This week I was reconciling the bank statement and I noticed that the direct debit for Ross’ gym membership had more than doubled.

For the past few years, the fees were paid fortnightly.

I showed Ross and he didn’t know anything about the increase.

Armed with the printout of the gym expenses, Ross asked the lady on the reception about the increase.

“Oh that”, she said. “We’ve changed to monthly now instead of fortnightly debits.”

A little passive aggressive, Ross replied, “Well it would have been nice to have been told.”

“We sent you an email in June”, she replied.

“I didn’t get an email”, said Ross.

“Yes you did”, she corrected him.

“I didn’t get an email” he repeated.

“Yes you did, we sent everyone an email in June”, she said dismissively.

You can imagine how Ross was feeling by this stage.

“Well how come it has increased?” he asked.

“It hasn’t”, she answered.

“I’m looking at the past two fortnights and they are less than the monthly fee you’ve just charged me.”

“If you multiple the fortnights to get a total and then divide by 12 to get the amount for the month, you’ll see that you are paying the exact same amount, just monthly now instead of fortnightly.”

Ross gave up.

He believed they probably did send an email, however he didn’t receive it. 

It’s a bit like my Weekly Thoughts.  Some people get them consistently and then for some reason, sometimes they just stop.

And the interesting thing was, that at some point in the conversation she admitted that a lot of people had enquired about the debit amount.

I don’t know about you, when Ross told me this story, I felt frustrated and disappointed.

I wish people would learn how to improve their communication skills.

If she had Actively Listened to Ross, she could have made her point about an email being sent out and he would have most likely accepted it and felt comfortable with it.

Instead, she argued, made him wrong and did nothing to develop a good relationship with him – a paying customer, potential referrer and fellow human being.

It saddens me when I hear stories like this. I just cringe.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Please, if nothing else, refrain from saying, “Yes you did”. 

Keep in mind the words of Denis Waitley, “If you have the choice, and you always do, to be kind or to be right. Choose kind.”

Your mission this week. Be kind.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.

You know that one of my passions is communication.

I’ve spent decades studying communication and am an accredited instructor for Thomas Gordon’s Leader Effectiveness Training and overall Effectiveness Training, both of which place a heavy emphasis on developing communication skills.

So this week I cringed when a colleague shared with me, her dismay at receiving some feedback.

These days I’m also cautious about using the word “feedback” because for most of us, it means something negative is coming or a criticism of some sort.

Anyhoo, we’ll call her Jasmine.

In a public forum, one of Jasmine’s colleagues pointed out that a diagram Jasmine had created was not perfectly symmetrical.

“The diagram doesn’t line up”, said the colleague.

“Ouch”, felt Jasmine.

“Even if it was slightly off, couldn’t she have said it in a more tactful or polite way, especially in front of others?” asked Jasmine.

“Yes, I believe she could”, I replied.

“How would you have given the feedback?” she asked.

I would have come from offering a point for improvement rather than blatantly saying it was wrong.

For example, something like, “I’m wondering if the lines could be moved a little closer together so they are all the same distance from each other?”

The second version comes from an attitude of curiosity and desire to help improve.

The first version lands as being direct, harsh and superior.

When you’re providing feedback to your work colleagues or even at home with your family, please consider how your comments will land with the other.

Your intention might be to help improve, however your words may have the exact opposite effect.

Your colleagues may feel embarrassed and hurt and could feel like you are pointing out their errors on purpose, which will do little for your relationship.

Now I know there are some of you “Driver” type personalities who are direct and don’t like using “fluffy” words, however, before you leap to debate the issue, ask yourself this question, “Do I care about the relationship?”  If the answer is “Yes”, (for whatever reason), then please, use your skills.

Take the time to find a better way to say it.

P.S.  Invite your friends to get the Weekly Thought delivered directly to their inbox.

Go to https://shirleydalton.com/Weekly-Thoughts.