Me Too Is A Roadblock (WT672)

Me Too Is A Roadblock (WT672)

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by Shirley Dalton | 12 May, 2023 | Blog, Communication Skills, Mindset

WT 672 Me too, is a roadblock

Ever have one of those conversations where you regret not listening more?

That happened to me this week.

I was on a call with a colleague and I asked how she was.

“I’m feeling quite overwhelmed today”, she said with a sigh.

“Oh, tell me about it”, I jumped in. “Me too.”

The conversation moved on to other topics.

We hung up.

I heard this voice in my head, “Me too is a roadblock.”

O.M.G. I then spent the rest of the day belting myself up for not doing the one thing I am supposed to be good at and that I teach and that is, active listen.

Without thinking I used a roadblock.

A roadblock stops the flow of conversation.

It doesn’t help anyone.

It doesn’t help the relationship either.

According to Gordon International Training, there are 12 different types of roadblocks.

“Me too” could be classed as “Reassuring or Sympathising” which is one of the 12.

It’s important to understand that sympathising, praising, agreeing, changing topics etc. whilst we mean well, are not helpful when people are experiencing challenges and what they need is someone to listen to them.

One of the best things I learned when I did my Lifeline Telephone Counselling training was that the person with the problem is the best person to solve it because they know all the reasons why your solution won’t work.

Please use today’s thought as a reminder to listen more; to be present and give your attention to others.

Saying “Me too” is a roadblock.

P.S. Our next Loyal Lieutenant Masterclass Series starts on Thursday 1st June. Reply to this email if you’d like more information or to register your interest. It’s conducted online for 90 mins each week and is practical and experiential. At the end of the 9 weeks you’ll have created a workflow for your business, a special type of job description to make it easy to supervise and drafted well written procedures. If you, your section or business needs streamlining and improving efficiency and productivity, this is the course for you.

P.P. S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

When You’re All Over The Place (WT671)

When You’re All Over The Place (WT671)

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by Shirley Dalton | 5 May, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset, Systems and Processes

WT 671 When you are all over the place

I have a feeling this week’s thought will resonate with many of you.

Let’s talk about how to focus when you’re all over the place; when you’re feeling overwhelmed and you have too much to do.

You know that horrible feeling you get when you just can’t focus. You can’t seem to prioritise or get into your tasks.

What do you do?

I have a few “go to” strategies that I turn to:

  1. I tap. (I use Emotional Freedom Technique, not tap dancing.)
  2. I breathe.
  3. I meditate.
  4. I go for a walk.
  5. I sit and have a cup of tea and stare out the window.
  6. I chant the phrases for Ho’oponopono.
  7. I write.

When we’re in this state, which David Bayer calls the “Primal” state, we can’t think. 

We can’t solve our problems.

We’re not creative because all our body and brain are doing is looking to survive.

Should I stay and fight? Should I run? Should I freeze?

When this happens, the first thing to do is to stop what you are doing and notice that you are in the primal state.

Awareness is the first step to moving out of it.

Take a breath. Calm yourself.

It sounds counter intuitive because you have so much to do and yet you’ll achieve far more and be more efficient and effective if you take a few minutes for yourself.

Another strategy that helps me is what I call my “Data Dump” method. I list everything that’s on my mind.

If I can, I use the whiteboard.

When I can see it, I can prioritise it.

I create a plan for when things have to be done.

I look to see who else can help. What can I delegate or request support for or negotiate an extended deadline?

Allowing yourself to stay in the primal state is a choice. It’s similar to worry.

There are many strategies and tools that will help you to focus and get back into the “Powerful” state.

What will you choose?

If you’d like to learn more, our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience starts next week or you may prefer individual coaching.

Remember, next time you can’t focus and you’re all over the place. Stop. Become Aware. Choose.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox.
Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts

Get Yourself Organised (WT670)

Get Yourself Organised (WT670)

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by Shirley Dalton | 28 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Business, Mindset

WT 670

Get yourself organised or get someone to organise you.

That may sound harsh, however it’s not meant to be. It’s meant to be practical and encouraging.

The past few days Ross was preparing to get ready to go away for a few days on his motorbike. He was heading for a rally with some friends interstate.

He decided he wanted to leave by 3:30pm.

We were getting down to the wire.

“Have you seen my gloves?” he yelled.

“What sort of gloves?  Aren’t your riding gloves next to your boots?” I answered.

“No! Not those gloves. I want the waterproof gloves.”

I had no idea what gloves he was referring to, however I did get that they were important so I dropped what I was doing to look for the gloves, and his tiny flashlight. That was missing too.

“Have you checked the storage box with our other motorbike gear?” I asked, walking towards it.

“No, what’s that?” he asked.

I found the container. Opened it. No joy.

We searched through other shelves and boxes in the garage.

Underneath his workbench was one of the motorbike paniers.

“What’s in that panier?” I asked.

“I don’t know”, he replied as he pulled it out from under the workbench.

“Hello!”, said Ross, surprised.

Here were the gloves and other bits and pieces that he needed for his trip.

The panier was also supposed to be on the bike that he was taking.

Panic over, problem solved, I shook my head, smiled and walked away.

Being organised is both a skill and a talent.

Some of us have it. Some of us don’t.

You can learn it.

Even better though, if you’re not organised, hook up with someone who is. They love to help and it’s easy for them.

Even though I consider myself to be somewhat of an organised person, I still call for help when I need accountability or someone to help organise me to get going and do tasks that need to be done.

How about you?

Are you organised or do you need help from someone who is?

In the Entrepreneurial Operating System (EOS), the organised person is referred to as The Integrator. The Integrator helps bring the Chief Vision Officer’s vision to life.  We need to have a dynamic duo, no matter what you call it.

We all have our strengths.

How about you play to yours.

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

I Took One For The Team (WT669)

I Took One For The Team (WT669)

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by Shirley Dalton | 21 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Teamwork

WT 669 I took one for the team

What does that saying mean?

“I took one for the team.”

To me it’s about working as a team and using the strengths of each team member

OR

stepping up when a team member needs help

OR

doing something that needs to be done when another team member doesn’t want to do it.

Tick, tick, tick.

I took one for the team this week.

We had seen evidence that we had rodents in the house.

Yuk!

We put baits out. We set a trap.

The evidence seemed to stop.

No noises in the ceiling and no gifts on the architraves or window sills and no smell. Yet!

Ross showed me where there had been yukky little gifts left on the shelf in the garage.

As I stood surveying the area, I spotted it.

My stomach churned.

A dead rattus rattus on the garage floor. Erk!

Thank God it was in the garage and not in the walls.

“You have to get rid of it, Ross”, I demanded.

“Erk. No. Yuk”, said Ross, arms and legs flapping.

I left it a few hours.

“You’ve got to get rid of it Ross. It will stink. We can’t leave it there.”

Again, arms and legs flapping, face contorted.

“I’ll do it later”, he grimaced.

Later came. Still the rat was on the garage floor.

We had dinner guests arriving.

“I can’t get it now”, he said.

“Grrrrr! Well we have to get rid of it first thing in the morning”, I replied.

The sun came up.

“Come on Ross. I’ll help you. I’ll hold the bag. Get some gloves.”

Arms and legs flap again.

That’s when I realised I was going to have to be the one to pick it up and get rid of it.

Now my arms and legs were flapping.

I got the gloves.

I got the clip lock bags – 2 of them.

Ross got the garbage bag.

I picked it up by the tail, hoping to God, it wouldn’t break off.

I put it in the bags, gagging as I did so.

We didn’t know what to do with it, so we put it in the garbage.

No smell inside, but OMG the smell outside on garbage day.

Anyway, it’s gone.

The bin has been bleached.

The smell has gone and I took one for the team.

Sometimes you just have to step up and do what none of you want to do.

How about you? When was the last time you took one for the team or are you grateful that one of your team took one for you?

P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

No Thinking Is Required (WT668)

No Thinking Is Required (WT668)

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by Shirley Dalton | 14 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Leadership

WT 668 No thinking is required

Last week I shared an activity that we do in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience. This week I’d like to talk about the aha’s and outcomes that participants gain from another activity.

Whilst not sharing the details of the activity, I am hopeful that this week’s thought will get you thinking about how you make decisions.

The activity is called “No Thinking Is Required, Only Action”. Participants are given a set of matchsticks and some instructions to complete the activity.

They can ask for help if they need it.

Insight number 1 – most won’t ask for help.

Insight number 2 – if they do ask for help, they get feedback. If they choose a correct match they hear someone clapping. If they choose an incorrect match, they hear nothing.

No thinking is required, only action.

Often participants sit and look at the puzzle trying to work it out. This just wastes their time.

Similarly, many people, mostly the Advisor and Counsellor type personalities have to think about things before making a decision.

The activity demonstrates that making a decision (i.e. choosing a match) allows for feedback. Feedback helps make the correct choice more quickly.

What’s your decision making strategy?

Are you a thinker or a doer?

Remember Aristotle’s advice, “The thing we think we need to know how to do before doing, we learn by doing.”

Just to reinforce the message, I remember working for Kip McGrath and in a relatively short time, he told me how much he enjoyed working with me because “I could make a decision”.

I didn’t quite understand. “What do you mean”, I asked.

“Shirley, it’s not bad decisions that send companies under”, he replied. “It’s not being able to make a decision that sends them under. You can make a decision. I like that and if it’s not the “right” decision, we just make another one”, he answered.

No thinking is required, only action. Take action towards the thing you want and look for the feedback. If it’s not going in the direction you want. Make another decision. Take action.

Life is full of feedback. Your mission this week is to be open to it.

No thinking is required, only action.

 

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May 2023 in Newcastle, NSW, Australia. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want (WT667)

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by Shirley Dalton | 7 Apr, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, Mindset, Uncategorized

WT 667 Be assertive, ask for what you want

The past few weeks I’ve been working with my editor, Kellie O’Brien, to write my second and third books on Knowing Yourself, Knowing Others and Developing Communication Skills to help you become a better leader.

I was explaining some of the activities in the Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience to Kellie as we considered what to include and not include.

“It’s like buying a record and wanting to go see the artist in concert”, I explained.

I read Jack Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles – How to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You Want To Be” and couldn’t wait to sign up to attend his “Breakthrough to Success” event the following year because I wanted to experience the activities for myself, rather than read about them.

So this week I thought I would share one activity because it’s so relevant to ALL of us.

Be Assertive – Ask For What You Want.

I first experienced this myself when I was training to become a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor.

“Divide yourselves into pairs”, instructed the facilitator.

“Decide that the other person has something you want. It could be a watch, pendant, hat, blouse, phone, sunglasses. It doesn’t matter. Simply decide on something you want from them.”

“I’ll give you 5 minutes to see if you can get it from them, WITHOUT PHYSICALLY TAKING IT.”

Five minutes elapsed.

“Who managed to get what they wanted?” asked the facilitator.

A few hands went up, most didn’t.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Who simply asked for what they wanted?” she continued.

Ouch. I didn’t manage to get what I wanted but even more distressing for me at the time was the realisation about the way I went about attempting to get it. 

I praised. I manipulated. I bullied. I threatened. I offered to trade. In fact, I did everything except simply ask for what I want.

This is a very simple, yet powerful exercise.

The majority of us feel uncomfortable asking for what we want and we resort to manipulative and other tactics.

These days I am much more assertive and I’ve learned to ask for what I want.

Another concept I learned from Lisa Sasevich is, “Leaders go first”.

Let me go first.

I’d like to have more people in my next Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience. The early bird discount finishes on Monday, saving participants $1,000.

I’d like to be able to help more people. We have a few places left in this intimate group setting. Here’s my ask:

I’m very grateful if you could please let your network know about the Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience by sharing the link in the P.S. If someone you share it with enrols for the May experience, starting 10th May, I will extend the Early Bird Discount for them until the 17th April.

Thank you so much for considering my ask.

Now your turn, be assertive – choose something you want and go ask for it.

You’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting it and if you don’t ask, you’ve got 100% chance of not getting it.

You don’t need to manipulate, bully, threaten or sweet talk. Simply be assertive and ask for what you want.

P.S. Our next Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience starts Wednesday 10th May in Newcastle. For more info go to https://shirleydalton.com/leading-yourself-leading-others-may2020/.

P.P.S. Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thoughts delivered directly to their inbox. Go to https://shirleydalton.com/weekly-thoughts.

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