want to help.

Why not strike up a conversation with someone this week and get to know them. If you can help them, even better.

You never know when you might need someone to put air in your tyre.

P.S. Our next free monthly webinar will be held today – Friday 11th June at 11:00am Sydney (AEST) time. This month we’re doing things a little differently. You bring the blank paper and coloured markers and I’ll walk you through my proprietary methodology and at the end you’ll have clarity around your systems, processes and overall workflow . You won’t want to miss this interactive online workshop. You won’t get this training anywhere else. Click on the link to register, even if you can’t attend, you’ll be able to catch the recording. https://shirleydalton.convertri.com/map-your-workflow-online-workshop

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

No Triangles (WT569)

No Triangles (WT569)

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by Shirley Dalton | 21 May, 2021 | Blog, Leadership

WT 569 No triangels

In our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience and Online Membership we have a topic called The Eternal Triangle of Hate.

For some participants, even the name is too much.

“Hate is a very strong word Shirley”, commented Elli.

“Yes, I agree. It is and when we go through this concept you may understand why we use it”, I replied.

What we’re talking about here is the triangle that is formed, in the workplace and at home, when we have at least 3 people playing one of the roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.

If you draw an upside down triangle, it will make the V sign. At the bottom of the V write the word Victim. The Victim is someone who is seen as helpless; someone who is being Persecuted by a bully and needs Rescuing. The unwritten agreement here is that Victims cannot stand up for themselves and are hard done by.

Why it’s called The Eternal Triangle of Hate is because the roles seem to rotate. The Rescuer becomes the Persecutor, the Persecutor becomes the Victim and the Victim becomes the Rescuer and around and around and around it goes.

The way to stop triangles is to encourage people to go directly to what we call “source”. In this instance, we don’t mean Universal or Higher Intelligence, we mean the person with whom they are in conflict with.

No Triangles means not enlisting another person; not involving another person who can’t solve the problem. No Triangles means we take responsibility for being assertive and having the conversation with the person who has upset us in some way.

To create a culture of No Triangles in your workplace or family or friendship group you need 3 things:

  1. The encouragement and support to go directly to source (you may even make it a rule or an agreement)
  2. The skills to go to source (the skills to be assertive, using I Statements to explain what is going on for you)
  3. An open mind to receive the feedback, if you happen to be the person who is being confronted. Rather than being defensive, be curious. Seek to understand what has happened; seek to understand why your confronter is upset rather than reacting in a defensive way with excuses or counter attacks.

Agreeing to be in relationships where we avoid The Eternal Triangle of Hate is the quickest way to improve relationships, resolve misunderstandings and increase productivity.

What will you do? How will you respond next time you find yourself in a triangle? Will you action the above 3 steps or will you fuel the fire and fan the continuous progression of Persecutor, Victim and Rescuer roles?

One last point – the role of rescuer is also known as a Co-Conspirator because with the Victim, both are conspiring against the Persecutor.

No more triangles.

No more water cooler gossip sessions.

Speak to source!

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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