I was conducting a recruitment interview for a client today.
I asked the candidate to explain his definition of “Assertive”.
“It’s someone who is quite forceful in getting their way”, he replied.
“Wow”, I thought to myself. “That’s not my definition.”
To be assertive means to be honest and congruent. It means that you get your needs met AND not at the expense of others. In order to get your needs met you need to:
- Be aware of your needs
- Take responsibility for getting your needs met, and
- Use your communication skills (I Messages, Active Listening and Conflict Resolution Skills as examples).
Participants in our Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience and Online Membership get to experience this in a number of ways.
There is a difference between being Assertive and Aggressive.
Aggressive people want to win and don’t care if others lose.
Assertive people also want to win, however they look for a win win, to make sure both parties get what they want.
Passive people lose. The give in and hardly ever get what they want.
Passive Aggressive people are the same as aggressive people in that they want to win and don’t care if you lose, however they are not as loud or violent. Rather they are sneaky and manipulative.
Assertive people who use their communication skills are often described as being polite.
Make no mistake, polite doesn’t mean pushover.
Polite people use their manners.
Polite people consider others.
Polite people look for a win win.
There is nothing wimpy about being polite, in fact, being polite can often help you gain support and help from others to get what you want.
Ross found this out when he gave a book to the receptionist at the van park. He took the time to talk with her when we arrived, found out she liked reading books, gave her one to read and add to their swap collection and she’s been very helpful ever since, which she isn’t always with other people.
This week your challenge is to be polite and still go for what you want.
Give it a go and let us know your results.
Polite doesn’t mean pushover.
P.S. Our next face to face Leading Yourself and Leading Others Experience will be held in Newcastle, NSW in September 2021. You can find out more by CLICKING ON THIS LINK.
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